Advice on 12 step fellowships

Hi,
This is a brief thread aimed at getting some opinions on 12 step fellowships. Let me start by saying I know a big part of them is to be anonomous but I do consider myself that here..
A brief outline.. I have just started a 12 step program (I wont say which one), and just wanted to hear if there are any members that can share their experiences.. Personally I have attended 3 meeting and im still kind of like wtf.! But listening to people and seeing the belief others have in it makes me think there must be something to it.. It definitly works for some.
I'm still considering whether it is for but will try to attend the 6 meetings recomended..

Anyway.. any opinions? any experiences?

a reply to: misscurious

Wasn't for me. I was court ordered to go for 2 years back in the '80s and it couldn't end soon enough. Some people really do well in it though.

originally posted by: wtbengineer
a reply to: misscurious

Wasn't for me. I was court ordered to go for 2 years back in the '80s and it couldn't end soon enough. Some people really do well in it though.

Ive done it thorugh advice from someone who is part of it... The only thing that worries me, when on the outside listening to stories and going to events with said person, it seemed to have a cultish feel about it..

a reply to: misscurious

Ever look into alternatives. I know this sounds terrible, but I drank heavily, and I mean a liter a day of 100 proof liquor or more heavily. I'd have the sweaty shakes in the morning and have to take a shot or two just to get into work/school, and I could not sleep without anesthetizing myself. About 3 years ago, I had a spiritual awakening that did in fact rocket me into a 4th dimension of existence, but when it came to the point of surrendering myself to a "higher power," I gracefully backed away, retaining my authority. I decided to set myself out on a path of personal rectification, and since that time, I hardly drink at all, maybe once every month or so, and I don't have the desire to destroy my brain cells anymore. There are many other options out there. While I kind of went about it on my own, one I found to resonate with my understanding of life was Rational Recovery. I think their members get to remain the captain of their own ship.

Your free will is too valuable to ever compromise. Sure, you've made suboptimal choices and you need to turn your ship around, but you can't begin to steer your ship out of troubled waters by taking your hands off the wheel and falling to your knees, at least not in my opinion. ;p

a reply to: misscurious

if you don't want to stop doing drugs or alcohol then going to meetings won't help. Are you there because you want to be or because someone else "recommended" it?

Going there instead of using is the idea, for now. In other words, if you really want to quit you have to reach out, admit your powerlessness ask for help. Listen to advice.

Try it. Just get up and say hi, I'm an addict, don't know what to do, don't really want to be here, need advice.

Thats what good people there are waiting for. They were all just like you once, They know whats going on with you. Everyone there goes through the exact same thing. You will come to know that about yourself. If you attend long enough. Get some phone numbers keep them handy for the next time you just have to use.

This isn't about making friends so much as it is getting clean. its not about joining the club or click or whatever, thats not the point. The point is to get clean.Whats the the point for you?

a reply to: Nechash

Maybe your right, i dont look at my particular problem as an addiction.. I look at it as a series of bad habits and learned behaviour.. I know it takes 21 days to break a habit, but im finding it so hard to do, especially when the habit is tied to my emotional state.. and i mean tied to several emotions, happiness, fear, anger, sadness...
Just to make it clear though, this is not an addiction to drugs or alchol.. It is actually with food.. I eat the wrong types, drink nothing but fizzy drinks, even though I know they contain harmful chemicals.. I gorge on food and the food I eat is generally high fat, high sugar, high salt fast food.

I'll give you an example.. I had a bag of crisps (chips) in my car last night.. and knowing they were there, i couldnt stop thinking about them.. I even considered sneaking out of the house to eat them.. It sounds so silly, but I do have a real problem..
I eat just to eat.. and im not even hungry.. Mcdonalds, KFC, Diet coke, Pizza, Nuts, Chips.. You name it.. I eat tons of that stuff daily... and I am aware its bad for me.. but i cant stop..

I eat junk food to celebrate, When Im sad, When Im angry etc.. But not when im hungry, because i never am..

This must really sound ridiculous to some people...

a reply to: intrptr

" admit your powerlessness ask for help "

I am powerless and i do need help... But is this process really going to help...?

a reply to: misscurious

I eat just to eat.. and im not even hungry.. Mcdonalds, KFC, Diet coke, Pizza, Nuts, Chips.. You name it.. I eat tons of that stuff daily… and I am aware its bad for me.. but i cant stop..

Thats addiction alright. It does't really matter what you are addicted to, it is self destructive. You do it to compensate for or cover the pain (emotional pain). For now replace the food with the group. Got to meetings, say the stuff you are saying here, just like that. I promise you'll be surprised. The people that are there completely identify with what you are going through and can help if you let them.

Overcoming addiction is the hardest thing you are ever going to do in this life. Its easy to become addicted. Easy to stay addicted. Hard as hell to quit. By yourself you won't be able to stop in the beginning. Unless you get really sick and almost die from it. You want to go there (hit bottom) or go to the meetings?

I know, the answer is easy. The action is hard.

a reply to: misscurious

Food, certain music, alcohol, video games, fast click websites like imgur, and internet pornography can have a similar effect on your brain chemistry as drugs do. They are finding that the whole 21 day model of understanding is just not working for our generation because we grew up in a world where we are constantly over-stimulated.

There are movements of people on the internet who have decided to live a modern ascetic lifestyle to varying degrees, not for the purposes of purity, but for the purposes of improving upon their actual life instead of stocking all of their energies up into virtual or self-destructive experiences.

