a reply to: FyreByrd
I have to say, that I was never really all that happy to be around a huge mob of dudes, and nothing but dudes. Gender diverse crowds are always more
interesting. For example, there's a group of guys that my best friends boyfriend introduced me to. My besty Kerry, her man is in a band with a few of
them. Every weekend we all hang out at my besty's place, get drunk, and talk crap all damned night one night, usually Saturday nights.
I like it when they bring their girlfriends, because otherwise all that happens is five or six hours of in jokes, quotes from spaghetti westerns,
quotes from old school rock songs, and getting told by a bunch of heterosexual men, how much of a sexy bastard I am. Now, don't get me wrong, they
are a fun bunch of guys, but I like to be intellectually stimulated by conversation, and I find that their girlfriends (who look on with derision at
the antics of the gathered throng) often have more interesting things to say, or more interesting responses to conversation starters.
I guess you could say, that I have always been "just a guy" rather than "one of the guys". Its always been that way with me. Back when I was a
kid, other kids my own age, male or female, just didn't get me, and I have to say, I didn't get them. Big groups have never been my thing, but big
groups of males? I have never fit into one of those in my whole life. I find something deeply unsettling about it, normally related to the way dudes
tend to behave when there are no ladies around to impress. It just turns all to crap. Their intellects fall apart, and everything becomes one massive
phallus related joke, which, while funny for approximately forty eight point three seconds, gets a little damned aggravating after about two hours.
Another thing I have observed about male group dynamics, is that even as an adult, a males behaviour will moderate away from knuckle dragging
halfwittery, almost immediately that the group size he is a part of shrinks down. For example, if the group size shrinks from say eight, down to say
three, including that dudes significant other, then he will start calming down, chilling out, and actually thinking things through, rather than coming
up with the established, formulaic response he would otherwise have given to a particular situation.
I genuinely believe that bravado is what makes it so damned hard for me to deal with being in large groups of dudes, because the more dudes there are
around, the more of it there is, and I have never been one for all that myself.
Now, as for dealing with the opposite sex... Sweet Jesus... If the gentleman who gave that very interesting talk (which I believe I have actually
watched all the way through, rather than that small, four minutes and forty seconds or so clip) had wound up in my shoes through the last twelve to
thirteen years, then he would have a few problems with establishing normal intimacy levels with the opposite sex as well! I have been cheated on,
dumped in some of the harshest ways you can think of ( after a week of dating Her: I can't do this any more. Me: What? Why? Her: I sobered up.),
dumped by email, text, and by an exes NEW man over the telephone, not to mention having a child with a woman who allowed her damned idiot family to
get between us, meaning that I didn't actually meet my son until he was TEN GOD DAMNED YEARS OLD! Oh, and let's not forget the time that a lass I
was seeing decided she would rather be with a man who had been convicted of possession of indecent images of children, than be with me.
Now... If there is a man out there, anywhere on this cursed ball of assorted flotsam and jetsam that we call a planet, who could retain an entirely
healthy and open attitude toward the opposite sex after all that, then I want to meet him, and ask very nicely to know what he has been taking and
why I cannot get it at the pharmacy yet. That being said, I am not allergic to female company at all. Far from it. I find female company to be
invariably more witty, engaging, and fulfilling than hanging out with a huge mob of dudes.
But as for approaching ACTUAL intimacy with a woman at this stage? Put it this way, I am not going to be instigating anything. This planet, the
species... It's too messed up right now. I cannot trust that ANYONES motivations are what they ought to be, let alone actually make a move that might
see me get staked out again, and left for the God damned ants. If a lady comes up to me one day, and makes a move on me , then assuming something does
not appear totally and utterly hinky at the time, maybe something might happen in that direction. But for the moment, I am white flagging that whole
element of my life. Not having someone in my life in that way is a lonely thing to endure, but experience tells me that its a damn sight easier than
failing so spectacularly as I already have in that area.