The truth sets us free? We are all trapped until the person/s can accept their truth:

How many of us live a lie until another can deal with their truth? I finally got rid of my ex Husband after 20 years of lies. He is a homosexual and finally set me free by accepting his truth.

Even my Son said, "Dad... your a homosexual"

We were all trapped putting up with his BS until he came out of the closet... society sucks...his family would have cut him out of their lives and inheritances etc.

I feel sorry for him... society would not accept him. He got married to me and lived a secret life. He was such a nasty man cos he did not want to be with me... his Parents are Catholic too and they would have just like the Church, excommunicated him.

We no longer have to put up with his problems and I do feel sorry for him...cos it was hard for him...having to live a double life.

Last argument I had with him, last words to him were: "Don't hate me and abuse me cos you can't come out the closet!"

Anyway... I feel so relieved and we all do... cos he is now out of the closet.

yeah

I suffered a relationship like that in my late teens and early twenties, I didn't know at all until the pieces started to fit together, that was after we bought a house together. I felt foolish though he never and would probably never admit it properly, he was seeing women but as a cover, those he considered naive enough. He wasn't nice either and I went through hell. It nearly made me detest men forever as I have met similar types since and even a few similar relationships. Live and learn I guess. Thankfully I do not hate all men and there are some good guys out there but types like that are something humanity doesn't need.

I knew a few gay men then also that were waiters when I did restaurant management and they all said they believed most men were at least partly gay and most of the one night stands they had were married men, firmly in the closet. If only there was a gay test.

a reply to: Thurisaz

So sorry that you put up with this for so long, there is a silver lining in all this and that is you had a son from the marriage.

I'm gay and would never live a lie and put a woman through what you have been through as it's not fair on you or your child. But I suppose this is what happens when society has/had such a taboo about gay folk.

Karma to you, you seem to have come out the other side stronger but I'm sure you must feel angry by wasting 20 years of your life loving a man that was not meant to be. I wish there was something more I could say to help make you feel better but there's nothing that has not already been said.

a reply to: flammadraco

We split up after a year of marriage... 4 years together before that. He has been a constant person in our lives...yes because of our Son and every time, his Family reject him... he comes back/finds an excuse to be in our lives again.

He used me for a cover. He made my life hell because his was.

I forgive him but 2 weeks after his last visit... he will not be coming back and staying at our house again. Everytime his family reject him.. he wanders lost and ends up at our house.

I think it is sad that they reject him... but I am not his therapy doll.

It would seem like a very difficult thing to hide from your lover, especially as a guy. Men are usually so obvious about their sexual intentions and desires that they would either have to be a really good actor/fake when it came to intimacy or something.

Women on the other hand I think would be much more difficult to know. A man married to a Lesbian I imagine would be almost impossible for him to figure it out on his own, but a woman would surely be able to figure out if a guy is really gay within a reasonable amount of time being together.

a reply to: mOjOm

In my experience those guys were also fully functioning in the bedroom, ie. they also fancied women, they weren't exclusively gay, but there were clues.

An example, he slept in 'our' bed but his college 'friend' moved into our house in the spare room and well you can guess the rest.

a reply to: Thurisaz

It is sad that his family reject him, but what he is doing to you is far worse. He needs to leave you to get on with your own life, and still part of your sons life. How are you supposed to heal when he's always turning up, its like picking at a scab when its just about to heal.

He needs to paddle his own canoe and if his family cannot accept him for who he is then he needs to move on. 40% of all homeless youth in the UK are gay as their family rejected them for their sexuality, these things unfortunately happen, and if he is persevering with his family's rejection due to inheritance, then that's a choice he has made. I would rather be penniless than live a lie and to bring someone down with me.

Terrible situation, I'm so glad he was able to confront himself. To accept who he is, and to stop tormenting people in his life just because he was struggling with feelings. Isn't it interesting how sometimes people can know us better than we know ourselves.






Freedom.







Sorry to be pedantic, but I have to take a minor exception with the title of this thread.

