posted on Aug, 4 2015 @ 09:36 AM
I found myself falling into a slightly different trap.
Fortunately, my wife was able to stay home for the first year after our son was born. Then, we were fortunate in that she was able to get a good job
working nights at one of the larger hospital systems in our area on a per diem basis (typically weekends with a weeknight here and there). During the
week she would take him to the park during the day and on weekends we would all do something together before she would go to work.
Fast forward until about 9 months ago, and our son was a little older than 3 years old....
My wife took the opportunity to go full time evenings, Monday through Friday. It's great in the sense that since I work days we didn't have to worry
about child care. However, it is exhausting for both of us.
Here comes the trap. For the first few months of our new schedule, I found that my routine was basically come home from a long day, and more or less
plop down on the bed and watch tv. Of course I made sure the kid was fed and bathed and all that. I was sort of telling myself that since just he
and I were home, we were spending time together. Then, like a light switch going on in my head, I realized that just because we were both home, that
does NOT mean that we were really spending time together.
At that realization, I felt horrible. Feelings of guilt and shame. Rather than wallow in self pity though, I decided to change my ways. Now, I make
sure that EVERY DAY we go do SOMETHING together. Doesn't matter if its going to the pool or the park or just playing the in back yard or watering
plants or even running some errands around town. THAT is spending time together. Not that were weren't very close to begin with, but over the past
several months we have become so much closer and as a bonus, I think about all the memories we are making and how much better that is than feeling
On a side note: You mentioned the relationship is "complicated." I got the impression that the father hasn't (or wasn't) around much during the first
years. I remember before we had our son, I used to just think that dead-beat dads were jerks and left it at that. After seeing first hand how much
work goes into raising a kid, especially during the first few years when they can't do anything for themselves... I found that I had an absolute
hatred for the dead-beat dad. Beyond that, I can't imagine what goes through someone's mind, knowing they have a kid and not wanting to spend as much
time as possible with him/her. Don't they want to see them? Don't they want to protect them?