Treat others as a person you like and want to understand - The results are staggering.

Hello ATS members! This post goes out to all of you, as I feel I have changed quite a bit since I came to this website, and the reason why? I was treated with more tolerance than other places, here I found patience, logical reasoning,empathy, and more. I think this is how the world, myself, and everyone should be - More accepting and understanding of others views.

I used to be a hardline conservative christian - Anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-liberal, fox news watching, all of it... but over the years I've changed, I've come to accept things I didn't used to accept, I've even come to embrace different idealogies, different ways of life, and taken entirely different stances on topics I never thought I would change my mind on. I still have my religious beliefs, I still have my own moral code and standards I follow as a result of religion - But if I've learned anything on here, it's that not everyone else needs to be the same as me, and in fact, the world is a better place because of the diversity that can be found. Not everyone needs to be the same way, not everyone needs to agree on everything - We just need to understand and reason with ideas even if we can't find it in ourselves to fully identify with those ideas.

Please try to take a moment to understand someone, even if they go against everything you believe, try to reason with them, try using logic, statistics, empathy, try narrating things for them in a way that can connect with them, rather than simply bashing on them for holding a view that you personally find intolerant/stupid/etc. I'm not saying being this way will help in every instance - I know there's pigheaded people on all sides, with all different views, morals, stances on all different topics, but I do know treating others kindly goes a really long way - I know it did for me, and I know it can for others.

I challenge anyone reading this post to find a thread where they vehemently disagree with the OP, and try to just have a conversation with this person, let their be a dialogue and an exchange of ideas ( where possible ) . I can't act like I know what the result of this challenge will be, perhaps frustration xD perhaps you will learn something - perhaps the OP will learn something.

In close, I wanted to thank the members of ATS that have helped me become more tolerant and understanding. I've had so many moments in the rant forum, I've been through so many threads on so many topics and I really feel like my new state of mind is more at peace than ever. I don't feel in conflict with the world all of the time because they aren't living like I am, or like I used to. Thank you, truly.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, let's continue to deny ( and change! ) ignorance.

-Deadlyhope

As an edit, I want to make sure others understand that this isn't a "my way of thinking is better" It's definitely not! It's me expressing that many ways of thinking can co-exist with each other in peace, and conversions/reasoning can also occur where you may not think it can.

Yeah! You tell 'em OP.

a reply to: deadlyhope

In close, I wanted to thank the members of ATS that have helped me become more tolerant and understanding. I've had so many moments in the rant forum, I've been through so many threads on so many topics and I really feel like my new state of mind is more at peace than ever. I don't feel in conflict with the world all of the time because they aren't living like I am, or like I used to. Thank you, truly.

Another denizen of Plato's Cave has slipped their chains and come outside.

Welcome to the light of day.

Don't forget to return the favor to someone else.

I have to work on this myself. I consider myself a liberal (although I don't agree with all liberal views) and I grew up Christian, but now I'm spiritual. These days, I have a hard time taking a creationist seriously or someone who hates gays seriously because they go against my ethics of being scientific and positive. So I am coming from the other end of the spectrum. But I definitely agree with you that taking the attitude you are mentioning in this post is a good idea.

a reply to: darkbake

There's definitely different types of creationists - The Bible is definitely not a clear and concise book, some take it too literal, some don't take the stories literal enough and chalk the entire thing off as a parable that only they know how to interpret - It's odd, really. I am a creationist myself, but am definitely not a gay-hating, 6-day creation type - Though I definitely am encouraging empathizing with these types, trying to come to reason, even when it doesn't seem as much can be found.

a reply to: deadlyhope

I was going to mention this, but I am kind of a creationist myself because I believe that God works through science. So I believe in evolution and God.

a reply to: darkbake

Me too. I believe God is a master scientist/chemist/alchemist/physicist and what not. Basically a higher being, not just a snap his fingers and magic happens, but truly understands everything down to the smallest, and up to the largest, and has the ability to manipulate all of that.

That's all for another thread though XD Cheers.

awesome thread!!!! if all christians thought like you, i would probably still be one. i grew up in the american south and i just couldn't handle the divisiveness religion created in that area. it was a southern baptist church, and i had a bible school teacher tell me all catholics were going to hell because they prayed to saints instead of god (and i already knew catholics that were better people than her) and she told a room full of children that pets don't go to heaven. what a NICE lady. anyway, converted to paganism, it works great for me but probably not for most people (its a very diy, labor-intensive, time consuming religion).

my favorite metaphor about religion:

imagine god lives on top of a mountain. all the towns around the base of the mountain are religions. each town has its own instructions for how to climb the mountain. the north slope is very cold, so they recommend heavy clothes, lots of winter gear. the south slope is hot, so they recommend shorts and lots of water. the east is very steep, so you need ropes and hooks. the west is overgrown, so you need machetes and axes. anyone can climb the mountain from their own town following their own instructions, and as they leave behind equipment they don't need, they arrive at the top looking very similar. the problem comes when people, instead of climbing the mountain, travel around the base of the mountain and argue about how to get to the top.

a reply to: anotheramethyst

Yeah, there's really no reason to argue - Individual religions set of beliefs are fair game, I don't mind what people believe so long as they don't intend to harm others, but on the other hand there's core concepts that most religions, and just altruistic people without religion have in general. Treat others with respect, be honest, serve others when you can, things like that. It's crazy how two different christian religions will be so much at odds with each other over the small details, when the largest concepts are the same ( Ten commandments, etc. )

I'm sorry about your experiences, though, I know them well. I grew up in a town where the religious people were not very nice, and sat on high horses all the time and judged you. I never really did anything to be noticed in the first place, but the mentality definitely drove me away from wanting to be around them - Now, I would try to befriend them, hoping to change their elite mindset, though I am not sure if I would get far - or if there's a true reason to do so.

originally posted by: darkbake
a reply to: deadlyhope

I was going to mention this, but I am kind of a creationist myself because I believe that God works through science. So I believe in evolution and God.

I believe God works via science as well. I never have considered God and science to be mutually exclusive. Very strange that we have any common ground. I guess this thread worked its magic after all.

Believe it or not, you will find most Christians do this - believe that God works through science.

And no, I don't hate gays although I do not agree with gay marriage from a religious perspective, but that doesn't mean I want to legally block gay unions only protect the rights of the sincerely religious from having to participate.

And of course, it gets awkward when the hard science of biology also tells me a biological man is a biological man and a biological woman is a biological woman and that's how we divide our public facilities, not via psychology or nebulous brain architecture.

a reply to: ketsuko

I honestly think we should write "XX" and "XY" on restroom doors - No pictures of males or females or pants or dresses. Actual hermaphrodites could go into the one they identify with - Since they are ACTUALLY someone who scientifically and biologically get to choose, not to mention it's a tiny tiny fraction of the population.

Well, mormonism, which is where I get my core beliefs, but no longer follow, teaches about becoming Gods ourselves.. Being Gay doesn't fit into that plan ( reproducing spirits to inhabit a world.. ) But this is definitely another thread topic

Thanks for coming by!

The thread title itself, alone, is very good advice. Older people meeting the young and apparently bizarre should especially follow this advice. The results will astonish you. Behind the plumage and the mask, the kids are, almost invariably, alright.

So are the fat and the ugly, the emaciated and the poor and miserable. Almost universally they respond to simple kindness, respect and a smile.

Sometimes it takes a conscious effort and practice to make a friendly look your first response to everyone, but the effort is repaid in fewer incidents, confrontations and misunderstandings.

It took me decades to learn that during my career as a security guard but I'm glad I did learn it. When friendliness is one's default position during encounters with others, the burden of tension in life, existential anxiety, is removed momentarily whenever we meet a new challenging stranger.

Life starts to become a joy. Hell is no longer "other people". Those people we would otherwise regard with suspicion or apprehension become sources of enrichment and we, in turn, lighten their burden and perhaps enrich them, simply by being decent and kind.

This is reminiscent of an element of Stephen Covey's 7 Habits where he states that most people don't listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply. It really does work when you're paying attention to what's being said rather than how you feel about it. In essence our only real control is in how we choose to respond to any input that is directed our way.

If we choose to actually listen to a point of view and explain it back to the speaker to confirm your understanding of what's being said then you can truly respond in a way that is both considered and respectful.

As I'm sure most of you will agree, it can be extremely frustrating when we feel we haven't been 'heard' or are constantly interrupted.

This is a very effective way to communicate but can be difficult to master if we consider the multitude of filters we have when processing information. When you get it right though, the effects can be staggering plus you feel a lot calmer throughout.

I look after around 20 engineers and have applied this a few times when dealing with their issues. I have seen productivity increase as a result of it but that is just a bonus side effect as afterwards I feel I get to know each of them a little better, this enriches the relationship to a level beyond that of the standard boss/employee.

It works in any situation I've come across although, as mentioned earlier, can be difficult to master especially if the subject material is something that you have strong feelings about.

a reply to: Samildanach

It's great you apply it to your supervisor position and see the good results of being this way. Welcome to ATS by the way! May your experiences here be enlightening, and mind opening.

a reply to: deadlyhope

hey, hi there.

I try to do this every time I log on. It isn't always productive and successful, but, in my opinion, it's what we need to do.

I know I'm not perfect; I try very hard to listen. I strive to put myself in the other person's shoes. Too often, I fail.

Sometimes I can't make sense of their points.....and I get frustrated....
but, I try.

Whether any of my co-members believe that or not.

I try.

a reply to: deadlyhope

I think the Mormon interpretation is a little overly harsh to extend out, but Mormonism isn't my bag. However, it is their right as a religious group to basically define what they will allow as a family and a marriage for the purposes of their ceremony and congregants.

There are plenty of other religious groups who do as much for other reasons that are more nitpicky from the perspective of those of us on the outside - the Amish for one.

a reply to: BuzzyWigs

Trying is all we can really do - We don't get to choose the results, but if we try, sometimes great things do come from it.

a reply to: deadlyhope

In my last job, I was a supervisor for a department of about 70 people, many of whom spoke only Spanish. I left that job because management refused to recognize the situations their front-line, minimum-wage staff found themselves in. I just couldn't do it anymore - couldn't be the go-between delivering corporate mandates from on high over whether or not they could take bereavement leave, or work a lighter load while pregnant with a high risk for miscarriage, or whether or not guests were allowed to sexually assault them and not be told to leave...

sickening.
I cried on my last day, and so did many of my staff. And they were the ones who made me a cake and had a little cafeteria get-together party for me...not my managers.

Learning about someone else and trying to empathize and treat them right doesn't, unfortunately, mix well with corporate hierarchies.

a reply to: BuzzyWigs

I don't judge many corporate managers to even be humans, honestly. They seem to lose so many attributes that can be attributed to the average person, it's like they don't even belong. I used to try to understand, logically and reasonably that money changes a person and it's just that - it's been proven even poor, humble people can become assholes when given enough money and power.

Now, I just assume a rich person is bad until they prove otherwise. Maybe this is ignorant of me, maybe it goes against my thread title, but to me... When looking out for your fellow beings, you have to know the enemy. Illnesses, poverty, ignorance, lack of education, and the rich and powerful, to name a fewl. Most of those can be combated with time, volunteering, donations, but are caused by trickle-up economics and corporations in the first place.

The sick could be cured if big pharma/fda didn't put huge mark ups on some things, and ban or otherwise discourage with lies the use of alternative medicines.

Poverty is a result of different things including racial tensions fueled by the rich and the government, and also trickle up economics.

Ignorance and lack of education results from a poor education system that puts more emphasis on raising patriotic robots that can pass tests, rather than individuals with a wide array of talents, and some religions that discourage change and advancement.

Anyways! Maybe someone can come in and correct me, but I think knowing the enemy goes along with my original post. If you know the source of another's ways, if you know why a person is ignorant - say religion, lack of education, etc. You can better relate with them and have a real conversation and understand where their ideas came from and why society is the way it is.