Truth, is too strong a word for this. Reality, realization, relief ... sure ... but not truth. The only thing truth ever set free was the atomic bomb. The only thing that leads to the freedom you are talking about is Fantasy. He was frustrated because he couldn't live his fantasies. Truth is more about paying bills, and the weight of atomic particles, it is not an emotional word. Nor was it ever intended to describe emotional situations.



Fantasy will set you free.
The only thing truth ever set free was the atomic bomb.


Sorry, to rant in your thread.

I celebrate your freedom, and his, none the less!


Mike Grouchy

Sad that you had to go through that. I had a friend that went through the same thing many years ago and is now re-married and happier than ever. I wish you all the best.

a reply to: Thurisaz

Is he a nice guy? Was he a good/loving father?

That's how he should be evaluated..

Don't think he should be hated because he was a confused homosexual in the closet.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
I knew a few gay men then also that were waiters when I did restaurant management and they all said they believed most men were at least partly gay and most of the one night stands they had were married men, firmly in the closet. If only there was a gay test.

That's funny, because a lot of men say the same about women. I think it's wishful thinking on both sides personally. Women however are allowed much more freedom in their sexual expression though which is why I think they get through it a little easier than men.

Men are usually raised with very strict "requirements" for being "a man" that it can sometimes really screw some guys up. I think that's why we have groups for men where they learn to share their feelings and stuff like that. I think it's also what brings about the weird situation where a lot of "Macho Men" type guys are also the ones who do some of the most Gay stuff ever to their other male friends/teammates/etc. but act like it's all just a funny game or locker room horse play.

Trying to force some kind of Acceptable Image for someone to live by, especially when it comes to something so deeply personal and complex as sexuality only makes for more confusion and problems. Repressing or denying such major aspects of people will usually result in those traits manifesting in strange and problematic ways at some point. It would be so much healthier to simply allow people to be who they are instead of trying to make them be someone who others think they should be.

a reply to: mOjOm

We know the ancient Greeks and Romans were open about it and it obviously hasn't been wiped out of human evolution though in most cultures and religions it is seen as something to be avoided.

I personally don't really understand it and sometimes think many of it's aspects in todays society are vile, the camp / fake / moralless aspects particularly, and I heard many stories from those gay waiters that would make you cringe. It put a slant on things that is the reality that is mostly hidden or not talked about in our mainstream culture.

I went to the gym accompanied by a gay guy from the restaurant and he was picking up guys in the locker room, is an example. I stopped going and was appalled. The stories about cottaging were just as disgusting.

I wouldn't consider gay people as necessarily bad though the collective gay scene I was told about was not only immoral but really terrible, stories about 'rent boys', and revolting practices, and that to me is disgusting.

It doesn't make sense in nature, unless those people are best not to be procreating, perhaps a trait that should be stopped. In evolutionary terms where is open gayness leading to, does it's acceptance in society mean it is increasing or just more coming out the closet. There are a lot of questions about it.

Is it a genetic condition, and research suggests it could be. Is it something that can be corrected, should we correct it if possible.

To me sex should be also about love but a lot of the stories I heard were worse than animal behaviour and surely that aspect should be prevented in civilized society.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: mOjOm

We know the ancient Greeks and Romans were open about it and it obviously hasn't been wiped out of human evolution though in most cultures and religions it is seen as something to be avoided.

I personally don't really understand it and sometimes think many of it's aspects in todays society are vile, the camp / fake / moralless aspects particularly, and I heard many stories from those gay waiters that would make you cringe. It put a slant on things that is the reality that is mostly hidden or not talked about in our mainstream culture.

I went to the gym accompanied by a gay guy for the restaurant and he was picking up guys in the locker room, is an example. I stopped going and was appalled. The stories about cottaging were just as disgusting.

I wouldn't consider gay people as necessarily bad though the collective gay scene I was told about was not only immoral but really terrible, stories about 'rent boys', and revolting practices, and that to me is disgusting.

It doesn't make sense in nature, unless those people are best not to be procreating, perhaps a trait that should be stopped. In evolutionary terms where is open gayness leading to, does it's acceptance in society mean it is increasing or just more coming out the closet. There are a lot of questions about it.

Is it a genetic condition, and research suggests it could be. Is it something that can be corrected, should we correct it if possible.

