Where will I have gone?

Ummm...It was a very hard decision for me to place this here before you...I wanted to share with you the true meaning of horror and how it sometimes veils it's countenance in masks of realism...


Where will I have gone?


I will walk no more among these fields, these forests who majestic stand.
I will caress not the face of flowers, nor drink from crystal springs who bubble up from strata deep.
Soon my final footstep will resound and fade into the gathered twilight.
The soft impression of soul will wane, dying like the last warming rays of day.
Do I pollute you earth, as I leave my final encumbrance there, behind.
Does my blood muddy your waters as the last of it spills from veins.
Veins whose torrent I have loosed, as I took charge of my final moment and sad........................passed away



Many years ago as my world collapsed around me...as I watched like a specter all of my dreams shatter...
I walked up onto the mountain and sat down with my back to a tree...For a while I wept...in the midst of my tears I drew my titanium knife from it's sheath...placed the blade against my throat..........................and...

Was overwhelmed in that moment by the thought of everyone that cared for me...family...friends...those who have never seen my face...yet care across the miles and oceans and years......

Obviously...I let that moment pass and fall victim to time...I want to thank all of you who ever had a gentle thought for those whom you will never meet or truly know...I owe my life to you and those that care about me still...


YouSir

a reply to: YouSir

An artfully morose expression of one's existential crisis. Thank you for posting, you write very well.

I believe all self-examined human beings have such moments in life, and although these times can be very lonely and personal, there can be community in all who experience this.

Had not you emerged from such crises stronger, we would not have your writings to contemplate! Thanks again for sharing.

a reply to: YouSir

I think that the most horrific horror is of the very real kind. When my father died I understood properly for the first time, the effect of nothingness, of 'not-here-ness'.
You captured that feeling extremely well in your writing, the fragility of life. I'm glad that the thought of your kin overwhelmed you and kept you anchored here, just like I'm glad you started posting your short stories for us to share.

That was excellent YS, really moving.

B x

Wow, very impressive!

Thank you for posting

a reply to: InTheFlesh1980


Ummm...thank you InTheFlesh...I apologize for not responding in a more timely manner...I've been battling with bronchial pneumonia...and while it was certainly kicking my butt for a while...I think I've managed to best it...

The reason I wrote this was to illustrate that such "lonely and personal moments"...should...be shared and that the road through travail is innate within all of us...
A more thorough understanding would inform...that every crux...every apex moment is a decision strand...and that however far we might think we have fallen...the strength to climb is already there within us all...we only have to tell that voice that loves to suffer...to sit the hell down and shut the hell up...




YouSir

a reply to: beansidhe


Ummm...Thank you BeanSidhe...I totally understand and can sympathize with "not-here-ness"...In a sense it really is "nothingness"...primarily due to the huge void that's left, that a passed love one once filled...It always leaves me wondering...where will they have gone...?

While your there in the heart of such a moment...it truly is horrific...Yet time...not only wounds all heals...but does in fact heal all wounds...
As I stated in my reply to InTheFlesh...one has to be willing to take up the reigns and be the lead through misfortune rather than be led by it...because it will keep us there...in thrall to suffering...if we let it...






YouSir

P.S......................................I'm jealous...

a reply to: Night Star


Ummm...thank you Night Star...I actually posted this with you in mind...perhaps a further consideration of a conversation we were having in another thread that dealt with much the same subject...
I have been to the bottom of that well...admittedly I was there for a while...yet ultimately it was my deciding to not wallow there any longer that led me out of that dark place and into the light again...

I suppose that if a hand is offered...and another hand grasps it...it became not just an act of compassion or kindness...but a crux of decision as well.....therefore...I offer this post as such to you...

Sometimes all it takes to thaw the ice we sometimes build around our soul...is a small act of kindness...a warmth that lies at the heart of compassion...a hand extended...




YouSir

a reply to: Ashirah


Ummm...thank you Ashirah...I told you I would post a horror story...I just never intimated that it would be non-fiction and of a personal nature...

There are so very many other stories to tell...hopefully I have the time...and ATS the patience...for I would tell them all and hope that some might be touched by such meager insight thought to have gathered through my travels and travails...




YouSir