What do children deserve from their father ?

The way i see my role is to be a jack of all trades, teach my kids to have fun, help them over there fears and encourage them in whatever they wish to try. Also fathers are important for the ruff and tumble play, teaching kids there limits.

a reply to: dukeofjive696969

So you are more of being around when needed, shaving the edges smooth when you can ?

That's another way that might be great too. Thx

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

Thats good you can foresee this point of balancing work and family well being. My dads work ethic destroyed his body, mental health and his relationship with my mother. But he was and is always there for everyone his children, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, in laws, our friends and the boys he mentored in me and my brothers scout troops. I plan to be just like him.

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

It is our perception of what is good that is the issue. Everyone's view of this subject varies.

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

I suppose I would say love, guidance, discipline and teaching your kids how to empathise with others are the fathers responsibilities.

a reply to: rickymouse

I will give them my view of good, and I might also offer them some insights about the changing values of others, and how we as a society expect what good is, so they will eventually be able to do the right thing, and still make up their own minds, instead of blindly following others

a reply to: andy06shake

Is empathise actually something you can learn them ? Cause besides telling them what should be, what can be, and what also happens... They have to develop this themselves won't they

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

Unfortunately financially my kids won't get the jackpot.

Sadly nowadays, thats par. I got the boot when I was still young.

Sounds like you are far better dad material then me or my father. Your concern bears this out.

a reply to: intrptr

Thank you. I can only try and prevent my kids to do what I did, by giving them better options.

I believe it's important to have a father that really is there for you, cause I've seen what happens if a father fails to do that.
I can only hope, I won't become my father.

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

I believe it's important to have a father that really is there for you, cause I've seen what happens if a father fails to do that.

Me too. Although my dad was present he didn't participate much except to point out my shortcomings. Its not his fault really. His parents never taught him coping skills to deal with things like feeling, embarrassment, peer pressure, that kind of stuff. If kids get a tool or too along those lines they are much better off when faced with "double dog dares".

I can only hope, I won't become my father.

You know what thats like, good immunization. Raising kids is scary, abandoning them to their fate is criminal. Thats how we read about al the sad stories of kids turning to crime, drugs, violence; they are lost like rudderless ships on an emotional sea without their fathers guidance.

You'd be surprised how much they look up to you and value your presence. Just be with them and listen. Its okay not to have all the answers all the time. Tell them that too.

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

Maybe I should have said show them how to instead of teach them how to empathise with others. After all we lead by example.

Basically it's monkey see monkey do with regards to our children even if that does sound or seem rather harsh.

Love no matter what. Self sacrifice. TIME. Energy. Attention. Physical and spiritual and emotional needs being taken care of. My husband is the best father in the world. Without fail ... he was at the dining room table after supper helping with the math homework. Day after day ... school year after school year. Wonderful dad. Awesome guy!

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: Sinter Klaas

I can only hope, I won't become my father.

You know what thats like, good immunization. Raising kids is scary, abandoning them to their fate is criminal. Thats how we read about al the sad stories of kids turning to crime, drugs, violence; they are lost like rudderless ships on an emotional sea without their fathers guidance.

.

You don't want to know how much of the above has been part of my life, and I don't want that for my children

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

Being a former daddy's baby I'll wade in. My father walked the floors with all 4 of us kids when we were sick or colicky. He was not perfect in fact was down right mean with all the fighting him and my mom did,but he did impart life lessons to me that I still can hear in my head.

A father should be the type of man for his daughters that he wants his daughters to grow up and be with. They're lessons about men come straight from him.

He should be the type of man that he wants his sons to become in life. They will look up to him and learn how men act to each other and their women right from him.

He should teach his girls about men and how they should act around them. Let them know the dangers of men so that they are prepared to face what to do when they come across someone with low morals. He should also let them know their worth in this world so they know that while special to him, they're true value lies in how they conduct themselves through their lives.

While growing up my father made sure I understood that "I was as good as any man on this planet". Notice he never said I was equal to a man, equality is comparing apples to oranges folks. Men and women are two different species at times. Physically we are different and emotionally we are. I don't want to be a man,I'm not one. But I know that I'm just as valuable as any man out there. My strengths lie in being a woman,and they are unique.

My father taught me to fight from the age of 4,he said I would always be little and he knew that I would stand no chance if attacked by a man unless he taught me how to fight for myself.

Men like my father teach their children to be kind to those less fortunate,someone has to step up and defend them.

Support and encouragement .. accept children as the unique people they are allow them to be themselves dont turn them into what you think they should be .. most important take time to show you love them and spend time together with them .. they grow up all too fast and before you know it are off with families of their own ..

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

My father was around, but the only thing he taught me was how not to be a man. He took me along to watch him play cricket when I was a child, and I caught the bug. I practiced alone in my room after school, in front of the mirror, trying to get my bowling action right.

