Important Religious Survey

The following is an important religious survey. To respond to this survey please place an "x" or appropriate (or inappropriate if explicitly applicable) symbol beside the choice you most readily agree with. Either that or think for yourself shmuck!

1.How did you find out about your deity?
newspaper
television
holy book
divine intervention
"my momma dun tol me!"
Near death experience
NPR
tabloid
Internet
Burning Shrubbery
other, specify:

2.Which model deity did you aquire?
Eris
Bob
Coyote
Allah
Father, Son and Holy Ghost (trinity pak)
Vernon
Krishna
Gaia
Zeus & entourage (Olympus pak)
Odin & entourage (Valhalla pak)
Satan
Ra
Buddah
other, specify:

3. Did your God come to you in working order with no missing parts or obvious damage?
Yes
No

If "no" please indicate any problems you had (check any that apply)
not eternal
not omniscient
does not occupy/inhabit entire cosmos
not omnipotent
requires burnt offerings
requires virgin sacrifices
other, specify:

Have you worshipped a deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? (check any that apply
Mick Jagger
Cthulhu
Baal
Beelzebub
The Great Pumpkin
The Sun
Elvis
The Moon
Other, specify:

5. Do you have any suggestions that might improve your God's performance in the future? (attach additional sheet)

6. What factors were relevant in your desicion to aquire a deity? (check any that apply)
Parents
Reason to live
Indoctrinated by wild-eyed drug using hippies
Indoctrinated by Volvo driving yuppies
Hate to think for self
Fear death
Wanted to piss off parents
Like organ music
S### was falling out of the sky
Shrubbery caught fire and commanded me to do it
Otter, specify:

7. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration other than your god? (Check any that apply)
tarot
lottery
astrology
runes
television
palmistry
sex, drugs & rock 'n roll
tea leaves
internet
human sacrifice
pyramids
burning shrubbery
family guy
other, specify:

8. God employs a certain amount of divine intervention to preserve the balance between felt prescence and blind faith. Which would you prefer?
more divine intervention
less divine intervention
current level of divine intervention is sufficient o, Lord
what the hell is divine intervention?


9. Yor God also tries to maintain a balnce between disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1-5 her or his ability to handle the following:
(1=very bad/5=perfect)
flood
famine
war
plague
internet speeds
daytime TV
sex
earthquake
pestilence
SPAM
water
wine

10. Additional comments:
(all comments are monitored by the shadow government and various other nefarious groups, but don't sweat it, its cool. Trust me.)








And remember kids, Hail Eris!

a reply to: CagliostroTheGreat

Jesus Christ. What do you do if EVERY question you answer with "other"...?

ok,#9..... 1-5 was either 5 or other...

#8,.... I try to intervene divinely...soo?
Additional comments....

LOL

I looked up "Great Prophecies of 2014", and so far nothing's great, just still prophecies that were farce. A prophecy into 2014 would have predicted the awesome event of the oldest Bible known to man being found that literally refutes all religious deities at their root level. In other words, I am owed a lot of gold Oops....was Jesus Christ never crucified? But then again the world didn't end when they Myan calendar did either. No one as far as I have found, had a prophecy of the Harmonic Concordance in 2003 either. (this being when the planets and stars were exactly aligned as they were when Jesus Christ was born). (oh wait, someone did foresee this.......but I'll just giggle a bit before I reveal the one great prophet.....not appointed by man.............

originally posted by: CagliostroTheGreat
The following is an important religious survey. To respond to this survey please place an "x" or appropriate (or inappropriate if explicitly applicable) symbol beside the choice you most readily agree with. Either that or think for yourself shmuck!

1.How did you find out about your deity?
newspaper
television
holy book
divine intervention
"my momma dun tol me!"
Near death experience
NPR
tabloid
Internet
Burning Shrubbery
other, specify: No such thing.

2.Which model deity did you aquire?
Eris
Bob
Coyote
Allah
Father, Son and Holy Ghost (trinity pak)
Vernon
Krishna
Gaia
Zeus & entourage (Olympus pak)
Odin & entourage (Valhalla pak)
Satan
Ra
Buddah
other, specify: Whole world

3. Did your God come to you in working order with no missing parts or obvious damage?
Yes
No
Perfectly Imperfect
If "no" please indicate any problems you had (check any that apply)
not eternal
not omniscient
does not occupy/inhabit entire cosmos
not omnipotent
requires burnt offerings
requires virgin sacrifices
other, specify: giggles daily

Have you worshipped a deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? (check any that apply
Mick Jagger
Cthulhu
Baal
Beelzebub
The Great Pumpkin
The Sun
Elvis
The Moon
Other, specify: heart rocks

5. Do you have any suggestions that might improve your God's performance in the future? (attach additional sheet) yeah, it's called Jesus Christ yes, God......never existed.