What they are finding is that people who have been raised on the internet and junk food require about six months for their brain chemistry to begin to return to normal. It is not an easy road, but it is worthwhile. People who previously had chaotic lives are finding their soul mates, getting in shape, starting successful companies, unlocking latent creative talents and for the first time in their existence becoming happy and satisfied with living here on this planet.

The fact that you are to the point of seeking for a solution means you have already taken the first step of beginning to change. The answer to the change ultimately is within yourself. Whatever motivates you enough to stick to a program of self-discipline and daily progress is going to be the answer that will lead you out of the condition you find yourself in.

Any one else, have/had a similar problem to me?

Did you deal with it? how did you do it?

You know its funny in life we get the gift of life, and this body is the host to that life.. but we just slowly destroy it with these chemicals and substances.. no matter what that may be, food, alcohol, drugs, laziness..

Is this pre programmed stuff.. is it all subliminal in our sub concious... is there a purpose behind it?

Its like a car, if your look after it and service it regularly it will last a long time, if you dont it will break down and be useless.. but people dont care we live in a throw away society... Are we doing that with our bodies too... Problem with that hough, is they cant be replaced...

a reply to: Nechash

you replied as i was writing and kind of answered some of those questions which makes complete sense... you my friend are a smart and wise man.. Your words resonate with me..

a reply to: intrptr

I think your right.. I can finally admitted im an addict to that stuff... But am i also an addict to self destructive behavior because thats what ive been doing all my life in one way or another..
I had a tough childhood.. and i think alot of what i do is learnt behaviour or coping mechanisms... I also do drink and at times take illegal substances.. I also beat myself up all the time...

But saying that other aspects of my life are a success.. I run a succesfull company, have travelled the world (twice) brought a beautiful child into this world.. Have alot of friends and am a well liked person..

But i self destruct inside.. noone ever sees it.. only me...

Anyway.. I have to go now.. I hope others continue this discusion as i will check back in tomorrow..

But here is a perfect example of my self destructive behaviour.. Im sitting here alone, in my kitchen. Im drinikng, smoking, have taken a couple of diffent substances.. I need to be up at 5am to do something i absoloutly cannot miss, Its now 12.30 here..

I mean wtf am i doing?

originally posted by: misscurious
a reply to: intrptr

" admit your powerlessness ask for help "

I am powerless and i do need help... But is this process really going to help...?

Absolutely. If you let it. Do you think those people know a little more about it, maybe? In the beginning its best to be among others that can give you pointers. Letting your guard down, being vulnerable, admitting you can't cope, those are the very first steps. And the toughest. Gave me chills thinking about my first few meetings. I was in a drug rehab house.

Look at it more like dance class. You are there to learn, not become all buddy buddy, right? You just want to learn to dance. They know this. If you make one or two friends at the most thats normal. Find like minded people. Get their numbers. Call them when you are "down". Share that with someone. They call that a sponsor. Find someone you can call at all hours and tell whats bothering you.

Believe me, there are people there that got help from their sponsor and want to return the favor to someone new . "Giving back", they call it.

They know all the excuses, all the pit falls, all the tools to apply when you struggle with your addiction and with the reasons behind it.

First thing is to try and go there and find someone you can relate to. Its okay to just attend for a while, too. Listen to others share and discover the similarities. Addiction affects everyone the same way. You can wait a while and just listen until you feel more comfortable. Quitting an addiction is not something you accomplish overnight. There is pain and anguish, abstinence and relapse, all completely normal.

Best to have a guide and meetings in the beginning. You are on the right path. That you are even asking these questions is the biggest first step of all!!

originally posted by: misscurious
a reply to: intrptr

I think your right.. I can finally admitted im an addict to that stuff... But am i also an addict to self destructive behavior because thats what ive been doing all my life in one way or another..
I had a tough childhood.. and i think alot of what i do is learnt behaviour or coping mechanisms... I also do drink and at times take illegal substances.. I also beat myself up all the time...

But saying that other aspects of my life are a success.. I run a succesfull company, have travelled the world (twice) brought a beautiful child into this world.. Have alot of friends and am a well liked person..

But i self destruct inside.. noone ever sees it.. only me…

You are a completely normal loving human being with all the emotions and despairs of any other person. You are right where you are supposed to be.

Take heart knowing that. You aren't odd or unique with all you are going through. Just human. Thats wonderful.

a reply to: intrptr

Thank you.. your comments give me hope.. Im just all over the place at the moment..

I will continue to attend.. If this can do what ive heard other say about it than im optimistic, but right now im finding it very difficult grasp the concept.. especially the higher power stuff... What is that? I dont get it..

You are a completely normal loving human being with all the emotions and despairs of any other person. You are right where you are supposed to be. Take heart knowing that. You aren't odd or unique with all you are going through. Just human. Thats wonderful.

"

Thank you so much, for firstly taking the effort and time to reply... and secondly for giving me a realistation with those comments.. Sometimes we feel we are the only ones going through this, but that is clearly not the case..

Pesronally I just want to be the best I can be.. and im just not doing that at the moment..

a reply to: misscurious

I will continue to attend.. If this can do what ive heard other say about it than im optimistic, but right now im finding it very difficult grasp the concept.. especially the higher power stuff... What is that? I don't get it..

My whole reply to you about that got lost because I lost internet right when I posted. Don't worry about higher powers yet. Surrendering your denial that you have a problem is the first step. Admitting you are powerless is that first step. Listening to someone else's advice instead of your own usual excuses is that surrender to a higher power. You already are dong that. That is a really big deal, so you know.

The people at those meetings know this as well. I recommend finding an AA or NA meeting. If substance abuse is involved that is where you should be.