The 2014 SAD / Holiday Depression Discussion Thread

To everyone who has replied since my last post:

You are all loved, loved, loved. I may not know any of you, but I relate, I know the pains you feel, I have walked in some shoes, I can put myself in the others shoes I have not walked in.

SAD affects people in winter AND summer, so it's not just a cold winter season thing. Find what makes you content; the SAD lights or Vit D or whatever will work to boost the spirits if even a little bit. Every positive, no matter how small, is HUGE.

To those who have family issues: I know that road well. My step mom finds fault in every thing I do or go through -even when I needed a hysterectomy in April '13 and there was a cancer scare, all she could say was to not make it such a huge deal, that my cousin and aunt were fighting cancer and they'd laugh at me if I let them know I had a cancer scare via my dr. And to this day, she treats me like crap, talking to everyone else but ignoring me because I'm not salaried nor live in my own owned home. The only thing she'll get happy about is when I'm having bad bad times. Whatever. It's my life, I'm almost 42, I am very happy in my accomplishments AND failures - because at least I had the balls to TRY things. Fail or not, I can never look back when I'm 80 and go 'If only I had.....' or 'I wonder what if...' I don't need her approval for anything. I have RA now (Rheumatoid Arthritis which can be fatal and attacks the heart, lungs, joints, etc. Uncurable. It really should be named Rheumatoid Autoimmune Disease because 'arthritis' in the name makes people think of gramma and her sore elbow. It's farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from that but I digress). I have RA now and that will be my fault too, doing it wrong just like my pre op cancer scare. So I just let her be. She does not define me. She does not walk in my shoes. I am not her, Iwill never be her. I work hard in pain fully exhuasted all the time (due to RA) and I will never make 120k a year like she has - I'm damned happy with my pay and my job and my life. I validate MYSELF. NO other human being validates me. Life is too short to worry about what anyone else thinks of me , especially when I'm doing the best I have ever done. Even when I was doing crap, it was still my dance to choreograph.

So I'm basically saying, yeah it HURTS when your own family doesn't give a # about you - but yanno? I found that friends and even people online are much closer to a person and much more caring and understanding and loving and supportive. It's a rotten damned SHAME that that has to be how it is but that is how it is. Everyone in this thread gives a huge care about each other. I see this.

And I love it.

For those who have lost loved ones due to death or drugs or a relationship ending: I'm just hugging you and hugging you and sending healing love and light and strength. Endings are brutal harsh. We always think of the 'could haves' 'if only' 'would have'. Death and a relationship ending are almost on the same par of horrendous, pain wise. Losing a loved one to addiction is ...yeah, same scale because the relationship doesn't just end, but the fear of death is there too. And that's horrific. I wish so much when people found the love of their life, it remained the love of their life. Heartbreak is bogus. But then we look back on all our past relationships and realize why they didn't work out. There will be at least one that we wish never ended, and in that we all are the same. But things happen for reasons.

Kind of rambling here so forgive me. Another aspect of RA is brain fog and kind of a 'durrrrrrrr' buzz to the mind. I'm doing my best. But yeah, I know how hard life can be. I know that all of us go through some kind of hell or the other as we go, year by year. But think about this: here you sit reading this. You're still here. All the bad stuff which has happened, and you're still here, standing, feeling, being. That says a lot, ya know? Grief is a sad unfortunate part of life, but we still keep going. I think it's because deep down we all know that better days do show up in time; sooner, later, but they always show. And we do come out of the storm a little stronger for having gone through it.

Just goes without saying that we have one heck of a group of members in this thread. None of us are alone. Not in what we've gone through and not in the support we have for each other right here. So never ever ever feel alone. We are just a 'send button' away. I'd make a heart symbol here but I'm not sure ATS would post it. That 'less than' symbol seems to be iffy. SO I'm ''less-than three'ing' all of you, big time.

a reply to: sarra1833

Thank you for the kind words. I had to laugh at the end because I have Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" as my ringtone for my cell phone. Sometimes I'll call it from my home # just to hear it. Oh, and I've missed a few calls belting out the lyrics.

a reply to: Hefficide

I forgot, in my haste to write my post and get all my thoughts out, to say thank you. Thank you so much for starting this thread. It means so so much to me. I am glad to hear that there's people out there who care about other people.

a reply to: InfamousSiren
How did you do it, I mean how do you find the light in such a dark place.
I feel like every time I start see the light something happens to snuff it out and im back in that scary dark place again.
It's like im in a loop and cant get out.

Peace.

a reply to: sarra1833

Dont worry about rambling yours along with others is much needed.
Because just like John and others your words are comforting, and it helps a lot.
Thank you and everybody else for your kind words it helps more than you think.

Peace.

Ps. I really hope this thread can go beyond the holidays, it needs to people need this all the time.

