Mean girls

I realized today, after finding out my daughter is on the receiving end of a "friend's" nasty attitude, that one of the things I strive most for with my children, is for them to be loving, caring, kind and helpful. The thought of them being the mean kid is horrible to me.

After only 2 days back in school, my daughter (who is 9), tells me her "best friend" is being mean to her. How did my girl handle it? She played with other kids and by herself. She didn't cry or fuss, and was straight forward in asking what was up, only to be ignored.

I told her to leave the girl alone and continue to broaden her horizon of friends. This is the 3rd year we've had this issue with this particular girl, so I will try to gently help her away from this "mean girl".


What I really hate is that the girl's parents are wonderful and they adore my baby. I'm pretty sure they love them being so close. But I won't entertain bossy kids that are mean to their so called friends.

At least my girl has a backbone and doesn't bend over to pushy kids. I'm actually quite proud of her!

As a reflective thought, $#&@ like this is likely part of why I kept to myself a lot through school.

a reply to: chelsdh

Your daughter is a wonderful person. Good for her. I was the victim of bullying and mean girls when I was in school. Your daughter's "friend" sounds like a total phony. I hate people like that.

a reply to: chelsdh
You are doing a fantastic job.

Make sure your daughter really isn't upset about it, when I was, I often kept it in. She seems to otherwise know how to make new friends> Maybe suggest a sport or extra club, unless she is doing too many already.

As for the parents, if you want to confront them or if it comes up, tell them you know their child doesn't mean it, but it is coming out that way and maybe it's best the girls have some space for awhile.

a reply to: ChiefD

I wasn't bullied much, but I moved a lot and just learned to keep to myself. But it hurts seeing your baby hurt and you can't tell her why. But she's strong and, though I am partial, very likable! It just pisses me off.

a reply to: reldra

I have talked with my daughter several times, and though she doesn't understand why, she is doing ok. She came home today and told me about her new friends she is making.

I did talk to the teacher, not to tattle, but because I will become a she beast of it escalates much, and I want another adult to observe any nasty behavior. I also asked my girl if she wanted me to speak with the parents. She said "no, not unless we can't get over it on our own", which is what I want, them to solve it without teachers and parents.

Space is what they need, and I told her to leave her alone and give her room and to keep on being sweet and having fun with her new friends.

Thanks for the kind words!

Good on you and good on her!

Perhaps it's just a phase the girl is dealing with and she'll come around eventually. Either way it sounds like your girl is set up for success though, and you're obviously a great supporter for her!

Do you, boo boo! Do you!

a reply to: chelsdh

What a savvy 9 year old.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing!

Stay strong, both of you.

a reply to: chelsdh

Does the mean girl have older siblings, or close relatives?

She might be demonstrating a behavior that she has learned from older family members who bully her.

This is not always the case, but often times can be.

But I agree with what you are teaching your daughter, as I have told my 10 year old something similar.

a reply to: chelsdh

Wish your little daughter all the best!!!

My daughter is in her 20's, it doesn't stop unfortunately even after they have grown up.

Kudos to your Daughter and to you for being a wonderful Mom! Maybe once your Daughter has a new and nicer group of friends, her other friend will change her ways.

a reply to: Isurrender73

The other girl is the oldest of three, just like my daughter. She is from a wealthy and super well connected family. Her father works with the govenor and she has told other kids her dad will arrest them if they don t do as she says!!!!
I made sure my girl knows that isn't possible and the father would probably poop a brick if he knew his child was using his name as a tool!

The parents are good people, I really like them. But they both work a lot, so I think the children have been pacified with "stuff and things".

I really hope it blows over, but I don't mind if they drift apart in their friendship.

a reply to: Staroth

I know

I hate that! I worry so much about my kids lives. Three girls who will all be teens at the same time! But, I am blessed with loving girls that I am trying to teach well!

Just wait until High School.... I thought I had gotten over many things from my childhood until my daughter started 8th grade. She would come home crying about how her best friend wouldn't talk to her do no reason, or another friend decided that she was going to like the same guy , and so on. I would do a time warp in my head and remember all the same stuff that I went through. All I wanted to do was protect her! It was heartbreaking.

She made it through though! Now she is a caring and kind grown up with a great head on her shoulders. It will be interesting to see when HER daughter has to deal with "mean girls."

Sorry I've had a bit to drink tomight but I'll be blunt women are awesome females in general are stringeer but we dint get along well together. Never had a gemale friend that dudnt feel threatened bt me therefore act agaunst me< Its better fir alpha or well grounded chics to have male friends.

Beem thinking bout my ex best friend lately. Weird.

cant stand bullies
once that girl gets blasted in the face she will stop her bullying crap

a reply to: Kali74
She told me about having to partner up with a boy, because her friend wouldn't pair with her for an activity. I said "you know, it's good to be friends with boys too, sometimes better. There isn't all that drama. My best friend EVER and all through high school was a boy" She laughed and said "I play with boys when we play tag!"

But you are on the money, women together get catty. My sisters (3) are nurses, which is female dominated, and they deal with a lot of drama. One had to move departments because of her co workers bullying her, and she is 40 years old!!!

a reply to: chelsdh

Remember us in school days? We all had friends who drifted away for what-ever reason...home life, drugs, emotional problems, involvement with the wrong crowd all of a sudden.

"friends" in school days come and go for no real apparent (at the time) real obvious reason. Tell your child that...and its not her fault...or to let it bother her. Pay no attention, and find new friends....

a reply to: chelsdh

I had my share of dealing with "mean boys" back in grade school. One of them, I would have epic periods of butting heads with. Every school year it happened about twice. It would go one for weeks, it seemed. I have a long fuse, so I just let it go on until it resolved through boredom. One day in the 6th grade I had endured an entire week of his harassment and just snapped. He's the only person I've ever punched in the face. The harassment ceased for good. He ended up being a friend and college room mate. I'm not saying violence is ever the answer, but standing up for yourself and letting people know that you won't take any crap from them can get things done.