A Victim who Preys.

Reading her favorite magazines and minding her own business, Jenna was sitting next to her boyfriend Paul who was busy playing video games with his best friend Ryan. The two buddies were inseparable and so when Paul asked Ryan if Jenna could move in with them both, he agreed wholeheartedly.

As Ryan beat Paul at another match of their favorite shooter game, he became angry and barked at Jenna saying it was her fault for losing as though she had some unseen influence on him. To Jenna, she felt trapped most of the time as she was unemployed and had no college experience, she had suffered through some traumatic things in her life so she was at a place where she needed something stable in her life to get her back on track and she thought she had found it in Paul. Telling his best friend to calm down, Ryan took pity on Jenna as she had to bare the brunt of Paul's anger and abuse.

"Knock it off man, you don't have to blame Jenna for your lack of skills homie." Ryan laughed.

"Yeah but if she wouldn't have been sitting there with those magazines and distracting me I would have beat you!" Paul angrily replied.

"It's just a game man, don't take it out on her okay?" Ryan replied.

As Jenna sat there she held her head down as she was saddened and felt hurt, but Paul asked her what was wrong and she said nothing was wrong at all. Paul was too angry with the whole thing and folded up one of her magazines and slapped her across the face with it causing her to cry out and leave the room. Ryan was upset with Paul and the two got into a argument at which point Paul took off to grab some smokes.

Looking into the mirror Jenna's tears fell from her eyes, she could feel self hate, a deep consuming hatred for herself that pushed her to find solace only in the thoughts of suicide and self mutilation. She couldn't let herself do that but only fantasize of the moment, each time she thought about these thoughts it only became easier and easier for her to actualize them.

"What happened to me? I was once beautiful and smart and felt talented and appreciated, but now I feel awful, worthless, unloved." Jenna thought to herself.

With each moment of the abuse she felt more and more trapped, she had nowhere else to go, she was too immature and naïve to function on her own in modern society, and she had nobody else in her life. She was a victim, but more than just a victim she was a predator, a predator amongst herself waiting for the day when she would have enough courage to indulge her suicidal desire that much further.

"When does a desire for love and attention become dangerous?" Jenna said to herself as she fixed her makeup and put on her pretend face and left the mirror to continue on with the illusion that everything is okay, because everything is always okay.

The desire for love and attention becomes dangerous when you over-do. It's true . . .and you knew, didn't you ?
Take the ride . . . to suicide, it's an over-do. And it cannot become a do-over, can it ? You know . . .don't go . . . that way.
Stay . . . and tell your boyfriend . . .to stick up for you . . .like he could . . should.

a reply to: SIEGE

Is that a lyrics from something?

Just off the top of my head . . .
he said.