Are Multi-Partner Marriages Gonna Be a Thing?

We have both monogamy and polygamy in our evolutionary heritage.

Gibbons are monogamous; chimpanzees are not; we humans are both.

I don't think any real science exists as to why.

Guesses? Monogamy reduces infanticide on the part of rival males. Females find good nurturers as monogamous partners.

And in recent human culture, limiting access to sexual partners and tying that restriction into religious ritual is another way organized religion has maintained control over populations.

originally posted by: okrian
What does gay marriage have to do with this? Gay marriage is still just between TWO consenting adults. And still has the same relationship dynamics as a monogamous male/female marriage/partnership. More blame and baiting being thrown around for no good reason.

Because if marriage between two men or two women is ok, then there is no logical reason it can't be two guys and one woman or one guy and ten women. The arguments for gay marriage were that you had two people who loved each other, so there was no reason to prevent them from being married. If that is the case, then there is no reason to prevent three people who love each other from being married. If the standard is just going to be consenting adults, then you can't arbitrarily limit it to two people...

While I could careless if gays want to get married, I've long argued that it would be a slippery slope and that if gay marriage is legalized, then polygamy will be next.

originally posted by: schuyler
Thank the gays for opening the door.

/shrug

ok.

to "the gays":

originally posted by: Gryphon66
We have both monogamy and polygamy in our evolutionary heritage.

Gibbons are monogamous; chimpanzees are not; we humans are both.

I don't think any real science exists as to why.

Guesses? Monogamy reduces infanticide on the part of rival males. Females find good nurturers as monogamous partners.

And in recent human culture, limiting access to sexual partners and tying that restriction into religious ritual is another way organized religion has maintained control over populations.

i think the big one is securing paternity, right? no man wants to drop resources into a cuckoo. it's worth noting that polyandrous relationships in rural china tend to be several brothers sharing one wife. maybe that cuts down on paternity concerns?

Polygamy isnt good for society, it's about power and not love or even sex. It can leave a lot of society without partners which can then increase crime.

It's not something we want to see catching on.

originally posted by: MysterX
a reply to: ATODASO

Will multi-partner marriages going to be a thing?

Not in my bloody house they won't be! For a marriage to mean anything at all, other than a tax break or way to divvy up assets, it should be between two people only.

Don't care if that's a 'conventional' or 'unconventional' two, it's the oaths and vows between two that are sacred.

More than two...it's not a marriage more than it is a state sanctioned gang bang or something.

Ok then by that logic marriage should only be between a man and a women.


If you can get to dictate what consenting adults do then the anti gay crowd should be allowed too then.

originally posted by: interupt42
a reply to: crazyewok

If I want five wifes then bloody let me.

Thats a tough call, since you would clearly be insane to want such a thing.

I never claimed I was sane

a reply to: ATODASO

Deviation of the sanctity of marriage between one man an one woman has already begun. Someday in the future, maybe ok to wed your horse, you dog, etc. I know this sound ridiculous but so was same sex or polyamorous weddings 50 years ago.

I realize the bashing I will get from this but my point is valid and no one can guarantee it won't happen.

I'm kind of nervous to comment on this topic but, what the hey! It's anonymous...except when you know certain members! LOL

I can see some of the benefit of this.
Financial being one. More than two incomes.
Sharing the day to day responsibilities, cleaning, shopping, running errands, kids to extracurricular activities, etc.
If there were small children, not having to pay a sitter, just take turns.
Someone else to experience life with in an intimate (not necessarily sexual) way whether it be with the "extra" wife or husband.

I can see the cons too.
Jealousy. Feeling inadequate if the "other" person had talents that you did not. Which go back to the jealousy...LOL
Having someone in your "space" all of the time.
That would be why, if me and the old man were to do something like that, there would need to be two separate living areas/houses/floors/wings, whatever.

My BIL lives with us (UGH!) but sometimes I am soooo grateful that he is there to take some burdens. See my S.O. works all the time (or so it seems). Some days I feel like a single parent...although I know that is not the case. We just have different duties right now....
Sometimes he is just too tired or really not interested in hearing me blabber on about things he could care less about...LOL so, I suppose that is what ATS is for sometimes for me...

I was married under duress so, maybe I am not the one to give a truly neutral opinion!

a reply to: NewzNose

i think the line everyone agrees on is "between consenting adults". animals de facto can't give consent. we might see marriages between adults and inanimate objects start to increase, tho.

originally posted by: ATODASO
meanwhile, in brazil, three women were recently wed in a civil union arrangement.
They also have a better chance now of making good on their plan to create a three-parent family, Leitao said.
"Our union is the fruit of love," the unnamed businesswoman in the trio told the daily O Globo.

"We are preparing for my pregnancy.... The legalization is a way for the baby and for us to not end up abandoned and penniless. We want to enjoy the same maternal rights that everyone else has."

Well they have just got wed!! See how things are a few years down the

line. They are preparing for one's pregnancy? ... there must have

been a man involved somewhere, mustn't there? and will he want an input?

