Question for ATSers- Do you love unconditionally? Should you?

Religions and philosophies around the world speak of the need for people to love each other ... to love each other with a love that is given unconditionally. It is supposed to be good for the souls of the one loving others as well as the soul that is receiving the unconditional love. It is supposed to be 'good karma' and it is supposed to be a positive thing metaphysically speaking. It is supposed to be pleasing to God because God is said to love all humans equally and unconditionally.

A few questions and discussion for ATS posters ...

- Do you love unconditionally?
- If you do, is this unconditional love for everyone or only a select few?
- SHOULD people love others unconditionally?
- What are the benefits and fallbacks to unconditional love?
- Does it matter if there are fallbacks to unconditional love? Should it be practiced anyways?
- Which is more healthy - unconditional love or conditional love? Is conditional love real love?
- Unconditional love runs counter to human evolutionary psychology. It's not a survival trait. Are humans capable of practicing and possessing true unconditional love for everyone else? It is a suicidal and deadly trait for humans to have had over the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Anyone who practiced it would soon end up used and dead.

What does it mean to love unconditionally?
To give love without expectation of anything happening in return.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. It can be also love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, complete love, or "mother's/father's love." Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging. It is a concept in ones mind comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships. An example of this is a parent's love for their child; no matter a test score, a life changing decision, an argument, or a strong belief, the amount of love that remains between this bond is seen as unchanging and unconditional.

In religion, unconditional love is thought to be part of The Four Loves; affection, friendship, romance, and unconditional.[1] In ethology, or the study of animal behavior, unconditional love would refer to altruism which in turn refers to the behavior by individuals that increases the fitness of another while decreasing the fitness of the individual committing the act. In psychology, unconditional love refers to a state of mind in which one has the goal of increasing the welfare of another, despite any evidence of benefit for oneself. The term is also widely used in family and couples counseling manuals.

Some unconditional love information from world religions and philosophies ....

Lots of Christian Bible Quotes on Unconditional Love

Romans 5:8 - But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

1 Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Hindus and Buddhists can correct me but it is said that "Bhakti" is sometimes used as a reference to unconditional love in the Hindu and Buddhist practices. This Buddhist article talks about how true love requires getting rid of being judgmental. It is hard wired into humans though evolutionary psychology to be judgmental. It's a survival mechanism. So is it possible to be rid of being judgmental in order to achieve perfect unconditional love?

The Wiccans have their Goddess's law - "law is love unto all beings". That's pretty direct and sounds unconditional to me. Again .. Wiccans can correct me if I got it wrong. Please do ..

I"m not an expert in Judaism ... not even close. However, I was able to find a few teachings about 'unconditional love' given by Rabbis. I don't know if these are their own teachings or if they are considered basic Jewish teachings on unconditional love ... My Jewish Learning - Abraham and Unconditional Love and also Moses Unconditional Love for God ... but honestly those look like unconditional love towards God and not toward other human beings. And I'm talking more about unconditional love between humans ... human to human.

I found the same kind of thing in Islam as in Judaism. Unconditional love ... toward God. But not really a demand to practice it with other humans. Example here . If there are any muslims on here who can show that the Qur'an demands unconditional love for humans to have toward other humans .... then please post it. I couldn't find it.

I don't think I've ever seen more than three people in my entire life who have practiced unconditional love towards everyone. I've seen some parents with unconditional love towards children but, other than the three people I'm referencing (two nuns and one elderly priest), I've yet to see the average person on the street practice it.

So is unconditional love the smart thing to do? Not according to evolutionary psychology. But according to metaphysics it is. Do you think you are capable of unconditional love? Do you practice it? Do you avoid it? I think this could be an interesting ATS discussion.

a reply to: FlyersFan

The only person I think I truly love unconditionally is my daughter. It wouldn't matter what she did (steal from me, kill little babies, etc.) I would not be able to stop loving her. I might get angry, sad, or frustrated with her, but the love would still be there. All other people in my life -- I could envision not loving anymore, given extreme circumstances.

Could I love my fellow man in general unconditionally? Sorry, nope. Jesus would probably be very disappointed in me.

Is it healthy to love unconditionally? Hmmmm. As long as you know that loving unconditionally doesn't mean you have to be a "doormat".

To me, unconditional love means to love without condition. That no matter what someone does, I will still love them. There is no one that I love that way. I don't have kids, but if I had a son and he killed my husband, I'm not sure I could keep loving him. I may still love him (I don't know), but I couldn't stand to be with him.

Now, to love without limits? I try to make a habit of that.

From your quote:

a state of mind in which one has the goal of increasing the welfare of another

That's just regular old love to me. I love a lot of people that way.