6. What factors were relevant in your desicion to aquire a deity? (check any that apply)
Parents
Reason to live
Indoctrinated by wild-eyed drug using hippies
Indoctrinated by Volvo driving yuppies
Hate to think for self
Fear death
Wanted to piss off parents
Like organ music
S### was falling out of the sky
Shrubbery caught fire and commanded me to do it
Otter, specify: Still not sure what this "Deity" word is, much like "entity" as everything is either male or female, and due to ignorance and self absorbed "gods" sometimes both now.

7. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration other than your god? (Check any that apply)
tarot
lottery
astrology
runes
television
palmistry
sex, drugs & rock 'n roll
tea leaves
internet
human sacrifice
pyramids
burning shrubbery
family guy
other, specify: I'm a "medium" so they are using me, and when I say "they" I assure you they are Steve Jobs, Adolf Hitler, Pope John Paul II, and a few other great renowned world changers.

8. God employs a certain amount of divine intervention to preserve the balance between felt prescence and blind faith. Which would you prefer?
more divine intervention
less divine intervention
current level of divine intervention is sufficient o, Lord
what the hell is divine intervention?

Preference? Isn't that a hair color now? Oh and I'm happy with whatever they need to do to not God. I've called this so called God out a few times, and every time I've lived, which disputes the whole theory that you die when you meet God bwahahahahaha. Died laughing maybe, but that's due to the chicken nature of such a powerfully depicted false thing created by 1 (soon to be sorry) think he's greater than all creators ....where I guess the last punishment of no endowment wasn't "small enough" message to make him "take it back" bwahahahaha, so if his memory serves him correctly.......oh wait, it was hallowed, and he is angry, and I smile at the next great child punishment to come. bwahahahahaha


9. Yor God also tries to maintain a balnce between disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1-5 her or his ability to handle the following:
(1=very bad/5=perfect)
flood
famine
war
plague
internet speeds
daytime TV
sex
earthquake
pestilence
SPAM
water
wine
What is a miracle and what is a disaster? Neither are referred to in the bible.....man made words. I'm most grateful for the toilet.....still makes me smile every day. Why wasn't it on the list?

10. Additional comments:
(all comments are monitored by the shadow government and various other nefarious groups, but don't sweat it, its cool. Trust me.)


Cool is like a drafty toilet......(that's my shadow governments take on it)

And remember kids, Hail Eris!

I'm agnostic, so I have a sort of teflon coating...

a reply to: CagliostroTheGreat

Thanks to you, I've now read the Illuminatus trillogy. I laughed and laughed at parts. So, he really just stirred a bunch of stuff together and expected his readers to sift through that? What a guy.

originally posted by: Nechash
a reply to: CagliostroTheGreat

Thanks to you, I've now read the Illuminatus trillogy. I laughed and laughed at parts. So, he really just stirred a bunch of stuff together and expected his readers to sift through that? What a guy.

Well, Illuminatus! was written by two dudes, RAW and Robert Shae, but yeah, you pretty much just summed up the whole book. What a fine piece of literature. Now read Shrodinger's Cat it's like a spiritual sequel without all the discordian jive, mostly.

Hail Eris!

originally posted by: nrd101
I'm agnostic, so I have a sort of teflon coating...

In that eggs don't stick to you?

a reply to: Jostlynweavergold

Hey, the only person to actually fill it out!

You should recieve word from one of our operatives shortly. But first, QUICK, withdraw $555 from your (or your spouse's/ mother's/ co-worker's) bank account, place that money in a used cigar box (the cigar box must be used) and bury it in your barkyard. If you do not have a backyard, bury it in your frontyard. If you do not have a front yard, place it in the passenger seat of your car. If you do not have a car... damn man... hard times, hard times... One of our highly trained (and highly unsocial, so if you see them IGNORE THEM) operatives will clandestinely acquire your stash.

Thank you for your interest.