Woman of my dreams shapes the way I feel about love and relationships.

Hello ATS, long time no see. I hope everyone's been well. If I'm lucky, I'll see a familiar face or two that recognizes me. If I'm fortunate, I'll make a few new friends with my return.

This will probably go on for too long and eventually it may sound like random rambling. Bear with me.

Down to business.

I'm twenty-four years old, male. Sporadically, and rarely, over the past eight or so years, there has been a reoccurring woman character in some of my dreams. I must first explain that it is rare that I dream about myself. Rare as in a 1/3 chance. More often than not it's as if I'm watching random characters interact in a movie and I have no physical body or consciousness or I'm actually an entirely different person with different thoughts/desires/motivations/perceptions with no concept of "TheOneElectric".

However, sometimes I dream the standard dream. You know, the one of being "me" lost to the the whims of my subconscious dreamscape. In those dreams I sometimes see, sense, or speak with this woman. I don't know here name, I've never been lucid enough to ask. I regret that that, and feel guilty about it. I can best describe her as lithe, raven haired, fair skinned, and dark eyed. Her eyes are kind of like mine, large and intimidating. I think that's what drew me into her first. I can't tell if she's Caucasian or Eurasian. Last night she was more Eurasian than anything. Though, even that is an improper description.

I guess a description isn't important. Though, if I were to guess, it would would help give the reader a bone so that the imagination could do its thing. For the longest time, I could "sense" her or feel her in my heart even if I couldn't see her. The first heavy dream where in I actually saw her occurred almost six years ago when I had a dream involving me being drunk and poisoned. Doesn't sound too pleasant, does it? Yeah, well, you'd be wrong about that. It was actually one of my more memorable dreams, one of my favorite dreams. In the dream, I drank a lot with friends and joked about the good times. What good times would an eighteen year old me be nostalgic about? I don't know, sometimes I feel as if I transcend the normal perceptions of the linear temporal existence when I sleep. But see, now I'm getting away from the story and causing you to roll your eyes. Sorry. So, I was drinking and somehow fell ill due to some adverse substance in the alcohol, alcohol. My friends stated that they had to move on, and that we would meet again at some point. Drunkenly, I waved them away, but attempted to follow them. They were heading to the down town party district of this fantastical city. I followed as long as I could. I fell at the edge of a fountain and propped myself against it. The group considered helping me along for a moment or two, but decided against it. From there I remember growing rather despondent over my inability to follow them. There was this thought in my mind, 'not this time, but maybe next time.'

A female in the group then turned to the rest and, with a smile, said, "You guys go ahead, we'll be fine. We'll catch up later " The group gave their final farewell and disappeared into the depths of the city. The woman sat on the edge of this marble fountain, and at that moment I noticed three things. Her dress was a deep emerald green, her hair was long and dark as the night sky, and her eyes were just large enough to be considered unnatural. Ok, I'm a liar. I noticed five things. Her smile was disarming, and she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen.

She smiled at me for a moment or two and then laughed at my attempts to stand up straight and sit on the edge by her side. I ignored it and persisted in my struggle. I began vomiting needles. The pain, yes pain in a dream, was unbearable. The alcohol or poison made everything heavy and uneven. However, for some reason or another, it was important that I sit next to her. Call it love at first sight. I pushed on, trying my best to summon a strength that wasn't there. Eventually, she took hold of my hand and guided me to my feet. I was cured, just like that. She then laughed a little bit more, peered into my eyes, and then pulled me behind her as she ran off into the night. I don't remember what we talked about or the places she showed me, but we stopped by a dozen of her favorite spots on the city. When I write about the dream it seems unremarkable and fairly mundane. But, as always, there's context. I've never felt a human to human desire/connection like that one ever before.

