do guys really want children ?

originally posted by: MimiSia
a reply to: enlightenedservant

how do u find out what a guy truly wants without freaking him out? and what should a woman do if she is in a loving commited mature relationship the only problem is she is really ready but he remains undecided.
How do you find out if it is (for the guy )matter of just a few more things getting done and a few more ladders to climb or he is just really not that into you ?

Sorry logged off yesterday before I saw your post.

Honestly, guys are pretty simple so just ask him. The important thing is to pay attention to his body language more so than his words. If he looks horrified, annoyed, concerned, etc. Many times, we don't want to hurt the woman's feelings, don't want to push the woman away, or we simply aren't sure yet. We worry about money just as much as women do and we all know that kids can be incredibly expensive (as well as time consuming). On the other hand, he may not have known how to bring it up.

An even simpler thing to watch is his priorities. Does he make an effort on his own to be with the woman, look into family planning, etc? A lot of times, we agree to start a family at our woman's urging. Sometimes that works, but sometimes it doesn't. I guess I'm just saying you have to communicate with him. Otherwise you both may be misunderstanding each other''s goals for the relationship.

a reply to: MimiSia

I don't want children. I have 0 now and I want 0 in the future. I can barely afford my own lifestyle, let alone someone else's. Plus if I have a kid, it'll be just a smaller version of me. I think I'd drive myself crazy.

I never really planned to have children and i was ok not having one until I met my hubby. After being together multiple years he popped out the question of us having offspring. It took years to actually having one ( another long story ).
Giving birth was complicated, 48 hours before they took me to get emergency section. I passed out just after i saw my son and woke up several hours later, meanwhile hubby had taken care of him, fed him, learnt how to change diapers and talked to him. Hubby has awesome bond with our kid and i am so happy to see that he has. Having a child is a most amazing thing in the World. It is so wonderful to see him growing up
Would i do another one.. no because i was told not to or i will die, we love our only child even more

originally posted by: MimiSia
a reply to: ChesterJohn

see this is a problem for a woman I believe biologically.. and it is scary and mismatched. so with the ghosts of girlfriends past what was the reaction on the kid topic.

We agreed that children should not have children. But reality is having children forces us to grow up or at least it should

a reply to: enlightenedservant

I finds this so interesting
Like ur response is so "normal" and "proper". When I am outside of this forum it is like a different reality. I could never get this type of response talking to a person in a bar or social media (maybe only at my uni). The friends I have in reality are nothing like u people here no joke and I don't think I have bed friends either. thank u 4 the answer.

a reply to: dollukka

wow that is such a beautiful story. your story of giving birth is sending chills down my spine (kind of scary, I did read many mothers to be fear- not unreasonably-dying giving birth) and it reminded me of reading this yesterday:

We are many yet we are One- of one heart one mind and one purpose on this Universal and Earthly Ascension road, though the individual journeys may very in form and color. Understand that your world is in throes of birthing a whole new reality, and only a few births occur without pain.

thank u for ur story.

a reply to: Krazysh0t

I don't know u in reality but from what I read a mini you would be like omg. full on
So if u met someone who wants to share their wealth in exchange for ur crazy u still wouldn't do it?

a reply to: MimiSia

Didn´t find birth contractions very painful, my pain tolerance has always been quite high. I was peaceful all the way even when i was taken to emergency section ( maybe i was just too tired ). Reason why i was in risk was because i have small bone structure ( i am petite woman ) and was in danger due internal bleeding, after all those hours doctor came to conclusion that it is not going to work out. Next day i was taken to X-ray and it showed bone factures some of them came due trying to deliver baby in traditional way and some had came during pregnancy, it also showed that my pelvis bones didn´t opened at all for giving birth ( kid was normal size baby, not too big or too small ).
Didn´t find giving birth dramatic at all just complicated lol.

