Jesse Ventura Meets the "World’s Worst Mom"

And as I thought about "helicopter parenting" it reminded me of something. I couldn't put my finger on it at first...then I remembered what it reminded me of:

Codependency.

Here's an few snippets from an interesting article titled, "Codependant Parent-Child Relationships"

Codependency often refers to adult romantic relationships, but many times, the birth of a child can enhance or bring out these tendencies even if you had previously been an independent person. You want the unending love and adoration of your little one, and in turn, he gives unconditional love and adoration back. Of course, that rarely happens, but for the most part, this is perfectly healthy. However, some families cannot use moderation and end up suffocating each other, or worse, losing their definitions as individuals.

The article mentions how we have to spend so much time tending to young children, and as they grow sometimes people just can't accept they need to loosen the grip over their children:

When your toddler was an infant, she needed a lot of attention. She couldn't do anything for herself and you had to step into the role of primary caretaker, solely responsible for her life and well-being. Change my diaper, feed me, clothe me, help me sleep -- these unspoken demands don't stop, they just become spoken, and usually loudly. As your child grows, you may have a hard time stepping back and allowing her to explore her own capabilities. You might find you do everything together, never leave her to create or imagine something alone. You feel like an attentive parent, but in reality you could be stifling your toddler and paving the way for dependency issues throughout life.Some parents use homeschooling to aid this tendency, and while there are many reasons people keep their children home for their education, the parental fear of being alone shouldn't be one of them.

I had never thought about that before (I don't have kids myself) but it sounds reasonable that some parents might have a hard time detaching. In today's world we're more connected than ever, but we have people feeling more isolated and alone. It's not surprising we might want to feel more connected to our kids for as long as possible.

And when it leads to helicopter parenting, it can actually cause problems for the kid later in life:

You may not let your children participate in activities like climbing or gymnastics without your help. You want to ensure safety, but in this way, the child never learns. Eventually, your toddler could come to believe that he needs your help for everything.

motherhood.modernmom.com

Doesn't that sound kind of familiar? How many of us "older folk" (I'm not even 40!) have encountered late teens and early 20 year olds of the so-called "entitlement generation" that can't solve problems on their own, or carry out tasks without being told in excruciating detail how to do them?

If this is really going on -- if more and more people are developing parent/child codependency issues, we're in for a while ride my friends, as these types of parenting styles can lead to all kinds of weird mental issues for people later on in life. Self esteem, worthiness, ingenuity ... all of these things can become suppressed in these kids later as they grow into adults.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

I kind of went in the other direction. I was not allowed ot eat those either, along with Wonder Bread and a whole host of other crap. When I got old enough and tried them I found that the cereal was too sugary and the bread was disgusting. I thank my mom for putting her foot down as the main reason I am not a fat bastard today.

I admit according to today's PC definition I was raised as a free range kid. We had one rule when I was a kid. Come home do homework. Then go out and play. Come in when the street lights come on. Mom and dad would be home around 5:30 which was 2 or 3 hrs after we got home. My sisters and I would simply occupy our own time doing what ever we wanted. We never got in trouble. Other parents in the neighborhood would watch out for kids. So It was ALWAYS SAFE. We knew we could always depend on parents in the neighborhood if we needed it. So our freedom to roam around for a couple hrs everyday. It was a good time for me and my sisters in 1950's and 1960's.

My sons were mad, when at about 9 and 6, we moved from town into the country. Tough.
They were mad when I wouldn't let them play video games for more than an hour. Tough.
Then they were mad, when I would boot them outside. Where they could run around until the cows came home.

By the time they were teenagers, all their buddies were at my house, and you didn't want to walk through the Christmas tree farm unarmed. (paintball or airsoft, nothing else.)

You have to give kids some freedom.
There are so many life lessons to learn, and not all can be learned from their parents.

originally posted by: Sublimecraft
a reply to: JesseVentura

Here is a message for all statutory authorities regarding my children.

BACK THE F#%K OFF.

The problem with society these days is not allowing our kids to learn, the hard way, that life is full of pluses and minuses. Now, I discipline my kids old school - respect your elders or cop a boot up the ass - and guess what - my children are the envy of other parents because of my philosophy of FEAR and REPETITION - the carrot and the stick.

My family is not a democracy - it is a fascist regime - and i'm the bastard in charge.

I remember grabbing my BMX at 8.00am in the morning and not returning until after dark. My parents were not neglectful.

Free range forever...............or prison planet

NLBS #46 The Madness of Helicopter parents versus free range parents

Except not every parent can be trusted to rule like this responsibly.

