Support bullying, stop people from trying to defend themselves.

I have noticed something that pisses me off.

Time and again I have seen various videos where a person is being bullied. As long as the victim sits there and takes it no one says a word. Bystanders turn their eyes away and suddenly become ignorant of the bullying and verbal assaults going on.
But as soon as the victim decides to stand up for themselves that's when some self appointed "peacemaker" decides to open their mouth and step in to take control of the situation- by chastising the victim!

"well, let's calm down now.."

Where the frak was your concern when the attack was all one sided?

It just enrages me to no end when some chump has nothing to say when someone is being picked on, then the very second someone shows a little backbone all of a sudden said chump becomes the grand justice of peacemaking, and steps in- for what? to save the bully a well deserved comeuppance?

Quit stepping in to save the bully.

Usually one good a$$ whoopin' cures a bully right up. Why do people feel the need to make sure the bully lives to fight another day?

I agree 100% with you sir a good a$$ whoppin never hurt anyone weve become weak with life in general its crazy let me tell you i see people today that get away with bullying and it irks me...a reply to: abe froman

I earned a reputation for being the wrong kid to bully pretty early. I took a few lickings, but I also dished out a few. I never had a bully come back for seconds. One good punch to the nose is enough to make them think twice.

originally posted by: abe froman
I have noticed something that pisses me off.

Time and again I have seen various videos where a person is being bullied. As long as the victim sits there and takes it no one says a word. Bystanders turn their eyes away and suddenly become ignorant of the bullying and verbal assaults going on.
But as soon as the victim decides to stand up for themselves that's when some self appointed "peacemaker" decides to open their mouth and step in to take control of the situation- by chastising the victim!

"well, let's calm down now.."

Where the frak was your concern when the attack was all one sided?

It just enrages me to no end when some chump has nothing to say when someone is being picked on, then the very second someone shows a little backbone all of a sudden said chump becomes the grand justice of peacemaking, and steps in- for what? to save the bully a well deserved comeuppance?

Quit stepping in to save the bully.

Usually one good a$$ whoopin' cures a bully right up. Why do people feel the need to make sure the bully lives to fight another day?

Nothing stops a bully like an unexpected azz whupping. In fact, even if the person being picked on fights back and loses, in most cases, the bully will not bother them again.

a reply to: skunkape23

Heh, I was nerdy enough to attract bullies and big (and pretty) enough to make it a triumph if they intimidated me... a perfect poo storm in school. It's amazing I'm not a mass predator now (as far as y'all know).

Luckily by bro was in the military and taught me a great finger breaking move that was subtle and allowed me time to talk sense to them and let them leave with dignity or make them beg while their ring finger split...

So yeah... hate bullies... even though I knew, even then, that they are just transferring their own beat downs and humiliations onto others they thought were safe to attack... underdogs forever!

originally posted by: skunkape23
I earned a reputation for being the wrong kid to bully pretty early. I took a few lickings, but I also dished out a few. I never had a bully come back for seconds. One good punch to the nose is enough to make them think twice.

Not sure how old your are, but you speak like you are from the old days as I am!

But it's the laws of todays society that promotes bullying while pretending to be against it!

Remember way back when, if someone approached you in a bar and knocked you off your bar stool, the fight was on. The police showed up, everyone told the cop who started it, and they were escorted out to spend a night in jail. NOT ANYMORE!

That happens today? The law pretty much gives the police the authority to hall both of you out to spend a night in jail!

Now! Put that into perspective on how many "victims" we have today! Why? Because they are afraid to protect themselves for fear of being thrown in jail!

a reply to: abe froman

Exactly, not only is there a perverted contempt for victims who defend themselves but, there may very well be a culture of encouragement.

Anti-Bullying Programs May Have Opposite Effect - Do We Need an Anti-Anti-Awareness Campaign?

a reply to: [post=19001252]abe froman[/post

Bullying? Isn't that what the government does on a daily basis?

Seriously people won't step in first, they wait until someone else does, good or bad.