Every woman is different.. it´s not a horror story. Really seeing son well after waking up made all worth it

a reply to: dollukka

my mum was the same(well no just similar)
she always said she happily let me suck all her blood and nutrition out of her she had last year a surgery the section on lower spine she damaged durging birth started to accumulate calcium build up:/ now she can't wear heals. so what age would u recommend for woman to have kids. now that you have a mini you what would u say is it better to have a child even without a partner then not at all? I have totally given up on finding the right person.. so I feel lost on the baby subject

a reply to: MimiSia

I don´t see our child as a mini me, he has some traits which come from us, but this doesn´t make who he is, everyone is unique.
When it is the right time to have kids, depends when you ( both of you ) are ready and content with the decision making them. If you feel the pressure of having one, then you are not ready. When your personal economy is in balance, you are paying your bills on time, have something saved and your mind is not running around material things, you might be ready. When you find the right person you know, if you are not sure, ask yourself " Is he/she fit emotionally as a parent". If your answer is no, don´t go for it. Remember child brings responsibility, you need to be ready to be in Childs life 20 years and more, child has to be able to rely on you all that time and more.
The world has changed, we are more liberal more self centric than our parents and grandparents were, making kids in a young age without taking real responsibility of it is more common than ever before. Making kids have also turned into "fashion" statement, friends have them so i should too.. Which is the wrong approach.

I would say child needs both parents, but i do understand those who don´t find a right person to be with and want to have child alone. But the decision should be well thought out before doing so and if you are young making that decision on your own.. don´t hurry.

a reply to: MimiSia

It would be a tough sell. I don't consider myself the most responsible person and I don't think it would be fair to a child if it was mine if I can't take care of him properly.

a reply to: MimiSia

As a general rule, it's women who want kids and men just go along with it.

It's like anything else in relationships - if one partner wants something badly and the other half isn't really all that arsed, then they both end up doing it.

I always regretted having a dad, because there was absolutely no bond between us, and to top it all, I was a walking/talking 'mini me' of him - which delighted him, of course.

I remember asking my mother to get a divorce when I was seven! Not because I hated my dad...I just didn't feel any love or closeness to him. It was like having a stranger share your living space. I could have quite happily lived my life without him in it.

I'm sure he felt pretty similar, except for the fact that having a son who was a carbon-copy of him was a massive ego trip for him.

Dads can be a problem, and I think it's down to the fact that they aren't really bothered except for having a son who's the spitting image of them. Then it's all about ego.

How often have you heard a man say, "No, I don't want kids...well, sometimes I think I'd like a son."

Says it all.

No thank you. Let all the self-proclaimed adults have that one.

no thank you...never...nada...no

But that is just me...I don't speak for other menfolk

My wife and I stopped that before it could become an issue

originally posted by: MimiSia
a reply to: enlightenedservant

I finds this so interesting
Like ur response is so "normal" and "proper". When I am outside of this forum it is like a different reality. I could never get this type of response talking to a person in a bar or social media (maybe only at my uni). The friends I have in reality are nothing like u people here no joke and I don't think I have bed friends either. thank u 4 the answer.

Thanks.

Ever since I hit puberty, I became absolutely obsessed w/women. And not just in the normal "girl crazy" way, but more like "why are they so different? lemme find out!" So I used to always ask women questions, about virtually everything I could think of. A lot of people thought I was a playboy but I was seriously just fascinated. I'd laugh at the crazy misconceptions females have about us, and realized fairly quickly that we're waaaay simpler than females think. Y'all will put so much time & thought into something we say or do, even if it was done on a whim. Half the time, we don't even know why we said or did it. We just felt annoyed or happy & blurted something out.

Point is, just communicate with him. Be blunt but nice because "you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar". Most guys actually want to please our women. So if you (or whoever you're talking about) show him how much it will mean to you, he might cave in. Just be sure he's the kind of guy that'll be good with kids before taking it to that level. Because the only thing I've seen worse than no father is a horrible father.

a reply to: CJCrawley

I love your response
the thoughts in your childhood are almost nonhuman like(in the best way possible)
I do resonate with some of the feelings but not towards my dad. oh and omg you are so right about the son thing. for some reason doctors told mum the entire time I will be a boy. until I was born my dad was running around making even promises to god if I am a boy he will name me David and who knows what. when it was me he was no longer so enthusiastic and they both had no name for me and could think of one for very long time

a reply to: MimiSia

Well I think you answered your own question there at the end of the op when you said boys.

That's the whole problem unless they were just automatically ready to be happy as can be with their own family at an early age because they had learned from their environment the correct way to enjoy family and take care of children.

