Addictions Are A Choice You Make

I realize that some of you will find this difficult to swallow and will even become defensive about what I have suggested here, but I speak from the heart and experience. Nothing about this is easy to accept or deal with when it is you doing the dealing; it all starts with a choice and that is yours to make.

Allowing yourself to be addicted to anything is a choice. Claiming to be an addict is a cop-out. Having a built in excuse to continue addictive behavior is how addictions are allowed to fester. Groups out there with 12 step programs designed to help you cope with addictions are crutches.

How can you stop being addicted to something? You have to make a decision to not allow whatever you are addicted to the power to control you. There are many things we can be overindulgent with and each and every one of them are our choice.

They claim that many drugs are addictive. They are saying you have absolutely no control over your own choices. That is a cop-out. Plain and simple, if it feels good we want to do it as often as we can. If it helps us to forget painful memories or if it alleviates stress, we will do it.

There are way to many people who have addictive behavior that use that as an excuse to get away with bad decisions. The real problem is not the supposed addiction, but the lack of ability to cope with everyday problems and allowing ourselves to be consumed by traumatic circumstances.

Life is full of challenges to overcome. Being an addict is used as a coping mechanism and deviates attention from the real problem. Taking responsibility for behavior patterns such as overeating, alcohol consumption, drug induction, sexual preferences or any other all encompassing manic tendencies is a choice.

Some behaviors would be acceptable with a balance as long as those behaviors did not endanger the lives of others or yourself, but even the ones that would not harm others, if they are addictive, they can be harmful to us. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and spiritually, any addictive behavior can become self-destructive.

We have all heard the way court cases are manipulated by lawyers that come to the defense of their clients by infusing tactics designed to garner sympathy from unsuspecting juries that their clients are not really responsible for their actions because they were abused as children.

I was abused and I have managed to not let that turn me into a deviate. How? Because I chose to not let my abuse control me. I chose to not use it as an excuse for deplorable behavior. Just because I was forced to deal with unconscionable actions of another at my expense, does not give me carte blanch to do that to others or to wallow in self pity to the point of self destructive tendencies with addictions to drugs or alcohol.

I realize not all humans are capable of making this self determination, but we as a society have made it easy for the pity party to continue by pandering and enabling those with behavioral issues. The psychology profession has made it possible to continue these self destructive addictive behaviors by giving all that have them the perfect excuses.

Insane thoughts happen to all of us and we decide what to do with them, not some addiction or past experience that was humiliating and gives us a built in excuse. Recently there was a case where a woman killed a pedophile and she was applauded by many for her actions, me included. I admit I felt a certain jealousy towards her for having the gumption to do something I have dreamed of; killing my abuser.

My reasons for doing so were not purely selfish either, I wished I could have prevented the person who abused me from inflicting their behavior on others. I did what I could legally, but it was futile. I went to the jurisdiction they fled to and even had an opportunity to confront them and at the time I made a decision, me, it was my choice, I did what I considered at the time to be the easy choice, I chickened out.

I was very hard on myself for this choice, I was despondent and overcome with guilt for having not ended that persons reign of terror on other children, but what I did not do was fall into a self destructive frame of mind to the point where I allowed myself to be destroyed by addictions to drugs or alcohol.

I made another choice, I decided that this person had already robbed me of my innocence and caused me a great deal of pain and that I was not willing to give them any more power over my life. I went back home and looked for other ways I could attack the problem. I wrote a letter and addressed it to the religious leaders of that area and I mailed a copy to over 1000 congregations alerting them to this persons behavior and how I was abused by them. I implored them all to be vigilant, not just about my abuser but to all who exhibited unnecessary attention on the children in their congregations.

There were members of my congregation that had an idea something was not right, but they were hesitant to get involved for fear of repercussions and not wanting to ruin someone’s reputation without hard proof or evidence. Did I ever become addicted to drugs or alcohol as a result of my abuse? Yes, I did. Why?

For many years as a teenager and young adult, I was not aware that I had been actually abused, I never remembered the initial contact, only that I had a relationship with this person. So, my behavior to me was because of something I did not something that was done to me. It took me many years to realize what had happened and all the self destructive behavior was a result of me not understanding the ramifications of the impact my abuser had on me.

