am I just paranoid, or is he hiding something

I've been with my BF for a year and a half now. He leaves his facebook page logged in and sometimes his email, so I know he has nothing to hide with that. I'm concerned about his phone though...just recently, he's been keeping his phone with him all the time. When he goes to the bathroom, takes a shower, or whatever, he'll take it with him. He used to not do that. He'd leave his phone right next to me...is this strange?

now let me tell you, he doesn't have a smartphone. just a basic slider phone.

Am I just being paranoid? or is something going on?

Its definitely a possibility. I don't know enough to really say more. I did the same thing a few years ago with my ex. Turned out i was texting with another girl.. not my proudest moment thats just my experience. Goodluck!

a reply to: Midnight13

HAve you thought about asking him?

a reply to: Midnight13

He is hiding something !

a reply to: Midnight13

Act like your phone died and you need to borrow his to make a call and see how he reacts to you asking.

a reply to: Midnight13

I have to say yes you are being paranoid. The most important issue in a relationship is trust. The most severe violation of trust is snooping. You need to make up your mind whether you trust him or not. Because if you don't there is really no need for relationship.

a reply to: Midnight13

Maybe you could get a look at it while he is asleep, asking won't tell you anything, I am so good at lie detecting but my x was able to have affairs for 22 years and I just thought we had the happiest marriage. Your lie detector tells you what you want to hear when it is a close loved one I think!

You have to be ready to deal with anything you find or else stop looking, the whole process of breakup is very difficult.

originally posted by: beezzer
a reply to: Midnight13

HAve you thought about asking him?

No, because I don't want to sound paranoid

a reply to: Midnight13

Well, something I have always noticed with people,
if you suspect something is going on, then it most likely is in some form.

You can go two ways with that, try to get his phone when he is not looking and look through it.
(I know several people who have done this and caught their sig other cheating)

Or just ask to check out the phone and see the response.

Get the phone though, one way or another just to make sure, because in todays world, it is waaaaaay to easy to cheat and try to get away with it on a cell phone, and it seems a lot of people do.

Don't hint around though, just ask for it.
Hinting could lead to him deleting what you might find.

yeah, I know, trust issues....lol

I have them.

originally posted by: Greathouse
a reply to: Midnight13

I have to say yes you are being paranoid. The most important issue in a relationship is trust. The most severe violation of trust is snooping. You need to make up your mind whether you trust him or not. Because if you don't there is really no need for relationship.

Unless your relationship is based on openness like mine is. After the past experiences I simply would not have married a man who was not willing for me to "snoop"... my life is an open book to him and I expect the same. If he did not agree he would not have entered the relationship with this acknowledged.

I never could understand the kind of relationship where there is a need for hiding anything.

originally posted by: Greathouse
a reply to: Midnight13

I have to say yes you are being paranoid. The most important issue in a relationship is trust. The most severe violation of trust is snooping. You need to make up your mind whether you trust him or not. Because if you don't there is really no need for relationship.

No sorry but the most severe violation of trust is betrayal or cheating, then in possible third place is snooping.

He may be up to something innocent like planning a party for you. But it depends on if he's the type to plan surprises.

Definitely bring this up to him and see how he reacts, your gut will tell you.

If your gut tells you he's up to no good then get out. When someone shows you who they are you need to believe it, not give them the benefit of the doubt because if you don't believe it they'll do it again and again.

besides...if i ask him, he will just deny it and probably delete his messages and always delete them because I confronted him.

Is your boyfriend an in shape good looker? Was he a ladies man before you met him? Did he cheat on his ex with you before you got properly together? Was he a player with a high notch count. If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then the answer to your original question is probably yes, he is up to something.

a reply to: Midnight13

If you can't be honest in your relationship, then you get a relationship that doesn't have trust.

a reply to: Midnight13

Hi

Yes you have a concern. Im speaking from experience.

If you were in a long term relationship, say 5 years+, I would expect you
to know nearly all of his dirty habbits and how he thinks.

But being in the relationship for just over a year and guesing you are young,
I would say, get rid now before it really hurts..still lots of time left.

originally posted by: hotel1
Is your boyfriend an in shape good looker? Was he a ladies man before you met him? Did he cheat on his ex with you before you got properly together? Was he a player with a high notch count. If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then the answer to your original question is probably yes, he is up to something.

Very far from it. He's skinny and I'm his first gf. He's had sexual relationships before me, but he was never in a relationship.

a reply to: Midnight13

You airing this grievance here is you hiding your suspicions from him yes? As hard as it may be, you could approach it very sensibly, "you know I trust you and you know I wouldnt want to do any actions to make myself appear as and be as a 'bad person or partner', but it is beyond my control to help noticing that more recently you have been taking your phone with you, whereas previously you have not; please put your self in my position, and note that this suspicion of mine is only a natural and evolutionarily advantageous reaction of noting the differences of patterns and behavior in my environment. Because I love and trust you, why would I have any reason to desire you to be hiding something from me, of course my only reason to be concerned would be if one were hiding something that would rationally in relation to our relationship, concern me. I do not desire to be in this state of suspicion, but the actions of the environment have caused it. What must I do to progress away from this state, into the resumption of peace and prosperity? Either your actions are innocent or they are not. Please sympathize with my predicament, surely we ought to have our privacy and our infinite truth of one another. Help me comprehend why I may be suspicious, if there are not other reasons than this?"

How serious is your relationship, are you immature kids or are you getting married any time soon? Also, if you go through with asking him, it would be up to you, or maybe you already have been, to consider your reactions to potential things that he could be hiding, but this might just make you even more crazy. What he might be hiding, there are only so many things. If he is lying how bad of a lie is it, say, he told you he didnt feel like going to a dinner and movie with you because he wasnt feeling well, but instead he snuck out with his friends. Or if he is talking to another girl...can man and woman truly be friends with out any intimacy or potential for intimacy involved? If he is hiding something, but it is relatively innocent, how might you best respond to it.

originally posted by: Midnight13

originally posted by: hotel1
Is your boyfriend an in shape good looker? Was he a ladies man before you met him? Did he cheat on his ex with you before you got properly together? Was he a player with a high notch count. If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then the answer to your original question is probably yes, he is up to something.

Very far from it. He's skinny and I'm his first gf. He's had sexual relationships before me, but he was never in a relationship.

Ok, that probably rules out cheating. Just as a thought have you got a significant birthday coming up? Maybe he is planning a surprise party for you. Perhaps he might be about to pop the question in a romantic setting. I suggest this because it is possible that he is being secretive for a good reason.

a reply to: Midnight13

Why don't you ask him about it?

originally posted by: Char-Lee

originally posted by: Greathouse
a reply to: Midnight13

I have to say yes you are being paranoid. The most important issue in a relationship is trust. The most severe violation of trust is snooping. You need to make up your mind whether you trust him or not. Because if you don't there is really no need for relationship.

Unless your relationship is based on openness like mine is. After the past experiences I simply would not have married a man who was not willing for me to "snoop"... my life is an open book to him and I expect the same. If he did not agree he would not have entered the relationship with this acknowledged.

I never could understand the kind of relationship where there is a need for hiding anything.

I base my opinion on multiple failed relationships I have seen. They almost always fall under a trust issue. The first sentence in your reply said you believe on a open relationship. To me that is trust. If my mate was the snoop on me it only implies she doesn't trust me.