Pack mentality at it's finest.

I think some people jump in because they're thinking, "OK, the guy being picked on has had enough and somebody's about to get hurt".
Which, in my opinion, is exactly what should happen. Bullies don't stop until someone stops them.
I know waaay back in high school, I got bullied several times, until I thought "Enough" and made it obvious I could take up for myself. I, like many here, am old school and a good a$$ kickin' is all a bully deserves. No more "Oh, he's had a tough time and just needs a hug". No, he needs a boot in the a$$ and sent on his way with as many lumps as possible.
Repeat as needed.

a reply to: abe froman

Amen!

People enjoy the show until matters might prove to be beyond what they're casually enjoying....it's beyond sickening.

(not to bore, but you know my penchant for personal accounts...)

Several years ago I was ruthlessly verbally abused by a roommate over a minor failing on my part....there were no witnesses and he just kept getting meaner and more cruel with every passing minute. I was trying to rectify my mistake, but he just kept bearing down on me. Screaming at the top of his lungs, insulting, derogatory things I dare not repeat.

Finally it hit that point - that point where the psyche can't take any more - and I went from cowering to standing up for myself in a flash. Scared him half to death. He started in again, but I wasn't taking it any longer....when I physically made a motion to defend myself (no, I didn't actually hit him...just made a motion that I was prepared to do so if he continued his course of action) he ran like a scared kid upstairs and called the police claiming I was violent and irrational.

The police showed up and he made his hyper-inflated "poor me - I'm the victim here" drama speech to the officers - who calmly assessed the situation. When it came my turn to give a statement, it was pretty damn obvious I was in self-defense mode at the time and no charges were pressed. That roommate stayed the hell away from me after that, but not before he made his rounds telling all of our mutual friends what a "crazy psycho" I was...conveniently leaving out the part that drove me into standing up to him.

You know, looking back on that incident and all the ones I endured during my school years....one thing remains the same....every bully on the block will cry foul and plead the victim card when push comes to shove.

Society needs to quit the sideshow mentality and wise up to those abusive jerks.

As they say 'round these parts: "The guilty dog barks the loudest."

The "zero tolerance" violence policy in our schools is, I believe, one reason that kids are going into schools and shooting people. They teach you that you're not allowed to stand up for yourself. As a result, boys aren't allowed to be boys and settle their differences on the playground (or, as we did, at the park after school). Instead, they are forced to endure years of social torture that has a lasting and cumulative psychological effect. Then they snap, and take it out on the people within the institutions that "did it to them".

Sometimes you just have to let them duke it out. Our pussified culture doesn't understand this anymore. Kicking a bully's ass nowadays will get our protagonist an expulsion and likely land him in jail.

Everything is backwards.

You're right OP, this nonsense needs to stop. If someone is starting #, stop it before it even happens. Not when it's clear who is the bully and who isn't. That's why they're standing up for the bully, because they don't want to be the next victim.

I had a bullying problem.
Once.

In order to understand where I'm coming from, you have to know a little about me. This being the Internet, you can believe me or not.
I was always a quiet, shy kid. I never talked much and I never seemed to be able to make friends. I was also way above average for my size compared to other kids my age. In the 96th percentile to be precise. So I was big, I had glasses, I was shy, and didn't talk much. Looking back now, I was a little chubby but my real size came from my muscles and bones.

Back to the tale of how you're supposed to deal with a bully and the right way to deal with a bully.

This kid, named Mark, was the literal stereotype of a bully. He was good at whatever he tried, he was very sadistic and always looked like a little angel around authority.
I joined the Cub Scouts at age 8 and very soon, I was a Weeblo in the Boy Scouts, with Mark. Who was 3 years older than me and had about 2 dozen less badges. He did not like that I was better than him at something, so he decided to beat me where I couldn't defend myself. He would do little things like pinch me when no one was looking or make fun of my glasses. On and on this went, three years running.