What a thoughtful, agonizing and uplifting thread. Thanks to all.
We, my husband and I, do a very personal and private Thanksgiving. The kids go to the homes of their spouses on Thanksgiving because they come to us at Christmas.
We donate the money we would spend fixing a huge feast to the food pantry or just give it to someone we know could use it. We have a simple meal before the fireplace and take the day to contemplate our many blessings.
Since I was 20 years old I've dreaded Thanksgiving because my Grandfather died on Thanksgiving eve. His was the first of many deaths in my circle around that time of year, including my Mama, my best friend in the world. Each year as November begins all that grief comes rushing back and the dimming of the light just sets things off for me if I'm not very careful to keep busy doing things for others.
I fought the depression and sadness for years, doing my best to hide my battle from those around me. My first husband's parents demanded that we attend their holiday events---every one---no matter where their events might be held or what trouble it might cause with my relatives and their plans. That fact alone created a great deal of stress around the holidays. The years that I worked at the hospital I volunteered to work on Thanksgiving so I wouldn't have to endure the stress from both sides of the family.
This year things have been eased by the fact that we've been helping a friend who is going through some family anguish. She's had double whammy tragedies in her family, a suicide last week and an unexpectedly early death from cancer just yesterday. She had just gotten home to Indiana and I had just gotten her bed at our house stripped of linen when we got the call that she was returning tomorrow. When she called I told her I'd just been thinking of her as I was pulling the sheets off the bed. "Put those sheets back on it. I'll be back tomorrow." were her words and my heart sank because I knew it wasn't good.
To all who struggle, you have my best wishes and prayers. There are better tomorrows ahead for you.

a reply to: Lichter daraus

We're all different. The cause of my darkness may be different than another's and what I've do may not work for another. And there are days I still feel that darkness trying to creep back into my soul.

My darkness came from my self hatred and inability to acknowledge how I really felt and that what others did to me was wrong.

The first step i took was i admitted something was wrong and went to see a counsellor (honestly, she helped, but I realized I had to be the one to help myself). I told myself the truth about my life and forgave myself and the others who hurt me. I started reading various texts to try and understand why people do the things they do. I started learning more about Buddhism and what love can do. I started trying to find joy in what I could, but I still accepted that darkness is out there, and that I will always try and find a way to fight it. I don't ignore it. I learned to be true to who I am. Im happy because the people in my life are happy.

Sorry I know I'm rambling, but if there's something I can do or say that can help another, I'll ramble all day

Hey all!

One Holiday down...

I truly hope that all of you had a great day - or at least one that was better than expected. In my case, well old habits die hard and I fell back into a behavior I did not expect to fall back into.

I slept.

That was one of my old "coping mechanisms" - I would lay down and wake up 20 hours later, kind of lost and in shock that I had stayed asleep so long. Over the years I've figured my subconscious imposed this trick as a means of keeping me away from highly stressful situations.

At any rate, it happened today. But there is a silver lining. My visiting family members are still here, and totally understanding about what happened - no anger or judgment - and there is a fridge full of leftovers.

So I'm resetting and starting my Holiday a bit late - and not letting the idea that I slept through it get under my skin!

originally posted by: Lichter daraus
a reply to: InfamousSiren
How did you do it, I mean how do you find the light in such a dark place.
I feel like every time I start see the light something happens to snuff it out and im back in that scary dark place again.
It's like im in a loop and cant get out.

Peace.

I'm not InfamousSiren but I can input my beliefs on your question.

Life to me is like a see saw. We can't have good without bad, nor bad without good. It's like..... can't rain all the time. The darkest cloud is cast by the sun and the sun is always there. We have the bad to appreciate the good more.

now why does one always get sucked back into the bad? Perhaps so we can learn how to keep moving forward no matter what. Yeah, we're gonna faceplant hard into the ground. A LOT. Sometimes over and over. But the trick is is to move forward/ pull yourself up. Even if you have to drag yourself forward a millimeter at a time by your fingertips digging into the ground, move forward.

It's okay and fine to (for lack of a better word) wallow in the depression, anger, rage, sadness, hopelessness for a little while. They are valid emotions. To avoid or ignore those would be to bottle. And bottling doesnt help either. Like, bad things happen. But don't let them own you. It's where learning about optimism and hope help. Even the tiniest sliver of hope and/or optimism is a light in that darkness.

I know I'm not the only one but more bad has happened to me than good. Every single time I get on my feet or have hope, something happens to shove me back down again. But things always work out. Somehow, things work out. So because of that, I have learned that bad happens. It hits my fan over and over and over and over, but I KNOW that good is coming. even if the good is a small momentary thing, I hold to that good. I hold to it like it's a life preserver because it reminds me during the dark times that more of that is coming. It can be the smallest good if one is comparing it to anything, but amidst all the bad, that wee good is SO AMAZING AND STRESS RELIEVING.

And for that I'm able to weather the bad. The fact I wake every day is a huge gift of hope and happiness. I think the more bad a person goes through and doesn't give up and keeps on keeping on, the stronger they are. Usually the more bad we go through, the bigger the good when it does happen. And it DOES happen.

