originally posted by: TrueBrit
... The line above is a source of great confusion to me! You see, although I try not to pay too much conscious mind to these matters (since a
tendancy to dwell on them can make one feel hollow after a time), my subconscious mind spends a great deal of process time deconstructing that simple
truth. It is true that many females, when speaking with friends, will make statements like that, but what I have found is that those self same females
have a tendancy to make choices which take them as far away from that type of man as possible.
I had my mind wandering back to that very often yesterday. I found myself looking through my memories of my own experiences, and those that I have
observed around me.
It is what I often refer to as the attraction to the "bad boys"- which doesn't really mean the criminal sorts, but just the kind of men women claim
not to want, and yet repeatedly go after!
I lived with a guy that was one of those, when I was 20, even got pregnant by him, and finally decided to leave him when I was 8 months pregnant.
A couple years later, I fell in love with my present husband, who was not at all a "bad boy"- he was a nice guy, who liked to stay quiet around new
people, and observe. He wrote in a journal each day. He took his time observing and listening to me, before asking me out, and took even more time
before agreeing to sleep with me. He takes his choices seriously and invests himself once they are made. I loved that he didn't want to just waste
himself and his emotions on what might be fruitless encounters. And he practiced some introspection- took time to evaluate what he felt about his
So, I asked myself, what changed in me? -and it comes back to this topic, only on the other side- men being liberated from self restraint! The old
boyfriend was putting his energy out there without restraint or control. That power (talking personal power- the individual will) had a strong
attraction factor. Not only for me, but for other young women. He had women all over him, all the time. He did his own thing, with no holds barred.
And attention from women was needed by him to keep some self confidence- which gave women in his life a certain kind of unacknowledged secret sense of
But two things happened to me while I was pregnant- one, I started to feel like it was not productive to be living so much in the moment and for
oneself, as he wanted to do. I started to feel it was important to save energy, for more long term projects, and with responsibility to others in mind
(understandably, seeing my condition).
Then when I took off and made a life for myself alone, I developed a sense of my own power inside, which sort of made me less vulnerable to attraction
to it outside. I had many men interested in me, but just lacked interest, because I was happy with myself and felt safe with myself.
That was when, I guess, I was able to "recognize" a person in a similar state and appreciate them. A man who was just as independent, with a self
confidence that was not dependent upon attention from others. Because of that, he was not pulled to waste energy and power in short term and
superficial actions. He could afford to sit back and think carefully before diving in.
So I guess what I came up with by the time I woke up this morning, is that there is a certain amount of self awareness and self empowerment a woman
needs to discover in herself before she finds herself attracted to a guy like you. It might be like apples, if you want the ones that are ripe, you
have to wait a bit longer. It just might be worth it though!
But the way this falls back into the topic- I personally do not like men who flaunt too much their power and energy. The guys who show off their sport
cars, or dress in showy clothes, and brag about their successes.
-And yet, I do find something attractive about the older man, that says nothing about his awesome luxury car, seems to be wearing casual non-descript
clothing (until you get in close and see the brand) because it signifies a guy who doesn't waste life showing and telling, but DOING.
I think I might have a tendency to project that same feeling upon my mate- that he might prefer I be a unremarkable lady in public, and a vixen in the
bedroom, or a chef in the kitchen, a singing star in our own livingroom.
That might be partly true, but perhaps even he, the king of retenu, wants to sometimes break out and show what he's got and what he's earned. Even his
wife might be included in that..
Despite your claim of immaturity, your posts reflect and internal reflection and awareness that says otherwise. We might not be measuring maturity the
same way. Internal maturity does not always manifest outside, it is not always evident in what the person has done and achieved already. It can be
seen, by some women, as untapped power being saved up for the right cause to come along.
Cranial Sponge really said the same thing, though I took the longer route, which is my habit
The right mate for you could be "in the making" still......
edit on 12-11-2014 by Bluesma because: (no reason given)