posted on Jan, 1 2016 @ 02:56 PM
Guys, I love each and every one of you so much right now like seriously you’ve all put a rainbow in my heart. And I just want to say that I don’t
feel preached to, honestly, in fact I think it’s all very endearing because it shows a certain level of caring specific to each ones beliefs and no
one has been really hateful at all.
Someone asked what really shook me ajar? Well I mentioned part of it in the OP(when I was little, the vision). If you can understand then you will
understand. If you can’t, you won’t. No big deal. But I’ll try to expound on it. More recently, yet still connected to the vision when I was
young, it was the day that I realized I had been denying entire parts of my own reality that the foundation of my entire existence began to crack.
When you catch yourself lying to yourself so securely that you only find out by accident…… you have no choice but to question everything that you
ever thought you knew.
And basically that’s the gist of it.
I really don’t believe in God anymore in the same way that I used to, because now I know what our minds are truly capable of. We can lie to
ourselves without knowing that we’re doing it and it is the greatest and the most mysterious self betrayal that I have ever encountered in my life.
We can deny entire parts of reality, whatever’s too uncomfortable for us basically, or whatever that doesn't match up with our default perspective
(extreme cognitive dissonance can lead to denial of certain parts of reality).
And I’m not going to tell you that I was abused a lot, because I wasn’t. I had a happy childhood, with a weird vision of God and other small
strange things that kind of haunted me for many years and made me feel different. I believed very strongly in God not because I was miserable, but
because of the initial vision I had, and the remarkable coincidental events and powerful messages that basically, in retrospect, came from myself (my
own dreams, an “inner” voice, pattern recognition).
Now I’m sure some of you, no doubt, have been conditioned to become triggered upon certain messages and immediately want to deny the idea that God
is so internal that maybe God is us. That... just maybe the small inner voice that we hear in the stillness of our own minds... is actually our own.
And maybe we manipulate reality, literally(look at what we’ve done to the earth- what we are doing to our bodies, etc). And just maybe we are
responsible for what happens so maybe we should take credit! And reap the consequences! And maybe we should learn to love one another and our
environment so the credit and the consequences are more positive in nature than negative! If that’s satanic then so be it.
And no my dears, I won’t stand here any longer and be told that I’m a filthy flesh monster full of sin or that I should be ashamed because I was
born human. So don’t go there please! As far as I know I had no choice being born. And even if I did choose, then I chose to be human and I’m
going to love being human and I’m going to love my life from this day onward and I’m going to love other humans and their lives too and that means
loving the sh-t out of the “rotten” flesh that we are… and if that sends me to hell then so be it!
And again I know no one’s really asking to listen to what I have to say and I considered private messaging the one who asked for more of an
explanation, but I figured maybe someone might read this and get it on a deeper level. And it might mean something to them, so I’m leaving it
Again, thank you to everyone who has given me your time! I read everything carefully and I love some of you a very lot from a distance.