I think mostly I do and it can suck. It's (I know it seems backwards) a source of anger and sometimes rage for me. I don't understand it when I see lack of it in others... it's sort of a hate for people that don't (I know!) but I could also easily forget that hate if I saw a change.

sometimes unconditional love can make the person feel like you hate them???
it doesn't mean that you give them everything they want
it doesn't mean that you do everything they tell you to
it doesn't mean that you let them win every argument

it means in all actions you sincerely seek the best move to make for their well being!

Love will ultimately bear up under its own weight.

I don't think unconditional love is even possible for humans, even between a parent and their children. If you want to see TRUE unconditional love, look at the relationship between a dog and a human. The human can be the most despicable person to ever exist and that dog will STILL be happy to see him come home at the end of the day. That human could have killed the dog's mother in front of it and it would still love that human. THAT is unconditional love. Can anyone say the same for how they feel between them and another human? If your child killed your wife (its mother) would you still love it unconditionally? You wouldn't hold any resentment towards the child for its actions to your wife, its mother?

There is a difference between boundless love and unconditional love. I think boundless love is what the OP is getting out. You have no boundaries for your love, and will do what you can for them and others. Unconditional love requires zero thought, it is instinctual.

Unconditional love is idiotic. There's always gonna be someone willing to take full advantage of your naivety, and they'll laugh while they're doing it, too.

As they say, trust everyone, but always cut the cards.

a reply to: FlyersFan
The concept of Unconditional Love in our present culture is a form of enslavement compelled by the want of control which all humans instinctually instigate upon each other compelled by their SUBCONSCIOUS MIND. This is why humans evolved an entirely new mind the "self conscious" which is currently being blamed for all the problems our reactive subconscious minds can get up to.

True love comes from reasoned acceptance of the loss another can cause you. Unconditional love is a demand of submission to the loss they will cause you. CONTROL is compelled to make you submit to its wants, love asks you to accept all that you can bare. Control demands the absolute of love ie unconditional submission to whatever it does, reasoned love asks for all that you are presently capable of while encouraging you to feel like you can give and receive more.

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
If your child killed your wife (its mother) would you still love it unconditionally? You wouldn't hold any resentment towards the child for its actions to your wife, its mother?

I really tried to put myself mentally and emotionally in this type of situation. How would I react if my daughter brutally killed my husband?

My first reaction would be, "why did she do this?" Either she had a good reason, or she has mental/emotional problems. If she had a good reason, could I blame her? If she had mental problems, I would want her to get help. Still, the love would be there, along with a lot of sadness. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

a reply to: FlyersFan

Its good to LOVE unconditionally, but be cautious for some don't like the expression of love within existence at times.

1 only requires unconditional love from the who CREATED / GUIDES the...

In this current existence layout those who do attempt to show unconditional love can be harmed so its important to remain cautious of how you emit it overall and who you share it with.

originally posted by: dawnstar


it means in all actions you sincerely seek the best move to make for their well being!

originally posted by: kaylaluv

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
If your child killed your wife (its mother) would you still love it unconditionally? You wouldn't hold any resentment towards the child for its actions to your wife, its mother?

I really tried to put myself mentally and emotionally in this type of situation. How would I react if my daughter brutally killed my husband?

My first reaction would be, "why did she do this?" Either she had a good reason, or she has mental/emotional problems. If she had a good reason, could I blame her? If she had mental problems, I would want her to get help. Still, the love would be there, along with a lot of sadness. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

I think at that point, you love your child for the person you remember, and not for the person they've become. And you probably hold onto the hope that somewhere deep inside, the child you remember is still there, buried and asleep.

originally posted by: kaylaluv

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
If your child killed your wife (its mother) would you still love it unconditionally? You wouldn't hold any resentment towards the child for its actions to your wife, its mother?

I really tried to put myself mentally and emotionally in this type of situation. How would I react if my daughter brutally killed my husband?

My first reaction would be, "why did she do this?" Either she had a good reason, or she has mental/emotional problems. If she had a good reason, could I blame her? If she had mental problems, I would want her to get help. Still, the love would be there, along with a lot of sadness. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

The sadness part makes the love unconditional. You no longer would love your daughter as much as you do now. Even if it is just a small drop in love, there would still be that nagging doubt and sadness holding it back from what it originally was. Keep in mind, with my dog example, the dog wouldn't even think twice about you killing its mother. It may of course mourn the loss of the dog, but its opinion of you would remain unchanged. Keep in mind, I could keep going with my example. What if your daughter grew up and became the next Hitler? What if she became worse? All these examples, the dog would still love its master the same, however, since you are human your love would wane or become massively strained the more evil your child became.

PS.: I'm not trying to condemn your daughter, I'm just speaking hypothetically. Please don't hate me

originally posted by: Krazysh0t

originally posted by: kaylaluv

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
If your child killed your wife (its mother) would you still love it unconditionally? You wouldn't hold any resentment towards the child for its actions to your wife, its mother?

I really tried to put myself mentally and emotionally in this type of situation. How would I react if my daughter brutally killed my husband?

