Drinking - I'm Over It - Now What?

Hi, I'm KAOStheory, I'm 44 years old, and I am not an alcoholic.

Nor do I want to become one.

I over-drank in high-school and college on occasion, but then not really much at all until my early '30's.
Then, I went hard. Then I stopped. Back and forth. Sometimes stopping months on end.
Sometimes binging. Sometimes just normal consumption.

In the years when I didn't really drink much (as in 2-3 Guinness and I'm done,) I would be what most would consider anti-social, or say I suffered from SAD. See, I live in Chicago. We're a drinkin' town.

And tonight, I don't want to drink. I do want to do something - with friends. I can think of about 3 I could call and one just moved out of state. And I don't want to drink tomorrow, or the next night either. I want to quit for a while and focus on my business.
I'm not an alcoholic and I don't want to go to AA. Sure, I could benefit I don't doubt it, but what I don't want to do is have to listen to the severe horror stories - I see and hear those around me every day and don't need more.

One is my roommate and I love and care about her but I can't be around the crazy drunky face party at 2am when she gets home from the bar she works at. She's annoying and I'm tired and when I try to sleep she keeps me awake all night pissed off that I won't party with her. Not trying to tell anyone else how to live, I get it. I've worked in bars, I still do a couple nights a week. But I don't drink if I don't want to. It's not impossible - one of our bartenders is a recovering alcoholic and has no problem working there.

It's not SAD or being anti-social, I just don't want to be around a bunch of drunken asses when I'm sober. It's annoying. You can't converse on the same level. I know sooo many people who admit that they "can't open up" without a few drinks, let alone be intimate?! That seems like a serious issue. I couldn't date someone who could only have drunk sex. Weird.

What's the deal ATS? Is the whole world drunk - and worse? I know most of my friends do other substances I'm not fond of as well.
I'm about 10 years older than most of my friends, do I just need new ones? Where do I find them without having to talk about God or play checkers in the park?
I just need to go to bed at a decent hour and wake up in the morning with a clear mind, functioning memory, and healthy body.
I'm not ready for the retirement home quite yet, but I'm not a young crazy party animal anymore either.

Anyone else experiencing a similar situation or has in the past?

Thanks for reading.

a reply to: KAOStheory

…and I am not an alcoholic.

What made you say that?

a reply to: KAOStheory

Welcome to "All Grown-up World"!!

Get out. Meet 'new' friends who are your age and have similar interests. I shouldn't have to tell you this (I wish someone had been as blunt with me), but I don't want to hear about you just being lonely. Make sure you're looking for friends in areas where your interests lie. It's a painfully slow process, but it's worth the investment of time and effort.

Do you have any activities that you like doing maybe try finding people that also like doing those activities.

Maybe a conspiracy meetup group? that's a great idea I think I should check that for myself. haha

a reply to: KAOStheory

Does not drinking have an effect on falling asleep?

Get back into things you liked to do before you started drinking, even if it has to be activities you did when you were just a kid. Build models, ride a bicycle, fly a kite, whatever. Do things you enjoy that never had an association with drinking and getting drunk.

Go to parties with your friends if you want, but it will be hard to avoid drinking in those situations and at first the vibe will be different for you when you see how really stupid they act when they get a buzz on and you don't.

Socializing with other straight people can be a drag at first as well. Eventually you will feel better about being sober and can handle all social situations without a beer, but whatever you do, just do something that you like to do that has no previous connection to drinking.

Of course, if you always had a beer when you were doing most recreational activities, that might be difficult to do. Anyway good luck, you'll do fine after about a month after you disconnect drinking from your normal fun time.

a reply to: KAOStheory

Thanks for the replies all.
I do have a lot of interests - like sound therapy, crystals etc - that's what I do in my business.
I do know people, and I'm not totally lonely. I just wish there were more people outside of my circles to just watch a movie with or something.
And yes I guess I'm just growing out of bars. I've always been creative and active, not one to just sit and do nothing but drink, and just find those who do more and more dull.
I said I'm not an alcoholic, because I wanted to clarify my on-and-off history with drinking a lot, and not, and it's not because I have a problem with it other than how it makes me feel. It's a tolerance level thing.
And as far as falling asleep, it's been my experience that it keeps me awake more often than helps me sleep. I'm not one to get black-out drunk from shots then just fall down in my clothes.

I wasn't looking for sympathy or to complain about "being lonely," if anything I have too many people around all the time. And they're not always drunk. Just the past few days, weather getting nicer, I see myself leaving a lot of cookouts early this year, and to go do what, I'm not sure. Sit at the lake and read I suppose.

originally posted by: MichiganSwampBuck
Anyway good luck, you'll do fine after about a month after you disconnect drinking from your normal fun time.

