Waking up Dead

My first thought when I woke up was pretty normal. “Huh?, Where am I?” Then I realized that it was a stainless steel roof only inches above my head. I have to admit, I started to freak out. Then I realized that the base I was laying upon moved, and that there was a door by my feet as it moved as well when I pushed against it.

So I figured my best bet was to freak out some more and bust out. And bust out I did. At that point you would think that it got weird…and it did.

A coroner’s assistant looked at me aghast. “You!” he cried, “You can’t be alive!”

My second thought was again, “Huh?”, followed by a very dry, “Wha?” At which point he keeled over, passed out as if he had to many Martini’s, and for all I knew, he probably did. I wrote him off as I knew that he would be of no help. Kinda felt bad for the guy, but at the same time, I felt I needed more help than he since I was the one who woke up in the morgue. Talk about your screw ups!

I stumbled about trying to get my bearings all the while naked. (I’m sure that would freak people out in itself…it ain’t legal!) I finally found some scrubs and wandered out of the room. I wandered past the security guard who muttered the perfunctory, “Long night, uh?” to which I replied, “S’up”, as that seemed to be the only sound I could croak out of my mouth.

“What the hell?” I wondered. The last thing I remember was straddling an ATV with a beer in my hand yelling, “Hey Y’all! Watch this!” Was it that bad of a bender? I just wanted to go home and go to bed.

I wondered why everything looked at a 45 degree angle until I looked into a window at my reflection and realized…”Holy Crap! My neck is broken!” At which point I freaked out again, but only for a short time. Maybe an hour or two. I don’t know exactly what happened during that time, but when I came to my senses, I was in unfamiliar territory. Way out in the sticks at night and totally, completely lost. I sat down by the side of the road and set my head right. (Oddly enough, it didn’t hurt. That should have been the first clue.)

“OK man, get yourself together, there has to be a rational reason for this. “(I do pride myself on what little intellect that I have, or maybe had.)

I stood up as a car was approaching and started to wave when all of a sudden, my world view went to the 45 degree angle again.

The car pulled over, not because I had my thumb out, but very possibly because of the wild gyrations I was doing in the middle of the road trying to keep my head upright.

Meanwhile, I’m trouncing about and I hear a voice from the car. “Hop on in, I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

“Sumabitch”, I think, “this can’t be good.” But like a dolt I stumble into the car trying unsuccessfully to look all nonchalant.

“Relax kid” the driver said, “we’ll handle everything.”

a reply to: TDawgRex

I hope you continue this story.

a reply to: karmicecstasy

Here ya go.

Still writing the plot line on another doc, but this is what I have so far.

Continued:

Looking out the windshield and finally able to get my head upright again, “Wha ooo men sit erery thong rahght?” I mumbled. Crap was I thirsty! My mouth was so dry I couldn't get words to form.

“I’m supposed to apologize, but I’m not going to as I was against this insane idea all along. Here have a beer, you need it.” The man stuck a beer out in front of me. I twisted towards him and found myself looking out the side window.

“Flippin’ neck!” I thought and then realized how ridiculous this must have looked and used my hands to reorient my head with my body. “Bor? Ah can drunk bor! Ah’m thonk ah’m ded!”

The man shrugged, “Well technically you are dead and before you start freaking out on me, you are not a zombie. You’re re-animated. Now take the beer, I even opened it for you. Trust me, you need it…it’ll make you feel better.” He looked over and tried to give a reassuring smile which I found unnerving, though now looking back on it I can’t see how that could be, considering my current predicament.

I took a hand off my head to grab the beer (at which point everything went into a 45 degree angle again) and the man put a straw in the can. “Here, use this till we get you fixed up.” I sucked at the straw and immediately felt better, so good that I couldn't stop drinking it until it was empty and making that slurping noise as I tried in vain to suck every beer molecule out of that can. “Stop making that damned noise, I can’t stand that sound.” The man snapped. “Here have another.” And that beer disappeared as fast as the first one.

