CHEESE

The day they started making that pretend plastic sliced in wrappers stuff, that is yellow and fails to melt but instead bubbles hot and volcanic on itself, browning at the roof to ensnare you into thinking "corr that must be tasty, yum!" .. I should have known.

Oh its easy.. its cheap.. so is a crack whore.

Why do we use it on food? And not to just take pictures with? like they used to do with turkeys and using scuff stuff to brown the meat, uncooked, for oh so delicious advertisements of said turkey, cooked, hot, steaming, delicious.

I now have a scalded mouth roof. And this crap is stuck to every tooth like super glue. And I just tried to get it out with paper towels and.. now my scalded mouth roof is screaming at me.

I HATE YOU FAKE CHEESE.

I HATE YOU AND WILL HATE YOU TILL I WORK OUT WHAT YOU EVEN ARE. THEN HATE YOU TWICE AS BLOODY MUCH.

Wish I had some bacon now....

Come to France SnOrch...

I will show you what real cheese is... *coughs*... and wine at the same time... Ask Cody...

Ripped the roof of my mouth off once on a visit to the States. I went into a pizza restaurant and the cheese + tomato sauce base was just TOO hot...

Napalm death... AND IT WAS NOT REAL MOZZARELLA but INDUSTRIAL SOMETHING OR OTHER... couldn't talk for a couple of days because of the blister which was probably a blessing in disguise for quite a few people...

List of decent cheeses to be found in my adoptive land :

en.wikipedia.org...

Sadly they do not list the maggot ridden "Selles sur Cher" goats cheese that is actually quite nice when washed down with a decent bottle of Château St Georges 1966.

How to get rid of that industrial faecal matter that is now stuck in-between your teeth : suck an ice cube then you can relish picking out all the morsels when they harden...

Otherwise, may I suggest a fire extinguisher?

Processed cheese is made from natural cheeses that may vary in degree of sharpness of flavor. Natural cheeses are shredded and heated to a molten mass. The molten mass of protein, water and oil is emulsified during heating with suitable emulsifying salts to produce a stable oil-in-water emulsion. Depending on the desired end use, the melted mixture is then reformed and packaged into blocks, or as slices, or into tubs or jars. Processed cheeses typically cost less than natural cheeses; they have longer shelf-life, and provide for unlimited variety of products.

More here : www.msu.edu...

Give me real cheese any day...

By the way... Thank you for making me slobber... if there is one thing that you cannot get over here in France its Bacon...

I NEED A BAAAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOOOOOOOON FIX.....

Arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhh..... BBBBBAAACCCOOOOOOONNNNNNN....

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Oh its easy.. its cheap.. so is a crack whore.

Lol that bit made me laugh so hard!

I can't stand that plastic cheese it is so unnatural they have alot of real cheeses in slices now for convenience so theres no excuse too eat that processed 'cheese' that tastes funky.

Some nasty junk right there. I used to love it but ugh making grilled cheese the last time I got a pack of fake cheese was quite nasty. Grilled cheese used to be enjoyable. Now it is, as you say a clumpy blubbery rubbery mess.

I work in that industry. I wish you could post pics of label and nutrition facts. Not interested in a sample, I believe you.

a reply to: sn0rch

LOL
Americans revenge!

a reply to: sn0rch

Be smarter than the cheese.

originally posted by: sn0rch
Oh its easy.. its cheap.. so is a crack whore.

That should not have had me laughing this much...well done

Just going to leave this here...

a reply to: sn0rch

To be absolutely frank, I find it hard to be sympathetic when it is pretty obvious, upon first sight of that thrice cursed false fromage, that it is not going to be nearly as pleasant as a slice of real cheese. It does not look, smell, taste, or feel like cheese after all, so expecting anything less than disappointment, mixed with thermally induced agony, is rather a fools errand.

Get yourself a nice lump of English Cheddar, slice it, or grate it, no one will judge you, and melt that instead. You can get it in mild, mature, extra mature, and all of them are lovely for different reasons! Similarly, you could have had Edam, or one of the French cheeses. Going for that processed cheese nonsense though, it is never worth doing!

a reply to: Rodinus

Bacon is getting ridiculously expensive in the states.
I'm thinking about buying a pig from the Amish down the road and curing my own.

a reply to: the owlbear

Curîng a pig?

Give me a shout I am a vet!

Kindest respects

Rodinus

We have a term for it in our house: crap cheese.

We spend the extra for the real stuff.

We hate fake cheese in my family. Not allowed.

