Doomsday By Design -- Collaborative Story [ WORKING THREAD] [Updated!]

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

I thought I did, any additions you would like please just say so. I am better with Greek and Italian accents. Have not done an Irish one in a long time. Make any suggestions you wish, please.

Perhaps my writing wondered a little towards the Scottish. Hmm.

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originally posted by: pheonix358
a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

I thought I did, any additions you would like please just say so. I am better with Greek and Italian accents. Have not done an Irish one in a long time. Make any suggestions you wish, please.

Perhaps my writing wondered a little towards the Scottish. Hmm.

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No worries, please check my last post, I edited it.

Whatever lah .. doesnt matter what anyone does its devolved into the wanda sue .. sue lin show .. not much point anyone bothering with miss bloody perfect invincibe psycho running around .. so the rest of us may as well go on a long much needed holiday ..

meh .. later all .. apologies to night and everyone else got disgusted and had to speak out .. the rest of you are all doing great .. just a shame your talents are getting drowned out with wanda sue ..

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Those kind of throat-slitting actions would require some kind of skill check. A moderate check of strength & agility. Sue-Lin's agility is 8, but her strength is only 3, so she probably would have only left the first guard with a minor cut on the neck, alerted him, and the others would have killed her.

Slicing a throat, on a human, requires almost zero strength, it is the speed of the blade that slices. It would take perception, to know where to swing the blade and agility to get the blade up to speed. She has those two at high levels.

We can't have huge story-changing events happening while the others aren't around, either. Where would everyone else be when all this is going on? Sleeping?

Yes, according to the story line, they all just finished the great trek across the dessert so they were given water and food and would have been sleeping. Just as Sandra does not share all of the available information with the others, so, Sue-Lin keeps some things to herself. She would not take any of the others with her. They would have got killed and as their protector, she would not do so.

You can still fill in if you need to, many elements are out of order and now you can prepare for the main battle. There have been several times when the story has jumped while other characters still had things to do. It happens.

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a reply to: pheonix358

Slicing a throat, on a human, requires almost zero strength, it is the speed of the blade that slices.

Speed wouldn't slice a throat by itself, it DOES require strength. You would have to sever the carotid artery, and that requires strength. The cut would have to be almost an inch deep, which--yes--requires strength.

And besides that, I made it a point in the rules not to bend logic. Keep things moderately realistic. I specifically did not want anyone running rampant like a vigilante. That was the first rule posted in the OP.

1 - No bending logic. As a general rule, keep all your character's actions moderately realistic (meaning, no turning around and shooting five guys in two seconds flat flawlessly).

Yes, according to the story line, they all just finished the great trek across the dessert so they were given water and food and would have been sleeping. Just as Sandra does not share all of the available information with the others, so, Sue-Lin keeps some things to herself.

All well and fine, Sue-Lin is allowed to have secrets. But Sandra's family is running this town, and the organization was founded by Dorian himself. SHE would be the one getting deeply involved in Los Oculto, logically speaking.

You can still fill in if you need to, many elements are out of order and now you can prepare for the main battle. There have been several times when the story has jumped while other characters still had things to do. It happens.

Yes, because I am the story teller, and I have a plan for this story's direction. The characters have lost their families, and the world around them has fallen apart. They aren't meant to have "other things to do" besides survival and contributing to their friends in the group. That was the whole point of the story.

It happens because I initiate it, and I know it doesn't seem fair, but I am the only one who can time-jump the story, and I am the one who's supposed to be guiding the story line and controlling NPC's like Seamus. I've let a lot of things slide, but its getting out of hand. The story is becoming unbalanced and unfair, and it will not be allowed to continue as such.

I don't dislike Sue-Lin, she has a lot of potential, but she has to be more human. You portray her as some effortlessly skilled killer, and she's supposed to be a high school student. You also make everyone around her somewhat intimidated by her, which would not be the case in real life, regardless of how she's trained. She's a tiny asian girl, not a rabid bear.

You've stated before that she feels remorse for killing, but I've never once seen it described in the story. It looked to me like she doesn't give the slightest hoot about people who die. This story is meant to challenge the humanity and moral code of these high school kids, and it is totally negated by Sue-Lin, because those problems simply don't exist to her.

I allowed her assassin-themed back story to pass, and I even allowed her father to follow her around as her personal sniper. Neither of those things fit into the "feel" of the story, and I did not want to allow them, but I suppose I overestimated my ability to steer the story out of your control. I believed that I would be able to gear the story back on track even after allowing those unrealistic things to happen, but they continue to happen again and again.