I guess what I really want to get across to those with addictions, is that using traumatic experiences as an excuse does absolutely nothing to help overcome the trauma inflicted, it will only hide it and force it deeper. Because of the stigma attached by society with regard to certain abusive behavior, I withdrew and refrained from confronting the issue when it happened. The abused are often blamed for the abusers actions because they asked for it, they allowed it to happen or the abuser has a built in defense that they were abused and therefore it was a learned behavior.

We all have the ability to make choices and using our own abuse as an excuse to abuse others is unfair to those of us that managed to not carry on those actions; I do not care if I was abused, it does not give me the right to abuse others, I have a choice and it begins with me.

Having addictions or addictive behavior is my choice, it is your choice, make a choice to not be addicted, make a choice to take control and responsibility for your own actions and if there are consequences for those actions then accept them too and quit using cop-outs as an excuse to get away with them.

You do not need a 12 step program to stop being addicted, you do not need a psychological examination with years of therapy and drugs to cope, what you need is you and only you, to believe in yourself and allow yourself to deal with the pain and anger and hatred, in your own time and space, to forgive yourself and take responsibility for your own behavior, recognize the difference between what was done to you and what you allowed to be done, what you had control over and what you did not, find the strength within you to overcome. Let your higher power guide you, but take responsibility for your own actions and inactions.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

I don't think it is as black and white as that.

I have issue with calling it a disease, but there is something more about it. It is about an obsession in some cases.

Agreed that if you want to get out of it, it is a choice that you have to make. Which is why I take issue with the 12 step program as step one is admitting that you are powerless.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Most addictive behavior is not related to either physical tolerance or exposure to cues (An alcoholic walking into a bar for example will feel a pull to drink). People compulsively use drugs, gamble, or shop nearly always in reaction to being emotionally stressed, whether or not they have a physical addiction.

Since these psychologically based addictions are not based on drug or brain effects, they can account for why people frequently switch addictive actions from one drug to a completely different kind of drug, or even to a non-drug behaviour.

The focus of the addiction isn't what matters; it's the need to take action under certain kinds of stress. Treating this kind of addiction requires an understanding of how it works psychologically.

When referring to any kind of addiction, it is important to recognize that its cause is not simply a search for pleasure and that addiction has nothing to do with one's morality or strength of character.

Experts debate whether addiction is a "disease" or a true mental illness, whether drug dependence and addiction mean the same thing, and many other aspects of addiction. Such debates are not likely to be resolved soon. But the lack of resolution does not preclude effective treatment.

So it's a choice of how to react to the stresses in your life

IMHO

Cody

Another "It was this way for me so it must be this way for everyone else in the entire world" thread.

self-right·eous
adjective
having or characterized by a certainty, especially an unfounded one, that one is totally correct or morally superior.

OP, I'm not sure what the purpose of your post is, but addiction is a complex problem. If resolving it were just a matter of addicts pulling themselves up by the bootstraps and making a decision "not to be addicted" then we'd see far fewer of them. While I do agree that addiction is at some point, a choice, many people in the throes of addiction feel that they have no choice in the matter.

And, while I also disagree with the AA practice of beginning with an admission of powerlessness, there are other parts of traditional 12-step programs like peer support and accountability that actually do help people. Online groups like My Way Out offer such support without the stigma or legalism of AA.

Yes, one must get to the underlying root cause of trauma and inability to deal with pain in daily life in order to completely get over addiction, but if you're an addict who's out there reading this, use absolutely any tool or approach that works for you. What's right for one person at one moment might not be best for your situation. The important thing is to not give up on yourself.

a reply to: graceunderpressure

Hi mum

Long time no see

but if you're an addict who's out there reading this, use absolutely any tool or approach that works for you. What's right for one person at one moment might not be best for your situation. The important thing is to not give up on yourself.

Very wise words, and I'd like to reinforce the point

If you are an addict, do NOT give up on yourself.

If you feel the world has given up on you, we haven't. we're just waiting for you to realise that.

Cody

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

While you paint a black and white picture of addiction, the issue is more complicated than that. How do I know? I'm a non-drinking alcoholic. Been dry for over 20 years, without a 12 step program. Been off of drugs for about the same amount of time. I also know that I have addictive behavior issues, I go full force with anything until I burn myself out on it.