Question yourself this: what does 'good things' mean to you? Is it not being broke? Not having things break down when you finally get some money saved? Is it any of the myriad of things that can go wrong and don't?

Are 'good things' when someone holds a door for you? Smiles at you? The sun is shining? Or not, in some people's cases; they like dimmer days, it's all good. Is it when you get a nice message from someone? Or you can do things that someone else can not (read; someone in a wheelchair who can not walk, but you can)? Is it the way the sun dances off the snow? Or the cold or heat letting you know that you can feel?

Perspective. That is a godsend in itself. Every day there is at least one thing that can be missed - but can make ones day priceless. THIS is what you seek out. This is what you use to bring that sliver of light into the darkness when it's there. Find anything - and I mean anything - to smile about or chuckle about or feel good about.

This is how I get through the dark times.

a reply to: Hefficide

Perfect example of what I just posted. Less-than three to you, Heff. You took a 'could have ended on the wrong foot' time and saw the optimism in it all and saw it as 'hey, it's still awesome. Let's do this!'

Beautiful. Simply BEAUTIFUL.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe
This totally brought a smile to my face! Along with my man lichter. Send me some turkey wrapped bacon! HAPPY TURKEY DAY ATS FAMILY! LOVE YOU ALL

a reply to: InfamousSiren

No worries as I said in a post earlier the rambling is much needed in here.
But I can relate to being molested, I was when I was 13 by my stepfather and my mother is still with him.
Still not sure how to get that darkness outta me, makes me feel sick and dirty still to this day(34 now).
My mother has never believed me and still doesn't.

Peace.

a reply to: sarra1833

You're belief is amazing, you worded it much better than I could. I'm sure many people will appreciate your words of support

originally posted by: Lichter daraus
a reply to: InfamousSiren

No worries as I said in a post earlier the rambling is much needed in here.
But I can relate to being molested, I was when I was 13 by my stepfather and my mother is still with him.
Still not sure how to get that darkness outta me, makes me feel sick and dirty still to this day(34 now).
My mother has never believed me and still doesn't.

Peace.

I have never had that happen to me, and I'm almost in tears knowing that happened to you - or anyone at all........ listen, I know it's gotta be worse than hell to know your own mom doesn't believe you. It makes ME angry that she doesn't. I could say sooooooo many things like I don't even know..... how can someone not believe their own child, how could someone have blinders on, love makes someone shut their eyes and ears to things that never should be shut to.... but those words, though they feel right, surely don't even cover a thing of it. All I know for sure is this, and it will be next to impossible to do, but I hope when the time is right, you can do this:

forgive her in your own heart.

I have read this thing where it talks about how holding on to anger and rage and such toward another.... can't recall the correct words so I'll Sarraphrase it for you. (Cross between paraphrase and my name ha.) Once a person forgives another, that pain goes away. Maybe not instantly but it does faster. Because it's like when you don't forgive, you're holding on to that anger and rage and betrayal and stuff. For years. decades. however long it is. Usually the person one is angry with forgets what even happened. So they're going on with their own merry life while the person holding on to the anger etc keeps suffocating in their own feels. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. No. Not unless one chooses to do the latter. But forgiving allows you to let it go out of your own heart and soul to where it's not eating you any longer. That hold is gone. Lifted. It wont have to be on the mind. And it takes time, yes. Yes it takes time. Some can never forgive and that is fine too, despite all that is said above. We are all different and we all live as we are to live.

I just want you to find that peace you so so so SO so need and deserve because you DO deserve peace and a lighter life, not one taken up with past horrors. If she can not believe you, that is her cross to bear. It is NOT your fault, just as what happened to you is NOT your fault. There is so much more I could say out of love and caring but I also don't want to say the wrong thing thinking it's right, know what I mean? I don't know what's in your mind and heart - though I do know you are hurting far more than anyone should be hurting. For that I am hurting with you.

love, love, love. And I mean that. Love. LOVE. I hope you feel me holding you tight because I am. I so am and I won't let you go.

Today turned out to be great. I was so anxious about there being tons of fighting but it never happened. Got to spend the day with my man and his family. Hope everyone's day turned out great.

a reply to: InfamousSiren

You worded yours about the same as mine - though the condensed version.

they really need a heart icon on here..... I tried a 'less-than 3' symbol and it never showed.
le sigh.

I have tons of lessthan3 to give anyway so i'll type it out over and over. dun care. life is full of lessthan3

a reply to: sarra1833

I agree. I tried as well
Lessthan3 to everone here

a reply to: krazykole27

I made a request on the board forum haha.
Hearts hopefully will be here, next to the beer thingie xD If they can have a beer, they can have a heart okay.

a reply to: sarra1833

Cool beans keeping my fingers crossed

a reply to: sarra1833

Thank you sarra, im crying but they are tears of happiness because of your caring heart.
Yes I feel your hugs,and im sending hugs back.

Peace.


Sorry to the men here, I know im a sap, but im a pretty sensitive guy.
Should I even be sorry for that though, I don't know, but its who I am.