How can I keep to the story when I do not know where it is headed. You want to surprise us and keep control at the same time. The two do not work together.

While people are having a spit, you do not follow what others do. I had my character alone with 3 NPV's with everyone being cared for in a similar manner which was how it would likely be done in the real world, and then suddenly we are all in a bar room.

I just do not know what you want. I type one bit per day. If you want me to kill off Sue-Lin then just say so but logically you had 300 people moving through a dessert with no idea how they were doing so. They cannot live off the land, not that land, so they must have transport for at least food and water.

If you want to run a story, the others must know where the story is heading, as a whole, otherwise we just end up anywhere. Incidentally, Cutting a throat does not require strength. I have cut enough animal throats to know how damn easy it is. The speed of a blade does the damage. Formula is mass times speed squared. It is the speed that delivers the energy. Strength has little to do with it.

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a reply to: Expat888

Then write something!

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a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

You've stated before that she feels remorse for killing, but I've never once seen it described in the story. It looked to me like she doesn't give the slightest hoot about people who die.

Fathers, Mothers, Wives, Children all having a loved one removed from their lives, and that was just the first ripple. How many lives had she touched. Her control was simply not up to the task. She whimpered once, shuddered and burst into tears, quiet tears she thought, but she could not silence the sobs that passed her lips.

Did you miss that bit, hardly, you had Alan help her. Alan just never came back to ask how she was.

I am annoyed.

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a reply to: pheonix358

How can I keep to the story when I do not know where it is headed. You want to surprise us and keep control at the same time. The two do not work together.

Maybe have a conversation with some of the other main characters? Some small talk? Take part in the scene I designed? Make more connections with the group members? Vigilante assassins aren't the answer in a story like this.

I just do not know what you want. I type one bit per day. If you want me to kill off Sue-Lin then just say so but logically you had 300 people moving through a dessert with no idea how they were doing so. They cannot live off the land, not that land, so they must have transport for at least food and water.

I want you ALL to make choices and have individual motives, but that does not give anyone the right to manifest any sort of God character and derail the story. There is a line.

I never gave a number as to how many members were in the raider group. I intended for it to be about a hundred people at best, then you manifested a number and ran with it.

If you want to run a story, the others must know where the story is heading, as a whole, otherwise we just end up anywhere.

When is the last time you hosted a role playing game? The art of story telling is to divulge just enough information to run with, while still withholding surprises until the perfect moment to reveal them. Moderation is a thing.

I have cut enough animal throats to know how damn easy it is. The speed of a blade does the damage. Formula is mass times speed squared. It is the speed that delivers the energy. Strength has little to do with it.

You cannot cut a thick, main artery with speed alone. It takes strength to penetrate about an inch inwards, it doesn't matter how sharp the blade is.

Then write something!

His character is elsewhere at the moment.

Did you miss that bit, hardly, you had Alan help her. Alan just never came back to ask how she was.

Yes, I remember that she had a nightmare. That was a good scene. But pulling the trigger and apparently slitting throats doesn't hinder her at all during battle? Come on. She's a teenager. That is simply ridiculous.

In case you missed it, Alan's best friend is Sandra. Her going missing had him a bit preoccupied after that nightmare.

I am annoyed.

Its just one of those days, huh?

Join the club, we've got jackets.

originally posted by: pheonix358
How can I keep to the story when I do not know where it is headed. You want to surprise us and keep control at the same time. The two do not work together.

While people are having a spit, you do not follow what others do. I had my character alone with 3 NPV's with everyone being cared for in a similar manner which was how it would likely be done in the real world, and then suddenly we are all in a bar room.

I just do not know what you want. I type one bit per day. If you want me to kill off Sue-Lin then just say so but logically you had 300 people moving through a dessert with no idea how they were doing so. They cannot live off the land, not that land, so they must have transport for at least food and water.

If you want to run a story, the others must know where the story is heading, as a whole, otherwise we just end up anywhere. Incidentally, Cutting a throat does not require strength. I have cut enough animal throats to know how damn easy it is. The speed of a blade does the damage. Formula is mass times speed squared. It is the speed that delivers the energy. Strength has little to do with it.

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Actually I thought your operation was well executed and written.. A little brave and sneaky but I like that kind of stuff !


with all the hidden agendas and story lines it is difficult to know where this is headed. Some stories take on a life of their own if logical.. as they should..

