a reply to: kissy princess
Hm. I think you have changed the dynamics of the scenario into something it isn't. We aren't give any information about this scenario, except what
we see. You seem to be over-blowing what we see to make a point, or somehow implying this goes on every day in this family. We don't know that from
this scenario. We have to take it at face value.
I'm moving on from this this morning, however, I do feel you are overly exaggerating what we see here. Not sure why these folks have chosen this
little glimpse to make such a big deal over. Maybe they also occupy a room in a castle, or I'm not sure what the motivation is. Personally I find it
odd, as there is no demonstration of abuse here, or neglect, or any type of emotional or psychological abuse here for that matter. If there was, the
remarks would be directed towards the child, and would be demeaning for her in some way. They aren't. I absolutely wish parents wouldn't fight in
front of their children. I also wish children would eat their broccoli. In a perfect world, both these things would be true.
I have worked with children for many years, and have advanced degrees to do so. I don't typically say that, nor do I come out on ats as such. But I
absolutely know what I'm talking about. I can typically predict by now how most children will behave in a given situation. Not to get off on another
tract here, but I have also taught Child Development, among other such related courses at a large university, and have a strong foundation on which to
base my opinions.
I can tell ya, if this family was in my office, or the office of any of my colleagues, and we saw this video, the response to the parents would be
"you might want to give some thought to arguing outside the child's presence". No, we wouldn't call CPS, wouldn't court order them to counseling.
They seem rational, and would likely take the suggestion -- from what we see here, and again, is all we know.
So, whatever you think, you think; and that's fine with me. Maybe I'm just trying to bring you back to Earth a little bit. I'm sure you will make a
great parent; I think you will, actually. But the truth is, we don't know from this vid exactly what kind of parents these are. We saw two
frustrated parents, and a sad looking child in the room.
Parents become frustrated at times. Children become sad. It doesn't necessarily follow that any of them will be psychologically damaged, or
emotionally scarred, or develop a major mental illness, or any of the life changing and devastating consequences you might be imagining. It simply
I didn't see a traumatized child in any way whatsoever. If she were to be traumatized, I would be looking for other causation, rather than this one
argument between the parents.
ETA: And changing the subject after it's over by offering a snack or something? Yes. That is precisely what you want to do. It lets the child know
instantly "that argument is over; it has nothing to do with me; life is back to normal". You don't want to encourage talking it to death, which will
only assist in helping to move the event from the short term memory, into the long term memory. If you see it as something to be upset about, then
the child will react as you are. You don't want that.
Children react to things typically the way the parents do. If Mom freaks out over this and thinks it the worse thing that could happen, so will the
child. If Mom takes in in stride for what it is, so will the child.
Now, if the child was emotionally unstable already, and having a meltdown over the incident, of course you would need to deal with it, with more
depth. But we don't see that here.
edit on 12/18/2014 by ladyinwaiting because: (no reason given)