I'm struggling with it right now. I have three kids that play sports. Up until this year, it has all been rec league and they do not keep score. I
partly understand at a young age because the kids are still learning the game. However, the kids on the team keep score themselves. Why? Because they
are competitive. You know what? I think that is good.
My daughter is finally old enough to play club soccer which is very competitive and should be good for her. I've already had the talk about how much
harder she will have to work and how much tougher (mentally) she will have to learn to be. I know there will be a day when she loses a match 20-1 and
I want her to be prepared and learn from it.
I know its really really sad. The world is highly competitive, we are setting up the kids for failure in the real world. Without giving them the tools
to deal with that failure, they will become suicidal or self harm, thinking they just dont have what it takes. Kids need to understand that life is
filled will failure as well as success, and they need to know how to deal with both. The only way for that to happen is for them to deal with it and
I have always been very competitive, to the point that I even compete against myself. lol.
Holy # you two. You may be some kick ass parents, and pretty cool for your kids that you two care about them so much....
but holy #, the things you both say like the kid will understand.."I know there will be a day she loses a match 20-1" & "we are setting up the kids
for failure in the real world"....u said it no1 else.."they will become suicidal or self-harm, thinking they just dont have what it takes"?? As
grown kid I'm getting more pissed off reading these words you two.
I kno ur being mature and very-far reaching in your preparatory parenting...but this is not the way.
Soccer can't be your life-lesson on commitment & preparation. What happens when another situation comes up where you need to give that talk, but
it's for something she'll needs & not just wants. The kid will not take you seriously, cuz its freakin soccer & the kids are playing, and they want
to join, not treat it like another chore, ya know? That talk u gave the kid was your way of trying to scare him/her out of it for some reason. What
could u possibly b afraid of? Any kid would hate parents who set their kids up to fail, instead of helping them succeed when & where u can with other
PRODUCTIVE things. I can understand something like letting go of the bicycle when pushing them down the road, so they can stear alone, or in the pool
without floaties momentarily. But for real guys. Who in their right mind would see parenting as such a somber thing?
Do u have bad memories of losing a baseball/basketball/etc game & remember the lesson you learned to this day? No, it's a game! Parents always trying
to turn their child into practicing commitment, but commitment doesn't come with practice & definitely not like any silly game win or lose. Ur right
the kids can have the idea of commitment solidified early, nothing wrong with that. Just don't try to emulate or even point out how their
circumstances might be worse than they actually care to kno when young.
A good lesson can always be learned constructively, just remember NEGATIVE does not equal REALISTIC. It can easily turn into something the kid will
want to forget. Listen to the quotes I quoted of you two again. It's like you're reading a Eulogy for God's sake. Again, I don't mean to belittle
your dialogue, but it's only JUST that; YOURS.
Something like wanting to teach your kid that "life is filled with failure with success" is just a red flag. Your kid obviously understands this.
But the ones they should be focusing on, and recieving constructive criticism from you about, are the reinforcing positive ones. The ones you'll have
to see for yourself. You cannot just orchestrate it.
Too many parents let themselves off the hook with this responsibility, cuz they tell themself "hey, i told them everything I could, and the little
basterds didn't even listen to me", next step being a pretty bitter "that's it i'm not helping them at all with their problems. I tried & its
like i'm talking to a wall.", finally followed by imo the most pitiful conclusion a parent could ever make their mind up about whilst raising kids;
"..i can feel better now about not teaching them all the fun stuff about life, and about girlfriends", & then ur kid grows up like a lot of others;
feeling abandoned cuz their parent felt "it's the only way they'll learn", & face things alone, learn alone, without even a handful of good
memories to make them feel like they were ever even cared about enough, recalling the uptightness you've had, and the worry, about soccer & what was
it, another lesson about something or other depressing thing again?
You as their parent owe it to them to admit YOU don't know everything. That just because you decide 'realism' as you've been seeing it for the
past 40+ years should be the priority lessons, without ever letting the kid convince you that you're wrong; You'll never get anywhere but where your
posts are saying they are with that scary confidence.
Kids, eat up philosophy. They remember short profound and ambiguous answers they get from questioning you. Remember that when the times come where
they're fighting with you regularly. If you can look back in a few years, and know for sure that your kid remembers at least ONE SENTENCE A YEAR that
you told them that touched their hearts and imagination throughout these early years; that kid will grow into becoming anything they want. Don't
bother responding, I'm outta here.