Emotions are taboo, so shut up and deal with it

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Aww, Narco...you're not a reject!
If anything, the society you're trying to fit into is full of the rejects.

What are your interests/hobbies? Who are the people you think you would like to hang out with?
I've pretty much given up all my old friends, and spend a lot of time alone (or here on ATS with you guys, lol).

I can't have a decent conversation with people in real life, they're too busy talking about their possessions, or celebrities. I think you're being too hard on yourself. (I don't believe the problem is you.)
I got over the 'lonely' feeling, by realizing that I didn't have to spend my time trying to please other people, and could focus on doing what I like. What do you like to do?

jacygirl

I'm a very passionate person also and I learned around 15 years old that I had to turn my emotions down. I hate acting like a robot because being human and alive involves emotions. You just have to find a happy medium. With me I'm usually reserved for months quiet trying to be like everyone else, but I let loose once in a while. Yes people think I'm weird/eccentric but I can never stop being me.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I still have plenty of family and friends because I had to learn how to be "normal" in order to fit in. I'm wild at heart and I just had to learn when to unleash. I wish you the best. I feel your pain.

a reply to: Teeky

Yes, this is it! I could have just used your post instead of my long-winded OP.

I feel as if I'm constantly chasing equilibrium between two extremes, unhappy with all results here, there, and in between. I can exude passion, and I can exude temperance. The problem is I seem so torn between the two that I probably come off as a maniac. Mostly I just try to shut off and be nihilistic to play it safe.

I could be bipolar. I could just be a human being. Who knows!

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

It takes time to discover your true self .. take a break from the world .. reflect .. meditate .. you will find who you are ..

its good to get help along the way .. give it time and be patient .. the journey is as important as the destination ..

From what see of you from your posts here you will do well on your journey dont give up ..

Agree with Expat888.

As many others have said, be yourself. And I know that's hard to do and it will probably take some time and work to figure out exactly what that is. But really, those who turn away from you are probably shying away from your inner power, passion and ability to emote. Feel compassion for them.

Meditation is a great suggestion. Getting yourself emotionally "centered" will do wonders.

Reading your post, I found I liked you, so it's not that you're unlikable. And I don't like many people. But I found your honesty and unwillingness to "act" very endearing.

Hang in there. I sent you a U2U.

This may come off as crude and insensitive. That is not my intention. Maybe you should try getting drunk and laid. It worked for me. I am reluctant to post this, but here it is. Just trying to help.

Maybe you should try getting drunk and laid.

Thanks for your input.

It worked for me.

Good for you?

I think you're overlooking the fact that I have no friends, and that I have enormous trouble making friends. I find your suggestion somewhat glib and insulting right now. I'm sure I'll get over it quickly though.

I thought it was about Emoticans being taboo at first. Whew.

Depersonalization disorder helps with that, we are trained to ignore everyone during high school. Maybe you spent too much time paying attention to the subjects the teachers were teaching instead of the society training and hardening that was going on.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

Maybe you should try getting drunk and laid.

I think you're overlooking the fact that I have no friends, and that I have enormous trouble making friends. I find your suggestion somewhat glib and insulting right now. I'm sure I'll get over it quickly though.

Well, that is Skunk ape for ya. He'll say something insightful and helpful, something that will make you like him, and then follow through with something like that. He seems okay though.

Read this though, it might help: Regrets

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

WHOA!

Hold your horses there N.B. !

Let me point something out to you. The way people perceive you and receive you, is a matter of two halves. You send a signal, and they receive it. This is the essential principle behind all communication, wether it be verbal or non verbal, electronic, or issued from the person directly.

The problem is, that communicating effectively relies on both parties to have fully functioning transmitting and receiving capabilities. One of the things which muddies up a communication pretty well, is the person to whom you are speaking, making assumptions about you before you even open your mouth. Most people refuse to engage with others in a full, frank, and realistic manner, and this creates a superficial connection, which they may be fine with, but you may not.

You may wish to be able to connect with other humans honestly, and in totality, the better to learn from them and share your mind scape, and that is to be applauded. However, you must also understand that, increasingly in this day and age, people are less prepared to converse in a deep and thoughtful manner, or indeed form relationships of any quality, than they used to be. It is one of the reasons that while I have some firm pals, I have few of them, and it is also why I come here to sharpen my wits against the whetstone of the membership.

What you have to learn to do, is to do your own thing, be who you ARE rather than wearing a mask, and deal with the consequences without fear or sorrow. You have to be yourself not because it is the way to connect with others, but because by wearing a mask all the time, you will do yourself damage long term, and gaggles of friends or not, that is a bad idea! Being yourself will allow you to make few friends, but those you make when you are being honest, will be the sort of friends you ride out the zombie apocalypse with, the sort you surf a nuke blast with, the kind of folk you stand shoulder to shoulder with for the rest of your life.

The sort of friends you make when just playing a part... Those are not friends, just acquaintances with delusions of importance, and you will find their inability to realise your complexity as a person, will make them shallow, hollow people to be around, and they will nourish you not one bit. Do not become one with that flock dear chap! You are better than that! Stand up, be your self, and extend your middle fingers both toward the sky in the direction of any who refuse to appreciate it, and ENJOY doing it!

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Maybe you could find an ELO Support Group And Fan Club?
Maybe Jeff Lynn will send you an autographed photo?
That would cheer me up.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I've been where you are; and from time to time, on dark days, I find myself revisiting that place. But I don't live there any more, and haven't for a very, very long time.

