Sex-Starved Marriage!~TEDx WATCH THIS!

Hey all,

Not sure if this is posted already and if so, awesome..it would be posted 1000x to ensure everyone gets to see it. I posted this on my G+ which has lied dormant since I got my gmail account, but, wanted to get the word out and make it go viral~!

I wish I would have watched this video 30 years ago, I wouldn't have to have gone through the rejection and heartaches that I did, perhaps....

The ONLY thing I can comment on this video is..., you simply MUST watch it and let this REALLY sink in and that If there are couples out there that fit in this frame work and if this is you...........do.what.she.says.at.the.end.of.the.video.!

I do wish you all well and my heart goes out to those in this area, I've been there and hope that you recover.
Prayers, Peace and love ...

~Komodo

Will check back later. Seems interesting.

I see stars and flags but only a comment... it's sexy time folks!

Interesting.

That was a very informative, and well done video. It explains a lot of what I see in the relationships I see with my friends, as well as my own.

Indeed, some very good advice in this video. Certainly those who are in a relationship, not just marriage, can benefit from this as well.

The social neuro-science part about rejection and such was very interesting too. And for anyone who has felt rejected, it is very physical-feeling..

That dynamic is one of the reasons I'm now in a sex-starved unmarried state... and that sometimes the lack of sex is really because one of the two really has fallen outta lust...

but it seems the only answer to human unhappiness is to acquiesce to sex all the time, with anyone who asks (nicely)... and make oneself ask every stranger, too... so take one for the team, folks!

eta: felt I had to add that I'm joking... and tho sex is pretty much as good as humans get, acting like Bonobos might retard our tech progression, political processes... and warfare... hmmm...

...would that be a bad thing?

a reply to: Komodo

She got most things right. I disagree with her comment that "divorce is forever" though. 6% of divorced couples remarry. 90% of affairs that lead to divorce fail within 6 months. Most are done inside of 2 years. Only .5% of affairs lead to marriage, and second marriages have a divorce rate of 75%.

Unless there's physical/sexual abuse, drug use or serious alcoholism, there is nothing that can't be fixed in a marriage. You just have to do the work.

Tagging to watch later as I feel I definitely fall into this category.

Wow... really hit home. Some good tips in there.

JT

originally posted by: HighDesertPatriot
a reply to: Komodo

She got most things right. I disagree with her comment that "divorce is forever" though. 6% of divorced couples remarry. 90% of affairs that lead to divorce fail within 6 months. Most are done inside of 2 years. Only .5% of affairs lead to marriage, and second marriages have a divorce rate of 75%.

Unless there's physical/sexual abuse, drug use or serious alcoholism, there is nothing that can't be fixed in a marriage. You just have to do the work.

Agree...

and I'd like to add, that in my first marriage, on the day I got the final papers in the mail, I found myself sitting in her apt as we both wept on each others shoulders and talking about getting back together....(long story made short)...so yes...divorce isn't forever, it takes a willingness to come to grips with what your heart is telling your mind...not the other way around.

originally posted by: Greenblaz
Wow... really hit home. Some good tips in there.

JT

yea....

what I just went through the last 12 years ....

a reply to: Komodo

People should really figure out their sexual compatibility before they get married. Sexual incompatibility is one of hte top 3 reasons why people split up. If your beliefs are leading you headlong into unhealthy relationships, maybe you should rethink your beliefs.

I've been there too while dating, but I didn't marry her. Very nice, caring girl, zero sex. I wasted 18 months trying to change her, then I noped right out of there.

originally posted by: bulrush
a reply to: Komodo

People should really figure out their sexual compatibility before they get married. Sexual incompatibility is one of hte top 3 reasons why people split up. If your beliefs are leading you headlong into unhealthy relationships, maybe you should rethink your beliefs.

I've been there too while dating, but I didn't marry her. Very nice, caring girl, zero sex. I wasted 18 months trying to change her, then I noped right out of there.

starts off that way but...

people change .. that's for sure

Interesting.

I tend to think that modern humans have abandoned millennia of human biological development. We like to pretend we aren't essentially and simply mammals. Animals.

Our customs might be modern but our biology, chemistry and psyche are ancient and cannot - should not - be ignored.