I think you nailed it there. Last time I cut down considerably, I was also dating a girl who didn't drink at all. So for the past year I've been working hard, and when I'm done, have a drink. Then I don't really do much at all lol.
So I guess anything is better than nothing, right?

a reply to: KAOStheory

I was hoping that would help you, it helped me cope. My drinking history sounds quite similar to your own. There were all kinds of interests I had before I ever got into the party scene, then after a while (years really) having a beer seemed to creep into most of my recreational activities. So revisiting old interests may help, or find new ones that have no association with having that beer. Eventually the party has to end, but the good times don't have to.

ETA: Actually I've been invited to a party this weekend, the hosts and all the guests, including my old lady, will be drinking, most really hard I'm sure. But that won't phase me, I'll have a great time without the booze and probably be the best singing karioke for sure. I can enjoy my drunk friends as long as no one cops an attitude after having one too many. I won't even hit the doobies floating around either, it all about enjoying the company and having a good time, not getting # faced and stoned. Good friends are good friends and good times are good times.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck
ya thanks. it did.
Well, I'm primarily a musician (multi-instrumentalist) and sound engineer.
So I used to just sit with headphones on, amusing myself with my own amazing sounds.
Or produce animation videos for my tracks, stuff like that.
I'm pretty over that, and now I work in sound & vibration therapies.
To make a long story short, I've self-limited what I can or will do musically anymore.

Starting to feel like Costanza on Jerry's couch..."sports, i like sports, i could be a sportscaster or somethng" - lol.
Really though I can't complain, I have a pile of fun toys and a lot of good friends. It's just a time of transition, and it's weird. I think they key is to find more like-minded people who aren't 100% hippies or religious freaks. maybe start a new band..."pregnant women...and kids. i could hang out with them" lol

ETA to your ETA: well said. i agree. i hang with a lot of punk rock types. it doesn't usually end well when the whiskey starts flowin. blows are thrown or tears are shed, either way, it usually ends no bueno.

a reply to: KAOStheory

No way, I've been playing in bands, running sound and stage, recording since high school! Wild, we have a lot in common, even the punk rockers. When I was in college I was hanging out with musicians and artists in seedy downtown bars and after hour joints. Crazy times for sure.

All that partying gets old though, but that doesn't mean you have to stop playing and recording music. The bar scene is way old for me now-a-days, no real interest in that crap anymore. But even the more innocent past times like fishing had to include some beer, but really it doesn't have to, just get back to the basics. A health kick could help too. If you want to be healthy and in good shape, beer totally loses it's appeal.

Anyway, my big draw to any parties is the socializing, having fun and food, the drinking just gives me regrets and a hang over the next day. Besides, someone has to be the driver and these days it is too risky to drive after even having just a few.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

Yea I'm surprised I lived through a lot of what I did!
Been playing in bands since high-school too. You ever tour around the midwest? Maybe we played some shows together lol. I moved to Chicago in '93 to play with Blue Meanies for a summer, then went back to my trip-hop band with my girlfriend/singer until we split, then more punk bands while she went solo.
We played Detroit, Ann Arbor several times, I like Ann Arbor a lot...I'm sure I've other places in MI as well, just not comin to me at the moment.

Anyhoo, I hear ya on the driving thing - I don't drive these days, don't really need to much in Chicago. I work at a bar less than a 30 second walk from my apartment. I have to admit, I do like hanging in bars and not drinking - gives you an edge up when talkin' to the lady folk I cook there, so if I drink at all, I don't even start until 11pm, maybe 10 if I'm really bored. Not tryin to lose a finger!

ETA: health-kick thing - sorta yea, i mean my age for one, and i work with sound healing, crystals, and reiki. i don't know how much you know about or believe in it, but It's energies flowing through you - and if you're a dirty filter, that's no bueno either.

a reply to: KAOStheory

I remember the Blue Meanies, never saw your shows though. I was in Detroit in those days and went to Wayne State and ran sound in Hamtramck at Paychecks for a while. Basically I was into the scene from about 87 to about 97. Some of the bands I worked with were The Civilians, Murder Style, Liars Cheats and Thieves, Pretty Rotten (became the Neurotics and moved to L.A.), Screaming Bloody Leper Children, Shangri La (Guitarist Eva Gryczon continued on in California), Sudden Impact, Trash Brats (glam band, ugh!), Chunky Seeds (AKA Phelonious Seed), and many others. The bands I actually played with never did too much though. I hung out at The Ritz Concert complex and NY NY a lot, mostly an Eastsider but did the down town rock bars too. Hell, we probably crossed paths before.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

Wouldn't doubt it!
I've heard of more than a few of those bands...Paychecks sounds familiar too...

Funny, took me a minute to reply because one of the three people I know who don't drink stopped by on his way home from class to chat about his thesis, and my business. Ask and ya shall receive a drop-by.

a reply to: KAOStheory

I do have a lot of interests - like sound therapy, crystals etc - that's what I do in my business.

Just a thought

Get a hobby different from your work or business and stay dry, using alcohol as a tool to overcome anti depression and/or to socialize won’t help. Learn to enjoy life without shackles; try to get high on laughter and get new friends.

a reply to: ICycle2

I hear ya. I've always mixed work and pleasure.
I'm good though, I mean it's less about me than it is everyone else. I'm a night owl, so I don't need to drink (or do anything else) to stay up late and talk - I just don't want to do that with someone who's wasted, or only online.

I think I did use drinking to just end the f'n day already - when you run your own business, you're always on the clock. Timezones don't matter, emails come in all hours of the day and night.
It was my way of saying, "I'm off the clock now, let's talk about that tomorrow."
I can do that without it - my point is, why is that always met with a negative response?

Why do people insist on getting hammered, then just talk all night about things that are really important, knowing they won't even remember the next day? Can't we just relax and have a good time?
I've just noticed that lately, anyway, people can't handle their booze. They don't know when to stop, and they sure as hell don't know when to stop talking. I've taken to recording them on my voice recorder. I won't play them for them though. I tell 'em, not my job - you lost that time from your life, tough.

As I said, Chicago is a drinkin' town. We have 4am bars, 5am on Saturdays. God forbid "spring forward" happens on a Saturday - I remember that night many years back. Most don't. Maybe people here are just more prone to it. They act like it's a badge to be proud of.

a reply to: KAOStheory
Make new friends? Yes. Definitely! Doesn't mean you have to abandon your current ones. Just make new ones who are on your level of thinking and allocate some of your time to them. Use Meetupdotcom and find groups in your area for all your hobbies and interests. I think the issue will resolve itself through that approach.

You drink beer, spirit or wine?
Try light beer its nice.

originally posted by: KAOStheory
I am not an alcoholic.

Nor do I want to become one.

Me either, especially because my father was apparently a bit of one.

I have pretty serious anxiety issues that I suppress to the point of seeming spaced out sometimes. There is still a load from the stress on my body though, and 2 to 3 16oz beers a day seems to keep me pretty even keel.

More than that and I get really spacey the next day and have trouble thinking sharply until I have my first few sips of a beer that day. Less than that and I get extra edgy and nerve pain etc. I know it's just a super mild psuedo-withdrawal type of thing, and not that bad of one, but I can never seem to just do it because my home life is incredibly stressful to the point of being unbearable.

I can go all day without one and get a bunch of things done; but it still feels like mild alcoholism to me.

I mean they are 8% by vol. 16oz beers, so to translate into regular 5% 12oz beers, it'd be 5 i think.

a reply to: AthlonSavage

I'm Engish, Irish, German, and French - I drink all of those lol.

Not a fan of light beer. I worked for the marketing company responsible for the PBR comeback about 10 years ago.
Yes, I admit it - hipsters are partly my fault. Sorry world. Free 30 packs anytime I wanted. That was pretty nice.

It's the PBR and lighter - well, cheaper - beers that do to me what r0xor said ^.
I have a wheat allergy as well so I always wake up feeling like I have a head and chest cold if I drink cheap and/or lighter beers. I do enjoy wine, I used to be a buyer for a wine bar as well.
Spirits, not so much anymore. Vodkas ok, whiskey never again, the night can only end with yelling at my friends or with "whiskey you-know-what," and either way is not how I ever want to end a night.

I have to admit - I'm really addicted to run & eggnog. Well, eggnog anyway. So most times I throw some rum in it. Getting to warm here for that now - finally.

I also wanted to say, we do have monthly events here in Chicago that are all ages, drug-and-drink free. I know some of the teens are probably taking something, but whatever, "John, they're only dancing."
But I work these events, so I'm there at 6, don't get home til 2, and it's work. When I get home I'm like damn I need a drink! It's exhausting. But I love doing it because I think it's great, when me and my sister were little my mom took us to parties - not all but some - and it was cool, I love the kids at them, and it's also great that people who maybe are in rehab or just trying to recover have a place to go on a Friday or Saturday night that's not a bar.

Did any of you see that article floating around about "Empaths are More Prone to SAD"? I think there was a thread here even...well duh. If I'm sensitive to people's energies, I don't want to be around a packed room of intoxicated people.

Anyhoo one of those events is tomorrow night, 1st one at a new location, so looking forward to that.