Living with Social Anxiety sucks

I didn't sleep at all last night because I stayed up all night worrying about some small family get together that we are having today. There's going to be some people there that I have not seen for a few years and right now I'm a nervous wreck, I've already thrown up once.

I get like this every time I'm about to attend some event where I'm going to have to interact with people I barely know.

Sometimes I wish I could be a real loner, a person that truly relishes being alone.

Sometimes I hate being alone all the time, but most often than not when someone comes up to me and tries to get to know me I start wishing that they would just go away and leave me alone, small talk is one of my biggest fears. I hate it with a passion. But sadly small talk is the gateway to getting to know a person and making friends with them.

a reply to: muse7

Have a shot or two of whiskey. That'll take the edge off.

But more seriously, do you know where this anxiety stems from? Seeing as it is family, do you feel the need to be a different person around them? If so, why? Why do their opinions of you matter? Yes, family is important, but not if they aren't supportive of who you truly are.

Perhaps skip the small talk to a degree. Ask them what they have been up to in life, try and make a connection, and if there is none, move on. I hear ya on the small talk, it does seem a bit ridiculous at times, but it serves a simple purpose to just make that small, but significant, connection with others.

Also, make the attempt to be social in order to confront your anxiety. Do not submit to it and "live with it". You have the power in yourself to, at the very least, confront it, if not eventually control it. But if you don't confront it, the anxiety will consume you. Push yourself to do the uncomfortable in an effort to be comfortable in other words.

a reply to: muse7

I know exactly how you feel. I think I was born with it, I don't remember a time when it didn't affect me at least. There are fast acting medications that don't stay in your system long that can help. The other thing that helps me, especially with family is that I love them and life is too short to not end up regretting distance. Walk around as much as you can, if it gets bad go into the restroom and deep breathe for a few minutes.

Good luck

a reply to: muse7
I am right there with you. It takes all my strength and fortitude just to go to the store and get groceries....being in crowds, lots of people, all those emotions exuding from them, barely checked....i can't get back home fast enough. My niece keeps trying to get me to go out and meet people, says it is unhealthy to keep them at bay...I say it is unhealthy to let them get to close. A matter of perspective, i guess.

Good luck at your family get-together...know that you are not alone in your discomfort, and be comforted.

a reply to: muse7

Don't sweat it too much, just have to get in there and get yourself accustomed to it, anxiety is natural, and as I'm sure you know the worst part about anxiety, is worrying about more anxiety. Being more social/outgoing can help reduce it but its hard to initiate that when you already suffer from anxiety. Can't worry about what-ifs. Do you have anyone you can talk to?

originally posted by: Sparkymedic
a reply to: muse7

Have a shot or two of whiskey. That'll take the edge off.

But more seriously, do you know where this anxiety stems from? Seeing as it is family, do you feel the need to be a different person around them? If so, why? Why do their opinions of you matter? Yes, family is important, but not if they aren't supportive of who you truly are.

I think it's due to the fact that I'm going to be around people that I barely know. Whenever I'm out in a public place I feel as if there's a spotlight on me and everyone's eyes are on me, watching my every move then I get extremely self-conscious. Thoughts start racing through my mind.

Am I walking weird?
Do I look funny?
Is my facial expression appropriate?
Am I dressed good enough? Maybe I'm not?

a reply to: muse7


Words of wisdom for you dear one.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong.

Start being positive about what could go right.


Des

a reply to: occrest

Sounds a bit agoraphobia?

That must be a burden for you, not being able to shop normally. I'm sorry you are going through such things, I hope you are able to find path to help you.

I know we all like to pretend we are lone wolves, but we are indeed social animals, with social needs.

a reply to: muse7

a suggestion, but certainly not a remedy, when you start to get those thoughts, do you tell yourself that its an irrational thought? I know with anxiety it can spiral out and compound upon itself to terrifying levels instantaneously. Another thing is worrying about past/present, you can't allow yourself to be consumed worried about the possibility of some bad future event, you have to live in the now or as they say Go with the Flow? Check in with yourself.

a reply to: muse7

when you get to the event... visualise them all naked.

that should help your anxiety. Might be hard trying to conceal your laughter though.

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: muse7

a suggestion, but certainly not a remedy, when you start to get those thoughts, do you tell yourself that its an irrational thought? I know with anxiety it can spiral out and compound upon itself to terrifying levels instantaneously. Another thing is worrying about past/present, you can't allow yourself to be consumed worried about the possibility of some bad future event, you have to live in the now or as they say Go with the Flow? Check in with yourself.

Yes I realize how my thoughts were irrational but only after the fact.

