Holding hands...

Last week I was around my best mates house and they were looking after their 3 year old granddaughter but had to nip out for five minutes so she was told to be good for me while they were out.

As something interesting for her I said "Shall we go and see if we can find Mr Frog in the pond" so she took my hand to walk down the steps in their garden.
Oh my gosh, my heart absolutely melted when her tiny hand held mine. It was like a little electric shock, that human touch of a tiny person totally trusting me as I held her little hand. We looked for Mr & Mrs Frog, but they were hiding, and all the time we were holding hands - if only so she didn't fall in the pond while I was the responsible adult lol.

My own son is a young adult now so we don't hold hands anymore, my female relationships are mostly weekend based and of course involve intimacy but no hand holding generally, so it got me thinking about the whole holding hands thing.

I always loved walking hand in hand with my son to school or whatever when he was little, not the peace of mind knowing he was next to me safe, more the touch of our hands.
I know the comfort and trust of holding hands with every partner I've been in love with, and I know the feeling of rejection when a (soon to end) partner would not hold my hand.

I had forgotten the energy of holding hands until I was reminded last week with my friends little granddaughter, it was truly beautiful.
So what is it folks, is there much more to the human touch than we realise?

I approached a homeless man crying a few weeks ago and when he sobbed his story to me there was nothing I could think of to say which could help so I just held his hand with both of mine like I would with my own child.
...perhaps we should all hold hands a bit more than we do, or maybe I'm just being a hippy weirdo.

a reply to: grainofsand

if my wife and i are out in public anywhere with our daughter one of us is holding her hand.

my wife and i hold hands all the time.
if we are walking around anywhere it just seems natural cause we always do it

even when we sit here and watch tv we are holding hands.
we each have a big ass recliner we sit in and they are real close to each other....we put a movie on or something and we just sit here kicked back in our respective chair but 90% of the time we are holding hands.

a reply to: Mugly

Perhaps holding hands is a basic human thing when we care about each other.
Just found this Science of Relationships Article and it seems that way.

With my friends granddaughter it was the trusting innocence thing with me, bless her little heart, she could have been my own child with the feelings of compassion and care I had for her.
Maybe we convey our emotions in some way we don't yet understand through holding hands?

a reply to: grainofsand

it definitely has to do with love for me.
i hold my wife and daughters hand but would not dream of holding another persons hand.

i dont even want to be touched, or touch people so i damn sure am not holding their hand.

even at work and such if people tap me on the shoulder or something i tell them not to do it again.
i dont like people touching me

a reply to: Mugly

Perhaps holding hands is the ultimate in expression of trusting love. Real love.
The 'handshake' is a symbol of mutual respect or trust, maybe holding hands is the symbol of mutual love and trust.
It seems that way to me.

If you're being a hippie weirdo, I'm loving it! Your story was sweet.

I think hand-holding is a very intimate, trusting thing to do. It's like saying, "I want to be so close to you that we touch". The palm of the hand is a vulnerable area and to share that with someone is a beautiful thing. I hold hands with my husband a lot.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

Ah thanks BH, I'm almost wishing I was back in a hand holding relationship again now!
When my young adult son and I part company it is always a hug and never a handshake, more of a 'hold fingers' thing, hard to explain, but an expression of love through hand touch, but without the formality of a shake.
Maybe it's just down to the amount of nerve endings in our hands and fingers, our feelings are exchanged through the touch perhaps.
I want to learn more about psychology research of such things now!

I think, recall maybe, that intimate touch releases chemicals in the brain...

Sort of like the opposite, someone shoving another down the pub releases another chemical antithetical to intimacy...




It's a great feeling though, either way




OT; Benevolent... Your signature is the best!!!

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

I think you are on the money there Charlie, that 'electric shock' feeling I had when my mates granddaughter held my hand produced a dump of emotions inside me, took me back to the world when my son was little and it was all rainbows and marshmallows.
Honestly, I felt it big time.
I wonder what research has been done on hand holding now, perhaps with MRI scans, I'm gonna search and see what I can find.

Only a study of 16 married couples but interesting...
webmd.com

As predicted, when the wives knew they were due for a shock, their brain scans showed activity in brain areas that handle threats.

But when the wives held their husbands' hands during the same threat, their brain scans looked calmer than when they weren't holding hands.

