do guys really want children ?

a reply to: theMediator

yes that is why I am struggling last 1.5years
I guess part of my journey is to leave a legacy in form of environmental protection projects and god help me if my futuristic business plan works out I want to pump it into raising the bar on current standard of living for all of our beautiful kids. moraly I am torn about the fact if it has to be "my kids" that will be my "eternal offspring"

a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

so what do you think about guys(predominantly I believe)and ladies who prefer materialistic professional and personal development over having children

a reply to: Expat888

that is a very beautiful highly emotional and touching story.
wished u would tell me way more about it.
things like do they remember things from their childhood, how do they deal with it, how do you deal with it.. and if there is a significant other in this scenario how did they deal with it.. maybe this is something you wouldn't want to get into but also how do u cope with the fact it was not a "genetic" problem but it was the "environment" that had fundelmental effects(in this case negative) on our biology.
Any health advise?

originally posted by: MimiSia
a reply to: cody599

aww.. that is awesome.. oh no.. I don't know how she does it.. what a beautiful leason from life we can learn about ourseves by watching (and at the same time worrying )about ur children spreading their wings.. and also I do fear my future children not liking me(??) i am also torn between raising my future kids in they teenage years as a mother figure or friend figure..I don't know how I would do with being both.
ok this is my next question..
when would you want to become a grandfather (assuming u could choose )..
can you even imagine that?

I'm more a friend than a father and I love it like that, I didn't see my kids for years, they were children when I left and fine young adults when I saw them next. So I missed the whole awkward puberty bit, if I'm to be honest I'm ready to be a grandfather now...................now now now LOL.

But I desperately want my kids to do what they have to (national service), travel the world a bit like I did (preferably not making my mistakes) and get their degrees under their belts, that's their dream and I'll move heaven and hell to facilitate it.

My daughter is talking about doing 5 years army service minimum, and I respect that, my son is 16 and won't be drafted until he's 18 then he'll have to make his mind up as to the what's, when's, and morals of it all. I can only hope the limited influence I had was enough to keep him grounded in reality.

Watching them spread their wings is a joyous thing.

And like I said I have to thank my ex wife for that, she did one hell of a job.

Cody

a reply to: cody599

wow military service ..
doesn't that scare you?
my childhood is very similar to your daughters. I love my dad(my mum used little white lies when he couldn't make it) I am not a "daddy's girl" but I think we get along so well because we have similar personalities. my parents were both extremely young. dad went when I was 2 then mum one day decided to explore the world for 2years when I was 11 and gave me temporarily to dad. lol .I laught so hard every time he was doing my hair. I was always late for school and the teachers stopped asking.. and every scratch and broken bone happened to me under his watch with him surprisingly I have a father daughter relationship with mum we are best friends. he also wants me to settle down mum prefers me to wait until the last minute i still cuddle with both like I am 5years old (yes I admit it)

a reply to: igloo

It is also amazing to have(from the sound of it) a supportive family such as you guys have. That truly sucks with their mom(I really can not imagine plus the audacity to take him to court!). So how about yourself?

btw the beggining is super hilarious

a reply to: MimiSia

I'd be lying if I said no

But it's a large part of life for them, a rite of passage so to speak, they don't have a choice in it short of leaving home and coming to live in England. Obviously we've discussed the options, and they are determined to what they consider to be right. I did my time so I know the training they will get is excellent.

But yeah it'll be a tough few years as a parent, waiting for the call to say "I'm home for the weekend Dad", we stay in touch as much as possible which is easy at the moment (When he hasn't lost his bloody phone again LOL). But it'll be tough when he's drafted, I probably get to talk my daughter once or twice a month at the moment, but as I live abroad, she has the right to visit 1 week a year, as will my boy.

Guess what..............................It's gonna be one hell of a week

Cody

a reply to: rickymouse


omg that is so funny..
oh no u didn't just reveal the ultimate secret
mastermind behind all man's actions..

a reply to: cody599


I also live on the other side of the world from my folks ..yes I miss them but I secretly get away with doing what they would never let me do otherwise. (my parents don't really speak to eachother if they don't have to. mum doesnt even keep his phone number)..last time I went home (I stay with mum) and I go visit dad I actually did loose my phone(!- sometimes is not just a lil fib) and couldn't let him know I can't make it the day I promised (my mum would rather not admit to him I came to visit she wants me all for herself) so when I rocked up a day later then i promised waiving at him at his gate he bursted into tears when he saw me.. he thought I didn't want to see him anymore!!?? how adorable I felt like a piece of .... to scare him like that that was the first time i saw dad crying

what a life we live god and btw my dad is the best cook in this world!!! my greatest actual gift from dad was when he planted a cherry tree(my favorite!) specialy for me in his back yard. the tree is finally bigger then me

a reply to: Nyiah

oh that is super sweet
how was it when u decided to have your first? things just happened or did you talk about it? like just the thought of actually deciding to go for it is mind blowing to me. I think I chicken out(?) at first..

