Europe as of Today !

I found this rather entertaining.. maybe you will to.

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2015 EUROPE
From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short...

a reply to: 727Sky

Do you have a link for this , and , in the event of nuclear Armageddon us Australians would be pointing lamb chops at the blast . We do not cancel BBQs .

S n f brilliant!

a reply to: 727Sky

That was gold....i am still giggling ....that man has a way with words....

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

I now have a mental image of Sir Francis Drake playing bowls on top of the downs as the Spanish armada were heading to ultimately their death...

And this

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

.....

Funny stuff and damn he has the Aussies pegged ...

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Seriously come and spend some time here on the northern rivers and that will make sense to ya....

Brilliant.

There are different derivations of this, but the OP missed the US...

Quote from a paper copy (not my work)

"
The Americans
Seeing this reaction in Continental Europe, the Americans have gone from
"isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the Middle East ripe
for regime change." Their remaining higher alert states are "attack the
world" and "beg the British for help."
"

Loved it! Thanks.

a reply to: paraphi

The Americans
Seeing this reaction in Continental Europe, the Americans have gone from
"isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the Middle East ripe
for regime change." Their remaining higher alert states are "attack the
world" and "beg the British for help."
"

Well if the shoe fits ......

a reply to: 727Sky


Lol, fair enough!

There is a link showing it here. It comes from a shorter version after 9/11 which is:

"As London is hit by the second wave of bombings in two weeks, the Government has raised the terror warning level from 'miffed' to 'peeved'. Whilst many people commented with respect at the stoical attitude of Londoners to the first wave of attacks, Londoners are losing their traditional reserve and may soon require the terror level warning to be raised to 'irritated' or even 'a bit cross'.

A government spokesmen commented upon the seriousness of the situation. "London has not been a bit cross since the height of the Blitz in 1940 when supplies of tea ran out for almost three weeks", said a representative of the Security Services. "It is as a mark of the seriousness with which Londoners are taking the situation that we have recently been forced to recategorise suicide bombers from 'tiresome' to 'a bloody nuisance', and the last time we had a 'bloody nuisance' warning level was during the great fire of 1666."

On the streets, Londoners reacted with uncharacteristic anger to news of the latest attacks, with some members of the public reacting with harsh language to the news that they might be delayed on their homeward trips by up to twenty minutes.

"It really is the absolute limit," said Reginald Boggis, 42, of East Ham. "These terrorists. Not content with blowing things up, they then have to spoil the day for everyone. That's just irritating, that is. If they wanted to get things changed, they should write an angry letter to Points of View. That's what my wife and I always do."

Tony Blair is expected to make political capital out of the situation as soon as his focus groups report on the mood of the nation.

In other news, Britain reeled today at the news Australia were all out for 190 runs in the first test. "Good heavens!", said cricket fan Stan Higginbottom. "We showed the Aussies, what for, eh? What's that? More terrorists? Well, that's bloody typical, isn't it?"

www.snopes.com... reply to: hutch622

a reply to: 727Sky

Too funny..hahaha

I don't know, why the American qoute didn't read as humourous like the rest of them...

Maybe because it just hit the nail dead centre..

a reply to: 727Sky

Cleese... What a legend.



Satirical as this may have been, I think the frustration, resulting in manic hysterical laughter, which he must feel at all that is happening in the world, is clear from this bit of work.

a reply to: 727Sky

....and don't forget the kiwis. Their threat alert levels fluctuate between "Sweet as bro" & "Choice bro".

They have 3 more levels of ever increasing severity...

"Yeah, nah bro"
"She'll be right bro"
'Munted"

a reply to: 727Sky

This was awesome. Monty Python is my favorite EVER.


Legendary.

From "miffed" to "peeved"

And in Oz: "no worries" to "She'll be right, mate!"

HA

a reply to: 727Sky

"The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years."

That part killed me lol

a reply to: 727Sky

funny!

a reply to: 727Sky

Thanks for a good laugh.

a reply to: 727Sky



Ha, love John Cleese. He would make a great British diplomat.

a reply to: 727Sky

Australia will never reach the final escalation. BBQs are mandatory, as are the beers!

In fact, the final escalation should be "Quick! Get more beers for the Barbie!"

a reply to: Sublimecraft

Nope, their final escalation is

"Time to do the Haka and scare the terrorists away"