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I want to believe, just tired of all this.

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posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 08:41 AM
I just wanted to write something, share with somebody, anonymously, as currently I really do not have anybody to talk to about it - unfortunately my friends aren´t whom to share it with (not the most understanding/trustworthy people).

This year has been tough, toughest of my life so far. Unless some magic happens in the next 5 months, it probably will stay so. Since the start of the year, every move I make towards something I believe in, something I truly want has had disastrous results. I do not know whom to trust anymore. I have always believed I had lots of friends, possibly even kow I have at least a 1000 people I could call and ask to hang out, yet I doubt I could trust any of them, I am not sure who are friends and who are not After losing a very good friend of mine and screwing up the relationship with another one, I have thought a lot on this matter and truly in the end, I do not get people. In the end, for vast majority (besides maybe two or three) of them there is just two things that matter - self and money.

I quit my job couple of months ago, a job that I used to love. There was a company takeover and the new CEO was just too much to tolerate - the job I loved, the team and environment I built all turned into nightmare and I just decided to take a pause from it, so I did quit. This rather affects my current lifestyle as there is not much challenges anymore, rather than financial side, which is the only part of my life, I am satisfied with currently.

Career-wise I did not manage to graduate both of my degrees this year. That is my fault, entirely. I already have degree in other field, so it is not much of a problem, yet I should have pulled myself together for the thesises, I didn´t, just couldn´t find the motivation.

Relationship-wise this year has been awful as well, at least so far. To be honest, despite being over 25 (under 30), I have never had a real relationships. I have been with a lot of girl, and I do mean a lot (somewhere between 50 and 100, if not more). I just don´t fall for someone easily. I have tried it, but so far the only times I have fallen, have been between the first 5 minutes I know the people. I have tried with 2 girls (3 months with one and 5 with the other). Nothing. If I dont feel it immediately, the feeling will never come. During my 25+ years, I have fallen for 4 girls total - 2 of them this year. The first 3 have been miserable failures. I am not making my bets on the 4th one either. At least, recent days have not shown any positive signs.

This month there were five incredibly important things for me, the most important was the girl of course. So far, there have 4 failures, the girl thing is still 50/50, rather 40/60. In addition due to some idiot (who thought violence is justified, when a stranger talks to your girl out of boredom, when you are 30 feet away and there is no sign the girl is taken) I broke a rib, which means I am out for the season, so my team is getting relegated probably.

I am just tired of all this BS happening to me. I have always tried to be a good person, tried to do the right thing - I give a lot to charity, volunteer a lot of my time, help people out without asking anything in return, never fight/insult. I just can´t get it, why do I deserve this. I have always believed in karma, some kind of force which keeps things in balance. You do something nice and something nice happens to you. So why does whatever I recently do fail despite it...

I am just so tired of all this. I am not a religious person and nothing can change it, but to be honest, currently I envy people who have some faith to rely on, as currently I am out of everything. I want to believe something good is going to happen, that things would go better, but I just can´t.

Just wanted to get it of my chest... At least a bit less miserable feeling.

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 08:44 AM
then believe! truely believe! its almost 'neverneverland' when you do

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 08:46 AM
a reply to: Cabin

Look, man ... sometimes bad things happen to nice people.

Believe it or not, you are incredibly young. Life _will_ turn around. Just give it some time and never give up trying.

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 08:53 AM
a reply to: Cabin

My friend, the storm never lasts forever.........the sun will come back to shine, it always does, believe you me!

This is not about karma and I don't believe karma is about punishing us.........I believe things happen to make us think and sometimes to give us that little kick to change change to the right direction.

And regarding love..........stop over thinking and it will come to you........just go with the flow of the universe......and believe!!

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 10:13 AM
Hang tough...
The achin' and the breakin' is the makin' of a soul !

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 10:32 AM
it reads like a parable for the world falling apart for all of us..

i found out long ago, all my "friends" were people i couldn't "trust"
just keep giving & giving anyway
it's all free
and we don't take any of it with us when we go

be nice to anyone & everyone? never know when someone's going to win the lottery

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 10:45 AM
Why do these things happen to you? I don't know. I have been having a rough time lately, too. I keep trying to figure things out to no avail. I am mostly happy with what I do, but it seems others aren't. I feel selfish trying to please myself and letting other stuff go. I was soooo depressed with all the stuff that's been happening, but once in awhile, here and there, something funny or good happens and I feel hopeful again. I know I just need to hang in there and keep looking out for the good and not dwell on the bad. I think that would be a good thing for you to remember, too. Thank you for opening up here.

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 01:25 PM
I am probably going to get a lot of crap for this.

I am trying to be empathetic, really I am, but I am not really seeing the problem, outside of the broken rib, which sucks. Perhaps you could elaborate more. I understand getting what you said off your chest, nothing wrong with venting. It is the why me additude I don't get.

I feel wrong in saying this, but I have gotten some pretty "tough love" over the deaths of my children and trying to cope with suicidal feelings as the result, husband losing his job and being close to eviction, both vehicles breaking down at the same time and not a dime to fix them, which really sucks when you are about to lose your home, and trying to recover from issues that are the result of sexual assault. This is all in the last few months. We won't get into my past. The thing is, I still have it better than a lot of people. I am not the person standing on the street corner, not yet anyways. I am not the person living in a war zone in constant pain due to injuries from a bomb. I am not starving or dying of an incurable disease.