Every dream I have that features me has a tinge of that feeling, almost as if she is somewhere close. I always feel her, I don't always realize it, but I always feel her; but, I don't see her, not often. Last night was an exception. I had a dream about myself working in a law firm. My supervisor decided he was going to work longer and to sleep in the office. I bid him farewell and attempted to avoid some of the head partners on my way out so that I wasn't asked to stay past 9pm as well. I got back to this mansion that I shared with about fifty other people, and somehow I knew that the woman was in a common room. I went up to the room, and as you can guess, she was there. She gave me a smile, but somehow I knew that this was a different type of smile. While it gave off all the signals of happiness and joy, it hid a deep sadness. She was laying on this couch/bed type piece of furniture. I went over an laid next to her. She sat up and took my hand in hers as she laid my head in her lap. We sat there, gazing at one another for a few moments. We then began random small talk before I asked her to "lay with me." Now, before you let your imagination run wild, I literally meant lay down. Sorry, this isn't turning into "50 shades of this is entirely inappropriate' any time soon. She told me no as she stroked my forehead with her free hand. Something in her voice told me something awful was approaching. Another tenant of the mansion came into the room , sat beside her, whispered something in her ear, and put his arm around her. I am not a violent man. I can't recall being able to do anything violent in dreams where in I exist. However, there's a first time for everything. I remember bolting up, grabbing the mans neck from the side with one arm and squeezing. He turned red fairly quickly. There was no thought, no anger, just action. That's what makes this strange for me. There was no anger in what I did. It was simply a matter of fact action. Now, at this point, my dream woman made eye contact with me and gently shook her head as if to tell me that "this wasn't the reason she refused to lay with me/he wasn't a threat/we don't have time for this because this isn't the awful thing".

I let the man go, he rubbed his neck and walked off. I then said, "I hate him. I love him, but you know I hate him. I don't like him around you."
She ignored that and took my face in her hands and said, "I'm leaving at eight. I'm flying in the morning."
For a while I just stared into her eyes. I knew what she was saying was true, and I didn't care. I didn't want to lose her, I didn't want to be without her.

"Can we at least try?" I remember asking, attempting in vain not to sound as sad as I felt.

Her hand caressed my cheek before I felt it snake around to the back of my neck. She pulled me down onto the bed. There we lay cuddled together, spooning. I closed my eyes, and as darkness enveloped the scene, I woke up.

I woke up and felt an odd sinking sensation in my stomach and a tightness in my chest. Imagine depression, shaken and stirred with just the right amounts of anxiety. Now, amplify that a couple of times over and that’s half of what welcomed me to my waking life. Don’t worry, it was just and instant jolt of unfathomable loss. It’s not like I had a panic attack or anything. I’m find now, save for a lingering trace of the feeling. I’m fine now, mostly.
So, you’re probably wondering why I am here relaying these painfully plain dreams to ATS’s philosophy and metaphysics board instead of the dream board. Well, it has to do with this:
Every relationship or long term endeavor I’ve attempted to engage in over the past eight years has always been influenced by the ideal of this woman. I paint these young women in with the colors of the dream woman in green far before I actively meet them. I grow nervous before dates, wondering what it will be like to meet perfection in the flesh; however, when I finally date these ladies, I’m more unimpressed and annoyed than anything else. These young women, beautiful in their own right, are not the women in green.
Can I differentiate the dream from the reality? Of course. That’s not the problem here. The problem lies in me feeling how some individuals describe their feelings towards an ex that they cannot let go or a departed significant other. The problem is that a dream creation can inspire emotional dependency and or longing similar to the real thing.

The implications are worrisome, and altogether exciting. I now understand some mental disorders infinitely better, as the distinction between reality and the other is difficult to establish if the brain can formulate emotional ties to headspace creations. I now know, for sure, what that feels like. That’s the exciting part, empathy. I can now empathize with people that I once looked upon with confusion and reserved, measured fear. The less exciting part is that emotions can indeed attach to headspace creations, or noncorporeal beings if you so believe.

Now, many of you will roll your eyes and think, “Don’t you already know this from the basic tenants of religion or even your meditative practices. I mean, you did that thing once, right (for people who know me)?”
It’s different. Showing love toward deity, a god, a goddess, or being so far above your spiritual paygrade is a different affair from loving another human being or concept that has never known the physical world. Feeling a sense of loss for a being or concept that has never existed is strange indeed. It’s as if my heart is reaching out to latch on to something that just isn’t there, and it hurts. A strange, insane, and irrational as that sounds, it hurts.

I’m one for rationality in all of its forms, but I’m staring down the barrel of a troublesome conflict of interest. I could go on believing that these dream personalities are simply constructs of a subconscious mind putting together parts and pieces of my interests and passions in a logical construction of a person…or I could believe to see the mystery of what we don’t know about the brain, the subconscious, dreams, and death from a more spiritual vantage point.

I don’t know. I rarely think about this or her, as I usually ignore it. I don’t date too often, so it’s rarely an issue. I don’t feel too strongly about it, as it’s rarely more than a slight vibration on my heart strings.

