Ditching your parents

I don't even know what to ask of members .. Word of advice .. Experience .. I am in a very Yucky situation ..


I borrowed the article it sums it up

Virtually everyone I know has had a gripe (or two) about his or her respective parents. Some dread the parental visit; others screen frequent phone calls, and many set up elaborate boundaries to keep their parents as a definitively minimal influence in their lives. That said, most all of my friends and acquaintances still maintain relationships with their parents (providing they are still of the living), however strained, awkward and/or painful. But for a small unfortunate minority, the relationship they hold with their parents is nothing short of hurtful and destructive, and they are frequently moved to sever ties in order to preserve a shred of dignity and self-esteem.

In an ideal world, familial relationships travel through their various difficult stages and machinations, ultimately finding a resulting place of peace, understanding and resolution. We would all like to think that virtually all familial relationships, especially parental, are worth fighting for, but what if they are not? What if your parents are so enormously injurious, caustic, and toxic that the idea of having even a modicum of contact would be masochistic at best? For many, this is a choice they have to wrestle with, sometimes over the course of many painful years. And even once the choice is made, the pain and guilt still persist.

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a reply to: Layaly

I am lucky with my relationship with my parents.

As for toxic people? Well I've never had too many in my life personally. My mother has though. And those types bring drama around. Best thing my mother ever did was cut those people out of her life completely. That option is tough, and I imagine even moreso with family. If it's the last option though, you might have some stuff to weigh before deciding what you want to do.

I get along with my immediate family fairly well. My mother is one of the kindest, most sweet-hearted people on this planet. My dad can be a real asshole, but he takes care of kin. I love my brother even though we get into the occasional knock-down drag-out.

a reply to: Layaly

Wow! I can't believe what I just read. Not because I'm placing ant judgement your ways. Actually, just the opposite because I am too attempting to transition a parent out of my life. It's absolutely exhausting! Don't get me wrong I love my mom but reality having a relationship with my mom is counterproductive to creating a happy, fulfilling life. She is extremely likable and has many friends, which makes this process even harder. People don't see how abusive she's always been. So when I distance myself everyone is calling me to say how selfish I am. I get anxiety just talking about her. So know you're not alone.

The damage to yourself will not be worth it. Try to find an alternative

Thank you so much for the replies I need Ats more then ever

I am reading absorbing breathing

i started typing who they are what they did what they expect but I swiped screen it got deleted..

Sum up sad bum stories: they did it all you name it (beside child abuse lol)

I ran from home at 18 couldn't take it.. I moved continents.. At home They destroyed my life and relationships over and over and over

At this point after everything (they just moved to this country too .. Mums dream to live here) they want to use my visa to stay in country open a business of some type.. for that I have to give up my life I build for myself .. job friends appartment pets ..

Example of who they are a little story.. on they visit 4y ago they killed my pet whilst I was at work burned my clothes they didn't like them.. my partner left me cause they were discussingly rude to them.. . And That's still yeah not even close to what they have done)

So now
What kind of a daughter am I to not help them out
I was told to forget them if I don't 'obey'

Mum didn't have a problem ditching me for two years when I was 11 no explanation.. She wanted to have a little life.. she asked my dad (real father) if he could take me he said what can he do lol kind

Both my Parents are dead.

I would chop off my right arm to see either one for 10 seconds.

Just to say I love you one more time.

Grow up...

a reply to: Layaly

They killed your pet !!! I'm sorry but they sound like awful people, you need to say NO very firmly about them using your visa and disrupting your life. Your happiness should be their 1st concern and if it's not then you have absolutely NO reason to feel guilty. Good Luck.....stay strong....

If you cannot have a symbiotic relationship in any group disconnect the ones who causes the issues even if they are blood.

Some souls are manipulative in a bad way and cannot see it. Some can see and still do it. It is a waste of time to keep wolves in sheep skin close just because your bodies share common biological traits.

originally posted by: whyamIhere
Both my Parents are dead.

I would chop off my right arm to see either one for 10 seconds.

Just to say I love you one more time.

Grow up...

Some parents are a blessing you would give your life for . Not all parents deserve respect. I am happy that you seem to have not meet the truly dark ones.

a reply to: Layaly

You always have a choice on what you will be:
Alpha. Strong but manipulative.
Beta. Trying to create peace but often used by Alphas.
Omega. Strong but non manipulative. Do not take or give crap. Can be introverts when the world around them do not measure up. Very self aware and capable of leading themselves.

I have issues with my parents too. Sometimes I think I am "over it", sometimes they arise again.

My mother is dead, but I always felt hurt because she didn't love me, and from as far back as I can remember, she was trying to get rid of me. Going away from her was the only way I could show her I loved her- she was the one who got me together with a french guy, so she could get me as far away as possible.
It always seemed sort of ironic and sad to me.

My real dad had taken off too, when I was little, but once I got married, he decided to become my dad again. I guess it's cool to have a daughter if she is in France.

He called me the other day to say he found my baby book, (I didn't know there was one). And told me off al the pages my mother had written in it. He said they called me the little devil, because I was always into things, exploring on my own, fearless, getting into trouble. He thought his tale was cute. My eyes filled with tears.
He's sending it to me. Great, I said. I'll burn it, I thought.

