I never cry when they die. Same, this time.

a reply to: droid56

My condolences for your loss. Your sister sounds like a beautiful soul.



a reply to: zazzafrazz

I am the exact same way.

When one of my grandmothers passed ten years ago, I was sad but not weepy. Yet I'll cry over some sad tale I hear or a commercial. It really bothered me at the time. I wondered if I was broken or something. .

But....years later, I smelled a lady's pefume and memories of my grandmother came flooding back and I had a good cry and grieving session.

Maybe we just gird ourselves and wall off the emotion in order to forge through the initial shock and loss. Like a survival mechanism.

a reply to: droid56

Death is so powerful. When we are young, it is just a concept. But when it happens to people we love, it becomes something very real.

It is very real - but it's hard to feel the realness of it when it happens. You're left right after with the realization that something just happened that is a huge loss - something that you can't get back - something that you can't affect. Sometimes, even when you know it's coming - it's a shock

I'm the same - when I've lost someone I love I feel numb - quiet. It may hit you later - even years later

Don't ever wonder if you should cry. Everyone grieves differently

I am so sorry for your loss

a reply to: kosmicjack

Oh I think putting up a wall to cope with the grief of loss is definitely whats happening, Disconnection is a strong coping mechanism.

I also think if it is someone really close the process of getting on with planning funerals are for those left behind, the routine and focus can be a lifesaver.

a reply to: droid56

a reply to: droid56

I seem to be carved from the same material as you , i am a emotional black hole , i have never cried for anyone even close family .

I do feel sad but i try not to let it bother me same with anger i see it as a waste of effort , what is the point life is too short to feel sad

My sister died today. In a sense this was good news, since her life had been a living hell in her last weeks. It's hard for me to grasp the fact that she is actually gone. I'm not a religious person, but I hope she might currently be enjoying a very pleasant out-of-body experience in another dimension.

a reply to: droid56

You never get over it, just more use to it.

So sad, and I really hope you know that the people in this thread are here for you to lend an ear if you need anything.

Heres to a spectacular inter dimensional experiences for your lovely sister. And I will have you and your family in my thoughts.

Love never dies.

Zazz

ETA I'm teary.

a reply to: droid56

I hope you can find comfort now that your sister is relieved of all her pain.

You might find there is a bit of a void in your life now you don't have the stress of worrying about her - I think it would be a good thing to fill that void with happy memories of her.

Maybe raise a glass tonight and wish her well on her journey.

originally posted by: droid56
My sister died today. In a sense this was good news, since her life had been a living hell in her last weeks. It's hard for me to grasp the fact that she is actually gone. I'm not a religious person, but I hope she might currently be enjoying a very pleasant out-of-body experience in another dimension.

We are made of energy and energy never dies. Many years ago I had a brief out of body experience so I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that we are more than just this physical body. What would be the purpose of existing just to one day not exist in any form at all? There are some rather compelling stories from credible people who have left their physical bodies. I think that your Sister is more than just fine and one day you will see her again. HUGS!

a reply to: droid56

I am very so sorry for your loss.

As to crying when people die, when I lost my best friend and went to her funeral, I cried and cried and cried, for weeks after.
It took years to break that grief cycle, but I found after, that I didn't cry anymore when someone I loved died.
It bothered me at first, but then I came to realize that although I was sad, I was happy that they have moved on,
and it was easier for me. It really did bug me for a long time that I was not crying at death, and that in itself made me feel guilty, not that they were gone, but that everyone was crying but me. An odd feeling.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is no " just get over it" although some can, and everyone deals and copes differently.

I hope in the coming days you will feel better,
and whatever grief cycle you go through is speedy and not to hard on you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

a reply to: droid56

My sincere sympathy to you and your family mate.

Im very sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that
can truly help at a time like this. I offer my condolences and will keep
you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

a reply to: Night Star
I am hugging you right now. All of you. With love.

Funny that you chose this as a topic. It is almost like reading something I would say. Now when I was 11 and my mother passed away I balled my eyes out, but I was young and vulnerable. As an adult though, something changed. I remember what I said when my then wife told me that my older half-brother who lived in California died. I just replied "that's not surprising. I never cried for him, probably because of the way he treated me at times. Then when I had to say goodbye to my father some years ago, I didn't cry. I really believe that it depends on how you are treated by that person when they are living that determines how much grief you feel when they pass. I personally don't believe in grieving over an "asshole" or someone who did not show TRUE love for me. To me this is a natural response whether it is family or just a friend. Yep, it might seem sad that I would probably cry my eyes out more over my cats if they died than most of the people I know. To me, crying is such a waste of time, especially if you really don't mean it.

Sorry to hear about your loss. I believe the grieving process may be different for many people. It also depends upon how emotionally attached you are to someone. If you rarely see and talk to someone and they are not immediate family, you may just be like, oh, that's too bad and never shed a tear. Some people don't talk to others in their own families. They likely wouldn't shed a tear if they heard on the news that someone in their family died. Life goes on whether you cry or not. We all have the remainder of our lives to live and that time is getting shorter every day so grieve if you feel it, then move on before it's your time. I can get teary eyed thinking about one of my relatives who I know could suddenly be dead without warning one day. She used to live farther away but now that I see her almost every day, checking up on her and helping her, I know it's going to be difficult to suddenly have that void in my life when it comes. She's planning ahead. She even made funeral arrangements and they are paid for. I see that as a blessing that she is getting rid of things and possessions and making plans instead of dumping a mess onto everyone else. I've heard about improper wills being tied up in probate for years and relatives fighting over possessions and the house and/or cars.

I even read the other day that in large part, the split in the religion in the Middle East started after their great prophet didn't name a clear successor. They have been feuding every since. Some people do not want to face reality that they will die and do not make plans and that is a shame because it can cause hardship for the survivors or extra grief and aggravation. Disagreements can last hundreds of years, example, the Middle East.
Sorry for your loss.

Out of curiousity,and if you aren't honest with us which I would understand I hope you are honest with yourself; Do you abuse drugs or alcohol? This is a common problem for addicts.

a reply to: droid56


here this is perfect video to watch when someone close you love passes away, very touching video.

www.youtube.com...

I'm envious of the dead. Death is freedom.

originally posted by: douglas5
a reply to: droid56

I seem to be carved from the same material as you , i am a emotional black hole , i have never cried for anyone even close family .

I do feel sad but i try not to let it bother me same with anger i see it as a waste of effort , what is the point life is too short to feel sad

I never feel sadness, only misery that I keep waking up in the same place. Day to day life is overrated. I disagree with your last statement. Life is far too long.

originally posted by: Eunuchorn

originally posted by: douglas5
a reply to: droid56

I seem to be carved from the same material as you , i am a emotional black hole , i have never cried for anyone even close family .

I do feel sad but i try not to let it bother me same with anger i see it as a waste of effort , what is the point life is too short to feel sad

We are on the same wavelength on that one ,bored rigid with it myself

I never feel sadness, only misery that I keep waking up in the same place. Day to day life is overrated. I disagree with your last statement. Life is far too long.