For comparison, the wives were also tested while holding the hand of an unseen man they had never met.

While holding the stranger's hand, the wives' brain scans were less calm than while holding their husbands' hand, but calmer than while not holding anyone's hand.

The wives also rated how unpleasant and stressful each experiment had been.

They said that while they felt physically calmer while holding anyone's hand -- spouse or stranger -- only holding their husband's hand made the tests less unpleasant.

In short, holding the stranger's hand was better than holding no hand at all, but holding their husband's hand was best.

Perhaps there is more to human touch than we realise right now...back to some more reading for me, but please do share your thoughts or links regarding holding hands here, I'm in an interested learning zone about it!

Very sweet.
Yes I think the sense of touch is necessary to wellbeing. I am a hugger, toucher handhold and my husband is to, really bad if you marry a non toucher and you are the opposite.

The feel of a newborn wrapping their little fingers around yours and holding tight is a joy!

My Mother never touched us, her children were never hugged, held or hands held, in fact if she could avoid touching in anyway she did. I think this is a really difficult thing for children... since my Father was dead it was even worse.

Not long ago while holding my grown daughter's hand in a park we were thought to be a lesbian couple. Many people frowned and gave offended looks at us it didn't used to be like that.

originally posted by: Char-Lee
My Mother never touched us, her children were never hugged, held or hands held, in fact if she could avoid touching in anyway she did.

My Dad was the same, it took until I was in my mid 20's before we hugged, and even then he was rigid like it was something uncomfortable for him. It was the first time in my life I remember we did, nine or ten years after I had been a homeless runaway.

I always and always have hugged and held hands with those I love, I always will, and I hope we all do.

Well that is a nice story. But I have a hand-holding story too. When I was 5 or 6 my mom and I were standing at a bus stop on a cold morning. We were on our way to the doctor's office so I was feeling a little scared. I kept looking up at my mom for reassurance but she wouldn't look at me. She was a million miles away, lost in her own thoughts. Despite the fact that she was holding my hand the whole time I remember feeling completely and utterly alone. So you do need more than a hand holding to feel like you are part of the human race. You need for someone to be emotionally present as well.

Sal

a reply to: grainofsand

a reply to: SallieSunshine

Aw, your story made me a little sad as I imagined you all scared and alone even while holding hands with your Mother.
I guess I hadn't considered the 'emotionally present' aspect as something separate. As a father, and indeed with any children I interact with, my emotional presence is paramount.
Emotions and feelings were frowned upon when I was a child so I've always felt the urge to offer every child what I missed out growing up.

Listening, soft speaking, compassion and reassurance are all basic tools in my box for dealing with kids, they are the next generation so I feel it's the job of all adults to care emotionally for them, even when they are not our own.

I have counselled more of my sons friends over the years than I care to remember. He won a place in an elite school when he was 11 and was one of the poorest kids in the school, compared to sons of bankers, architects, airline pilots, consultant surgeons etc. But over the years I met so many of his friends who wished they had a father/son relationship like we had, and even said to me that they would prefer to be poorer financially if they were emotionally rich.

I guess I'm rambling now, but your story touched me and yes I agree completely, the human touch needs that emotional intent as well. We are a complicated species for sure.
Thanks for the reply, you inspired some deep thoughts in my mind.

I wish everyone raising children put in as much thought and effort as you have. The world would be a much better place.

Sal

a reply to: grainofsand

a reply to: SallieSunshine

Ah thanks Sal, but I'm just a bloke who treats young folk and little ones the way I wished I was treated when I was one myself many years ago.
If we all did that then maybe it would make a difference, that would be my hope at least.

Always holding hands with protective love would be a good start.

a reply to: grainofsand

My wife and I have been holding hands for decades.

I couldn't imagine a day not holding her hand.

If you're holding someone's hand, you can never make a fist you can never flip someone off, you can never stay angry.

I wish more people would hold hands.

originally posted by: beezzer
If you're holding someone's hand, you can never make a fist you can never flip someone off, you can never stay angry.

I wish more people would hold hands.

Agreed.
Methinks I could do with being in a hand holding relationship again

...can you really flip someone off with a wabbit paw though?!

originally posted by: grainofsand


...can you really flip someone off with a wabbit paw though?!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

a reply to: beezzer

Hahaha fair one! Perhaps it is good that you tend to hold hands instead.