Psycho Cashier FALSELY Accuses Me of Sexual Harassment?? Advice??

I am looking for advice. Hopefully I can keep this short.

For about a year now I have been harassed and bullied by an older, female worker (I am male, mid-30's.) I work in floor maintenance in a grocery store where she works as a cashier. This woman was nice at first, but then started at me. She approached me (sort of) as I walked up the stairs to the upstairs and she asked why I was being such an “ass%!#e” and walking through the store with my heavy equipment like I don't give a damn about anyone but myself (this is a 24-hour store.) Foolish me, I actually thought she meant it! I opened up in my honest, youthful way to show I had nothing to hide and meant no wrong. She, on the other hand, just wanted to blast me with how I was this and that, and each time I attempted to explain myself she shook her head as if I was being extremely rude to not accept my horrible behaviour (as if I was making excuses.) I attempted to explain what my job entails, how I have a lot to do and need to work quickly, how did my very best to be cautious and respectful, doing everything the way I was trained, but she would shake her head as if that was all B.S. I really tried to connect to her and get her to see my sincerity, but she walked away saying I was a horrible person and they'd have to find a new cleaner.

I was quite self-conscious for a while, wondering if she was right. But she had no interest in hearing my side. I was angry that I'd opened up so emotionally to her when she was full of crap. I talked with my boss, who's been known to monitor video recordings of his employees, and he assured me that I was doing the job RIGHT, the way I was trained, and that the last full-time cleaner (whom she regarded as being so nice and considerate) was actually the rude one he'd had problems with. So, what she claimed to be was the opposite of the truth! Note: I am actually more self-confident now because of her.

Another time she slipped on the floor while I was cleaning. She slipped again, angry at me for putting down so much water. I explained that I was cleaning the cash isles with exactly as much water as I was trained to. She slipped a third time! This time while walking straight passed a wet floor sign, the floor wet and me mopping right in front of her! With slippery shoes she walked by, head high, and slipped! When I explained this and the previous incidents to my boss he said she sounded "crazy." Indeed!

She would get after me over various things, face red, eyes dark, shivering with...some kind of fit. She radiates so much negativity it's amazing, and unfortunately it DID get to me. I'd dealt with many difficult personalities before, and in hindsight I really underestimated her. She would often walk right up to me when I was operating my equipment, with plenty of space to walk around (and anyone else would,) and then get angry at me for blocking her! One time she stepped out of an aisle and slammed her foot down on the floor and snarled at me like I was some mangy dog who needed to run away fast! Never had I been treated like that before! I just stood there, staring at her like...WTF??? On occasion I would approach her and politely ask what was wrong. She would act dumb at first, then turning it all around on me, saying I was this and that, as if she was sincere...honestly, she had me wondering from time to time if she really BELIEVED what she was claiming of me. Bah!

I wrote down various such incidents to my boss, who had the manager speak to her. After that, I've reported her multiple times. I was determined to be strong and stay in the right on everything! She decreased the open show of supposed defiance (?) against me, resorting then to lesser things like refusing to move from an aisle I needed to clean because she was cleaning the belt at that time and wanted me to work around her instead of vice-versa. I kept reporting these things, over and over, she would stop, and start doing them again. Mostly it's the hateful sneers, the negative vibe always there, that 'I hate you' air I have to work in around her that gets to me. Sometimes she actually walks around me, shoulders raised, like a macho man....I have NO IDEA what that's about...it would make me wonder though if she found me intimidating (but, I no longer think so.)

Changing tactics, I tried ignoring her. This took some effort! After a while I got so good at it that one night it seemed as if nothing could possibly bother me (I was so happy, loose and natural, despite her,) yet she still kept at me in various ways, from extremely petty things to the tactics I've mentioned here. I could feel her rage building that I was so happy, and knew she'd do something. She actually stopped again in a cash isle, refusing to move, again. Another night she complained to a security guard there that I was putting down too much water, so be careful where you step! I smiled and said: "Actually, I've been complimented for putting down less water than the other guy." No wonder, since, to avoid her falling on her ass, I wet the mop only once when doing the cash aisles! The floor was barely wet at all! See how full of crap she is?