My first reaction would be, "why did she do this?" Either she had a good reason, or she has mental/emotional problems. If she had a good reason, could I blame her? If she had mental problems, I would want her to get help. Still, the love would be there, along with a lot of sadness. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

The sadness part makes the love unconditional. You no longer would love your daughter as much as you do now. Even if it is just a small drop in love, there would still be that nagging doubt and sadness holding it back from what it originally was. Keep in mind, with my dog example, the dog wouldn't even think twice about you killing its mother. It may of course mourn the loss of the dog, but its opinion of you would remain unchanged.

The dog is more concerned with the fact that you are its source of basic needs. There are, however, examples of animals who sink into a deep depression after the loss of a close friend. I recall a gorilla whose cat died...



articles.latimes.com...

The way I see it, unconditional love is a biological imperative.

Humanity, like most species, are programmed to put their offspring first- No matter what. Parents of some serial killers still see their child as the pleasant,quiet introvert when in reality they were damaged, deranged murderers. But at the end of the day they will love them regardless.

I was an orphaned at eleven and after I was adopted I knew what the pecking order was. My new siblings got away with every shenanigan possible and yet it was blamed on me, and because I wasn't born from the same womb it was my fault. Like I said-Biological imperative.

originally posted by: AfterInfinity

originally posted by: Krazysh0t

originally posted by: kaylaluv

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
If your child killed your wife (its mother) would you still love it unconditionally? You wouldn't hold any resentment towards the child for its actions to your wife, its mother?

I really tried to put myself mentally and emotionally in this type of situation. How would I react if my daughter brutally killed my husband?

My first reaction would be, "why did she do this?" Either she had a good reason, or she has mental/emotional problems. If she had a good reason, could I blame her? If she had mental problems, I would want her to get help. Still, the love would be there, along with a lot of sadness. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

The sadness part makes the love unconditional. You no longer would love your daughter as much as you do now. Even if it is just a small drop in love, there would still be that nagging doubt and sadness holding it back from what it originally was. Keep in mind, with my dog example, the dog wouldn't even think twice about you killing its mother. It may of course mourn the loss of the dog, but its opinion of you would remain unchanged.

The dog is more concerned with the fact that you are its source of basic needs. There are, however, examples of animals who sink into a deep depression after the loss of a close friend. I recall a gorilla whose cat died, and it would spend hours holding a doll or something like that, just sitting there and holding it...

Of course, I never suggested that all animals behaved like a dog does. Gorillas are close genetic cousins of humans, so it isn't surprising to see them mourn a beloved friend. My example was purely for the dog/human companionship.

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
I don't think unconditional love is even possible for humans,

I've seen absolute unconditional love for all humans in three people ... only three. A fourth person is possible, but I didn't know her very well before she died. I thought she might have possessed it as well.

I think it CAN happen, but it's exceptionally rare.

The question ... is it a good thing? Speaking on a mundane level ... I say no. It goes against evolutionary psychology and survival of the fittest. Speaking on a spiritual level ... yes. 'THEY" say it's spiritual perfection. I can see how it can be. So the question .. how to balance the mundane and the spiritual in a healthy balance ....

originally posted by: FlyersFan

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
I don't think unconditional love is even possible for humans,

I've seen absolute unconditional love for all humans in three people ... only three. A fourth person is possible, but I didn't know her very well before she died. I thought she might have possessed it as well.

Would you care to elucidate on this?

I think it CAN happen, but it's exceptionally rare.

The question ... is it a good thing? Speaking on a mundane level ... I say no. It goes against evolutionary psychology and survival of the fittest. Speaking on a spiritual level ... yes. 'THEY" say it's spiritual perfection. I can see how it can be. So the question .. how to balance the mundane and the spiritual in a healthy balance ....

I view unconditional love as the same as trying to strive for perfection. Realizing that perfection is unattainable doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive for it. Your point about spiritual perfection is the same. If we view unconditional love as something akin to perfection. It is ok to understand that it is unattainable, but that doesn't mean we can't strive to expand our love as much as possible.

originally posted by: AfterInfinity

originally posted by: kaylaluv

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
If your child killed your wife (its mother) would you still love it unconditionally? You wouldn't hold any resentment towards the child for its actions to your wife, its mother?

I really tried to put myself mentally and emotionally in this type of situation. How would I react if my daughter brutally killed my husband?

My first reaction would be, "why did she do this?" Either she had a good reason, or she has mental/emotional problems. If she had a good reason, could I blame her? If she had mental problems, I would want her to get help. Still, the love would be there, along with a lot of sadness. I just can't imagine it being any other way.

I think at that point, you love your child for the person you remember, and not for the person they've become. And you probably hold onto the hope that somewhere deep inside, the child you remember is still there, buried and asleep.

But isn't that part of what unconditional love is? Knowing that there is still something there worth loving, even though it may be hidden from view?