It is true some of our other writers have slacked off but there has been allot happening.

I am still waiting for a U2U saying who the bad guy is at DIA before I execute the mission... I would hate to kill the wrong guy..

Slitting someone's throat.. I believe XPat888 can verify what I am about to say; he is a doctor and "X" SOG. If done properly the one who's throat has just been cut does not crumble into a heap of lifeless flesh. There is about a 7 to 15 second serious struggle that goes on until the blood PSI drops to the brain and it shuts down.. Depends on how big and how strong the defender is.... usually their first reaction is WTF then to grab the wound and try and stem the flow..
That several second time frame can produce a big Adrenalin dump and for a brief time some super human strength..

We have written a story as good as most movies as far as the action type stuff... does not make it real life.. If you really want to stop someone dead in their tracks... around the second or third vertebra down from the skull is a good place for a hammer or blunt object blow.. Lights out and other than the body hitting the ground very silent. Problem with any of this stuff is getting into position for the special delivery..

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

I never gave a number as to how many members were in the raider group.

Well it was your broadcast over the HAM radio that gave us a number and then your post that said 100 were killed and two hundred remained. That was in answer to a question I believe.

You cannot cut a thick, main artery with speed alone. It takes strength to penetrate about an inch inwards, it doesn't matter how sharp the blade is.

No that is wrong. You need energy at the blade tip which is given by the mass of the blade multiplied by the speed of the blade squared. The blade is about 20 inches so it flies through the air. Once you have slashed, not poked, a throat you keep moving onto the next one. I should know, I can wield a blade. You don't stand there and wait to see what happens. You move to the next one.

Any how, what do you want me to do. I would like to interact more with the other characters but sadly it does not seem to happen and the core personality of my character is not one who starts conversations which should be obvious from her nickname of The Mouse.

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a reply to: 727Sky

around the second or third vertebra down from the skull

There is a combination blow that can do that trick with a single sided blade. The point goes in about 30mm and the left palm is struck an the back of the sideways facing blade that executes a sideways thrust through those vertebrae. Works on animals and seems to be painless and awfully fast. Not the best if you want to eat the game.

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nvm .. no point attempting to explain to someone who has never been in actual combat ...
stay in fantasyland pheonix fact is in real world people like you get themselves and those around them killed with antics like that. there are no second chances in combat. also poor weapon choice for taking out sentries that is not what a wakizashi was designed for nor is that the proper way to use one.

Anyhoo .. carry on guys will stick to following along seeing how the story goes apologies night and everyone else but had to speak up as it was getting far to unbelievable in certain areas ..

a reply to: Expat888

stay in fantasyland pheonix fact is in real world people like you get themselves and those around them killed with antics like that.

We are writing a story, not going to war! It is not supposed to be real! It is supposed to be entertaining!

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a reply to: pheonix358

No that is wrong. You need energy at the blade tip which is given by the mass of the blade multiplied by the speed of the blade squared. The blade is about 20 inches so it flies through the air. Once you have slashed, not poked, a throat you keep moving onto the next one. I should know, I can wield a blade. You don't stand there and wait to see what happens. You move to the next one.

Alright, whatever you say. We can argue about this for days, it doesn't change the fact that you used the action to turn a skilled character into a God character.

We are writing a story, not going to war! It is not supposed to be real! It is supposed to be entertaining!

This story was meant to be down to earth and realistic, and I made that very clear from the get-go. I understand a lot of action/espionage/assassin stories are supposed to be entertaining above realistic, but that is NOT what kind of story this is.

The meaning of the story is to make people experience something huge, ordinary high school people who took their peaceful world for granted. Its more emotional and psychological than anything else. Its was originally meant to be a story that left you thinking after every chapter, not craving more action.

And no, I don't want to kill anyone off, I just want to even out the grounds here, because they are skewing.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm about to transition chapters.

There won't be a time jump this time.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Sounds good .. looking forward to the next chapter ..

originally posted by: Expat888
a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Sounds good .. looking forward to the next chapter ..

Just posted it.

I left my last entry hanging because this is when the other characters oughta' give their 2 cents. Whenever anyone's online, the floor's all yours.

a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Sorry been busy. Actually I can pick up after the new chapter. Ohh and I have a question you think it's possible to maybe have my characters family there? After thinking about it I could see Marcus's father being part of that group and I have left the familes status kind of up in the air.