If you clicked this thread due to the title, I urge you to research the writings of David Deida. Particularly 'Way of the Superior Man' and 'Dear Lover'.

originally posted by: JetBlackStare
Interesting.

I tend to think that modern humans have abandoned millennia of human biological development. We like to pretend we aren't essentially and simply mammals. Animals.

Our customs might be modern but our biology, chemistry and psyche are ancient and cannot - should not - be ignored.

If you clicked this thread due to the title, I urge you to research the writings of David Deida. Particularly 'Way of the Superior Man' and 'Dear Lover'.

appreciate the reply!

partly agree with this, personally, I think it's 70% or more of a relationship...IMO...

a reply to: Komodo

It starts off that way...but people change.

Very true. It's nearly impossible to predict if a person will change in the future. I've heard of enough women who like sex while dating, then they get married and suddenly there's no sex. The sudden change is a key piece of the puzzle. Maybe they were faking all along, or maybe they put too much emphasis on the "honeymoon effect", that rush of feelings that's in the beginning of a relationship, which they assume will last forever. (It doesn't.) That's very hard to deal with and not really possible to predict.

Some of this reminded me of why I really object to some of the more superificial ideas about sex, that I see a lot of young people spout. They deny the very important part it plays in emotional bonds and intimacy ... for both sexes.

The idea that men are just mindless lust monsters distracts from the way that sex is how they experience being loved.


I also chuckled about the writing on hand, "I like sex" thing. I noticed a long time ago, and explained to my husband, that if too much time goes by without sex, I actually forget how good it is and lose my libido.
I seem to be motivated by my physical body and it's sensual memory, which can be rather short- I trust that more than my intellectual ideas about "what I like" and "what I don't".

This has some good and bad effects. On one hand, I do not eat certain foods simply because I have formed an idea that they are good - I listen to my body. If it doesn't particularly feel hunger for a Big Mac, or cookies, I don't eat them.

I know how to manipulate my body this way - If I go long enough without eating cookies, I know my body will forget about them entirely and I will have no desire ever for them.
I know that if I remind my body that I like sports, like running, a little bit, the hunger for doing that grows.

My husband and I consider it something so important to keep our relationship alive. He actually says to me jokingly sometimes, it's been a couple of days, we better do it before you forget!

He sometimes compares it to the necessity of taking the car out regularly, to keep the engine healthy. Leave it in the garage too long, you can forget about it.

We're joking.... but not.

a reply to: Bluesma

Thx for the contribution Bluesma!

Interesting idea, never thought about forgetting what it's like if gone on to long without it, but, I truly believe it does go back to increasing greater communication through emotion....

food for thought in the future.

People should really figure out their sexual compatibility before they get married.

Thing is, this can change after years of marriage, kids, other responsibilities, etc.

My wife always compains there isn't time for it...yet there is always time to watch TV.... Here's the thing, something else I'd much rather do than watch even my favorite show....at least on a somewhat regular basis. She just doesn't get that.

And then folks wonder why partners cheat....too funny. Not that I do. I don't. But still....given the opportunity, I'm not so sure my defenses would hold like they used to.

originally posted by: bulrush
It starts off that way...but people change.

Very true. It's nearly impossible to predict if a person will change in the future.

People are changing all the time ... the secret is to change together, to be

interested in each others interests, as well as finding new interests together.

A saying I'm rather fond of is *the family that plays together stays together*

I've heard of enough women who like sex while dating, then they get married and suddenly there's no sex. The sudden change is a key piece of the puzzle.

Or maybe men just try harder to please before marriage?

Maybe they were faking all along, or maybe they put too much emphasis on the "honeymoon effect",

Maybe!! ... and

The *honeymoon effect* will gain you bonus points ...

that rush of feelings that's in the beginning of a relationship,

Nuture that and you'll be quids in. After all the feelings the lust for sex

should be planted long before you reach the bedroom, and it can be

more exciting if you don't make the bedroom? LOL!!

which they assume will last forever. (It doesn't.) That's very hard to deal with and not really possible to predict.

Don't just assume make it last forever. It is never possible to predict

anything.

Men want SEX ... Women want ROMANCE/LOVE give her what she wants

and you get what you want .