It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.


Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.


[SEC2014] 84437

page: 1

log in


posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 11:06 AM
Surrounded by darkness, he sat cross-legged on the padded mat, waiting for the coldness to go away. The complete lack of light only made it worse, heightening his remaining senses until it felt as if his whole body was covered by a brittle layer of ice that stuck to his skin, turning him into a frozen, living statue. Although the ice-jacket felt genuine enough, it wasn't, as immediately upon touch nothing could be found to suggest that it had ever been there. His skin did not feel damp either, as it might be in the case of melting ice. It was just warm and dry and normal.

Wearing this artificial, glacial straight-jacket was extremely distressing, especially once the chills started to leach into his body. These icy tendrils would seek out his soul, driving it from him so that all that was left was an unfeeling and uncaring shell, turning him into an empty vessel.

“84437, please confirm that you are all-right,” a disembodied voice said, the unhurried words coming out of the darkness from an unseen loudspeaker hidden somewhere in the room. It could have been a man‘s, although it was so robot-like and emotionless that it must have been uttered through a voice-changing machine.

When he did not reply straight away, the robotic voice repeated the question.

“Yes, yes, I'm fine,” he replied hastily, hearing his own tired and flat voice betraying that he was far from being fine.

At last his body felt normal again, but his mind was still clouded by a weariness you might experience after many months of irregular patterns of waking and sleeping. It was also numb too, made that way by the other things they did to him, although mostly he couldn't remember, for which he was grateful.

“84437, you may leave,” the robotic voice told him as the strips of lighting flickered on, filling the flat rectangular boxes that ran around the room at waist height with a soft light, eliminating the darkness and banishing it until next the session.

The light was always a relief after the dark. Sometimes it felt as if he had been like there for a long, long time, although he thought it could have only been for a few hours at the very most. He stood, stretching out his limbs. It was much better now that the lights were on. It was always better in the light, as the dark only compounded his fears.

Whilst he had been sitting on the floor he had been facing the large mirror, the only and closest thing to a window in this place. It filled most of the wall and was not a particularly good mirror. Smooth and black, it reflected only the hazy outline of his silver-grey jumpsuit, but nothing else of any detail. Incomplete, he no longer took any notice of this featureless image, already forgetting what his face looked like.

The mirror had no answers, yet in revealing nothing it also betrayed something else, that they wanted to remain anonymous. They did not want to show themselves to him.

I only know that you may lie, he told the mirror, directing his hatred so hard that he imagined he could shatter it with just his thoughts alone, exposing the faceless ones who hid behind it like cowards. Whether there is one of you or many, you are all cowards united in your tyranny against me.

Wanting to escape from the testing room, he hurried to the door, which slid open with a tiny hiss of air as the pressure changed. Outside in the bland corridor there was a person waiting to accompany him back to his room. He had named these people white-coats, as the long, white lab coats was the only thing all had in common with each other.

The white-coat wordlessly led the way through the windowless corridors, each lit by the same rectangular boxes as the testing room. They went through two more doors, each accessed by a card waved against them like a flattened magic wand. After another shorter corridor, they reached his room. Like the testing room, everything about it was antiseptic and clinical, matching the rest of this cold, heartless place.

As the door slid closed, shutting him in, he crossed the room and lay down on the bed, a low unfussy thing. The mattress was hard with a simple, warm blanket and a stiff pillow, but it was good enough to sleep on. Very weary and glad to be away from the testing room, he closed his eyes, alone except for the white-coat who stood on guard outside the door and the tiger and dragon who joined him in his sleep.
edit on 28/11/2014 by YarlanZey because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 04:03 PM
a reply to: YarlanZey

S and f

I loved the movement of the character
And the simplicity of the flow accomplished a lot

Is there more..
Can i goose you for a second post on this

maybe an epilogue

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 04:24 PM
a reply to: YarlanZey

S+F YarlanZey!! Nicely Done!! I like this one a Lot!! Syx.

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 04:29 PM
a reply to: ripcontrol

Thanks ripcontrol.