To me sex should be also about love but a lot of the stories I heard were worse than animal behaviour and surely that aspect should be prevented in civilized society.

Wow!

Are you talking about twinks?

Gay murders, or just trying to start a nuclear war...

... a nuclear war .... at
............................. the gay bar!

a reply to: mikegrouchy

I wouldn't know about that word meaning and I probably wouldn't want to.

I don't even want to recall the things they said.

Google 'disgusting gay practices' and it would perhaps give you an idea.

I won't search for it as it cannot be unseen.

Also for the sake of ATS T&C and general good morals.

a reply to: nOraKat

No he wasn't. He was abusive. Never happy with anything... would find fault where none was just to be horrible.
He hated me, he hated/resented us. He was an absolute bastard to be around... last straw for me was when he verbally abused my Daughter and I packed up our things and left him. She was 8 years old at the time and he wasn't happy she didn't fill the glass of water up correctly. It wasn't full enough.

He was an angry resentful person... I don't feel sorry for him anymore. I used to. I could see how troubled he was. I can understand why he turned out to be so manipulative...but I don't have the patience I used to have and do not make allowances anymore. We all know what he is like but I have told the kids... it is his problem, not ours

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Google 'disgusting gay practices' and it would perhaps give you an idea.

Heterosexuals do some nasty stuff as well, I agree that the gay scene leaves a lot to be desired, but only 25% of gay people actually go out to gay bars and clubs etc. Can't really tarnish the whole gay scene due to what a minority get up to. That would be the same as me tarnishing the whole "Straight Scene" with what "Swingers and those who partake in "Dogging" get up to.

But lets not get into this debate, the OP is talking about a personal experience and we should not hijack her thread with a debate on on our views about homosexuality.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: mikegrouchy

I wouldn't know about that word meaning and I probably wouldn't want to.

I don't even want to recall the things they said.

Google 'disgusting gay practices' and it would perhaps give you an idea.

I won't search for it as it cannot be unseen.

Also for the sake of ATS T&C and general good morals.

I think I understand now.

Question.
They were intentionally trying to shock you because it was like armor for them and it disturbed you, which they seemed to derive pleasure from? And then when you did some web searching on your own, you found it was even more shocking and disturbing than you thought, so that now you are fully repulsed and view it as an illness?

Am I understanding correctly?

a reply to: flammadraco

I made it clear. I said ''aspects of'' and referred to the collective gay scene, I didn't say ''all gays''.

I wouldn't consider gay people as necessarily bad though the collective gay scene I was told about was not only immoral but really terrible

a reply to: Thurisaz

Sounds like a typical guy caught in a situation that he had no control over and it was you that got the worse end of the deal. I'm glad you are out of that destructive relationship, for you and your kids.

It does make one wonder if some woman who put up with "abuse" in their relationships are going through the same thing. Seems to be a similar thing with "Homophobes" that have such an issue what Gay people are doing, and being extremely vocal in their intolerance, and years later you find out they were gay. I could list several outspoken anti gay ministers in the US that end up being caught with their trousers down.

Always remember that he who does protest to much, may have something to hide.

a reply to: mikegrouchy

Part of their gay 'thing' was open campness and saying lewd gay things it was part of their gay scene culture, they said it whenever possible, sometimes for annoying people but they were all attention seeking camp gay guys, though sometimes they related it to their past and things that happened to them, which was equally disgusting.

I was a naive 19 year old Christian / Buddhist from the sticks in rural Scotland and they hinted at my ex at the time being gay. They weren't just saying stuff they said things that happened and stories about things that they did or they knew about. They sort of considered that I needed to know the reality and as their manager often talked candidly about things.

Perhaps annoying me was their intention, they weren't nice.

It has made me wary though. Whilst I don't hate men and not ''homophobic'', I do despise terrible behaviour wherever and whoever it is from.

I don't look at men in the same way as my naive 19 year old self did. I always consider if there could be gayness or depravity beneath the surface and it takes me a while and I mean a while to trust anyone, especially men.

I do know that I am not a 'gay' woman though. Being physically attracted to men and knowing about the the things I have heard about some of them doesn't make it easier trusting them, but I guess it's better to be knowledgeable than naive about such things.