Some men say they don't and alot of that has to deal with they are already assuming the woman they are gonna get with is someone that they humbly accept is someone using them as a crutch like they will because the soulmate thing seems so impossible.

The right woman at the right time in a young mans life will grow him right up. it's the one he wants to take care of!

this is a story of mine just to filter because I feel I am ready to talk about it but not with anybody in my "real life".

when I was 21 I got engaged with my partner I was living with for a year he was 12 years older than me(always dated and still do date guys who are that much older then me is the only way this story gets so much more complicated as imagining his job is a police officer( his job is nothing like that but) with money to spare. I was so naive and he was so deceiving and manipulating. I got the looks but is something that I never seek in my partner to have. the most attractive thing about man to me is intelligence and god he was smart. in terms of iq not eq he is still the most intelligent person I met(so full filing for me he was so stimulating for my brain and brilliant sense of humor). me working for a bodybuilding and healt shop chain at that time right next to gyms I had heaps of young man comming to me many times trying to wow me(it would never work for me). my partners job allowed him to come and spend lunch with me at work so he saw what's up. many guys would openly flirt with me not realizing the guy next to me is my fiancé. one day he told me to get of the pill( I wanted children since I can remember) in 3 months I was pregnant. when I told him suddently reality hit home for him. that is when things turned so ugly and all hell broke loose I refused to have abortion( another issue was I knew no one else very well but him where I am now) so he started to get so violent and because of me comparing him to a cop there was no where for me to escape. I even got several kicks in my belly area but that was not how I lost my 5week pregnancy but rather the level of fear and anxiety. he was not sorry. several years later when his sister had a child he had the audacity to contact me saying having his niece in his life he wished things were different back than... anyway.. that is a little about me. I do not consider myself weak he knows I could tell the world now but I refuse to sink to his level and that is my little victory. the pregnancy is not a trategy either for me anymore and as horrible as this sounds having a child in my life that reminds me of him is something I don't want to even think about

originally posted by: MimiSia
this is a story of mine just to filter because I feel I am ready to talk about it but not with anybody in my "real life".

when I was 21 I got engaged with my partner I was living with for a year he was 12 years older than me(always dated and still do date guys who are that much older then me is the only way

this story get so much more complicated as imagining his job is a police officer( his job is nothing like that but) with money to spare. I was so naive and he was so deceiving and manipulationing. I got the looks but is something that I never seek in my partner to have. the most attractive thing about man to me is intelligence and god he was smart. in terms of iq not eq he is still the most intelligent person I met(so full filing for me he was so stimulating for my brain and brilliant sense of humor). me working for a bodybuilding and healt shop chain at that time right next to gyms I had heaps of young man comming to to me many times trying to wow me(it would never work for me). my partners job allowed him to come and spend lunch with me at work so he saw what's up. many guys would have openly flirt not realizing the guy next to me is my fiancé. one day he told me to get of the pill( I wanted children since I can remember) in 3 months I was pregnant. when I told him suddently reality hit home for him. that is when things turned so ugly and all hell broke loose I refused to have abortion( another issue is I knew reality no one else but him where I am now) do he started to get so violent and because of me comparing him to a cop there was no where for me to escape. I even got several kicks in my belly area but that was not how I lost my 5week pregnancy but rather the level of fear and anxiety. he was not sorry. several years later when his sister had a child he had the audacity to contact me saying having his niece in his life he wished things were different back than... anyway.. that is a little about me. I do not consider myself weak he knows I could tell the world now but I refuse to sink to his level and that is my little victory. the pregnancy is not a trategy either for me anymore and as horrible as this sounds having a child in my life that reminds me of him in my life is something I don't want to even think about

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I honestly don't know what else to say. I wish we had more of a support system for these types of situations, b/c I've seen similar incidents out here. And I'm beginning to suspect it happens a lot more than we hear about. The worse part is it seems like society doesn't even care. Many times, people either don't believe the woman or blame her.

a reply to: enlightenedservant

ur respond made feel i cant tell u how..u are the fourth person in my life to say something back to me about it but first one to say something with empathy..
thank u is not enough


lol I can't breath now