Losing the fight with destiny

This is the hardest thing I have ever written and I'm not even sure it's in the right forum.

Before I get down to the nitty gritty, a little background is appropriate.

When my daughter was aged about 3, I had an anaesthetic for dental work. I always seem to talk when coming around and on that day I said aloud, "There is life and death after C" C is whom I shall refer to my daughter as.

It bothered me for months because I thought my subconscious was warning me of something. She was a lovely, normal little girl. I have 3 children, she is the middle child.

Over time I stopped thinking about what I had said.

From childhood I have experienced what I can only describe as paranormal events and it's this fact that is now bugging me.

On Boxing day 1974 my partner and I were invited to my parents house for tea. Now my parents lived across from us, so we saw them most days. I was in the kitchen when my partner asked why we had to go for tea when I could see my parents every day. I burst into tears and said "Because this is my dad's last Christmas!" My partner scoffed but 8 months later my dad died suddenly, he was 52 years old.

3 years ago I had a dog and one day I was overcome with a feeling of dread. I was on msm with my eldest child and told her that I was going to lose Bruce and there was nothing I could do about it. A month later he died. He was about 8 years old and it was discovered he had an aggressive cancer, but I knew nothing of it at the time of my premonition.

Now the hard part.

My daughter C is an addict. I have always been there for her and always will. A few nights ago the memory of the dentist resurfaced and it hit me like a brick. Did I know subconsciously all those years ago that I would lose my daughter to addiction. I have recently had that terrible feeling of dread and I can't stop it. I don't know what to do. If destiny dictates that my daughter dies, well, how do you fight destiny?

I'm trying to get her some help but of late she has gone down hill.

I know many people will say it's just a junkie, who cares, but I care, because despite her mistakes she is a nice and loving person.

I would ask those people who could perhaps send absent healing to her, I would be so grateful. The psychics amongst you, am I really going to lose her?

No-one is to blame for her addiction but herself, my 2 other children are wonderful people whom I have much pride for.

Am I fighting a lost cause? Is this the warning I had when she was so small and if that is the case, does that mean that our lives are predestined,

that life is just a script and we are the actors.

Please, no negative replies I can't take much more.

I have to go out but I'll be back asap to check on any replies.

a reply to: ashflash

God bless....no. Don't stop trying. You are the parent. You are supposed to care. It may not work....the results you hope for may never come top pas....but that doesn't mean to quit trying. Never stop. Never give up.

God....never places more on us than God knows....we can handle. So don't quit now.

Destiny is individual...no matter what, who, drugs, situation...come our way. The destiny is yours. It is ours. We all at birth have a predetermined amount of minutes in our lives...when they are up? That's it.

God bless you and yours....never stop fighting. You're a good parent.

Blessings

a reply to: ashflash

I don't think destiny is set in stone. At least that's what I like to think, and if I am wrong so be it. I did my best right?
If you go the other way and believe it is set in stone, then there is no point in trying. And if you are wrong? Then you have missed potential.

Ash I hope for you and your daughters sake that her destiny is to learn through these experiences and get better. This will be my focus on C.

I've been addicted to one thing or another basically all of my adult life. I'm actually not right now. Someone on ATS actually sort of helped me by accident. I think... Anyway.. I know that it's all you focus on. People trying from the outside to get me to stop my ways were my enemies. For me I've always been able to function in society without people much noticing anything. Beer was my food for a while. Love was the only thing I cared about over drugs.

I wouldn't let this slide as "nothing I can do." Keep up the fight as best you can, even though it's not your fight to fight directly. I know you won't give up on her. She needs you. This can be overcome.


Your daughter can have some of my love energy. Be sure she get's it ok.
I'll be thinking of you.

Maybe I'll do a meditation session tonight. See if I can get back into my psychic groove. Reverberations.

I wish you all the best.

Good luck.

a reply to: ashflash

have you looked into ibogaine... its the only thing that's has gotten me any clean time since I started using.

