BGPD Mauve

DUSK!!!! A tingling sensation down my spine made me……well, tingle. I had seen a scourge, no wait, I mean a scrooge this Yule season that frightened me down to the very core of my soul. A figure so hideously deformed that he looked like a cross between a feces filled anus covered with hemorrhoids and a bowl of butter pecan ice cream. Oh wait, I DID me scourge, not scrooge, my bad. Anyway, this Scourge ambled, moseyed, traipsed and waltzed in an animalistic way. On all fours. Well, honestly, he was just crawling, but it was kinda creepy still. I know animals don’t crawl, it’s just the way they walk, but you know, to set mood and all, I had to use them as a reference.



So anyway, Retired, disgruntled cop Eunice Labidowitz, a gruff speaking ex-Green beret who played by his own rules and yet had a heart of gold that filled him with pity and sympathy for the downtrodden of the world. Well, not really the world, just his own city block. He was all these things I mentioned before, but in his heart burned the white hot flame of bigotry. He was also filled with a tremendous anger, because let’s face it, though he was a white man, he was also a Pollack, and that just screamed being made fun of. He was told enough polish jokes to choke a camel. It had eroded his mental faculties enough so he had a slight twitch in his eye and a major one in his ankles, which made him run in goose-step wherever he went. That’s why he retired from the force, not only was it impossible to chase anyone, it was too dang hilarious to look at.