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A gallery in Beverly Hills, California, is hoping someone might be willing to spend $10,000 on a piece of crap.
A lumpy fossil — billed as possibly the longest known specimen of ancient excrement — will hit the auction block next week at the I.M. Chait Gallery.
Measuring "an eye-watering 40 inches [102 centimeters] in length," the so-called coprolite could be up to 33 million years old, according to the auctioneers, who estimate that the fossilized specimen could fetch between $8,000 and $10,000.
"It boasts" — if a coprolite can boast of anything — "a wonderfully even, pale brown-yellow coloring and terrifically detailed texture to the heavily botryoidal surface across the whole of its immense length," the glowing description from the auction house reads. (A "botryoidal" surface is simply one with a lumpy texture. Tellingly, the word comes from the Greek word "botrys," meaning a bunch of grapes.)
Chait and his colleagues said they don't know what kind of creature passed the impressive load, which has been separated into four pieces and mounted on black marble. ("If you shipped in one piece it would for sure break," Chait said.)
Talk about irregular. A new ad for Dulcolax laxative features turd-headed characters stuck in what appears to be an anal prison.
"Only you can set them free," the caption reads.
AdWeek wrote that the poop prisoners looked like "stinky love children of the Michelin Man and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Turdles)." At least they're cuter than the Golgothan excrement demon in Kevin Smith's "Dogma."
Either way, they're pretty icky.
The ads reportedly ran in Singapore newspapers and at bus stops. "Instead of approaching the dramatization from the patient's [point of view], we approached it from the excrement's," the agency behind the campaign, McCann Health, said in the trade publication.
An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in someway seeing you standing here in the hot sun."
After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down."
The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?"
Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the road to intercept. "Car number 2, this is car number 1." "Go head number 1 ... What'cha got for me?" I got a red and yellow Vettes coming your way doing a hundred plus, can you intercept?" "Ten-four, Is there anything else?"
"Yeah, you won't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass."