Whats your biggest regret in life so far?.

I regret being the shy and retiring type with the opposite sex, through my college and university days and twenties. II should have been more confident and not let others make me feel less so. I should have enjoyed myself more as a young whipper snapper, but never mind. That's just life.

I regret loosing a good chunk of my imagination. I used to be able to play pretend or "make believe" with toys and junk as a kid and get lost for hours in fanasty worls in my mind. I have no idea how to do that anymore for the most part. It makes me really, really sad.

Yeah, I regret now working hard to keep my imagination strong into adulthood.

If you still have a bit of yours left, don't let the pressures of growing into adulthood sqash it. Practice it, keep it -- don't trade it for a cubicle and and a parking spot in the company parking lot.

Keep that imagination alive at all costs if you can. There are some things money can't ever buy -- and that is one of them.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

Take up any form of art as a hobby. Once you get past the fear of "making something sucky", your imagination will increase dramatically.

As for the OP:

I don't linger on past missteps because they helped me become who I am today. But there are many things that I would do differently if I had the chance b/c I'm opportunistic.

The one that sticks out the most was my first true love. We were in college & she was literally the perfect match for me. Everything I wanted in a woman plus a lot of great features I hadn't even thought about. Unfortunately, I was an arrogant, power hungry heathen lol. She was a mature, God fearing woman while I was always out in the streets, trying to make as much money as possible (underground entertainment biz, not "that").

She was patient w/me & slowly showed me how to be a man... But it backfired lol. I realized I wasn't nearly good enough for her, so I became even more power hungry, hoping I could build myself into the kind of mogul who would be worthy of her. Obviously that approach didn't work or I wouldn't be writing this. The only part I really regret was how I missed the most obvious stuff. All I had to do is give her attention & be supportive and it would've worked out.

a reply to: boymonkey74

Being unable to finish my pHD because I switched countries.

a reply to: valiant

I don't know if you are a parent yet or not, but being one (a mother especially) can I tell you that you should not feel guilty unless you went above and beyond to be super evil with your mother? Moms know how you really feel and understand completely those times when you aren't around enough, blow up, say things you don't mean etc. It's part of growing up and as moms we not only understand it, but we accept/expect it as part of what it takes for you to garner enough courage and know how to leave us and make your own way into the world.

If you did not do that then we would definitely feel like we had done something wrong IMO.

So please... Know that she knew. She just did. It's what mothers do. She certainly wouldn't want you to carry such a burden around for the rest of your days. She would want you to carry on with your life and the proof of that can be found in every day of your life that she was guiding you.

I hope that I do not offend. Hopefully you will find some small measure of peace through this.

Biggest regret. Hmm.

I have two. That I didn't learn about Christianity earlier than I did.

Second, made friends with a guy who I spent 22 years growing up with for him to deteriorate on drugs into a schizophrenic nightmare, he later tried to kill me. Now I live in fear of ever seeing him again as the 'system' wouldn't put him away and he's still on drugs.

I regret collecting stuff - books, videos, DVDs, Action Figures, cult magazines etc. etc. et bloody cetera.

I am having a massive clear out at the moment and it's overwhelming. I'm isolated in the country, it's not easy to get stuff to where it can do any good. Yesterday I managed to give away 15 books out of several hundred

People don't really want books any more, or videos. All those things I spent a fortune on and treasured - it's obsolete. The books will end up being sold for a pittance and recycled. The videos will be destroyed and probably go to landfill. I know because I did some voluntary work in the office of a local recycling charity.

I just feel overwhelmed by the weight of it and worried about it not doing any good for anybody.

Plus there is a load of personal stuff that should have been got rid of years ago.

If anybody wants my advice - keep it light. Don't amass stuff - it eventually becomes a burden. Use your money wisely

Letting other people's expectations limit what I thought was possible. That's definitely the biggest one. Also, taking advice from people with no experience in whatever it was I was thinking of doing.

Not buying a house when I had the chance; in my 50s now and too old for a mortgage, plus the property market is nowhere near as robust as it was back in the day.

Idiot.

Drinking a full bottle of westons cider last night...

My biggest regret is taking so long to figure out what career I wanted to have. I didn't start my current career until I was 35. I feel like there are a lot of "lost wages" in my life between the ages of 25-35 when I worked so many low-wage jobs.

Sal

a reply to: boymonkey74

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I don't have kids no, and I was never bad to her, very much the opposite, I was the youngest in the family, she had me at 44, so I was just naturally very very close to her.
I just can't let go of the guilt I feel though, I never got to say goodbye, face to face, I just whispered how much I loved her, into her ear as she was unconscious in the hospital bed, then I walked out because I couldn't handle seeing her lying there, waiting for her last breath, I was such a mess I didn't go to her funeral, I just couldn't handle it!

Actually upsetting typing this, hard! apologies if this comes across as a 'all about me' post! and thank you very much for your kind reply!

Great thing about regrets,
You can just throw them away.
Never look back to fret,
And start living life like its your last day.

Just do it.

a reply to: boymonkey74

My biggest regret is that my wife and I did not realize that our son had Asperger's Syndrome until he was 10 years old.

That meant that for 10 years of his life, we were assuming that every behavioral issue that he had could be handled like most parents do with non-Aspy kids, and it messed with is self-esteem quite a bit, not to mention the way public schools (before we started homeschooling) would punish him for things that he couldn't control.

I just wish that I understood that aspect of who he was much, much earlier for his own sake. Makes me sad just thinking about it.

And no, I'm not talking about massive spankings and scream fests, but just expecting that he can control behavioral things that he can't and then him feeling incapable because of it--it's the emotional toll that it took on him for the first decade of his life.

When I was twelve years of age I bullied a kid that was dying of cancer. He was the only kid in school who was allowed to wear a hat. I knocked it off of his head in the lunch line and embarrassed him in front of others.

I'm now 37 and still think about it regularly. I really do wish I could somehow apologize for my actions. Now that I am older I know several people who have been through cancer treatment and have a much better understanding of what he was going through.

All I have been able to do is tell the story to my son and explain how I still carry the shame to this day.

Opening this thread...

But seriously there are things I could regret like passing on some relationships or turning down a very high paying job offer or not heavily pursuing an acting career when I was younger and ran in some different circles. I could moan about money pissed away over the years or not buying a drumset and getting in a band especially when I was running in different circles.

But it is those life experiences that make us who we are. I mean, I probably never would have came on ATS let alone joined had a series of events been different. Heck, I can think of one girl that had I moved to Nashville to be with then I wouldn't have been able to help my parents out when Dad lost his job in 1993. My job didn't pay Jack back then but they knew what I was doing and gave me a $100/week raise to help out. Then they cut me back to an hourly job after Dad found a job in Ohio and it was only a matter of selling the house before we would move back here.

Idk, I have been from one end of the spectrum to the other in my lifetime so far. I have been invited to a dinner as a guest of the Republican Party with soon to be VP Quayle as the guest of honor and a month or so later was introduced and spoke with then VP Bush when I was all of seventeen. I have also lived without electricity for about eight months because it was far more important to have money for food than to pay $150 to turn power back on. Because electric is useless if you are dead. Although that too is a positive albeit humbling experience because I now know what I can withstand if push came to shove and the old S happens to HTF. Needless to say I can now pinch a penny and make old Lincoln's eyes bleed.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda has nothing on did and done. So I can say while there may be a small regret here or there, it isn't anything I would have to go in a time machine to correct. In December it will be 45 years down and I can't wait to see what the next 45 have in store. Sure, I would like to buy me a bit of land and build a log cabin with my own two hands to live in. But I am not going to cry if it doesn't happen. Who knows, maybe I will hook up with Carmen Electra in a year or so. Stranger things have happened before.

originally posted by: Galadriel
If you are in the UK and posting now, isn't it like 4 in the morning or something? Maybe time to sleep?

I feel your pain about the what if's about that bike accident. I have a similar regret. If I had let my husband come back home during his recovery from addiction, he wouldn't have been on the bike and died in the accident. If only....

So, you have my empathy from across the pond my friend.

I was close to an addict and know what they can put you through. If we sat and swapped hair-raising stories we'd probably have enough to keep us going for a month.

They still come with baggage, even during and after rehab and I think you made the best decision you could for yourself at the time.

My friend absconded from rehab and spent a week with me just over a year ago. He'd been de-toxed and was in the mood to talk, having had some therapy and having the error of his ways explained to him. So he confessed to all the things that he'd done behind my back (most of which I'd already guessed). I was pretty much inured to it after so much experience but there were still a couple of things that left me reeling - he told me about drug accidents that had nearly killed him. I sat there with a straight face and listened to it all and then had to process it by myself. He went back to rehab, with a lot of urging and enabling from me, and had the luxury of more therapy. I think he's doing well now, but he's not been in touch for a while. I've been ill for several months and, now it's me who needs the help and support, he's nowhere to be seen. As usual, his problems and needs outweigh mine.

In your husband's case, I think some people just hit the self-destruct button and if they lose one way out, they simply find another.

Either way, they cause devastation to their friends and loved ones and none of us can be blamed for trying to protect ourselves from them or their behaviour. Our needs, so I've found, will never be top priority because selfishness seems to be a large part of an addict's make-up. Please accept that your decision had no bearing on what happened. It was his choices and decisions that brought him to where he was. They always do exactly what they want to do at the time, with no thought for the consequences to other people.


ETA - if anything in this post is (unintentionally) insensitive or seen as thread de-railing, I will ask a mod to delete it.

a reply to: boymonkey74

I regret...

Pining after a girl that never wanted a boyfriend at Prom, when another one clearly wanted me to stay there with her. Also regret that I wasn't there for this person as a friend should be, and now she's run off and not talking to any of us

Not being there the day my dog died; no offense to my cat, but no animal can fill the void that dog left in me.

Going to a tech school for my degree (and to think, had I not gone, I could be debt free, and still making about as much as I do now).

Not ending my last relationship sooner (I think I would have been more happy had I done so).

-foss

originally posted by: boymonkey74
Drinking a full bottle of westons cider last night...

Poor guy. Did it make your head feel bloated or did everything come back up?