I told my parents, the scout leader, the teachers, the principal, his parents, everyone that had authority basically.
The people that are supposed to stop bullying.
They told me that I was making things up, they told me I was exaggerating and that no one was that petty or vindictive. They told me to quit being a tattletale, a few of them.

So one day when I was 11 in the YMCA after school program, I got fed up. I couldn't take the stress from dealing with Mark during school hours and the Boy Scouts.

I walked off by myself, away from any cameras or counselors. I had a book with me, a book called the Art of War by Sun Tzu. That should of tipped off anyone that was watching but anywhoo.
Mark followed me over and started picking on me. He took my book, he pinched me, and then I stood up. I told him very seriously, "If you don't give me back my book, you're going to regret it."
He called my bluff.

I kicked him the nuts hard enough to make him puke, I punched him in the side of the head, and while he was crying in a pile of his own puke, I whispered in his ear.
"If you bother me again, I'm going to finish the job. Do you want me to finish the job? Obviously you can't talk right now, so just nod your head" He shook his head no and I never got bullied again.
I was expelled from the YMCA program but # em if they can't take a joke.

ETA
You're right that I had a psychological snap. The next time I had a bully, I took up amateur boxing and put the bully in the hospital for 3 weeks. He never bother anyone after that, but I still regret hitting the guy so hard. He became retarded afterwards and sometimes, it has kept me up at nights wondering what could of been. Oh well, that's why I like Canada so much. Lots of a no name item to keep me happy.

a reply to: abe froman

The 3rd party perspective is that the victim is justified as a martyr and/or there is no threat perceived unless he reacts (because the 3rd party is not being attacked or values a martyr and/or a peaceful or passive person); and if he (the victim) reacts unjustly, the victim becomes the evil himself, and not the hero.

In movies, the protagonist is a hero because the protagonist and antagonist are always well defined, and the bad guy is almost always dealt a just defeat.

In real life, the characters are not well defined. In real life, if you shoved me against the lockers, and I reciprocated with unjust force, or by fighting with you [without stopping/endlessly attacking you] then I have become bad as well, and need to be stopped.

In real life, the victim's heroism is measured against the bullies perceived threat / deserved penalty, AND the victims ability to defuse confrontation without becoming wicked.

e.g. If you call me a bad name, I don't get to end your life, nor endlessly fight against you. Instead, to be the good guy, I should ignore you, or to be a hero, I should reciprocate by delivering swift justice [which ends the confrontation without me becoming wicked.]

Also, there is a bunch of bias involved in real life, and so the bad guy might also be perceived as a crusader / democratic empire / righteous cause bringer (someone who brings justice to the 'heathen'.)

I think people are used to bullying. And when the victim breaks the norm and decides to confront the bully, well... people aren't used to THAT.

Good ol' classic "I'm not used to it, so whoa, let's stop it now".

Makes me sick.

a reply to: abe froman

one person bullying another is a normal act of social dominance - establishing and maintaining a hierarchy - it adds to stability so is not seen as a threat to outside observers

once the victim 'stands up' you have a conflict which is a potential threat to stability and therefore others in the group have an interest in stopping the conflict

just a thought - might be nonsense

personally, there's nothing i like less than bullying in any form

originally posted by: thisguy27
You're right OP, this nonsense needs to stop. If someone is starting #, stop it before it even happens. Not when it's clear who is the bully and who isn't. That's why they're standing up for the bully, because they don't want to be the next victim.

I had a bullying problem.
Once.

In order to understand where I'm coming from, you have to know a little about me. This being the Internet, you can believe me or not.
I was always a quiet, shy kid. I never talked much and I never seemed to be able to make friends. I was also way above average for my size compared to other kids my age. In the 96th percentile to be precise. So I was big, I had glasses, I was shy, and didn't talk much. Looking back now, I was a little chubby but my real size came from my muscles and bones.

Back to the tale of how you're supposed to deal with a bully and the right way to deal with a bully.