I was just…curious.

What does ATS think? Have any of you had experience with re-occurring dream characters? What could they symbolize? Are they simply something to house subconscious abstractions…or…are they something more?

Anyways, thanks for reading. I hope you all are well and continue to be well.

Bye bye.

Beautiful written.

My dreams are more like I am telling myself a story I think, but on a unconscious level I think, since I do not seem to control them conscious well.

I am one of those souls who want a very specific kind of partner that seem to be very hard to find or manifest on earth.

Namaste (I bow to the divine in you)

I dream alot and remember them.

Two of the people who I dream about are my Dad and my mate. My Dad died when I was 21 and I have never really got over it, my mate killed himself in 2013.

Now I have these really vivid dreams with them, walking, fishing, drinking, just having great laughs and good times, I wake up sad because they are not real, but then I become thankful that I have spend another few hours in their company.

Of course its not real...what is real, all we have are memories anyway.

I look forward to meeting them now, I see them more now in my dreams that I did in real life/

a reply to: TheOneElectric

I would caution you against chasing "perfection".
It's often an illusion.

Perhaps it is the Universe connecting you to awareness of the Goddess principle.

IMO humanity went off the path when it sidelined the feminine principles and as we see today it is such principles of love and nurture that are so required for healing the world today.

Stay tuned!

originally posted by: TheOneElectric
The implications are worrisome, and altogether exciting. I now understand some mental disorders infinitely better

I'm glad you realized this by yourself.

Yes your story isn't that much different from the sad people who fall in love with a cartoon pony or an anime pillow. It's not too late to react before you are on the other side of the fence with those you understand infinitely better now.

a reply to: TheOneElectric

It’s different. Showing love toward deity, a god, a goddess, or being so far above your spiritual paygrade is a different affair from loving another human being or concept that has never known the physical world. Feeling a sense of loss for a being or concept that has never existed is strange indeed. It’s as if my heart is reaching out to latch on to something that just isn’t there, and it hurts. A strange, insane, and irrational as that sounds, it hurts.

That is some boundary disillusion right there, but i think it's a beautiful thing. That other worldly love makes the love we know on earth seem like just a tiny remnant of the real thing. Nothing compares.



I've heard the same advice given many-a-time, "never give up, follow your dreams, they can come true"

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
Perhaps it is the Universe connecting you to awareness of the Goddess principle.

IMO humanity went off the path when it sidelined the feminine principles and as we see today it is such principles of love and nurture that are so required for healing the world today.

Stay tuned!

Amen!

My translation;

Your internal spirit is using dream world to bring you back into your divine feminine. Thus does not mean boy or girl, we are adults by now..

It's universal energies. The human being has two hemispheres of itself, within the prism of the body.

Your masculine, thought, reason, logic, straight forwardness etc...

Your fememine; feeling, prediction, intuition, curvature forwardness (to go around and connect - as opposed to straight through).

Your dreams can be interpreted as; your sub conscious dreamscape, is a tool higher self can use to relate with its lower form of consciousness.

The feeling you get in your heart, is not her, it's your feeling. This dreamscape woman was the tool to activate such feelings for you via dream-relations.

But because someone externally makes you feel true Love, it's a gift, not a relationship or contract. And see it as so, your heart can be turned on, and thus bring balance of your two hemispheres; masculine, feminine.

But that which helped you activate this part of you, is not a contract more of a lesson and aid from another conscious-being.

But the feeling is YOURS, not something else. But your disconnect from this side of you, will fallback and put "love-tags" on the ones who do this for you, believing thus amazing feeling you have now belongs to them.

Nothing can be further from the truth... she just helped you, see and turn on another part of your self, you were disconnected from originally.

Don't get hypnotized.

Very nice thread btw, I enjoyed what you shared

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

I see. This is entirely possible. I had a thought, just a second ago. I wanted to say "I wonder why the Universe insists on being so obtuse." However, maybe that is the overly logical aspects of my consciousness attempting to rule the day instead of my empathic and intuitive portions. Interesting indeed.

a reply to: Elementalist

Question.

Am I doomed (blessed) to feel this way until I learn to connect with this feeling that is truly directed at myself? How does one go about realizing and acting on a reconnection to the feminine energies of the Universal Dualism instead of favoring the Masculine completely.