Advice about toxic coworkers?

a reply to: Revolution9

It's a hard thing to be told that you're 'too sensitive' as if there is some sort of sensitivity meter, easily accessible by just about anyone, that can be used to accurately determine how sensitive a person is and if they fall within the band of 'normal'.

What about 'only you would be upset by something like that' ?

People won't or don't want to admit it when they've upset someone else. It always has to be the victim's fault for being 'too sensitive'.

I learnt to put a paper bag over my head and ignore other people's silly opinions and behaviour. I learnt that when you go to work, you have no emotions. You have to develop a work persona and switch it on before you enter the premises.

It's a difficult thing to do, but something I could perfect when I just had one person to deal with.

I don't really need people all that much, which is just as well because some I won't put up with at all and others only if there is absolutely no other option. Guess who spends a lot of time by themselves

It's a true saying that the best revenge is to live well. If you are well and happy now, try and let the past go. It's what led or drove you to your current position - so not all bad.

It is a big problem for adult men, but adult men have to keep up the manly thing and not talk about their feelings until they do something stupid.

So who is to blame for the suicide? The bully or the one who is too manly to speak out?

a reply to: berenike

Well I would much rather deal with gentle people like you than all that nastiness. That is why I get so angry, because this happens to the very people who do not deserve it.

OMG! I don't like to read that you go through this. It does upset me to know of it.

I hope you can be happy enough at work and keep up that persona. I'm just one of those too dramatic people that can't keep up any kind of act. I just have to speak what I am feeling and thinking (within polite boundaries) wherever possible.

Someone's anger I can take. Criticism I can take. Abandonment I can take. Bullying on a day to day basis would drive me insane very quickly.

Those articles I posted are sooo right. It really is that serious and it really does have worse consequences than neglect. I just proved that above.

My family are so useless they are a waste of time. They have done exactly the same thing to me as co workers would have done. They just don't get it that the only choice we have is to be who we are.

Just know that anything you may go through as a result of your sensitivity is NOT your doing. It is because the world is so aggressive and cruel and even governments know we need to transform society now. It is a work in progress my friend and I think we will see improvements in the future. I'll not shake from raving on about this and using my life as a protest. That is what I do right now.

originally posted by: Itisnowagain

It is a big problem for adult men, but adult men have to keep up the manly thing and not talk about their feelings until they do something stupid.

So who is to blame for the suicide? The bully or the one who is too manly to speak out?

In Britain it is middle aged men at the highest risk of suicide more than any other group.

I have observed it a few times. They guys would not tell anyone what they were going through. I'm not like that. I am open all the time and blab my mouth off and expose myself. I don't really worry too much what anyone thinks about me these days. It is their problem, not mine, lol.

If someone drops a tea cup and it smashes, who is to blame? That is your answer.

a reply to: Revolution9

" and your judgment already is starting to do my brain in, lol. Hence why it is best that you do not spend 8 hours a day locked in a room with me.

it was not my doing nor my will.

After too much of that # I quit for good. Their behaviour has cost the tax payer rather a lot of cash these last 11 years! It is my revenge. I always have the last laugh, I insist upon it.

They starved me at one time for it until they saw how DEADLY serious I was".

As you can see I have read through your posts and just picked out examples of why I thoroughly disagree with your attitude. I don't think you are the average victim of bullying. Many of them sadly commit suicide or have no fight left in them and need years of therapy to rebuild their confidence - but you are proud you have survived and taken revenge.

From the above I see you accept no responsibility for your own actions and infer you could be violent to others yourself.

You have terrific determination to make your point - even to the boast of nearly starving yourself. Your no weakling, just determined to get your own way. In fact you show an ability to survive and revel sneering at people who work through difficult circumstances because they can't afford not to. (which I am not saying is right, their manager should deal with this sort of problem). From what you have written you appear passively aggressive towards others and perhaps its that which is at the root of your experiences.

I agree with you on the principle of bullying completely and appreciate fully the sentiments you express but as a therapist perhaps you haven't finished processing your experiences. No offence intended towards you just replying back to you. You will also notice I haven't criticised or judged you on being unable to work etc.

originally posted by: Revolution9
They guys would not tell anyone what they were going through. I'm not like that. I am open all the time and blab my mouth off and expose myself. I don't really worry too much what anyone thinks about me these days. It is their problem, not mine, lol.

It is not your problem - it sounds like not working for you is what you want! Result!
But if you want to work then it is your problem.

Did you ever write a letter to the person who could help you? Maybe HR? Or did you just blab your mouth off with no real direction? Who did you expose yourself to?

