What should I do? Brutal honesty needed

a reply to: woodwardjnr

I know I'm a bit late to the game in terms of a reply, but I can at least tell you this:

My grandma was mentally ill. My grandpa refused to leave her - it wasn't that he didn't have a choice, but rather, he wanted to be there for her, to care for her, and die with her.

Now, with that in mind - sit down and talk with her. Make sure that she knows that your illness isn't getting better, and that if she finds a better catch, then she should take it. And if she wants to stay, don't force her to leave: If she's a nurse, chances are she's probably been in worse situations than yours, and might be mentally prepared to stay with you.

-foss

you sound like a real stand up guy and a very good person. Just have her read your post here and enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for your illness and wish you the best. reply to: woodwardjnr

The truth......... You already stated it all to us. She should read your OP, let her decide after that. Friend, lover, confidant, She can still choose one........ or all. If she sees this, I think you might be surprised just how much she does care. She knows no one gets out alive, let her decide. I think you have included most of your feelings and guilt's ........ and love.. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, not you or her, live for the now. And the now sounds too good to just let vanish. Friends and lovers care.... till the end, if their real.

I'm praying for you... as are a host of others. Enjoy what you have left with the one you love, you will both be stronger for it.

Its better to love and loose than to of never loved at all,Im sure your aware this isnt a practice run,make the most out of your friendship you can.

Just love for you.

I have chronic illness that doesnt kill me, ir hasnt yet. It makes dating extremely difficult. I most often push women away because it really is just difficult enough to deal with myself without also having to deal with how someone else has to deal with my conditions and how that makes them feel. And it leaves me confused all the time. I can only imagine its like that but much much, worse for you. You have my sincerest empathy.

I think my preference is the non relationship. Friends and the occasional sex with friends or hookups was probably my easiest place to be. That said, i currently have a gf, so i dint even folliw my own advice sometimes.

Well thoughts for you.

originally posted by: woodwardjnr

The thing is I 'm not going to get better from my illness. Not with all the hope in the world

Says who???

You're the last person who needs to be saying that.

You don't need hope, BELIEVE that you will get better, I mean truly believe it. Mind over matter does work, getting your head in the right place is what gets your hormones and body in the right situation to kick that tumors ass.

Also you can help starve the tumor by removing all suger from your diet, as well as plenty of other dietary and physical methods of helping beat it.

Ther eis no reason you can't marry her, have children and live a long healthy life. I feel like you're cutting yourself short a bit here honestly. Don't get down on yourself, rather think of all the positive possibilities.

Modern treatments were not available when my mother died very early in my life (I dont remember anything about her), but I turned out fine. You can't live your present life on PAUSE thinking about what bad things might happen in the future.

Live and think of the long term future and the happiness it can bring, and for the present just focus on removing any processed foods, and sugars completely.

a reply to: pirhanna

I spent 15 years with a debilitating illness.. just no death or even risk of it.. and to be honest, how we feel about being in a relationship, is just how we feel about our own selves.. and that feeling really is our own problem.

I finally just got tired of being alone.. I wanted a relationship.. but I knew what that relationship for another person would mean.. it is very conflicting but that conflict is because of what we feel about our own worth.

Its hard to feel like you are worth something, when there are times you need help just to get to the bathroom.. that is OUR OWN hang-up! Its not always another persons..

Its so weird, and I find it absolutely amazing that I found a man who loves me - for me! Because I saw myself as broken, somehow half a person.. yet he never saw a half of anything.. to him.. I had great worth.. even if there were times the pain was so bad I couldn't get out of bed and he had to make our dinner.. he thought it was great just to spend time lying in bed with me and watching tv..

how we see ourselves, is not how others do - especially if those others love us, for who we really are.. and we shouldn't let how we see ourselves stop us from living, loving, and having what everyone else has.. a life worth living!

because somewhere, there is someone.. who thinks we are wonderful, just the way we are! (Amazingly enough!...lol)

a reply to: OpinionatedB

What a truly inspiring post!

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: OpinionatedB

What a truly inspiring post!

I agree, and the post above that. Woody should combine them both and get on with it.

a reply to: OpinionatedB

Almost didn't check back in here as I figured advice had been given out the booty, but so glad I did just to read your post. What a beauty! You nailed it OB!

I usually wouldn't reply to these kinds of posts but I felt compelled to because you seem like such an unselfish and decent person and that is a rare thing these days.

You have a unique opportunity, with the time you have you can be the greatest, most fulfilling person that ever entered her life and she can be the same for you. You can enjoy the moment and experience real, deep happiness instead of getting caught up in all the plans and mundane, trivial things we spend energy on that never come to fruition and just cause us stress. She'll never have that opportunity with anybody else.

Instead of looking at your situation as causing pain for others and backing away because of it, understand the sadness you'll leave behind is only because of the joy and love you spread while you were here. That sadness will subside for them in time and all they'll have is good memories. They'll remember how you made them feel, how you were special to them and they'll be grateful to have known you even if it wasn't for long. Don't deprive them and yourself of that my dude, the fact that you care for others' feelings the way you do means you're a credit to everybody that's privileged enough to know you. Let them remember you for who you truly are, don't be afraid to show them.

You haven't checked out yet and I hope it won't be for a very long time but you do owe it to yourself to live and be happy. And with that I'm going to shut up and try to take my own advice.

Take care man.
Peace!

We're all on our way to the grave. You and her are fortunate to have a general time frame for you, it won't be a surprise. Just sit her down and tell her "You know about my health condition. You know I'm not long for this earth. I love spending time with you and you bring me much joy. If you think you will save yourself some pain by bailing out now, just say the word and we can part ways with no hard feelings. Or you can keep spending time with me knowing exactly where this is going to end up." Then the ball is in her court and you are off the hook.

Look at it this way- if people avoided things because an end was inevitable...no one would do anything, ever.



Congrats on the sex, I'm jealous.

Thanks everybody for the lovely replies. I decided to just leave the ball in her court. She got back in touch with me yesterday. I did the brave thing thing of avoiding the subject, but she just wanted to tell me she was there for me. I think I'll just leave it there for now. I think we can stay as friends. I'm on chemo now so not going to want to much company for the next few weeks. A good bit of time for her to miss my company and want to see me in a few weeks when I'm over the worst of it. So just waiting it out. I told her how lucky I was to just know her and have her in my life I told her that she had been really good for me. So when I'm feeling better she's going to come and stay again.

a reply to: woodwardjnr
Dude why are you asking a bunch of random strangers online about this? Really talk to her or just do what you think is right, or do what you feel like doing. But I think your just fishing to keep things going and need somebody to convince you of that, but you dont want to keep dragging things on which is understandable.

If that is the case and you feel like that and she is silent on the issue. You may as well flip a coin, it will give you just about as an accurate and great advice, as I would, or anybody else you would meet online.

Wishing you well.

No need for my advice just wanted to wish you well. Dont give up hope, hope it all works out with the Mrs. I can tell you this, regardless of the time you have together finding a partner you connect with is hard. Dont make it harder for yourself by placing limitations on your relationship. You are both adults and nobody has a gun to either heads. Give her the choice to make her own decision.