I talked to a friend and explained the scenario: basically she is spitting in my face (metaphorically) every night, I wipe it off and say I don't mind, but of course I do a some level. I asked why she was still at me when I was ignoring her so well, and my friend said because I was TAKING it, not standing up for myself. So, when she, yet again, refused to let me do my job, I asked why she was being such an evil *bleep* and got her to move aside. This was when she started threatening to speak to the manager. I dared her, calling her bluff. She was in the wrong, after all! For a YEAR now I'd taken abuse, always was nice in turn, always reported her properly, and yet I'd suffered sleepless nights and great anxiety and began taking meds just because of her! I thought, 'yes, if she really hates me standing up to her then keep doing it!'

The last night I did, the night before last, she spoke out loudly to a night worker (and anyone else around) how the floors were wet and to watch your step. Of course this was pure B.S., just to make me look and feel bad. I ignored it and after I purchased some items I confronted her and asked her why she was forming a "relationship" between us, tying her life to mine, when I just want to go to work and go HOME, no B.S. She laughed at first, thinking I was implying she was coming onto me, but I explained what I meant and asked why she was so miserable inside that she resorts to picking on me. The next day I get an email informing me that she has accused me of "making passes" at her and was advised to try to say nothing, work around her and avoid her as much as possible (basically, to NOT defend myself in ANY WAY.) So now I truly AM a Human Punching Bag! And of course, she was all smiles tonight! VERY NICE, even to ME! Basically the message I get is: just go along with being labelled a ‘pervert’ and all will be well. Yeah, RIGHT!

Everyone there sympathizes with me. They ALL know what she is like. Some common sense should have told the manager she was BS-ing him! Now it's "sexual harassment??" She's saying I'm a pervert?? I plan to get the details of what exactly I am being accused of and phone the police, get a police record of reporting her for harassment and defamation of character! I expect this to go on, sadly...

Any advice? It seems like a hopeless situation...

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2
By all means ask the person who sent the e-mail to clarify the details, but I would keep any counter-attacking claims of harassment at "personnel" level, rather than escalating it to the police. The police will need evidence of her past behaviour, your management have got the past history already.

Sexually assault her so you boss can make comparisons between her truth face and lying face. It will help your boss understand who is employers are.

But seriously, do all you can to avoid her ( I know it's difficult). Don't give her anything to complain about. Inform her you are cleaning when near her so she is aware that if she comes in close proximity to areas being cleaned she could cause herself damage.

Say to her I don't understand why you dislike me or a what j have done to you but can you please stay away from me as I don't want to cause you anymore distress and I want to be able to finish a shift with a smile on my face. Apologise even though you know you are not in the wrong. Moral high ground approach is all you can do. She will feel she got what she wanted .

God speed.

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2

I wouldn't be too hard on the manager in the latest issue. The manager's hands might be tied by rules laid down by the HR department in dealing with cases of alleged sexual harassment.

Maybe she is coming on to you.

Another consideration; the person making the complaint is the one who has to do the work of providing the evidence.
Let her stay in that position, which gives you a defensive advantage, rather than taking it upon yourself.
In the meantime, you could cease to respond to her, giving first the brief explanation "I have been instructed not to speak to you". She can't complain about that, because it's true (and you've got it in writing).

It might also be an idea to invest in a little pocket audio recorder, so that you can collect evidence and record your exchanges.

originally posted by: IamPoltergeist
Maybe she is coming on to you.

If she's still got the maturity of a prepubescent girl, that very well could be. She could be mentally unstable, or just plain inexplicably nasty, who never figured out how to vocalize a crush the right way.

Either that, or he reminds her of someone from her past -- ex-flame, family member, someone abusive, etc -- and is SERIOUSLY projecting. Either way, the OP appears to have much more evidence against her than she does against him. Simply put,the woman needs to be fired, ASAP.

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2

Don't put up with it. Tell the managers she was verbally abuse and threatening to you, even if you have to stretch the truth. If its as you say it as they will back you over her. The alternative is get a recorder, and talk to her straight up without being suspicious, "Hey, look I know I pissed you off, Im sorry, Im afraid of getting fired, but can you retract what you said about me? I know you did, you obviously said something, which I don't care about at all, just tell me the stipulations I have to live by and Ill follow them, if I have to use an once of water, I promise, I will"


Appeal to her inflated ego, once she gives you demands on tape she's #ed.

