"It's a Good Day to Die." Is it selfish to let family know they will never see you again?

a reply to: TDawgRex

I don't think it is selfish at all Tdawg.

To modern people, death is one of those subjects that makes everyone uncomfortable and they immediately get all squirmy and want to change the subject when you bring it up. To ancient people death was just a part of life and they understood that nothing ever truly dies. Modern man would do well to re-learn this lesson.

We live in a world of finality today. Everyone is obsessed with youth and goes around pretending like the days are just going to keep coming and maybe they will be the first person in history to not die. Things that I was always so worried about before (work, money, bills, ah hell did I remember to get the ol lady a anniversary card?) seemed to not matter at all compared to being dead. I guess Ego has a way of fooling people like that. A terminal diagnosis definately puts things in perspective. I know I was like most people in that regard before I got sick, but if you do ever get a terminal disease, you are forced to acknowledge your own mortality and it actually made me lose my fear of death. I think alot of people just say "well I know I'm gonna die so I'm not scared of it" but really I think they are just trying to fool themselves. I think that's why people on their deathbeds are some of the calmest most serene folks I've ever met.

So talk about it. Tell them you want to have another adventure/travel/whatever you want to do that makes you feel alive. Tell them what you want to happen to your body when you die. It might make them uncomfortable sure, but that's really their problem, in the end its your life and you're the only one who can live it. My wife knows I want a small service (really more for my families benefit than mine) and a party afterwards. I want people to have fun and I don't want a grave for anyone to "visit me", because I am not going to be there.

Personally, I don't want to wait until I 'm dead to want to be alive. I want to put as many miles on this body as it can take while I can. Good luck bro, God bless.

a reply to: TDawgRex

I believe the choice is fully up to the person with the illness. If a family member of mine was so sick and ready to check out, I would support them 100%

When our pets are ill with terminal diseases, we generally out them down as that's the most humane thing for our pet. When grandma's sick with cancer and can't hold anything down with 0 quality of life, we put her on life support so we can have one more day with her. It's selfish.

a reply to: DexteramLucifer

I've notice a few posters mentioning "what about your loved ones?", well what of the person asking about said scenario?

The thing is you get to leave, but they have to stay and live with it, so i would put them first.

originally posted by: Jennyfrenzy
a reply to: TDawgRex

I believe the choice is fully up to the person with the illness. If a family member of mine was so sick and ready to check out, I would support them 100%

When our pets are ill with terminal diseases, we generally out them down as that's the most humane thing for our pet. When grandma's sick with cancer and can't hold anything down with 0 quality of life, we put her on life support so we can have one more day with her. It's selfish.

I wish everyone would think like you!

I am pro-euthanasia and pro-suicide (as in, People who want to die should be allowed to without fear of unconstitutional detention). IF someone wants to die, then, We, as society, failed him or her, and it is SELFISH of us to ask someone to stick around.

You might be better off just keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself. Europe and America are backwards-thinking (despite their pomposity to say otherwise).

Although I would love to see a society where People can have pre-death funerals. The greatest party of your life happens when you're dead...and you're not even there for it! Now, how's that for failure? America bless the world.

originally posted by: semperfortis
a reply to: FlyersFan

Not really anything to disagree or agree with FF

It is a simple fact..

The deceased are in no position to benefit or be harmed by a funeral or lack thereof. It is quite simply a historical and quite substantiated concept that funerals are for the living. Many people gain a lot of closure when attending the funeral of a loved one.

No one is saying your wishes should or should not be honored.

Completely different subject

But the benefit might be found in a little bit of control over a life that is now out of control and can only end in a crash.

I agree with FF on this and some of the stories on this thread make me wonder about some situations that have been posted.

For both my parents and the wife's parents their wishes were followed just as they wanted.
Nobody ever ever gave any thought to doing otherwise but what they asked for while they were still alive.

I really hate that "Closure" word it is over used and most definitely misunderstood.

Enjoying the thread immensely as we are all going to die so its not doom and gloom, just life.
S&F for a thinker thread.

Regards, Iwinder

im surprised by the responses here, it seems most think its right not to tell your loved ones ahead of time and just let it hit them like a ton of bricks when the day comes round,

posters are saying "why tell them just to have them be sad in your final days?" and just what do you think they are doing by being sad? nothing? they are mourning, they are mourning the loss of you before you are gone so that it will be easier to let you go when the day comes, they are mentally preparing themselves, that is the purpose of mourning, it is the mind attempting to adjust to an abrupt change that is not desired.

they are going to mourn you, and the pain they feel in your loss will be the same whether you tell them ahead of time or not, the decision you make to tell them dictates will they be hit with that pain suddenly and all at once on that day? struggling to get over it as the days go by beyond that? or will you give them the chance to to handle that pain slowly? in portions spread out in time? so that when the day comes they are not SHOCKED, they are prepared, not that it wont still hurt them, but that hurt will surely have been dulled by their mental preparation for that day as they had seen it coming, BECAUSE YOU WARNED THEM OF ITS IMPENDING NATURE.


some people think their loved ones can handle it and thus its better to deal with it quickly, to take the shock and pain all at once as quickly as possible,

but some people cant handle it, it can break them if it is too sudden, it can ruin them for life, breaking their will even their mind, those people are better off with a chance to deal with it in portions over time, they deal with mourning you while you are still around to help keep them grounded for hope of experiencing your presence a bit more before the time comes. those type of people are far better off being given a heads up whenever possible.

its your life, and your family, your decision. how best do you think to handle it? will your family benefit from the time to mentally prepare themselves? or would they be better off with the shock of a sudden reveal that you are already gone?

personally, and no offense meant, this is just my opinion, but i think it is selfish NOT to tell your loved ones that you are near death if you know it and they do not, you dont want them to know because you want to see them happy in your final days, reread "because YOU want to see them happy in your final days" if you tell them they will mourn you while you are still around to witness it, and my oh my how sad it is to have to see that, why would YOU want to see that? they are going to have that pain whether you tell them ahead of time or not, the only difference is do you want to be there to help them through it? or would you rather escape them and leave them to deal with their pain without you? whats more important to you? your own feelings? or theirs?

the logic of "im doing them a favor by not telling them ahead of time" is nothing more then an excuse the mind is making up to spare itself the trouble of witnessing them mourning your own impending death. perhaps you dont see it that way, i would then say your mind has made that excuse subconsciously

tell them ahead of time so that YOU can HELP THEM mourn you, so that you can help them let you go before its time, help them slowly disconnect you from their mind so they are prepared for the final day, rather than having yourself TORN from their mind suddenly on that final day, preparation will make it a much softer blow. if it hurts to much to see their pain then reinforce your feelings in them, tell them you dont want them to mourn, you dont want to see them sad, you are there for them but you want these days to be happy, tell them that!

i think there might be to much emotion in my post, sorry if i upset anyone, im a big fan of communication, bit of a pet peeve when i see people thinking its better not to communicate, no matter the reason.

the first sign a relationship is doomed to fail is when either party feels they cannot always communicate wholly and honestly with the other party. to be wed in spirit you must also be wed in the mind, this includes complete expression and communication, no exceptions. but we can be a forgiving species, so even if that hasnt been the case in a relationship in its past, it can survive by experiencing that honesty and openness in intervals, so long as both parties remain capable of forgiving each other, once thats gone, its pretty much over.

without communication we would be less then apes. cause even apes have some communication,