My neighbor is gone.

Next door to me there was a woman (living alone) who was well into middle age when I moved into my current house 12 years ago. 12 years ago she was healthy, but over the course of time her health gradually faded. Recently, she moved about in a feeble manner, and in the past several months an ambulance appeared at her door, two times to leave without her after a lengthy stay, and once to leave with her (she returned the next day).

She told me her husband died of a heart attack years ago leaving her alone.

About 2 months ago, I saw another person enter her life. It was a woman, younger than her. One day, getting out of my car in my driveway, they were walking past and I asked who was the new companion. The answer was that this person was her daughter. Government health officials were apparently pressuring this old women to enter a care facility, so the old woman's daughter came to the rescue. She lived with her old mum for about 2 months, and yesterday they packed up all of her stuff in a u-hall and set off for the daughter's home.

Just before they left, I walked over to say goodbye to the old woman who was my neighbor for 12 years. I told her she was a good neighbor. She told me she felt the same about me. I told the daughter she was doing a good thing taking care of her mother.

I wish every child could understand their responsibility to their elderly parents in their time of need.

a reply to: droid56

Three neighbors on both sides of our place have passed on in the last few years. The one man packed up and moved back east with his family . I heard he died there in the family home amongst family members.

Another woman grew so old she could no longer maintain her independent lifestyle so her family forced her into a home were she quickly deteriorated and died. The grandchildren now rent the home from her daughter and husband.

The lady next door clung to life with a debilitating disease that in the end, required several trips to the hospital, some by me and some by one of her daughters. At the very end she also passed at the hospital surrounded by family.

In each case I watched these people decline in their elder years without very much support by their children. In the latter case the woman is survived by over fifty descendants. They just let her alone. I didn't realize she had so much family. They hardly ever came to see her unless they wanted something (she had money) and in the end carved up her estate like the vultures they were.

When she was gone they descended on her house with a quickness. She had many fine antiques and it was a free for all to get at them.

I agree, people should better care for their parents. After all they raised you.

I just hope I die before I reach the point where I'm not able to wipe my own ass anymore.

My mother looked after her own mother for 20 years after the death of

her father. Despite having to nurse my own father for 15 years of that

time due to him having a road accident three months before he retired

which left him bedridden and with brain damage.


I myself looked after my own mother after that for about 10 years her

desperately wanting to remain as independent as possible, in her own

home. Luckily I had moved to live opposite her a few years after my

fathers death.


My daughter has been helping her neighbour for the past 10 years doing

her shopping, cutting her hedges seeing to as many of her needs as she

can, in spite of working and having two children of her own.

originally posted by: muse7
I just hope I die before I reach the point where I'm not able to wipe my own ass anymore.

To be completely honest? Ditto. I don't even want to be that kind of burden to my husband, let alone kids. My grandma cared for my Alzheimer's-crippled great-grandma for around 30 years, and it sucked the life out of her in the process. I'll opt for euthanasia before I ever let that happen to my kids.

my mother didn't want to move out of her rather large home. So she had us move in with her. She loves having life back in the house, she loves having her meals prepared for her, and she loves having her family around her.

Her health has improved enough that we could move on, but she doesn't want that. The other option is my sister can move in to take care of her....but my sister is married to someone I don't want around my mom.

What a wonderful OP

What a great OP.
We have the greatest neighbors as well. We tend to get a little rowdy sometimes, and they are elderly. We are always respectful of their wishes and always give them a heads up before a party. Of course they are always invited.
The problem now is, the wife has Parkinson's, and it is getting really bad. She gets embarrassed when we visit, because of the shaking.
But we visit whenever we can. And he and my hubby have "lawnmowing beer time".

They are blessed with a huge family, so there is always a child, grandchild or great grandchild there, doing something for them.

It is so nice when you have good neighbors. And when you can help them out, even with just a visit? That is a gift.

a reply to: droid56

It is terrible, how people treat their elderly parents.

I take care of my mom. She has several serious health problems and needs. We live with her, in the house I grew up in. It works out, for the most part. I would like my siblings help more though...

My parents cut their working life short a few years early and moved onto the family place after my grandfather passed so that my grandmother could stay on at the only home she'd ever known. Since she was so arthritic and wanted her independence, my mom and my aunt chipped in and bought her a trailer that moved in across the lane from the main house where my parents lived. Yes, my grandmother wanted it that way.

Every day, she would garden and visit and walk wherever she wanted, and my parents were there to help care for whatever she needed and make sure she was all right, right up to the end.

On the other side, my grandfather who just passed that past weekend had my eldest uncle Richard there to come and have coffee with him every morning and check on him and see to it that he was taken for dinners and other things. And my parents went out to visit him, too, and they often had him for holiday meals and took them to him.

My husband and I often talk about how we are going to manage to find ways to help and look after my own parents as they continue to age. And I can only hope we instill the same sense of love and duty into our own son.

a reply to: Nyiah

My grandma cared for my Alzheimer's-crippled great-grandma for around 30 years, and it sucked the life out of her in the process. I'll opt for euthanasia before I ever let that happen to my kids.

But if you get alzheimers you won't remember to do yourself in :-(

a reply to: ketsuko

There is something wonderful about having 3 generations living in the same home. Of course, our third generation is almost 17 (was 14 when we moved in).

He does his part to help, but the biggest help for him to give is to give her something to do. She loves doing stuff for him, and he loves having her do it. Right down to the before dinner rubdown, where he lays on the ottoman in front of her and she rubs his back in gentle circles.

a reply to: droid56

Good luck on next neighbor. We lost our great one and have lived in hell ever since.

a reply to: droid56

I lived in a condo complex with a lot of older neighbors. They became my friends, and it was very difficult to watch them deteriorate and pass away. Most were in their 90s. If I learned anything from that, its that I don't ever want to live to get that old.

I take care of my Mom, but she lives 3+ hours away. All year, weather permitting, we go every 2 weeks and stay for a weekend. My Mom went through a bout with Lymphoma a few years ago and now it's looking like it may be back. I stayed with her for 2 months while she received chemo and plan to stay with her if she needs treatment this time too. My wife understands, wouldn't have it any other way. My kids are 26,16 and 14, so they can get along without me for a while. We need to look out for our elders, not just family, but anyone who needs help. I like talking to older folks, hearing their stories. Gives us a idea of how bad things really are.