My husband recalls when his mother used to buy it- the package read "processed cheese food" He asked her "what's 'cheese food' ? Is this supposed to be what cheese eats or what?" I think she hit him with something in response. She was nasty like that. He refused to eat it, though.

She also liked skim milk - 2% stuff. Ugh.

originally posted by: Rodinus
Come to France SnOrch...

I will show you what real cheese is... *coughs*... and wine at the same time... Ask Cody...

Ahhh you had me at wine the word jumped out and drew my attention.

They say we have some pretty good wines down here in Australia too, but.. not for $6 a bottle they dont.

Ripped the roof of my mouth off once on a visit to the States. I went into a pizza restaurant and the cheese + tomato sauce base was just TOO hot...

Napalm death... AND IT WAS NOT REAL MOZZARELLA but INDUSTRIAL SOMETHING OR OTHER... couldn't talk for a couple of days because of the blister which was probably a blessing in disguise for quite a few people...

I have no skin left in there to blister. But holy smokes its cold food for the time being. even my coffee is intolerable :/

It is a lesson I will not soon forget.

List of decent cheeses to be found in my adoptive land :

en.wikipedia.org...

Sadly they do not list the maggot ridden "Selles sur Cher" goats cheese that is actually quite nice when washed down with a decent bottle of Château St Georges 1966.

maggot ridden, you say... Oo

How to get rid of that industrial faecal matter that is now stuck in-between your teeth : suck an ice cube then you can relish picking out all the morsels when they harden...

Otherwise, may I suggest a fire extinguisher?

Oh the ice cube sounds like it would have both soothed the burn and frozen the glue. I will never need to try it however, unless... :/

Processed cheese is made from natural cheeses that may vary in degree of sharpness of flavor. Natural cheeses are shredded and heated to a molten mass. The molten mass of protein, water and oil is emulsified during heating with suitable emulsifying salts to produce a stable oil-in-water emulsion. Depending on the desired end use, the melted mixture is then reformed and packaged into blocks, or as slices, or into tubs or jars. Processed cheeses typically cost less than natural cheeses; they have longer shelf-life, and provide for unlimited variety of products.

More here : www.msu.edu...

Give me real cheese any day...

By the way... Thank you for making me slobber... if there is one thing that you cannot get over here in France its Bacon...

I NEED A BAAAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOOOOOOOON FIX.....

Arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhh..... BBBBBAAACCCOOOOOOONNNNNNN....

Kindest respects

Rodinus

I never ended up getting bacon. It was just a bad day all around.. fake cheese, no bacon..

Today... it will be better !!!!!!

originally posted by: Domo1
a reply to: sn0rch

Be smarter than the cheese.

Aww now you're just going crazy. Asking the impossible.

It is my own fault though... I know this stuff is napalm fuel mixed with yellow colouring and styrofoam.

A moment of weakness.. a lifelong memory of the day I nuked my gob...

Oo

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: sn0rch

To be absolutely frank, I find it hard to be sympathetic when it is pretty obvious, upon first sight of that thrice cursed false fromage, that it is not going to be nearly as pleasant as a slice of real cheese. It does not look, smell, taste, or feel like cheese after all, so expecting anything less than disappointment, mixed with thermally induced agony, is rather a fools errand.

To be fair, I had partaken in the act your avatar has been doing for some time

its no excuse I know. But thank you, Frank !

Get yourself a nice lump of English Cheddar, slice it, or grate it, no one will judge you, and melt that instead. You can get it in mild, mature, extra mature, and all of them are lovely for different reasons! Similarly, you could have had Edam, or one of the French cheeses. Going for that processed cheese nonsense though, it is never worth doing!

Problem is, I don't start my new job for 3 weeks. And this stuff is $4 a packet. Whereas the real deal would be over $15.

Oh but when I do... it will be the cheese of the gods, and not the purchases of this parsimonious miser.

a reply to: sn0rch

$15 dollars for cheese? What? In what volume?

If I want a block of decent cheese, of about seven inches long five inches wide, and an inch and a pinch thick, I pay about £3.00 for it from my local shop! The processed nonsense can be purchased for less than a pound in some places, and not much over a pound in many others! I pity the cheese problem you clearly have where you live!

How much then, would four pints of milk be where you are, if you do not mind my asking?

a reply to: Rodinus
Melted motzerella can slap you in the face and burn you, when you take a big gooey bite. One needs to use caution , you actually sawed your teeth to sever it into bite size or watch out! Good stuff though

a reply to: sn0rch

Oh my! It's cheese? I've been using them as post-it notes for years...

A99