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2

Don't take it lying down. Vindictive women like these are easily spotted by a good manager when they are called up to face the music. You have spotted her for what she is, your management will do too, hopefully.

I would not be staying quiet around her and I would not be taking the orders from management to 'work around her'. I would ask for a formal meeting in which you both bring in witnesses. This is another way management will see you are open and honest. Especially because the meeting will put pressure on her and the witness she brings in will also damage her character.

OK - maybe this is not the way to do things. Maybe you should stay quiet.

I wouldn't though.

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2

Ugh. Service industry politics can be so lame and sordid. You have my sympathies. I like to say that there are two types of people in the serveice industry: those who are getting the job done, and those who are busy complaining about how poorly everyone else is performing their job, usually to include those who are getting most of the work done. Keep yourself in the first group. Cover your behind, for sure, but try to keep your complaints professional in nature.

Do your job, and do it well. It sounds like you've got that part down. Keep your cool, then. Don't let her bait you into a confrontation. No more name calling. If she's going to act like a third grader, you can't very well argue that you're the better person if you're cussing her up one side and down the other every other week. Once is understandable. Twice would probably not be. Let her be the one that gets noticed screwing up, not you. The employee that does well under pressure is probably the one they would want to keep around or maybe promote, not the one that blows his top all the time. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your work, despite the baggage. You've gotta be there to pay your bills, you may as well make the best of it.

With the complaint, you have carte blanche to ignore her, so let her do her little third grader thing. The social dynamics of the situation aren't lost on the other employees, so it seems like if you just keep your head down and don't let her get your hackles up, you win.

There should be a name for this dirty, often played, service industry trick: Initiate a confrontation with your adversary, then spin the situation to portray yourself as the victim. If your adversary becomes angry, his or her anger may do the job for you. Does anybody know the name for this trick? I think they call it "juicing" in jail...

I hope this helps. I dunno. It always seems easier to call from the armchair.

I also think she might secretly want you. Don't do it, dude!

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2

Don't take it lying down. Vindictive women like these are easily spotted by a good manager when they are called up to face the music. You have spotted her for what she is, your management will do too, hopefully.

I would not be staying quiet around her and I would not be taking the orders from management to 'work around her'. I would ask for a formal meeting in which you both bring in witnesses. This is another way management will see you are open and honest. Especially because the meeting will put pressure on her and the witness she brings in will also damage her character.

OK - maybe this is not the way to do things. Maybe you should stay quiet.

I wouldn't though.

On the other hand I kind of like and14263's suggestions here, some defensive admin might be the better move. It does seem as though she is creating a disruptive work environment for you, literally. I dunno.

a reply to: Painterz

That is my advise as well

Something like this:Audio Recorder

It can record up to 10 -12 hours.

They work great.

Sounds like you're working with a narcissistic,bully.Record the conversations and make her work life hard before she turns you into a victim.

"Well, animals are a lot like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated. But, like people, some of them are just jerks"


She sounds like a person who has no locus of control over her life and transfers this on others. I'd venture she is internally miserable and seeking power over you to bring you to her level. The only way to beat her is to act as ridiculously nice as possible and not show any sign that she is getting to you. It will drive her nuts.

And keep everyone else at work firmly on your side.

I had a secretary like that once. But unfortunately I also shared her with another person who had the power to hire/fire.

She refused to type for me, answer phones, help with appointment making, and did extremely cruel things to me nearly daily. The boss felt sorry for her because she was a widow and told me just to do those things for myself. He was great to me, but he absolutely refused to fire her because he felt sorry for her.

One day she mentioned that when she was really angry with someone she would give them the "freeze". I wondered why there were periods of bliss where she kept her mouth shut and left me alone.

The freeze was so pleasant for me I decided to "freeze" her out.
At first she continued and then escalated her bad behavior.
After a couple of months - yes months - she gave up and ignored me back.

After that working there became fun and I enjoyed the job.
She was in my permanent "freezer" and it took all the joy out of the
harassment for her.
After a couple of years she actually began to be while not nice, decent to me.