I wondered if I was really a bad kid, or if my parents just weren't being attentive to their toddler?
They say I went off one day and stole candy at a nearby store- when I was two.
Um.... why the hell was I off walking the streets alone at two years old? In Los Angeles???

But then, my aunt spent years explaining to me that I was spawn of the devil and would go to hell no matter what, to pay for my parents sin (mom was pregnant when she married). So maybe it was just all me.

Not much I can do now but continue on. I'm lucky, moms gone, dad is far away. I have a stepfather whom I am very close to and love dearly. He's probably the only person in the world that found anything good in me when I was young.
I'm thankful for the people I have in my life that I love and who love me. What else can you do?

Wow sorry will read the above I only just received it .. Upfront thank u sooo much for talking to me

Sorry guys for filtering.. (I call my mum and her bf parents.. sorry not My real dad)
I just feel like I ll break.. no need to read but this is yeah still can't swallow it.. Never completely talked about it

That pet story (bunny rabbit) my parents stayed at my place here for holidays

My mums partner admitted laughing (drunk) later to me what happened.. He asked if I remember how he threw that rabbit over the fence to neighbours.. Dude has two Rottweilers.. All because me and mum had an argument in the morning .. She had a problem with me leaving the house without make up how can I do that what will people think about me.. I ran out of time cause I changed her box .. So I came home to empty house (well they were there) I started screaming looking for her outside.. Mums boyfriend locked me out of my own house .. Cause how dare I raise my voice at him

Yuck this story ok here it is

originally posted by: whyamIhere
Both my Parents are dead.

I would chop off my right arm to see either one for 10 seconds.

Just to say I love you one more time.

Grow up...

You and me both

Dad died when I was 14 yo and Mom when I was 24 yo

There's been a million times over the years I've wished them back if only for an hour, a day ...5 minutes


So to be honest, I cannot relate to people when they say they have issues with their parents and what can they do to get away from them (aside from abuse, that is)

I wish they were here to bug and irritate me right now, God only knows how much I wish for that


So yes, I agree...grow up


Life is too short
Tomorrow they could be gone
Or you could be gone

There is no guarantee in this game called Life


Deal with your parents, or don't
Only you can decide that

a reply to: Layaly

So sorry. My parents were abusive and cruel. They are both dead now. But even in death, the connection is still there. You can go to the moon and that connection will still be there. But, now you are of an age to control it. Remember who is in control now. The bad memories will never go away, but you are in control of those too. Just be aware when you get that "thousand mile stare".

I would be dead years ago if it had not been for my parents. They have both played their roles. My mum is very caring and makes sure I always have and take medication my dad is the one who gets things moving in the hospitals and with Drs he makes sure I recieve the best standards of care, which I'm always too timid or polite to demand. It was my dads 70th yesterday, lots of my friends came over and we had a big meal. They are also my in house careers who help with the things I still can't do after my stroke. I get on with both of them well. I love them a lot but don't tell them enough. I feel very lucky to have had such great parents in my life. Not everyone is lucky in that department. They have been the most reliable figures in my life and can't imagine life without them.

a reply to: Layaly

Sounds like you had a terrible time Layaly.

Different from my perspective cause I basically ran away from home at a late aged 15 and joined the navy. Couldn't take my mothers nitpicking anymore. Dad was cool though. Later in life I regret not spending time with them. Like "whyamIhere" I'd give a limb just for another hug. (parents passed away 20 years ago).

I realize now that all that nitpicking put me on track. If your parents were good folks then they only want you to follow their example but I suggest they expect only better so as to be proud of you.

I cannot comment on why your pet was killed, your clothes were burned and that there was a relationship bust up as I don't know the circumstances but I've been through 3 bust ups. Maybe I should've listened to my mum and dad who were with each other for life even during ww2.

I feel sometimes I might have failed their expectations but all's good now

How's the art going by the way?

Kind regards as always,

Bally

a reply to: woodwardjnr

I'm very happy, I have 7 kids and they are all like you as you desribe. I get hugs and kisses every day. I consider myself and my lady to be the luckiest parents. Glad you mention your mum and dad. Makes me feel good that I'm a dad.

P.S. I love it when my 15 old daughter calls me "daddy".

Kindest regards and respect to you,

Bally.

I'd be seeking revenge if that was my rabbit.

I can't stop blabing .. Thank u for letting me ..

Thank you for being so supportive and opened about your lifes. I really don't know who to turn to for help if it wasn't for u guys

I am being a little confusing
My parents divorced at 3.. So I am not talking about my real dad he has his own beautiful family.. Mum hated he had a farm to take care of too .. and no he was not around

Mum was after status an a man who will take care of her .. I remember almost every night since I was little little being scared at night cause I was alone.. One night I was so scared I asked the neighbour if I can stay there.. she picked me up slapped me (kids face) cause I embarrassed her in front of them

The guy she is with now.. She hit a jackpot.. She is beautiful he has money .. But as with all her partners.. I was meant to shut up and be thankful they want to take care of me (she adds cause dad didn't want to)

I talk past (that doesn't emotionally effect me really.. it made me - me) I am over it .. but not sure about the future
I know he wants my visa to set up something that will run him money here.. Cause what he has it's not enough lol