I agree with almost all of the posts so far, back in my young days (1966) and up our gang of friends were controlled by whatever neighbour was in the area at the time.
A fight starts and Mrs or Mr smith walks over and gives the fighters a smack and a good one too, funny this was the next day you were at their house enjoying ice cream. Every Person in the neighbourhood acted as your own parent as they saw fit.
And this was most effective because 99% of the time the Parents were not to be seen anywhere, but lord help you if you acted up:-)

Of my particular group of friends of about 20 or so every one of us broke a bone or had stitches before we were 10 years old. Oh yes lessons learned indeed. On weekends and during summer holidays from school it was the norm for myself and brother to leave home in the morning and not return till supper time. If we didn't come home for lunch my Mom knew we were eating somewhere in the hood. After supper off we go again till(as a poster already mentioned above) the street lights came on.
I am so grateful that I enjoyed that time in life to the fullest. And I thank Mrs Jones and Mr Woods and Mrs Finn for the well deserved smacks! I also thank them for the peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate milk the next day.

Regards, Iwinder

I am taking care of my grandsons 16-20 hours a day since my daughter is working third shift. She used to be a helicopter parent and her and I knocked heads constantly for me just allowing the kids to play out back barefoot! It had saddened me since I had remember how much fun she had being such a dirty kid playing in the mud and just enjoying life. Her ideas had changed and she believed she had wanted to be the perfect epitome of a parent. My grandsons had suffered for it, but mostly the older one. Now, that I am caring for them, they are becoming more adventurous and exploring. My oldest grandson self esteem is so strained, he is extremely over-cautious and fearful. His younger brother of 3 years is often trying to encourage him to jump off our deck out back. I am relieved that after a year, I have finally given the oldest the confidence to climb the rock wall we had put on their playset. Believe me, his esteem was greatly increased by achieving this.

Yes, the kids may suffer scratches, cuts and bruises, but I have learned if you give them a quick hug in acknowledgement they are soon off on another adventure because it is all about learning. Oh, yes, I have spanked my grandsons in the past and their mother freaked out until she realized that one spanking is all is needed. They will not forget and will avoid crossing such a line in the future. Thankfully, my daughter has matured enough to realize the politically correct approach is a bunch of hooey and now, appreciates my assistance in more ways than one.

originally posted by: VoidHawk
a reply to: InTheLight

But how will children ever learn to recognize danger if they never have any experience of it?

When I was a kid ALL children were free range, and if a danger did present itself then all kids instantly knew about it because they would tell each other.

Its the same premise as keeping your kids too clean, or away from any germs or contamination.......

They never build up immunities to anything so they are always sick.......

We are seeing generations of SICK children, both physically, mentally, and socially

only gripe I have is with the term "free range kids", there are free range cows, and free range chickens...
our kids are not cows or chickens, they are young human beings, who need the freedom and opportunity to grow into independent adults. They begin to learn how to be this independent adult, if they are allowed to, before they enter kindergarten even.

you can use the idea that it's such a dangerous world out there is you want, but well if it is really too dangerous for you to allow kids to enjoy a little bit of independence, away from the eyes of adults, then we adults have failed our kids.

quite frankly, I think, historically speaking, kids today are safer than they even have been! They're not being hired out to work in mines, we don't have bombs falling from the sky blowing them up, indians ready to scalp them, or many of the other dangers the kids of times gone by have survived. of course, the parents back then didn't have the time to keep a constant eye on their kids 24/7, there was too much to do, bread to be kneaded and baked, candles to be made, and on and on.. maybe helicopter parenting is just a side effect of having so many people with too much time on their hands....

originally posted by: dawnstar
only gripe I have is with the term "free range kids", there are free range cows, and free range chickens...
our kids are not cows or chickens...

They are however equally as delicious.

a reply to: dawnstar

Agreed, and how many of us survived staying out till dark, riding our bikes wherever we wanted, learning from mistakes

There are two issues at play here

1. A gov who no longer thinks its our job to raise our kids

2. A whole generation of people who DO NOT parent, and reinforce that belief......

originally posted by: InTheLight
a reply to: Sublimecraft

Why do our young have to learn by trial and error (which can be lethal; physically, emotionally and/or psychologically), let's get education up to par in the household and schools.

I had a cousin who was educated. My aunt told her and told her, "Don't touch the pots. They're hot. They'll burn!"

Guess what? She still had to learn for herself and still touched the hot pot and got burnt.

My point? Some people learn best by experience and not by being told/taught. Sadly, yes, it can be fatal in tragic circumstances.

a reply to: InTheLight

What are you on about?

We're not talking about kids hunting down serial killers here. We're talking about kids being kids...you know off playing with their friends.