“Now talk to me.” The man said.

I put my hand back up to my head and pushed it upright and twisted it to look at him. “What do you want me to say?”

The man smiled, “Ah, that’s so much better.”

“Um….uh…er…”

“Maybe not after all, here have another beer.” He opened it and plunked another straw in it and everything went to that crazy angle as I chugged down that beer as well like my life depended upon it.

“Now, let’s try again shall we?”

“What do you want me to say?”, I repeated.

The man rolled his eyes. “Questions, you’re supposed to ask me questions. Like “How did I end up this way?” or “How did I get here? Etc…etc…”

OK, I have two questions I want answered first and I’m sure that I’ll think of more as time goes by. Can you stop my head from flopping all over and what the hell is in this beer?”

“Hmmmm” the man furrowed his brow, “ I didn't expect those two. Well, they’ll be answered in good time.” And he continued to drive down the dark road in silence.

For a man who wanted to talk, he sure didn't say much.

LOL humorous and scary at the same time, Good job!

Keep it going!

a reply to: TDawgRex

TDawg, I'm lovin what ya got on here so far bud! Great Job!
Lookin forward to more !!!
(Thrummin' my fingers on the table anxiously waiting for more Story!)

I keep getting visuals of the floppy head. Hahahaha!!

Continued...

We drove through the night in silence with me doing a good impression of OMG!, holding my head up, except when he handed me another beer. I drank six of the things and didn't feel a buzz yet. It must have been nonalcoholic, but it tasted pretty good, not like that swill Budweiser or Miller put out.

“What is this beer? I never heard of it before? “Regroup?, what kind of name is that, sounds like it should be a wine instead. Or a happy hour mixed drink maybe?”

“Stuff.”

And those were the last words I heard from him until we pulled into what looked to be a logging camp. “We’re here, try not to freak out, you've been doing a good job so far. You may prove useful after all.” A automated gate slide open and allowed us into the camp.

“You may prove useful after all.” Kept playing itself over and over until we came to a large cluster of office trailers and one small building. We pulled up to the building and got out and gestured at it. As we entered I noticed a one desk with a man sitting behind it. He could pass as a logger with the exception of all the gear and weapons that festooned his body.

“Hey Barney, found another one did you?” he greeted my driver (Ah-ha! Now I have a name!). Then he looked at me and put both his hands on each side of his head, “OH MY GOD!” he laughed heartily at his own joke mimicking me. He reached into his desk and grabbed a roll of duct tape and tossed it to me, which caused my head to go wonky again as I tried to catch it. The man chuckled, “Duct tape fixes everything!”

I saw Barney give a small shake of his head and roll his eyes. “Just open the door will ya, Mike?” Mike pushed a button under his desk and the door opened up revealing an office. Barney walked across the room and pushed another hidden button and a wall slide aside, it was an elevator, “Figures” I thought. Barney gestured again and followed me inside. There were only two buttons with arrows, one up and one down. The doors closed and I felt the descent.
“So, Barney, how come you didn't tell me your name?”

He looked at me, “Because you didn't ask.” (Crap! He had me there didn't he?) Then turned back facing the door. “I’m only authorized to answer certain questions, not hold conversations. Which by the way, telling you my name is one of them. It’s supposed to put you at ease.” He rolled his eyes again.

I rotated to face him, “Certain questions? What kind of certain questions?”

“Well I already told you two of them, but you had to ask questions which I’m not authorized to answer, but be patient, someone who is will answer them all in good time, and believe me, you have plenty of time.”

The doors opened and an exact copy of the guy upstairs sat behind a desk looking at them. “Hey Barney, You found another, that’ll be a hefty finders fee I bet! This one looks in decent shape compared to the last two.” He looked at me and grabbed his head with both hands and said, “Oh my God!” and chuckled. I rolled my eyes this time thinking, “That one is going to get old real quick.”

