posted on Oct, 31 2015 @ 08:40 PM
a reply to: woodwardjnr
Well, I feel your pain. I have similar difficulties after 23 major surgeries from car accidents to being shot in the neck and head with a 12 ga. 00
mag buckshot. I live in severe pain and have been going through a lot of messed up feeling and analyzing what to do next. I take a large amount of
very powerful medications just to live. My blood pressure is ridiculously out of control due to severe pain. If I take my bp meds and the pain is bad
enough my bo shoots through the ceiling like I am not on any meds. Then is my pain is brought under moderate control or am having a better day, it
will go low because of the bp meds.
Anyway, not really about me, but some things you said hit home. I have considered ending the suffering period. I have the meds to do it very easily
and the weapons. I just have issues spiritually and with what implications taking myself out may produce on the other side. I actually died twice
going through everything. I had body bags called out twice by state police, but was brought back. I was given my last rights once in the hospital. My
experiences with death make me unafraid of it as I know what is there. However, those experiences were not self perpetrated. It is a difficult daily
battle to go through mentally for sure. I hate the thought of putting family members through it, but my daughter has let me know she understands if I
need to go as I have pretty much withdrawn from life in the last year.
You mentioned some research into death that I think may be of interest to look into myself as I am always open to thoughts on the issue. I don't think
people that are not living through a nightmare like you are really understand how you can think of self termination. It is still a difficult thought
process to go through thinking about all the aspects of it. I have often thought that I would much rather do the job of being the first through the
door for first responders than letting someone that does not need to lose their life doing it. However, the first response is that your insane because
you think that way. I do not agree. I think it is logical that to struggle every day to just survive is not any way to live life.
I also hate head pain worse than any other pain, so I can imagine your condition with it being in the head is enough to make you want to stop the
suffering. However, if you could be healed, would you not rather try than to end it prematurely? By radiotherapy, are you talking about technology
like the gama-knife? I understand not wanting to go through more treatment like surgery. I have spent almost a year and a half in the trauma hospital.
I could go through more surgery, but I have reached the point of not wanting to go through any more surgery as well. However, if I thought they could
make me pain free, I would not want to end life as I know it. I have been told that there is no way my pain will get better and will only get worse.
That has made me not want to have any more surgery. It is a difficult issue and I can definitely understand your feelings on the issue of going
through more surgery. I just wonder if it is possible you could be tumor free why you would not go ahead and try everything? Personally, I do not have
any hope of a cure to my pain.
I truly wish you the best and if you ever need to discuss anything, feel free to U2U me. I may not be the best person to talk to about your issues,
but I can understand what your going through on some level. I would probably try to keep getting treatment if there is a possibility of being cured.
That is just me though.