Actually this is a prologue to a much bigger story that I'm writing (about 120,000 words when finished). I have most of it written, with three of the four characters pretty much sorted, although still in an early draft stage. I tend to frequent the conspiracy pages, but noticing this competition and this being short enough, I was tempted to see what reaction it got.

I am happy to post some more, but where do I post? Can I do it here or would I have to start a new thread?

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 04:36 PM
a reply to: SyxPak

Hi SyxPak

Thanks. I'm slowly making my way through the entries. I haven't got to yours and ripcontrol's yet, but from what I've read so far I can't wait.

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 04:36 PM
a reply to: YarlanZey

Thats your call

I would suggest finding out first
12000 words is a short novella

I am doing somewhat of the same thing here myself

Hey will some of you other writers chime in here and answer this

Me on a personal level

I would say roll the dice and publish it here
chapter by chapter
leave room for feed back of each chapter

see what the better writers here say

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 05:00 PM
a reply to: ripcontrol

I see what you're suggesting - like you've done with War of the Revisionist.

Eventually I'm going to mix up my three characters and will explore 84437 more thoroughly in a second story (sequel) but I will post the rest here once I have gone through it as its still very rough.

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 05:18 PM
a reply to: YarlanZey

I know right?! (About can't wait to read some more stories!)
There some incredibly Good Stories Here! The Minds of these People writing are Amazing!!! I love this all so much,it is hard to do anything else as I am Hooked on The Stories of The Writers, both Statused Writers, and Non-Statused Writers alike , and Writing My own Tales!!! SO much Fun it is like Therapy for Me!!!

I look forward to further entries on what You have here now! I did a part two and changed My links in My Signature Box so it shows that I have now a Part 2 to My Fixers Tales. I didn't open a New Thread with it, but now wonder if I should have. It would have garnered more attention to the fact that I have written part two, more than the way it sits now by it having been placed at the end of The first Part of The fixers...... SO If I would do it again, I believe I would open a second Thread, Third, Etc., for any Story additions to any New Multi-Part Stories. Unless I have it all together at the onset of Opening a Thread for said Story (s), in which case it would be posted together in One Thread.......
I was told as a suggestion from someone a little while back here that when I DID open a second Thread for a part two of something I wrote, that I should place part two in the same Thread as Part One. I did move it, (second thread material) as I had time left still to do an edit. I lucked out, I guess and the Main Story post was not very old at all, so My addition to the main story, got it's setting close enough to the first part, that it all came together nicely.
I hate the timer running for wanting to edit something, and it runs out leaving Me frustrated at the whole affair......

So like RipControl mentions about adding pieces as You write them here, I think Yes and No. As stated above here. If it is days before You have an addition, I think another Thread would get It/You more exposure......
You could always link a Reader back to the first part of Your Story (at the very beginning of Part Two, just thought of that), so they can read it first. It would probably absolve any confusion on their part if They were to read part two, before part one.
RipControl has a GOOD idea too of waiting to see what other writers suggest, then way the odds against each other to make that decision of how and where to post multiple story entries......

I hope all this makes sense. (My Meds are kicking in so I am getting a bit Rambly......)

Just my 2 Bucks worth of thoughts on all this....... Syx.

edit on 28-11-2014 by SyxPak because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 07:11 PM
Next part here

posted on Nov, 29 2014 @ 07:58 AM
Index of all parts:

[]84437 (part 1)[/url]
[]84437 (part 2)[/url]
[]84437 (part 3)[/url]
[]84437 (part 4)[/url]

posted on Dec, 5 2014 @ 10:28 AM
You're a wonderful writer!!!

posted on Dec, 5 2014 @ 03:05 PM
a reply to: Night Star

Hey Night Star. Thanks for reading.

posted on Dec, 7 2014 @ 02:01 PM
I love the way you write.
So descripitve with movement and feeling.
Cant wait to read more x

posted on Dec, 7 2014 @ 02:03 PM
Sorry I cant work out how to star!!!!!!!
But i flagged you x

new topics

top topics


log in