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What have I become?

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posted on Jan, 9 2015 @ 12:39 AM
After the dust began to settle I was given time to reflect upon the plethora of choices (including the ones that others have made for me) I’ve made during my lifetime.

Only one of those choices in particular stand out; resembling the outline of shadow puppets (I remember creating them as a child) when placed against the backdrop of a concrete wall sitting motionless in a bright afternoon Sun. Lord knows I’ve been given many opportunities.

The Unknown One knows I’ve squandered many of them.

At the end of this day all I really want is a little shut eye; yet even before my head hits the pillow, (my mind has other plans in store for me) these thoughts of mine begin to wander.

There are some decisions I am not proud of making and I wish more than anything I could forget about them all together. There are even more things I wish I had never seen.

I guess they don’t call it The All Seeing Eye for nothing, eh?

In my line of work sleep is a rare commodity. I’ve been told without us doing what we do for a living, the world around us would come to a screeching halt. Only after our departure from this family matter, will time be able to tell if there IS any truth in that statement.

For the "time being"... well you’ll just have to wait and see.

Would Father be proud of what I have become?

How far off this path have I wandered?

Is it even possible for me to return to where this all started?

My other half avoids these questions like the plague; yet there they are again, forging their way home into my mind; a mind that is drifting between wakefulness and sleep.

If someone were to ever truly see the real me, this little world I’ve created for myself will come crumbling down around us like the metaphorical house of cards that I am afraid to admit is my current shelter.

My sanctuary.

Until they find out for themselves who I am, why should I deliver myself to their doorstep? I’ll play it safe (for now) and hide behind one of the many masks here available for my choosing.

It was my choice after all.

edit on 9-1-2015 by ProsceniumProtagonist because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 19 2015 @ 03:37 AM
a reply to: ProsceniumProtagonist

Hmmm. Very thought provoking in My current state of mind. This is intriguing. Very. I also just read the thread by You about The Spider Web Dream. A bit unsettling to Me. Comment will be left there. We often write of what We know of Our real life. It may take on a metaphoric semblance, but it is of real life none the less...... Later, Syx.

posted on Jan, 19 2015 @ 04:35 AM
a reply to: ProsceniumProtagonist

I like this a lot. I really like your writing style, it's very effective. I want to leave this here for you because it keeps going through my mind when I see your title on the posts page:

B x

posted on Jan, 19 2015 @ 04:36 AM
a reply to: SyxPak

Thank you for reading, I'm glad it was thought provoking for you.

It definitely rouses curiosity within the reader and I attempted to layer some of the possible "answers" through metaphors and word play.

The spider dream has a way of coming off as unsettling but the spirit of the dream overall (while dreaming it) was not unsettling in the least.

Now my "zombie buffet" dream is a whole nother story.

posted on Jan, 19 2015 @ 04:50 AM
a reply to: beansidhe

Thanks for stopping by. I absolutely love communicating with music and so I leave you with this.


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