So what did the Bison say to his kid when he left for college?

Two atoms are sitting in a bar.
One says, "OMG! I've lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you positive?"

a reply to: N3k9Ni

The bartender says, "you do look a little unstable".

a reply to: greencmp

One ion says to the other ion, "don't be so negative all the time. Look at me, I'm always positive".

When God told the animals to go forth and multiply, a pair of snakes rose up to protest.
"Please sir", they complained, "We can't multiply. We're adders".

But God had an answer to everything.
He told them to use logs.

(Thank you Mr.Makin, our Maths teacher)

A guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't try to start anything."

a reply to: N3k9Ni

"is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?"

a reply to: greencmp

Nice to find someone that appreciates my humor.

a reply to: N3k9Ni

Entropy isn’t what it used to be.

a reply to: greencmp

I'm indifferent about apathy.

There are three kinds of people in this world. Those that can count and those that can't.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

I named my band 999 Megabytes. We are still looking for a gig.

a reply to: N3k9Ni

I have mixed feelings about ambivalence.

a reply to: ColeYounger

Well, I can resist anything but temptation. So there.

Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Didn't you see the sign on the door? We do not serve noble gases"
Argon did not react.

Snowman says to snowman
I smell carrots

Nostalgia - it's not what it used to be..

That's the trouble with setting up libraries in the African jungle.
People have to read between the lions.

a reply to: muse7

i love animal jokes....here's mine....

a giraffe walks into a bar
the bartender asks "hey buddy you want a long neck?"
the giraffe replies "i didn't know i had a choice"

a reply to: N3k9Ni

"A mugger just practices freelance politics."

"Politicians are wonderful people, so long as they don't meddle in things
they don't understand -- such as working for a living."

-P.J. O'Rourke

A Seal walks into a club

i used to be indecisive, but now, i'm not so sure.

i'd be more lethargic if i weren't so apathetic.

what's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.

what's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
f.

the bartender says, "i'm sorry we don’t serve time travelers in here.”
a time traveler walks into a bar.