“Just open the doors Michael. We have to see the Boss.”

“Twins?” I asked.

“Not authorized to tell you.” was the reply. The doors opened and I saw a long tunnel.

“Wait! I've got something you could use.” Michael said as he reached into his desk.

“Let me guess Michael, duct tape?” I muttered.

“Yea…how’d ya know?” Michael sat there appraising me. “He is a smart one isn't he? Oh yea, you’re going to rake in the fee on this one.”

“Shut up Micheal and you follow me.” Barney turned and headed through the door.

More please!

a reply to: TDawgRex

Waking up dead.

How is it possible to wake up if you are dead ?

originally posted by: alldaylong
a reply to: TDawgRex

Waking up dead.

How is it possible to wake up if you are dead ?

Ever had a hangover?

I've always said I woke up dead whenever I had one, either that or, Death warmed over.

a reply to: TDawgRex

Sweet, thank your very much

And moving on...

I walked alongside Barney for some distance trying to coax answers out of him. You’d think they were common sense questions, such as, “Where is this place?”, “What is its purpose?”, “Is this a Government facility?”, etc, etc.” Barney remained quiet throughout until I asked my last question. “Can I have another beer?”

“Later…we’re here.” He knocked on the door and a buzzer sounded.

“Ya know? A golf cart would come in real handy around here, the Pentagon has golf carts.” I mused.

Barney gave another one of his small headshakes (I wish I could do that).”Shut up, the Boss doesn’t like irony.”

“And why would that be?”

“Because irony usually means that a plan has gone all sideways. Be respectful.”

We walked into another replica of the previous offices and there of course sat another replica of Mike and Michael behind a desk. “Hey Barney! Long time no see! What brings you to this neck of the woods? I thought I wouldn’t see you after the last two. The Boss was quite pissed off.”

Barney just looked straight ahead and didn’t meet his gaze. “Just shut up Mikey and let the Boss know we’re here.”

“Triplets?” I asked, though it was starting to dawn on me.

“Not authorized.” Barney replied. “Follow me.”

We walked through the door into another dull drab office and, lo and behold, was another Barney. I looked at him. “Really? You guys are cloning what? Two…Three people, over and over?”

Barney gave me his same old dry look. “Who said anything about cloning? This is Bernard and yes, before you ask, we’re twins. I just happen to be the more adventuresome of the two of us.”

Bernard walked around his desk with a warm smile and started to extend his hand but withdrew it as he got closer. “I apologize; I failed to realize that you need both hands. Come in, come in! Let’s have a chat shall we? Have a seat and we’ll get right to the interview. And Barney, why don’t you admit it and just say that you don’t have the proper administrative talent like I do, though your talent lies elsewhere. I know I couldn’t do what you do.”

“Great, I’m a zombie stuck between squabbling twins.” I muttered.

“You’re not a zombie.” They replied in unison.

Bernard sat back down behind his desk. “We prefer the term re-animated. Reanimation is science, whereas Zombieism is drugs or just the product of a weak mind…maybe a little of both.” He shrugged and smiled again. “I’m going to lay down some ground rules first and then you can ask all the questions you want, though I’ll tell you upfront that I can’t answer all of them.”

“Where am I?”

“Ah, and that is one of the questions I won’t answer right now, and you are getting ahead of yourself…no offense intended of course.” Bernard looked at his brother standing beside me. “I think you did good this time Brother…the last two were useless and needed the Bath.” He returned his gaze upon me with a small smile. “But we shall see momentarily shan’t we?”

a reply to: TDawgRex
I wanted to mark this so I can come back and read more.. It's really awesome
I dig it
-nat

a reply to: natalia

Thanks Nat! Kinda stuck at the moment as I have three different ideas as to where it should go. I want to keep the humor, drama and suspense going. Combined is a toughy for me. To easy to get hung up on one or the other.

This is great!
I'm loving it!
I hope you continue on with the story