She was bonkers crazy, she told me one day how she and her son threw
kittens they didn't want up in the air for target practice.
This was when she was being decent to me. I just listened and
continued the freeze but responded, a bland "oh" while inside
screaming you are a crazy %& *(

What you should have done at start of this report this person to HR or manager for creating a "hostile work environment" . What most people do not realize is they HAVE TO investigate.They cant ignore this claim.Else the Labor Board steps in and then the company is at fault..they dont want that.....

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2

Have you tried asking your shift manager to schedule you two for different shifts yet?

Simple solution. I find out where you work. I go in there as some random customer looking like John Baluchi on a bender. Long hair all over the place dirty t shirt and shorts half falling off n some old ass stinky shoes. I'll insist on having her check out my items. All of which will be on sale with coupons I'll happen to have. Then once she's done ringing everything up and scanning the coupons I'll be a dollar short and make a few items "go backs" making her labor through the process of voiding the items and coupons.

Meanwhile while she's busy doing all of this ill also be the creepiest most disgusting customer she's ever had. I'll say stuff with a penetrating stare like " I'm new around here. This is my favorite store. I'm always going to use this store and you as my cashier. I'll wait to use you if the line is too busy cause you remind me if my mom." Then when she shudders from the thought ill scratch my ass smell my fingers out of curiosity and react shocked and repulsed by the smell. Then while she's staring in horror I'll go " oh yeah! The money and I'll, using the same hand, rummage around for the money in some old shopping bag/man purse I'll drag around with me. I'll pull out assorted items like say an old nasty hair brush with lint and gross stuff stuck in it or maybe an old jar with god knows what. I'm thinking bugs. I'll say they are my pets. Finally I'll find the money handle it with my nasty hand and give it to her. Then I'll wrap up the conversation by saying things like "you from around here? I'll be seeing you again ...real soon! Oh by the way did I mention you rind me if my mom? She looked a lot like my old girlfriend. I miss her she moved away from me. Anyways, see you again ... Real soon."

I'll come in and do that a few times. If when management confronts me ill convert instantly into the most intelligent sane person they've ever met using words clearly outside their lexicon and say she was the one saying all that to ME and that I was actually about to contact them about it.

Give her something else and someone else to be worried about other than you.

Then after the third time of me doing this I'd arrange it so you are nearby and come to her rescue basically telling me to leave the nice lady alone cause I'm acting like a creep. I'll respond with "yes sir, I'll be leaving right now" and scurry away right immediately never to come back. From that day on shell be kissing your butt... Or her psycho crush will go into overdrive but at least it's traction on the situation.

Or.... You could continue to complain and reort her to the manager. Demand to see her formal accusations against you and a meeting to discuss the defamation from her and the clear negligence if the managers and store saying its causing you undue emotional distress and damages. If they laugh it off. You go down to the local superior court fill out a summons and complaint form from the civil-unlimited department. Along with a statement of damages and propound to the store a demand for production. Make it in triplicate Sao you can serve the manager. , the owners of the store for negligence and the third very special one directly to the cashier where you are suing her for defamation and fraudulent misrepresentation of material fact to intentionally damage another individual. The cherry on top will be a pair of 998 letters (a settlement letter) that tells the store and the manager who's being sued that you dismiss the case with prejudice if they give you 30,000 and fire the cashier. Here will simply say you'll dismiss the suit against her if she resigns from her job. If they try and take it to the judge for a msj (sudden death where the judge either dismisses the case or let's it continue ) you'll be fine since your demand for production will exonerate you and point to a clear case in your favor. They'll settle with you trust me. Then from there quit your job and live happily on the 30,000 dollars you just made and take a vacation for a few months.

So you have a pair of options right there.

If it isn't documented it didn't happen. You need to get copies of all the reports against her you've made and make a report that the sexual harrassment claim was retaliation.

Only after you have this paper trail do you complain that she's creating a bad work environment. This needs to go to your company's 800 number or HR. There should be signs in the break room telling you what that specific company has in place.

Also you may consider taking a restraining order out against her. This would require that she not speak to you at all. You may want to do this before she does because it could cost her the job with the company having to play games with her.