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Merry Christmas

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posted on Dec, 9 2014 @ 12:12 AM
a reply to: Night Star


Ever heard the Concrete Blonde song from the 80's. "Dance along the Edge" ?

That's me.

This morning was fun. I had a nice and tidy buzz going within about 45 minutes of waking up. No, not a "wake and bake" scenario, it was a response to a very real panic attack.

Fun part is, waking with an ongoing panic attack that obviously started in your dreams. Then, the dreams don't always seem to be just "dreams". It can actually take a few minutes to realize where you are with regards to the thin line of reality.

Panic dreams. I've had them since I was a child.

posted on Dec, 9 2014 @ 12:23 AM
a reply to: nullafides

Man, that sucks! You sure your meds are working well enough for you? Maybe a different kind or dosage is needed. I hate to see you suffer needlessly. If I disappear, it's because I went to sleep.

posted on Dec, 9 2014 @ 12:29 AM
a reply to: Night Star

No worries, considering it is 1:30am on the east coast.

The meds are working fine, considering changing them is a $300 per hour (no insurance) visit with the Psych, and trying a new array of medications. Something of a "throw it against the wall, and see what sticks" approach.

Or, hey, let's UP the already high dosage your already on.

No wonder my memory is shot to #. I even entirely forgot about a traffic ticket with a court order to appear. Found out Friday that there was a warrant out for my arrest due to not showing.

Life. There are nights I pray I won't wake up.

Sorry for the drama.


posted on Dec, 9 2014 @ 12:58 AM
a reply to: nullafides

I don't have medical either. It will cost me a fortune with or without it. Sucks!
I know that 7 year old little girl of yours will want her Daddy to wake up every morning.

posted on Dec, 9 2014 @ 02:07 AM
a reply to: nullafides

Been there...... done that...... and to a further extreme...

Close to losing your mind? Feel like a loser?

Hate and anger eating you up?

Double mindness a problem? Problems making good decisions?

About two thirds of the planet understand you and how you feel.

So what is the solution?

Because I am thick headed and refuse to listen and learn it took over fifty years for me to find the answer.

The solution to your problem - there is a formula that you must use:

1. You must find peace. Once you find peace the chaos inside you will stop. The fear might still be there but the chaos will stop. What good is all the worrying going to do but keep you preoccupied and away from thinking and meditating on solving one problem at a time. FEAR is one of your biggest enemies.

How did I find peace? Through prayer and fasting. It did not happen overnight either but once peace comes upon you ... it clears your head and helps you to think clearly. All anxiety and depression left me immediately after peace came upon me and I had been dragging this with me for decades!

From time to time EVERYONE needs help. Now you and your family need help. Stop letting your pride make decisions for you. Learn to be humble and learn to accept help. We all want to stand on our feet but sometimes that is not possible.

If you live in the western world there is no reason why a family must be seperated with family assistance programs. You paid your taxes and now you are in titled to assistance. Learn to accept help from others - this teaches one to be humble and thankful. This will make you stronger not weaker.

You were not born with a spirit of fear so do not let it control you but you control it.

Master this first step and then PM me and I will help you move to the second step.

May God hear your cries and be merciful upon you and your family.

posted on Dec, 9 2014 @ 09:46 AM
a reply to: DeathSlayer

I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your response.

A center of peace, I agree, is a necessity. I am not one that is a believer in God. But, I do consider myself to be a "budding" buddhist. That being said, as I am becoming, I find it difficult to let go of fear, want, and ego. This is a learning curve. Whereas I find it rather difficult to not want because of my role of provider for my family I also see the importance of calmness.

I am not typically one for fear. But, the possibility of utter failure when it comes to my family, scares me beyond any fear I've ever encountered.

I've not thought myself alone in this, I know millions of others endure the same that I do. But openly acknowledging this and courting a discussion on this is something that is difficult to initiate. Knowing that everyone has their own troubles, I wonder how selfish it is of me to lay my burdens upon another even for the time of a discussion. Also, I have full understanding of the responses I'll receive. It begins to make you wonder what the effort would actually pay off in.

I'm off to another day.

- NF

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