I just don't get what is really wrong in your life to have such a why me additude. You have it pretty darn good. You say that you volunteer, then you should know that you have it good. The average person wouldn't bat an eye over what you "have gone through." Maybe it is time to volunteer in a village in Africa.

I consider my self more sympathetic than most to peoples plights than most, but you self admitted that you have it pretty good and don't even see it. It makes me want to scream. Life is tough. Vent away if you need to, But to ask why me? the answer is, there would be something seriously wrong if you didn't encounter at least some minor speed bumps in life.

Now, if things are worse than you posted and you just didn't include them. I will retract every statement I made.
edit on 19-7-2014 by calstorm because: (no reason given)

edit on 19-7-2014 by calstorm because: (no reason given)

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 01:32 PM
Two thoughts came to mind while reading your OP:

1) What is it that you want to believe?

2) Never say never.

I wonder if the key to your questions might actually lie in the threads title.

This film I watched recently has an excellent illustration concerning why life sometimes sucks so bad...

Below is a transcript from the 51 min. point:

Jesus: What did it take for the son to return to the father, who loved him?

Nikki: For life to get really bad, in the pig pen. So what?!

Jesus: Sometimes... it takes a deep hurt to feel a deep need for God.

Nikki: That's God's plan?!

Jesus: That's what God is willing to use in a broken world. Your dad's pain drove him to me.

Jesus: And without that wound in your heart, Nikki... you wouldn't be sitting here talking with me either.

"The Perfect Stranger" is based on the novel, 'Dinner With a Perfect Stranger' by David Gregory, 'THE PERFECT STRANGER' tells the story of Nikki, a troubled attorney who one day receives a mysterious dinner invitation from a man claiming to be Jesus of Nazareth. Throughout their evening of conversation, arguments and spirited debate, Nikki learns things she never knew about life, the universe, and most importantly, herself. (Sequel to this film is here BTW)

(Transcript is here BTW)

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 01:39 PM
a reply to: Cabin

Life is full of opposites: positives and negatives. Look, right now youre going through some bad times. But what that means is that if its all bad now, it cant get much good positives are right around the corner for you.

You've got to hang on as hard as that may be for you right now. But, you also have to make the good start happening for you as well.

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 01:42 PM
a reply to: calstorm

Perhaps you could elaborate more.

# no
(that was already a diatribe)

i'm not going to whip it out to see whose is bigger but instead type a little story about a blacksmith hammering a piece of red-hot steel.. i reckon that piece of steel surely suffered along the way.. but now.. after everything that has happened to it.. it's strong & has become a force to be reckoned with
.. but will it be used as a tool or a weapon?

the parable of the mustard seeds

fancy seeing Murg' here.. (hi)
i like what you said there.. it's like what i'm trying to say about the forging process here
seeya 'round
edit on 19-7-2014 by UNIT76 because: just sayin' hi to Murg'... "hi" lulz

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 02:06 PM

originally posted by: UNIT76
i like what you said there.. it's like what i'm trying to say about the forging process here

Dang, you are so right 76!

I scrolled too fast right by your post.

I would be willing to bet that MOST of us have similar stories to tell.

I know I do and others such as calstorm seem to corroborate as well.

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 03:04 PM
Without adversity in your life, you never really know who you are. It's how you deal with the bad that makes you the good. Once you face the worst life has to offer and come through the other, and there always is another side, then you are stronger the next time life starts throwing you curves because you know what you can take, you've "been there; done that" as it were.

These days, too many people think they need to come through life without any trouble at all. Our modern existence makes us soft. Spend some time looking at pictures of life in the really rough and dark places in the world, and remember that for all you think you have it rough, you aren't there. Life isn't a participation trophy for everyone; it's what you go out and earn for yourself. Too many people don't understand that and get disillusioned when they don't get the top spot handed to them right away. Then they quit. These days self-esteem is empty and without meaning. It may simply be that yours has been stripped, and you are having trouble understanding that it's time to go out and start earning the real thing - the type of self-esteem that's genuine and can't be taken away by anyone else.

As to the girl trouble, stop trying. I met the love of my life out of the blue without even trying to find him.

As to faith, the one thing a relationship with God can give you that none of your friends is currently providing is that one person you can trust to always be there and listen. God is also someone you can be completely comfortable surrendering to. He will never leave you, never betray you, and when it comes to things completely beyond my control, it feels so much better for me to tell Him and leave them in His hands. Sure, I may not get my prayers answered in the direct way I'm looking for, but they do get heard and they have always been answered in one way or another.

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 03:15 PM

originally posted by: Cabin
I am just so tired of all this. I am not a religious person and nothing can change it, but to be honest, currently I envy people who have some faith to rely on, as currently I am out of everything. I want to believe something good is going to happen, that things would go better, but I just can´t.

Welcome to growing up.

Your situation is no more or less horrible then what anyone else went through along the way , it's just different.
Im 40 and have never been in a better place in my life..Professionally, financially, emotionally, mentally in charge.
When I was your age , older than 25 but less than 30, I was the exact opposite of where I am now.
I felt the same way that my life was hell , it wasn't fair and when it would it turn around .

You can make a can either let it play out and realize that along the way things are going to ebb and flow or you can collapse into a pity party. The choice is yours and hopefully you can take comfort in knowing that millions of other people have made that same choice.

posted on Jul, 19 2014 @ 07:47 PM
A lot of us have been there. I am sick of believing in good people, they are becoming too rare. We just bought an old farm house for cash in a really small town. It is people that hurt, so it is people we are getting away from. I can handle criminals and murderes, have for 64 years. It is the ones like bosses and family that do you in.

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