A lot of people have given me advice, and there have been a few times where I've forced myself to interact with others and I just end up sitting there awkwardly with nothing to say.

a reply to: muse7

Also, if you have a phone that can text... text a friend/anyone that help you if you start to panic.

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: occrest

Sounds a bit agoraphobia?

That must be a burden for you, not being able to shop normally. I'm sorry you are going through such things, I hope you are able to find path to help you.

I know we all like to pretend we are lone wolves, but we are indeed social animals, with social needs.

What i have found that helps a lot is a big dose of 'i don't give a fu^%!

After spending over 8 years homeless, I got over my 'fear' of social situations for the most part. Now, seeing the shallowness of 'accepted' society just makes me angry. Too many liars, hypocrites, thieves, backstabbing bastards. I found more loyalty, friendship, compassion generosity, faith and love in the homeless population than i ever felt with society at large. And it is for this, i am angry, and heartbroken.

originally posted by: muse7

originally posted by: Sparkymedic
a reply to: muse7

Have a shot or two of whiskey. That'll take the edge off.

But more seriously, do you know where this anxiety stems from? Seeing as it is family, do you feel the need to be a different person around them? If so, why? Why do their opinions of you matter? Yes, family is important, but not if they aren't supportive of who you truly are.

I think it's due to the fact that I'm going to be around people that I barely know. Whenever I'm out in a public place I feel as if there's a spotlight on me and everyone's eyes are on me, watching my every move then I get extremely self-conscious. Thoughts start racing through my mind.

Am I walking weird?
Do I look funny?
Is my facial expression appropriate?
Am I dressed good enough? Maybe I'm not?

That goes back to my initial point then. Especially when you barely know them, why then do you care what others think of you? More likely than not, people are usually never putting a spot light in you, but I suppose that is where the issue of anxiety comes from.

Be comfortable with who you are. You don't owe anyone anything by being yourself. Unless of course you don't like who you are. And if that is the case, I highly recommend seeking professional help. Likely in the form of counselling, to help you "find yourself" and find out where this, possibly crippling, anxiety comes from.

Magic mushrooms can help with that as well. However if you choose that route, have a coach or a trusting friend guide you through your experience. It will not harm you and it is impossible to become addicted. I highly recommend being in nature, outside, for that experience. That said, psychedelics aren't for everyone. But if you do choose that route, go all in. Don't take a small dose. Small is bad in this case. Just makes anxiety worse.

In regards to feeling and being "normal" in social situations, normalcy is in the eye of the beholder.

I highly recommend looking up the philosophy of Alan Watts. It may help your perspective on your self and others. His teachings can be found all over the internet. Especially on YouTube.

a reply to: muse7

It sure do, and when it affects you on the internet to, and you start sweating and you heartbeat goes up a little just by writing a small comment like this, then it gets really really annoying.

I have learned to live with it though and take some deep breath to calm it down, some days are worse than others.

originally posted by: Destinyone
a reply to: muse7


Words of wisdom for you dear one.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong.

Start being positive about what could go right.


Des

Des words of wisdom indeed.................Legends have been written about people seeking such truths, and we get it for free.

Go Des

Cody

a reply to: muse7

There's going to be some people there that I have not seen for a few years and right now I'm a nervous wreck, I've already thrown up once.

Another word for anxiety is worry. I worry that they might discover my faults and imperfections.That I may say or do something stupid and embarrass myself. I dwell on this so much that I become frightened and nervous to the point of physical breakdown.

And I haven't even arrived at the party yet.

Wait a second, they are as human as me, full of faults and anxiety like me. Everyone is hiding something about their character that others would consider negative. Maybe if I try not to pre disaster their reactions to me, maybe if I try to just be and smile and say hello and let them worry about what to say and do, maybe they will be the ones to embarrass themselves instead of me. I don't have to impress them or put on any kind of show to win favor. All I have to do is show up.

Even though I am a turmoil of butterflies and nervous inside, I will keep my answers short and simple, saying yes and I'm fine and how are you?

Take breaks, excuse yourself , step outside. Find one person you can identify with and talk to them. You'll get over the fear and worry, you'll find they are also relaxed and it will be easier to just be yourself.

Now if I could only follow that advice.

a reply to: muse7

Four words for you

Be special........................Be yourself

Cody

a reply to: Sparkymedic

I'd argue that psychedelics could cause a lot more damage than potential benefits.

I honestly believe Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be superior.

a reply to: Kali74

I don't have friends. I had a few but they stopped talking to me unfortunately.

This is something that I'm used to dealing with. When my classes started a few weeks ago it was worse. I threw up every day and as I was walking to my classes I literally got sick to my stomach.