The grey area is that in order for me to quit one addictive behavior, another must me substituted for it. Why? Because that's how my mind works. I can't shut off the compulsive behavior that makes me do it...unless I were to opt for drugs, which I refuse to do.

So even if addiction is black and white to you, there are many others of us here, for which it is entirely greyscale.

OP all the addicts are scrunching their faces. The mind is more powerful than most give credit for.

Stating anything makes you powerless just writes into your subconscious that you are. If you keep on being what you've always been then you keep on doing what you've always done. Change your friends, habits, environment. It takes a lot of effort to beat addiction...and the lazy nature of society really promotes the existing addiction narrative...

Won't disagree.

I choose to drink and smoke and don't plan on quitting.

I enjoy it. Good enough reason for me to keep doing it. Having little/nothing to lose also makes the decision that much easier.

Also very true what others are saying one addiction gets replaced with another.

My old friend used to be addicted to cigarettes. He moved on the heroin, then he got clean from that and is now addicted to work, exercise, and bad tattoos. Guess he never dropped his addiction to easy sex.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

It takes a lot of moxie to reveal ones pain for all to see.

Respect.

I feel most people are unaware of making a choice that negatively affects them. We're just trying to survive the challenges existing brings.

A quote by Nietzche:

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

I don't think all addictions are as clear cut as being a choice you make. I think if you are taking about someone who becomes addicted to heroine then you may have a point. Most people are told of the dangers of heroine and how even after taking once it is almost impossible to get off, so maybe such things as that are an option in the beginning.. Someone is making the choice to try that drug although they know the dangers.

However, I think addiction to alcohol isn't always a choice. My eldest sister is an alcoholic and I have seen her lose everything to drink. Did she choose to become an alcoholic, I don't believe she did.

My sister was one of the kindest, most caring, funny, human beings you could ever meet. I talk about her in the past tense as though she has died because that is it how it feels. I'm crying just typing this.

She married at 25, had a husband with a good job, had her first baby at 26 and was just a natural mother, she adored being a mother. She went on to have two other children. It was when she had her third child that very slowly she began to change. She was tearful, became a bit paranoid and I did notice when I visited she was having an odd glass of wine in the evening. Eventually a couple of years down the line my mum visited her (we live in North England, she lived in South) and she was telling my mum the house was bugged and whispering. The GP was called and he said she had had a nervous breakdown, they thought it had been bought on by post-natal depression that hadn't been recognised. She was put on tablets and seemed to get slightly better, but she was having a few more glasses of wine each evening. Fast forward 10 years later. Her children were all grown up now. My eldest nephew was at Christchurch, Oxford studying law, my niece at Cambridge and my nephew at York. Her drinking by now was off the wall Her husband had left because he couldn't cope no more. As a family we did everything to get her the help from mental health workers but they said they couldn't section her because she had to be sober to be assessed. She eventually lost her home and was found wondering around the streets in her nightie confused and disorientated. She was then sectioned for 6 months but every day went out for the day to the pub and went back at 6.00pm. She found a flat and seemed to be getting better but once again lost her home because of drink. She then came up North where we got her sectioned again. They said they thought she drank to self-medicate. She was the best I had seen her at that point but at the same time my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and when he died she just completely lost the plot. My mum, myself and my sister have never seen her since that day almost 4 years ago.

In between my eldest nephew is now a Barrister in London he has had three children whom she has never seen because he can't arrange to meet her because she is homeless in Bath. My other nephew is an accountant in London who spends weekends going to Bath to search for her and report her missing to Police and my niece a Secondary School Teacher hasn't had a mum for 4 years.

Do I think my sister made a choice to become an alcoholic absolutely not. I think she started having a glass of wine in the evening as a lot of people do to unwind and unbeknown to us (her family) started feeling more and more out of touch with reality, so she drank to self-medicate. By the time it had started affecting her relationships and whole wellbeing she was too far gone. Drink comes before everything. She adored my dad, idolised him even, he was a true gentleman who believed females should be ladies. On the day of his funeral she had already finished off a bottle of brandy before the service and didn't even come in to the service, she went to the pub instead. He would have been devastated to see her.