a reply to: MensaIT3

mmmm..
you just scared the hell out of me
I will be 29 soon.. so 30 is around the corner. even worse is culture. at home on average couples (like all my friends) marry woman (age 21) man (age 24). here in Australia I see 40year old guys F.r.e.a.k.i.n.g out. I watched a come and date with me show recently..chick my age said she is ready to have kids and the word "desperate" was thrown around a lot !!

a reply to: ChesterJohn

see this is a problem for a woman I believe biologically.. and it is scary and mismatched. so with the ghosts of girlfriends past what was the reaction on the kid topic.

a reply to: strongfp

that is awesome.. i wished I had a sweatheart by my side when I did travel and so on.. I am finished now with all that been on the road for ten years and I finally settled.. I always have an issue with partners who hadn't had that experience yet(btw I am not saying it has to take 10years. but leaving your nest and comford zones really adds to life experience I think) I always encourage them to just go for it, but it is not an easy emotion to handle. I struggle knowing that they long for exploring the world but at the same time they are bound to me and willingly and preferably . I hate knowing how wonderful would this be for them and at the same time not knowing if and when and for how long would they go.

a reply to: MimiSia

I used to want 5-7 children more than anything else. I seriously wanted that big of a family. Probably until I was about 25 when the reality of the world and my life started to hit me. I adore kids and I know I'd be an excellent father. My shortcomings as a parent would be a sometimes battle between wanting to be their friend and being the authority figure and I suppose some people might find me to be too honest with my kids should I have had them as I wouldn't try to shelter them from the world. But, I'd encourage them greatly in whatever they chose and really be there for them.

I've never had sex, much less kids. So, that's not happening. Am I disappointed? Yeah, of course. It was my only dream growing up. But like everything in life, it's something you've got to let go of. Looking backwards, it's a good thing really. The population is out of control and this world is a terrible place, so I'm not bringing any new lives into a doomed existence. I still like to imagine sometimes what life would have been like, but those are ideal dreams where more likely, I'd have been faced with an ex-wife who took them from me or having to deal with a society that forces them into a life I wouldn't want for them.

a reply to: MimiSia

My kids and I
Might as well put a face to it all

Cody

The question was do I want kids.................... Hell yeah
Do I want to hold my gandkids ?.................... Hell yeah
I'm not rich but I'd give everything I have for them to experience life

Cody

a reply to: MimiSia

I see no problem with that either.

I have taken the road of professional development myself. I just do it on my terms. I stay in a small town. Make sure i leave the office at 5 at least 95% of the time. I'm at my kids events. I prepare the evening meal for the family. Share in half the housework. Then I plug in and work for a couple more hours from home.

It CAN be balanced. You just have to do it on your terms.

But if someone doesnt want to have kids...fine by me. If they have kids that a nanny raises...so what. It isn't my values...but I don't need to project my values onto others. There's always gonna be more than one way to skin a cat.

I personally think you shouldn't have kids until you are at least 25, preferably 30, just because otherwise, too much divorce in the world....

That said, yeah, I wanted kids. (by this, I mean my own flesh and blood), but as it turned out, my wife had two kids coming into the marriage (my first marriage though), so they are my kids, and I'd do anything for them that I would if they were my own flesh and blood.

Was kind of funny, as my wife was worried I wouldn't be on board with it, lol... I welcomed the chance to be their dad. Besides, someone has to be the bad cop, and get them ready for REAL LIFE...she mothers them too much. I only wish I had them sooner, as now, I'm having to deal with the remnants of some pretty bad parenting when they weren't with their mom previously.

The world's got enough folks in it though, so I'll be happy raising these two vs. adding having a kid ourselves.

oh thank u
well done they are beautiful thank you for sharing

a reply to: Gazrok

I also would have never cared if the love of my life had children from previous relationship is an added bonus

a reply to: gottaknow

I have a feeling you have a compelling story to tell that you haven't shared
Just to connect with others who undestand you and want to know you and letting others in and reciprocating that connection is wonderful