There are a lot of *single* mothers in the west who are far from

abandoned and penniless.

it can't be denied that even in the wealthiest nations, raising a child on a single income is impossible for the vast majority, and two-income families are barely scratching by. as people continue to work harder, longer, and for less money, child-rearing becomes less and less of a viable prospect for many couples. here in canada, there is a very vocal polyamorous community, and there have been several legal battles over the issue of civil unions and parental rights for polyamorous couples. many argue that raising a child in a three-or more income family benefits everyone involved.

I don't get your economics .... If all adults are bringing in an average

income, there wont be any surplus, and if one is bringing in a lot more

than the others, wont they expect more and better because they are

putting more into the kitty?

i can't imagine sharing her for any reason, practical or otherwise.

LOL!! So you are already aware of the perils of emotional"sharing"

it's hard to say what kind of impact a multiple-parent family would have on a kid, or society at large, as there's little to no data, but a lot of people are concerned over the disintegration of the family unit.
what do you guys think?

Not been mentioned yet!

The green eyed monster...JEALOUSY between the multiples whether

they be husbands or wives and the mix of children, who grow up believing

unfairness between half siblings ...

The green eyed monster is hard enough to handle between full siblings

originally posted by: NerdGoddess
I have room in my heart to love many :/
-Alee

Yes

Just only one at a time!

originally posted by: burdman30ott6

The following is my opinion as a member participating in this discussion.

I'm a traditionalist. I disagreed with the SCOTUS on their gay marriage ruling and I gotta say I'd be very vocally opposed to any sort of changes that open the door to polygamy being considered legal. I honestly don't care what consenting adults do, but by the same token, do not ask that it be legitimized and normalized by edict of law when it is plainly abnormal.

As an ATS Staff Member, I will not moderate in threads such as this where I have participated as a member.

Why is it abnormal?

And why is it the government's business?

Why does it even effect you?

who made you the arbiter of normal and abnormal?

originally posted by: [post=19987349]crazyewok[post]
Long as its between contenting adults I see it no buisness of the goverment how many spouses you have.
If I want five wifes then bloody let me.

Do you think you could find five willing to share

I feel that marriage should be a sacred and precious union between two people. Bringing more people into the equation takes away from a meaningful relationship. Knowing your husband or wife is telling someone else how deeply he or she loves someone else and having sex with them...ugh!

originally posted by: NerdGoddess
Honestly IDK why it isn't already allowed.


I'm a firm believer that out of the billions of people on this planet, there is no way that there is only one right person for everyone....

I have room in my heart to love many :/


-Alee

It's not about just love though is it, it's about taking solemn and sacred vows - or marriage if you prefer.

I couldn't care less if 50 people lived in a huge house, and shared themselves around the whole group...but that is not what i would remotely consider a marriage.

originally posted by: eletheia
... there must have been a man involved somewhere, mustn't there?

sperm banks, yo!

I don't get your economics .... If all adults are bringing in an average income, there wont be any surplus, and if one is bringing in a lot morethan the others, wont they expect more and better because they are putting more into the kitty?

there's lots of data out there about average income and child raising. it indicates that average people are struggling to balance expenses, income, time constraints and child care. i'd link some, but there's pages worth of results on google if you're really interested. in most relationships, there's an income differential. for instance, my wife makes over 1/3 more than i do, and we expect that gap to grow. the way we work it out, and i guess this is pretty common, is to contribute equally to a joint account to cover household costs, and then we both have individual accounts. she volunteered to have a rec fund to which we both contribute according to income, so she puts in $90 to every $60 i put in.

relationships do have an economy, it's not all goo-goo eyes and selflessness. people bring resources both material and ephemeral to the relationship, and reciprocity is the key to marital satisfaction. it just depends on how the couple defines those resources, and how much comparative value is assigned to them. nobody likes to hear this, cause it ain't exactly romantic, but it's true. if the economy of the relationship is "invisible", it becomes hard to negotiate an equitable and mutually satisfactory relationship.

just my 2 cents.

LOL!! So you are already aware of the perils of emotional"sharing"

sure, but it would be ridiculous to expect that my emotional needs and boundaries are universally shared.

originally posted by: crazyewok
Why is it abnormal?

And why is it the government's buisness?

Why does it even effect you?

"Abnormal" noun 'not normal, average, typical, or usual; deviating from a standard'
How is it not abnormal?

It shouldn't be the government's business, but the government legislates all legal marriage, thus it falls completely within their jurisdiction unless and until the government extracts itself from all marriage topics (including tax penalties and/or breaks)

I have 2 children who I am trying to raise right. Legitimization of the abnormal increases the amount of damage control I have to do as a parent to ensure they understand many of these "cause du jours" we see gaining momentum need to be heavily questioned rather than blindly adhered to and accepted.

a reply to: MysterX

If it not your idea of a marriage and no one is forcing you to marry multiple partners then so what? You can keep one partner but if others want there own version then so what? Why is it any of your business or the governments?