Speaking to the right people can get results but speaking to the wrong people will just make more mess.

originally posted by: Itisnowagain

originally posted by: Revolution9
They guys would not tell anyone what they were going through. I'm not like that. I am open all the time and blab my mouth off and expose myself. I don't really worry too much what anyone thinks about me these days. It is their problem, not mine, lol.

It is not your problem - it sounds like not working for you is what you want! Result!
But if you want to work then it is your problem.

Did you ever write a letter to the person who could help you? Maybe HR? Or did you just blab your mouth off with no real direction? Who did you expose yourself to?

Speaking to the right people can get results but speaking to the wrong people will just make more mess.

Where I live there is no-one to help. Inundated and underfunded services, family more interested in money and keeping up appearances than love. Living in a very conservative practically single race place being half another race. To them I am just a crazy hippy who they can ignore.

It is horrible to be a bright and academic person in a trap like this I tell you. However, I am a hardened survivor now.

My problem is not even about money. There are much worse things going on than that.

a reply to: Revolution9
When you were at work before you quit, did you ever write a letter to the person who could help you? Maybe HR? Or did you just blab your mouth off with no real direction? Who did you expose yourself to?

originally posted by: Shiloh7
a reply to: Revolution9

" and your judgment already is starting to do my brain in, lol. Hence why it is best that you do not spend 8 hours a day locked in a room with me.

it was not my doing nor my will.

After too much of that # I quit for good. Their behaviour has cost the tax payer rather a lot of cash these last 11 years! It is my revenge. I always have the last laugh, I insist upon it.

They starved me at one time for it until they saw how DEADLY serious I was".

As you can see I have read through your posts and just picked out examples of why I thoroughly disagree with your attitude. I don't think you are the average victim of bullying. Many of them sadly commit suicide or have no fight left in them and need years of therapy to rebuild their confidence - but you are proud you have survived and taken revenge.

From the above I see you accept no responsibility for your own actions and infer you could be violent to others yourself.

You have terrific determination to make your point - even to the boast of nearly starving yourself. Your no weakling, just determined to get your own way. In fact you show an ability to survive and revel sneering at people who work through difficult circumstances because they can't afford not to. (which I am not saying is right, their manager should deal with this sort of problem). From what you have written you appear passively aggressive towards others and perhaps its that which is at the root of your experiences.

I agree with you on the principle of bullying completely and appreciate fully the sentiments you express but as a therapist perhaps you haven't finished processing your experiences. No offence intended towards you just replying back to you. You will also notice I haven't criticised or judged you on being unable to work etc.

Well if that is what you think. I take full responsibility for my actions. I don't have a criminal record and have never been in trouble with the police. I don't use violence and never have. I am not actually physically capable of hurting anyone, lol, as I am too skinny, weighing only 9 stone.

I was a very responsible person indeed. I did care work and nursing for many years. You have judged a stranger. There is plenty of judgement in your post.

"From the above I see you accept no responsibility for your own actions and infer you could be violent to others yourself." (is a judgement and I have showed you that I am completely non violent.)

You actually have SLANDERED me there. That is well below the belt and I think you are one of the people who I don't want to be anywhere near EVER again.

Passive aggressive is just another trendy term floating around with all the others. If it is useful to you to put labels on everything carry on.

Notice on ATS that I am always polite to people. I have only ever had one single post removed in the last 3 years. That is how aggressive I am.

Who is sneering? You who tries even to slander my reputation in public, making a judgement that I am somehow violent, or me for having just one laugh for the misery people like you caused for me year after year.

This is real and it is not going away.

How dare you say I am violent or aggressive. I am assertive and you are attempting to bully me in public making an accusation that is entirely FALSE and the very opposite of who I am.

Look at my history on ATS and see that I am actually anti violence. There is four years worth of it.

That was a nasty trick you tried to play. Next round of the slagging match instead of dealing with the what the thread is about.

lots of love from little princess.

a reply to: Revolution9

Thanks

I'm fine - out of it all now after a stroke of good fortune.

I could get some fun out of my last job. The boss and I shared a similar sense of humour. One day, though, I'd been very badly upset and was sitting at my desk absolutely seething. Then I heard a shriek from outside.

The boss had fallen into the pond Not as far as I would have liked, but it cheered me up and got me through the rest of the day.

Some times you just have to make the most of the good stuff.

originally posted by: Itisnowagain
a reply to: Revolution9
When you were at work before you quit, did you ever write a letter to the person who could help you? Maybe HR? Or did you just blab your mouth off with no real direction? Who did you expose yourself to?

I don't even know what HR is?