So no I don't think addictions are always an option. There is another story I could tell but I've waffled too long here. I just don't think addictions are quite as black and white as you have assumed.

a reply to: anxiouswens

All you say may be true, but no one forced her to take that first drink or to keep drinking. Me, I'm a smoker. I know it's my fault for becoming addicted. I know what people go through with addictions, but the OP is right, when you boil it all down, it's our own fault

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

By the length and repetition in your OP; I can tell that you are addicted to the sound of your own voice and your erroneous opinions. It's a tough habit to break, eh?


www.webmd.com...

a reply to: olaru12I was going to give you a star but then realised I don't know how to do it?

originally posted by: mymymy
a reply to: anxiouswens

All you say may be true, but no one forced her to take that first drink or to keep drinking. Me, I'm a smoker. I know it's my fault for becoming addicted. I know what people go through with addictions, but the OP is right, when you boil it all down, it's our own fault

There is a difference being physically addicted to cigarettes and having a spiritual malady that is the true dilemma of alcoholism.

At some point, a person that is (born) alcoholic crosses a point of no return, an invisible line. From that point on, they have no choice. It is not something they knowingly do or have anyway of knowing would happen to them. Alcohol can work for years and years and then one day, it is off to the miserably dark and lonely existence few will ever know. You know why? Most people are not alcoholic. Most people that party hard can wake up one day and say "enough" and walk away. If you are an alcoholic, that day will not come, not in that way.

To say it is a choice is naive and dangerous for the ones reading that may be struggling with addiction...believing themselves to be weak-minded. It's not a sign of weakness, it is an actual REAL thing.

a reply to: anxiouswens

I understand the pain here and think it's great you shared this.

Peace to you and your family.

a reply to: raedarThank you x

The difference between a natural predisposition to being drawn to & relying on substances, and an acquired one through experimentation/choice doesn't mean you get to spit on the latter & be a prick about it.

I know some people addicted to chocolate, one even gets the shakes if she can't get her chocolate fix. I'm not fond of chocolate, I borderline hate it (I don't find the taste appealing at all) I don't have a predisposition for wanting it, nor have I acquired a physiological need for it. Same goes for sugar, caffeine, salt, etc. I've never craved booze or anything illicit (ONE hangover cured me of ever wanting to dance with hangovers again) The only thing I've had an addiction to was/is nicotine, and I'm weaning off that through e-cigs.

It's not just a simple matter of "Hurr durr, you stupid!" It's physiological, which is the case for MANY dependencies. You cannot expect an alcoholic to put down the sauce & not hit it again. it doesn't work like that. Their body believes it needs the alcohol to survive, withdrawal reinforces that mentally for them. My recovered alcoholic husband explained this as a cycle where the body's responses overpower the brain's common sense & the cycle starts over in a twisted lie of self-preservation that's killing you. It takes A LOT of willpower for him to get a small bottle of rum once in a while, and not go back for bigger ones. He's won, if you will, the battle of mind over matter here, but it's very difficult for many others. Apply this to drug addicts, and you understand & sympathize with them more clearly.

This is a very dangerous post. Especially if someone with a addiction reads this. Youre implying that an addiction is simply a choice of yes or no. Its not that easy. For some, like yourself, im sure this how you crawled out of the darkness of addiction. Yet for most its not that simple. Yes they must challenge themselves and most of it is on them. but its not so black and white. Because for most with a addiction have mental issues such as bi-polar, depression, anxiety and so on. And once these people start develop these illness's there brain chemistry and wiring change. Making them more susceptible to an addiction. The addiction such as alcohol for instance is a depressant that provides oxytocin and other feel good chemicals in your brain, but also provide the chemicals that cloud your mind and leave you with less energy and clarity. They go hand and hand, plain and simple. So blatantly telling people who have struggled for years that all they have to do is man up and its all on them is just plain ignorant. Obviously you havent learned from your ordeal, for the lack of compassion for others suffering from what you evidently just up and quit. Dangerous for someone who might be struggling, reading your post, and thinking that there different and not good enough to quit. An addiction is quit with understanding, love, support, and a reaffirming that there not alone. Please for the sake of the past you have had and the person who has gone threw suffering to change your ideals on this subject. You can help. Instead of judgement show love.