I have some advice for you, if you want it. The thing about ATS is that sixteen different people will give you thirty-two different kinds of advice. You can pick what you want from the buffet. Here's my contribution.

1. Acquire the ability to do something that other people value — some necessary or desirable skill or capability, something people will respect in and of itself. If it's a bankable skill, so much the better, but it needn't be. Become a person of ability and you will rise in others' estimation. This will take time and effort, of course; but the work will help take your mind off your problems.
   
   
2. Observe other people rather than yourself. People-watch at work, or in that bar you frequent. Become a student of human nature. You will soon see that other people, too, are confused, uncertain, fearful and anxious about all kinds of things. Everybody is compensating for something. The psychological insight you gain will help you in your social dealings and presentation. And studying other people is another great way of getting your mind off yourself and your problems.
   
   
3. In all your dealings with others, be honest, reliable and eager to contribute to their success rather than to put obstacles in their way. Do not expect to be thanked for it, but people will notice all the same.
   
   
4. Be wary of what you share with others. Before you reveal yourself, do a bit of angling to see whether your revelations are likely to be met with sympathy or revulsion. And be easy about other people's beliefs and attitudes, however much you disagree with them; it's all part of the great human circus. Observe and enjoy the show.
   
   
5. Don't expect change to occur easily or overnight.
   
   
6. And, as skunkape23 said, get yourself a dog. That is really, really good advice, so long as you don't live in a home so small it would be cruel to keep an animal cooped up in it. It isn't just the unconditional love dogs give you; it's also that the responsibility of caring for them forces routine into your life. And yet again, it helps take your mind off yourself.

Good luck with your efforts. Forty years ago I was a maladjusted teenager who forced himself to overcome his own crippling shyness by taking the initiative in social situations, saying the first word, making the first move. I felt undervalued and laughed at (too tall, too skinny, uncoordinated, geeky, hopeless with girls) so I swore that if I couldn't get people to love me I'd at least get them to respect me. It happened. I'm lucky in that I can do this — write — but it was developing and deploying my talent that won me the personal and professional respect of a great many people and gave me a successful career. And though I have personal issues that I now know will never be resolved, I have long since learned how little they really matter.

I do care what people think of me, by the way. I care very much. It's important to me that people listen to me, respect me, trust in my integrity, know they can depend on me to deliver on my human and professional commitments. And yes, it is important to me to be loved, but only by those I hold closest to me: my girlfriend, what's left of the family I grew up in, the friends I cherish. I have made some enemies in life (who hasn't?), but I have made far more friends, and I have kept them.

All this is to convince you that it can be done. The way to do it — pace those who have been telling you otherwise — is not to withdraw from the world, not put your back up and say 'I'm going to be myself and to hell with what anyone else thinks.' It is to turn yourself into a person you can respect and, yes, admire. Because then others will, too.

You're not like other people. You will never be, so forget about trying. But that still gives you a choice: you can be a misfit, or you can be someone remarkable. Which is it to be?

a reply to: Astyanax

Wonderful post! Applause-worthy. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

I find your advice sound, practical, and very wise. I also appreciate you sharing personal details of your own experiences with putting the advice into practice.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

Maybe you should try getting drunk and laid.

Thanks for your input.

It worked for me.

Good for you?

I think you're overlooking the fact that I have no friends, and that I have enormous trouble making friends. I find your suggestion somewhat glib and insulting right now. I'm sure I'll get over it quickly though.

I honestly intended no insult. Why is it you have such a hard time making friends? Is this a question you have asked yourself and meditated on? It shouldn't be that hard unless you are coming off as a negative person. That can be fixed, but only you can do it.

You could try taking it to the extreme:

1) Get couple brewed drinks (optional)

2) Listen some sad, thought/emotionally provoking music

3) When the time is ripe, CRY YOUR HEART OUT. Work it.

4) Get some sleep and let the sleeping work on you. (mind fuks things up)

or..

Maybe this is a time for you to "be alone for a while"?

Think pink, you'll get pink - Think black, you'll get black. Funny.

And when you meet new people, if they seem nice to you, be sure not to don't unload your emotional truck over them. They might lose interest if you seem just another wreck of the modern world.

You could also take a walk in your neighborhood, and give your help when you spot one in need. Theres almost always someone.

Helping others / doing good usually helps yourself.

a reply to: skunkape23

I know you meant no insult. I'm not greatly offended, just a bit disappointed in your solution.

I'm not saying I'm totally without blame. Trust me, I blame myself plenty. I'm just trying to figure out what I can do to fix all this so I can turn it into a success story.

Thanks again for your interest in this thread.

This works wonders sometimes;

Just contemplate on your life's track, or a timeline if that makes better sense. Headphones on, music loud.



Or double the power with Charlie



just my couple euro nickels..

a reply to: Astyanax

Your post is dribbling of excellency. Easy to read and wonderful message.

That is something you should learn in those places people call schools.

Makes me ashamed of my earlier posts. Thats ok.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

It doesn't mean being fake it just means 'keeping it lite'.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Just to clarify, when I said ''paint on the mask'' I didn't mean the mask of another personality, a few posters seemed to jump on that.

It also doesn't mean being fake or not being 'you' obviously, it just means instead of baring your soul to all and sundry and attempting engaging in meaningful conversation all the time, to just 'keep it lite' unless it is appropriate.

Most people do not want to listen to the gripes or deep emotions of others because they don't have time, society isn't structured for people listening to each other that much any more, or caring that much for that matter, self absorbed egotism is how most are programmed these days.