I still have a problem but I do firmly believe in the ibogaine and ayawhuasca treatments

a reply to: Reverbs

Hi Reverbs. I agree with you.....we CAN change destiny. But consider this: IF we did change it....then THAT would be destiny too!

We all should fight the good fight...never give up trying to affect change in our worlds.

I believe our destinies are set...but so is the ability to change them for the better.

Best, MS

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Yes. We think the same way. For me I call it a book that's already written, and being written at the same time. In this way you can see the future you are on, but also can change it to a new one.

Even my past seemed to get changed from an action in the present, that reset my future..

I enjoy reading your posts.

I hope Ash get's all the help she needs for her kid(s).
I can tell she really cares deeply.

thank you for the reply.

I am sorry to hear about your losses. Please know that you are a good mother and that there is nothing you can do but have faith that you daughter will turn her life around. Perhaps checking her in rehab or taking her to church will help her. I am by no means religious but I have met many people that have turned themselves around by seeking spiritual help.

Perhaps that is what she needs. And your support as her mother. I wish you all the best and will be sending good thoughts to you. As a mom myself, I know the pain of wanting the best for your kids. Continue being strong for her and remain supportive. Do not give up on her.

a reply to: ashflash

Mysterious Stranger, Reverbs, Navione and Blackmetalist. Thank you all for your kind replies. I will never give up trying to save her, she means the world to me. On occasion I see the old C, before she became addicted and her personality shines through. Of late though, that light has become dimmer and it fills me with dread.

I will google ibogaine as I have not heard of it and if it helps I will purchase it.

Please, please please keep sending her healing thoughts. I am touched by all your comments and it gives me a little hope that maybe, if enough people care we can all help her.
Tonight I am going to a psychic meeting. I am hoping for a message that will help guide me and end this nightmare.

I just left my daughter, she is suffering. I wish I could take it from her and bare it myself.

I've been in touch with a rehab clinic and she says she will go if they accept her. It takes time to arrange admission etc and I don't think time is on my side. I will keep you all updated, regardless of the result. Again thank you all.

a reply to: ashflash

ashflash my prayers and best wishes are with you. i'd recommend you to give your special gift a try for the other way around, i mean, just try to replace it with positive thoughts whenever you are about to have that feeling of dread. i too don't believe in stone hard destiny, will is stronger. so are you, every hardship makes you stronger and it is a good thing as you as parent need that strength for your kids. hang in there.

a reply to: ashflash

Destiny is dictated by the actions we take.

That being said, we all, as individual human beings, have the choice on wether we take control of our own destiny or not.

The love and support you are giving your daughter says a lot about your own strength, trust in it and know that you have done the best you can.

Best of wishes to you and your family

Tough, complex situation. I have a book length to say, but will attempt to make it succinct.

I was an addict and only an arrest, impending prison and methadone dragged me kicking and screaming back into the human race.

Most overdose deaths I've experienced (aside from the occasional extra pure junk in the black market, that is) came after people quit and then broke down and started again, expecting their old dose to be fine, but it was now too much and killed them.

The most successful method I've experienced to deal with opiates is methadone. You can present it as the only painless way out (though Ibogaine, etc may work, too... I don't have experience with them... but heard long term stops with them are rare).

A lifetime of Methadone seems an exchange of one drug for another.. .but it isn't comparable... it enables a life and healthy brain activity (read up on it)... but barring that, the ONE person I know who is now clean after years of opiate abuse did it by a many years long slow detox off methadone.... IF one decides they don't want to stay on it indefinitely, that is.

Once stabilized on methadone, and know that at the correct dose, there isn't much of a high to it, just clear thinking and 'normalcy', one might find a clinic or doctor willing to do a multi year gradual reduction of dose without the patient knowing the exact dosage, so the mind doesn't have numbers to trick it.

It took almost half a decade, but that friend of mine is now opiate free and has been for 6 years via the gradual detox.

It's rare ...and the longer one uses opiates, the longer it takes for the brain to gradually start making its own again.. .and in some long term cases, it might not.

But at least legal, medically supervised methadone enables one to feel human again... and protects against slipping and dying from an overdose. It saved my life.

a reply to: jamsession

Thank you for your kindness. I know what you are saying. I try to feel positive but that constant chatter is so loud and negative in my head. I'm sure it is blocking what 'gift' I may have.
But yes I will not give up even though I feel a change in shift and sadly not a good change.

a reply to: Baddogma

I so appreciate you taking the time to reply, thank you.

Sadly my daughter is using on top of her methadone which she has been on for a very long time.

The odd thing is that I think she is crying out for help. She insists she wants to break the habit, but you will know, that's easier said than done. So much damage. I feel helpless. If something doesn't change soon, I fear the worse.

a reply to: threeeyesopen

I honestly am amazed that no-one has written anything negative.

Thank you for your input. I try so hard to make her see sense but she is in a very bad place right now.
I have never seen her so down and desperate and that makes me feel useless.

She is worth saving, I truly believe that, but the doubts are driving me insane.

I feel I am losing her and it's the worse feeling in the world.

There are no magic wands here and my prayers are not answered. That's why I wonder if her situation is her destiny and my grief will be my destiny. Sorry to sound so morbid.

a reply to: ashflash

Just to let you all know my visit to the psychic event was a flop. A waste of time and money.

originally posted by: ashflash
a reply to: ashflash

Just to let you all know my visit to the psychic event was a flop. A waste of time and money.

I'll use my real powers of talking to you on a forum, and feeling you as a person.
Together we are all better.

At least rehab can help. Can.. At least short term.

Like I said I will use my actual Love powers.
I care.

It's worth a try for free anyway. (I'm not psychic).

a reply to: Reverbs

Your reply made me go awwww and brought a lump to my throat.

I really believe that if enough people sent her those loving healing thoughts, it would make a difference.

Tonight I will be thinking of you Reverbs and I will be saying thank you, with all my heart and soul thank you.

I will send healing her way. You are not going to lose her. This is a test you are being presented with right now. You are being called on to face your inner fears that have been holding you back. You must get past this to truly help her. Don't ask me what they are, I am simply relaying the message given to me. *love & light*

a reply to: ashflash

I understand how you feel, for I too have tried to help a loved one with addiction.

The one thing I've learned that is indisputable is that we can only change ourselves, meaning the change has to be done by her.

Unfortunately no one can force her to get the help she needs until she realizes the consequences of her actions on her own.

It is hard to see clearly when surrounded by negativity, which is what is happening with your daughter. The addiction and the desperate actions draw all sorts of demons that will continue to try and bring her down.

You are correct that not one of us can magically heal your daughters problems with some sort of magic wand, however I do have a prayer/incantation for your daughter to say every morning when waking up and every night before going to bed.

It is as follows:

"Archangel Raphael, beloved angel of healing!

Babaji, teacher of overcoming the physical world

Beloved Devi, who cares so deeply!

Shining maat, bringer of divine light!

Serapis Bey, overseer of ascension!

Please cut the cords of addictions and cravings from me.

(Take a breathe and release)

I now fully release any and all patterns of addictions, and I completely embrace my freedom and physical health."

That is good both as an affirmation and further as an invocation for the ascended spirits to come and help.

I hope that you are able to change destiny for the better, after all it is within both of your grasps.

ETA: I typically don't do this for many people, however if things do not improve and you would like a more direct healing sent towards her..I could help you. I would however need some information such as astrological sign, full birth name and date of birth so I can accurately create a sigil in her name to send healing energy through. (You could send that info through personal message)

Of course I don't ask for any sort of monetary contribution, simply your continued support for your daughter as the healing takes effect.