In the UK all we have is the union if we are a member and most of the time they are absolutely useless. Legal Aid has practically been axed here. The authorities know full well what happened to me. That is why I get welfare now because I fully meet the criteria and they accept that I am not able to work.

I was willing to starve because I was very sad and unhappy and was not really that bothered with living. I'm still not really. It is very boring and cruel the way people live. I just hang around trying to have a bit of fun, but I can take it or leave it, be sure of that.

originally posted by: alienjuggalo
a reply to: Look2theSacredHeart

Find a new job.

Gotta agree with this. If you get on with your co workers, it becomes less like work more like hanging out with friends, my favourite job was badly paid, but I got on with my work mates so well, it just became fun not work

originally posted by: berenike
a reply to: Revolution9

Thanks

I'm fine - out of it all now after a stroke of good fortune.

I could get some fun out of my last job. The boss and I shared a similar sense of humour. One day, though, I'd been very badly upset and was sitting at my desk absolutely seething. Then I heard a shriek from outside.

The boss had fallen into the pond

Not as far as I would have liked, but it cheered me up and got me through the rest of the day.

Some times you just have to make the most of the good stuff.

I'm sorry I was not sneering at people. I do respect people very much, but I just felt very verbally annoyed and this thread has brought back some awful memories. I just needed to make a point. With me it is all drama.

I'm not going to reveal the things that happened to me to anybody here. It is too shocking.

originally posted by: woodwardjnr

originally posted by: alienjuggalo
a reply to: Look2theSacredHeart

Find a new job.

Gotta agree with this. If you get on with your co workers, it becomes less like work more like hanging out with friends, my favourite job was badly paid, but I got on with my work mates so well, it just became fun not work

You are very lucky if you have that. How about telling us what you think about people who experience "toxicity" among their co workers, because that is what this thread is about. Are they just the cast offs who you would not accept into the clique, or little princesses may be?

Do you acknowledge that there is an issue with bullying in school and the work place?

a reply to: Revolution9

I didn't think you were sneering.

I actually understand your position very well.

I was lucky to be able to afford very expensive therapy which got me to a good point through dealing with a lot of life's issues. Sadly things went wrong and I couldn't continue - they were bastards. I was willing and put up the money - they reneged on the deal. But I did benefit, albeit not as much as I'd hoped to.

There is something work related that didn't get dealt with, which is why I sympathise so much with you. That work situation even soured my relationship with my best friend of the time. I took a year off work - at my own expense - to try and recover from it. It can still rankle, even now BUT, all part of the journey to get me to where I needed to be.

I think you'll be alright. You have a well developed sense of right and wrong and, if you can't rely on your family, you're in a good position to rely on yourself. The only person, I've found, who one can rely on.

originally posted by: Revolution9


I don't even know what HR is?

HR is human resource department - did you go and speak to your employer? Your boss? Did you speak to anyone at your work place (not co-workers) in authority?
Did you seek help within the work place? Did you speak to anyone in the union?

a reply to: berenike

Thank you very much.

Please remember that people like you are very rare. I would give anything to have more gentility in my life. I surround myself with sensitive things like music, poetry and nature.

Yes, very much a hard core survivor these days. I took some good advice advice from Bobby McGee



That is for you Berenike!

a reply to: Revolution9 recurrent illness has kept me from working recently, but I'm sure there is bullying in the workforce. Actually after I left the job where I enjoyed working with my colleagues I went to a place that made me feel like an outsider. It was almost the perfect job, but I was kind of ostracised from my first day. I didn't want to get involved in their antics, I didn't want to drink in the pub for my lunch every day like they all did. So I pretty much kept to myself. I did complain to the hr department, but only on the day before I left after finding a new job.

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
a reply to: Revolution9 recurrent illness has kept me from working recently, but I'm sure there is bullying in the workforce. Actually after I left the job where I enjoyed working with my colleagues I went to a place that made me feel like an outsider. It was almost the perfect job, but I was kind of ostracised from my first day. I didn't want to get involved in their antics, I didn't want to drink in the pub for my lunch every day like they all did. So I pretty much kept to myself. I did complain to the hr department, but only on the day before I left after finding a new job.

I find it strange that you say that they made you feel like an outsider when it was you who did not want to get involved with their antics. There is nothing wrong with not being like everyone else.
Did they do anything to make life uncomfortable at work for you? What did you actually complain about to HR?

a reply to: Look2theSacredHeart

You started the thread, and I wonder if you're still here? I may have missed your response. I don't think that I can offer anything helpful from my own experiences, knowing so near nothing about your personal situation. Generalities such as "Quit and get another job" or "Just get tough" won't help you very much.