The other fellows on his team taught me more about refining my abilities than my father ever did, and when, at the age of about fifteen, I debuted as a bowler for the team and beat his best bowling average by getting three wickets, for no runs, off two overs of bowling, he was angry. I do not mean aggrieved in a tongue in cheek, quietly proud kind of way, I mean the not talking to his son for a month kind of angry.

He also knew how to read music, and played the trumpet, not to mention being involved in a church choir, and having previously been given the hefty job of performing several solo choral numbers during Christmas related church events.

However, despite the fact that he knew I loved music (been a metal head since I was in the womb... I'm not kidding), he never once offered to teach me how to read music, nor did he agree to do so when asked. He was the mathematician amongst our family also, and as well as failing to pass that on, or even try to do so, he would leave all our families figure work to my mother, who ran ragged trying to keep us afloat and keep the bills up to date.

So here is the thing...

First of all, share what you know. If your child shows an interest in the things you do, your hobbies or abilities, then pass them on. Obviously, depending on what they are, there might be certain ages that would be better than others to receive certain instruction, but that is down to common sense more than anything else, and you probably require no help in that regard .

Second, and this is crucial, when your child excels in something, or does something that you like to do, only better, be happy about it. Be a human being, is what I am really saying.

Your job as a parent, is to protect, to offer nourishment to both mind, and the digestive body, and to assist the development of, your child. The best way to make sure those things happen, is if you love the child. By that I do not mean, saying that you do (although that is helpful for a child to hear every now and again), but act like it. Make your every available moment, theirs if they should want it of you. Spend time with your child, and teach them the wisdoms you have gained over the course of your life.

Parenthood, done right, is the only job which it is possible to continue to do, after one has died. Your example to your offspring, of how to live, how to nurture, how to protect and nourish, and indeed the practical elements of living, will be an example to them even after you die, and therefore it is one of, if not the biggest responsibility that one can undertake.

I know this, because my mother managed to do the parenting for both my idiot father, and for herself. Thankfully, she is some kind of parenting machine, and the ill effects of my lack of a father figure are somewhat less than they might have been. However, that is not to say that there has not been a cost to me from not having a father figure worth a crap. I always say that my father taught me how not to be a man. My mother taught me how to be a human being.

Therefore, the advice I can give boils down to, be there, and be a human being.

Remember that they are always watching you and how you deal with conflicts, relationships, money, health, home, career, time...life...

And while they DO decide later how much of what they learned from you will be emulated or done opposite of how you may have done it, many things will end up being a bit more subconscious or more difficult to change when they are an adult.

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

My dad was a total POS that I didn't know. When i was 13 i got a decent step dad, but my parenting skills are from me just doing what feels right every single time I had a chance.

My goal is to give him the best chance I can at being a happy and healthy man. No cost is too much, and I have spent a fair amount to deal with easily resolved issues that will give him huge improvements in quality of life.

I changed his diapers. I made him home made cookies. I prepared each meal he ate. I made myself available for every question he had, and I answered him seriously, completely, and on his level.

Not a single night has passed where he didn't know where his dad was, and not a single day has passed without me telling him I love him. Often a couple dozen times in a day, as it is the last thing I say to him when we part company.

He sees me love his mother. He sees me treat her with respect, and care for her. He watches me defend her, even if just in casual conversation. I have shown him how to be a good husband with my own actions. And my wife has shown him the love a good husband gets in return.

I get up and go to work, even when I am feeling under the weather. And I make him do the same, whether it be his job or his school. I hold myself to a very high account, and expect the same from him. I have taught him responsibility.

Reading through all of this, it should be obvious that the simple answer is: show him how to be a good man by being a good man yourself.

a reply to: Sinter Klaas

What do children deserve from their father ?

To put it simply: Your time.

Whether that be tossing the ball around in the back yard, or sitting at the kitchen table helping them with their homework, or showing them how to change a tire on the car, or reading them a bedtime story.

Just give them your time.

I think our individual expectations of our fathers must be explored because not every father has the ability or experience or desire to give what others want or need, same goes for us. Are your/our expectations of our fathers feasible?

My husband and I have strived to be better than our parents in our own ways, whether by learning child psychology, answering all their 'why' questions, showing affection and telling them that we love them, showing them that they are special and beautiful, steering them in the right career direction, not criticizing their friends or choice of partner over insignificant personal biases, making sure they were socialized at an early age, teaching that which is not taught in schools (cooking, handling money, fishing, dancing, singing, respecting animals and nature), etc.

Even though our parents were from a generation that viewed familial relationships as nothing more than getting respect (child to parent only), my parents did stay together through thick and thin, worked together for the betterment of the family, and gave nurturing in their own special ways, such as my father making handmade furniture for me when I moved out of the house, teaching me to paint/mitre, crafting me a handmade mitre box - finally accepting me a capable woman able to take on man's(?) work in my life (respect returned?). As well as being there for me whenever I needed help, whether emotional, life's wisdom, or for a gift (not loan) of money during hard times.

One important addition, my children know they will always have a home (haven) with us any time they need help.