This kid, named Mark, was the literal stereotype of a bully. He was good at whatever he tried, he was very sadistic and always looked like a little angel around authority.
I joined the Cub Scouts at age 8 and very soon, I was a Weeblo in the Boy Scouts, with Mark. Who was 3 years older than me and had about 2 dozen less badges. He did not like that I was better than him at something, so he decided to beat me where I couldn't defend myself. He would do little things like pinch me when no one was looking or make fun of my glasses. On and on this went, three years running.

I told my parents, the scout leader, the teachers, the principal, his parents, everyone that had authority basically.
The people that are supposed to stop bullying.
They told me that I was making things up, they told me I was exaggerating and that no one was that petty or vindictive. They told me to quit being a tattletale, a few of them.

So one day when I was 11 in the YMCA after school program, I got fed up. I couldn't take the stress from dealing with Mark during school hours and the Boy Scouts.

I walked off by myself, away from any cameras or counselors. I had a book with me, a book called the Art of War by Sun Tzu. That should of tipped off anyone that was watching but anywhoo.
Mark followed me over and started picking on me. He took my book, he pinched me, and then I stood up. I told him very seriously, "If you don't give me back my book, you're going to regret it."
He called my bluff.

I kicked him the nuts hard enough to make him puke, I punched him in the side of the head, and while he was crying in a pile of his own puke, I whispered in his ear.
"If you bother me again, I'm going to finish the job. Do you want me to finish the job? Obviously you can't talk right now, so just nod your head" He shook his head no and I never got bullied again.
I was expelled from the YMCA program but # em if they can't take a joke.

ETA
You're right that I had a psychological snap. The next time I had a bully, I took up amateur boxing and put the bully in the hospital for 3 weeks. He never bother anyone after that, but I still regret hitting the guy so hard. He became retarded afterwards and sometimes, it has kept me up at nights wondering what could of been. Oh well, that's why I like Canada so much. Lots of a no name item to keep me happy.

Don't let it keep you up at night, he deserved what he got.

a reply to: Eunuchorn

Don't let it keep you up at night, he deserved what he got.

do you think every young kid who ever bullied anyone deserves permanent brain damage?

a reply to: abe froman

When Columbine happened I thought "ok, now that people see what bullying can lead to, maybe something will be done about it".

sadly, I feel, nothing was learned.

I was in a no win situation at school. I was rather tall for my age so attracted bullies from the older classes. But if I defended myself I would ALWAYS get the blame and be punished by the teachers for it. The words still now stick in my mind " you big bully your bigger than them". Of course the teachers never saw the original bullying and would never believe me saying I was defending myself.
Physical bullying and cyber bullying aught to be taken more seriously than at present as such actions can scar people for the rest of their lives. In saying that no matter where you go in the world there is nothing worse or more cruel than children. They can be more vicious and nasty than any adult and mostly without consequences. If an adult acted the same it would be classed as a crime.

a reply to: abe froman

I'm not a fan of people being an observer.

I was picked on back in middle school and even in high school. And because of that lovely zero-tolerance policy, to add insult to injury, I had to apologize to the bullies several times! Our middle-school counselor even made us shake hands with each other. For the first time, both my bully and myself would be thinking the same thing: The handshake meant nothing except maybe a 1-day truce. There isn't any training on what you should do if you see bullying, either. There are plenty of anti-bullying groups out there - but all of them talk about how the victim should handle the bully, not an outsider.

I still remember this one the most. An older classmate would purposely smack my back until it was red and sore - This was on a bus, in front of people. I began to dread every trip this moron was on, because I knew he would sit right behind me and do it. Finally, after a particularly hard smack, I told him to knock it off (with all the emotions encouraging me to smash his head through the glass). Someone next to him was laughing, so you know who got the punch? The other guy. When he asked why he was the one getting it, I told him it was for sitting there doing nothing to stop the idiot from bothering me.

One of the reasons people don't get involved is because they person is either afraid that the bully will turn to them next, or that they will end up getting the fall/get in trouble like the rest. Wish people wouldn't be so afraid to take the chance and help the victim. I would.

-fossilera