My fave hangout when I was a kid was the local gravel quarry, and the creek that ran along the entire south edge of it.

There were about ten-fifteen of us, sometime more, if somebodies cousins were in town for a visit. Bikes. Slingshots. Surgical tubing filled with creek water. Run around like madmen all day, when the sun was just about beneath the western horizon, we'd go home. Do it all again the next day.

Or, we'd ride our bikes west along the creek to where there was an old rail yard, complete with old train engines and box cars, even a caboose or two... Do I need to tell you that was heaven to a bunch of ten and eleven year olds? East along the creek would take you to down town and the movie theatre where we'd spend our hard earned monies...aluminum cans, glass bottles, and paper route money got spent there. It had pinball games, too.

We got in trouble. Those days are when I learned the meaning of loyalty. Trust. Having each others back. We were never, ever in danger, 'cause we knew who the bad folks were in the neighborhood. ...and strangers were watched, not just by kids, but by parents. Our parents knew where we were, and let us make our own mistakes. But I'll bet if it even looked like we were in over our heads...mom and dad, of several different sorts, would have been there in a twinkling.

I was most assuredly a free range child. No play dates. Unless flocking together with the neighborhood kids is a playdate.

I don't see that any more. That park near the quarry was always full of kids. Now? It's empty, more often then not, or it's got transients sleeping there...

a reply to: seagull

I hear you brother.

I still remember walking home from elementary school and taking the shortcut through the woods to get home.

a reply to: dawnstar

Free "to" range children does sound better, doesn't it?

I was actually freer as a kid,then I am now as a supposed adult...

But I've made sure that the kids that are in my life get out into the world. There's more to life then sitting in the family room playing video games. There are trees to climb. Knees to scrape. Horses to ride. Dogs to play fetch with, or just wrestle with.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Our "short" cut was through, and across, the railyard that was always busy with freight trains coming and going. We'd jump the schoolyard fence, and go along the right of way, across the bridge, and into the yard where we'd get up to all sorts of mischief...we drove the workers there nuts, I think.

They never got us in trouble though. Through the lens of over forty years, I now know the pursuit was more because they thought they should, then actually trying to catch us.

That "short" cut was about three times as long as the straight way would have been...

Yes, everyone throws a fit, but when you have groups of children together with the older ones keeping a bit of an eye on the younger ones, there's safety in numbers. The weird pedo snatches the lone kid, not the one running with a pack of three, four or five others ... or more.

We ranged all over town like that, in a pack. We played hide and seek all over the neighborhood across everyone's yards. We road our bikes all over. We pretty much ran wild from the time we left to the time it was time to come in for dinner at night.

a reply to: seagull

Fun with trains.

We used to 'train hop' the local freight, ride it for about three miles, hop off at the mall so we could hit the arcade and pick it back up again when it made its return trip.

a reply to: ManBehindTheMask

no one in my circle of friends died before they reached adulthood....
a few in the graduating class before me drowned in the river, but they were high school students who well, should have known better, it was a bad place to be swimming to begin with. a few also died or got mangled in car accidents, but well, it seems that every kid now days deserves a care before they get out of high school, guess that danger isn't that high up on the list of dangers we should be worrying about...
although, stupid kids being given the car keys before they appreciated the responsibility that came with them was probably the biggest danger and caused more heartbreak than anything else, and most of us didn't have the honor of having a car until we graduated at least.

I think that any gov't actions are way down on the list of issues at play really. I'm sorry, but my parents didn't really give a darn at what the gov't said, they raised us the way they saw fit, to the best of their ability... and were willing to tell anybody, including the police, including the school, including the gov't to back off if they felt them overstepping that boundary. They also had no qualms of giving us a good smack when we needed it, which didn't happen often.

As far as the whole generation not parenting their children....
umm, aren't you exagerating just a tad, considering the topic that is being discussed, it seems that we also have a lot of parents who are over parenting... What we don't have is much of a sign of the extended family, and I really think that that right there might be playing a huge role. used to be that grandma, or at least someone who was willing to play that role was around giving the new mom advice and helping out, along with aunts, uncles, cousins and what not. now, the new mom is just as likely to find she is left to figure it out by herself. Ahw then ends up seeking the assistance of counselors, who many times haven't raised a child, and is only going by what they have learned from books.

a reply to: ketsuko

lol....with me it was a hot iron...
I don't even know how old I was, wasn't in kindergarden yet though... but just to had to make sure mom wasn't lying to me I guess... she was kind of weird in some ways, always telling me stories about the wicked witch that would come if I didn't behave myself....
and I just couldn't by that one... so, well, who knew, maybe the iron was just another story.